Take care of yourself.

If this activity no longer serves you, then don't do it.

Seems to me you need to stand up for yourself. If you didn't know it was a singalong then speak up and say so...you have a program prepared and you can do a singalong next time.

But if all this is bringing you is tears, then stop. Life is too short to be miserable, esp when you have a choice to be otherwise.

Oh I sure hope the music chapter of your life isn't closed. I would suggest that as a volunteer perhaps it has but for you personally I hope not. If your volunteer work is starting to affect your enjoyment of music then yes, it's time to leave.

I totally understand your frustration with being put on the spot like that. I was never good at sit reading music when I did okay the piano and organ regularly. I couldn't have done even half what you did, and I probably would have quit or just said sorry, no can do. It is not worth the stress.

Wow, that is a long time to be the church pianist; no doubt who ever replaces you has some big shoes to fill! I sure hope it's not the end of your music as well. Knowing how to play is a real gift; it will be such a loss if the burnt out never subsides. And that's what it seems to be to me is complete and total burnout.

Your situation reminds me of when I was painting. Time would just disappear and completely relieve my stress. But, at the prompting of a friend, I started teaching it at a local craft store. I was pretty excited at first however, once I changed the dynamic of my hobby, it was suddenly a job and obligation so it was quickly no longer relaxing or enjoyable. I would like to believe that after a well deserving break you'll feel inclined to play again, this time for yourself, the seniors at the home or loved ones whenever your heart desires.

As for the home you play at, I'm sorry that happened to you. It sounds like that activities person needs to learn some manners and it's to your credit that you went along with the changes as best you could. Maybe you can go over some ground rules with her and make her aware of what your needs or expectations are. If you are generous enough to come play, she needs to know she shouldn't put you on the spot like that. I just hope the situation(s) you're experiencing won't discourage you from playing for the seniors. When I was first starting out, I worked in a couple of different nursing homes and know first hand how much the music means to them, but it's also very therapeutic for them too. We had a guy who would volunteer to sing and play the guitar; it was always something they looked forward to, even the grumpier ones. :c)

I don't know you so I cannot respond to your questions which seem pretty logical to ask given the background you provided.

What I do know from my own experience is that certain things in life, things one's always depended on, seem to change at a certain point. I know that's been true for me.Or perhaps a better way to say it is that our perceptions and enjoyment of certain things that have been tent poles of our lives, often for many years, change. Sometimes there's an event that's tied to; sometimes not. Sometimes these are small things and sometimes -- like the music -- very large.

I personally think it's OK to put down the instrument so to speak. Sometimes you've just had enough. What's important is to find something new and engaging that you love to do. And sometimes it's not anything you'd ever expect!

Also important is to take care of your health. I cannot stress that enough. So if you feel you could be depressed -- in the physical sense -- then I'd research and see if you seem to have symptoms that travel with that. If so, dial the doc. If not, then perhaps you can talk to someone who knows you well and see if that person has observed any differences that might be significant. The other aspect is hormones which might be checked if they have not been. Those can produce significant changes in many areas.

Regular exercise (very difficult to start but worthwhile) can help alleviate stress and change up a mood. If you don't already do it, and can push yourself to just take a long walk every morning, it can help get a view on what's going on.

Big hug to you.

I appreciate the comments. Lukkiirish alluded to the transition from hobby to an obligation. Piano playing takes a lot of practice just to maintain the skill, and when doing it for others it means picking out the music and filing/categorizing it, etc. It is work and my life is at a different point where I don't want to take the time to do it all anymore. It's become one more obligation.

And rococogurl is probably right about "putting down the instrument" at least temporarily. There are several other things going on in my life right now. I've lost my trust and confidence in several people and things in areas of far more significance, and being put on the spot today was simply the straw that broke the camels back and I just broke down.

You have made the right decision, made more difficult because it was for church. Then, your volunteer role is at a nursing home!

Is the church doing anything to celebrate and thank you for your 27 years of service? If yes, this will provide the closure you need to move on.

Unfortunately from what you have described the church has taken advantage of your services. This adds to your overall resentment frustration.

This might also be spilling over to the nursing home job.

Take a break from the nursing home. You have so much on your plate right now that you weren't even able to explain that you don't play by ear,

You are your top priority.

Oh PictureBug,I am so sorry! That was totally wrong of the director to assume you could play by ear. I've tried and though I could do it as a child, I wasn't put on the spot and it took some plunking to get it right! That was wrong and I don't think it would be wrong to call and tell the director that you're retiring from church and you feel with all else that's going on with your life at this point, you think it's best they find another volunteer.
I'm like you and would have found it hard to stand up for myself figuring that I'd be letting them down, but standing on this side, I can tell you there is nothing wrong with your stopping. If you or the director doesn't know of anyone that can take your place right away then offer to do so one more time since you do this only once a month that give them plenty of time to find someone else. Also tell her that you will use what you had arranged for today the last time you preform for them.
Good luck!

Lukkiirish- meant to tell you that I live in a very rural area. Pianists/organists are hard to come by. Some church's bring in pianists from several hours away just so they can periodically have live music. Awhile back I had a request from a church about 30 miles away asking to record some music since their organist who was in her mid-90's finally decided she couldn't drive the 10 miles anymore, especially in winter, to make the weekly services. That's when I started realizing that I just didn't want to play organ and commit so many weekends for another 35 years.

I'm w/ ellendi6162 - I'd be hating it too, if I was being disrespected like that! As a longtime church volunteer, I've noticed there can be a tendency for folks to take us for granted. Everyone needs to feel like their hard work is appreciated. That nursing home activities director seems like a dope - or a jerk - or both.

I'm kind of rural too and can understand limited resources, no wonder you stuck with it for as long as you did. Under those circumstances, it's very easy to feel guilty or badly about quitting and I hope you don't fall into that rut. If your heart is saying it's time to stop, then it's the right thing to do; don't look back. I never did go back to painting the way I used to and have some regrets about that but it was expensive to do and money was tight/is tight. You mentioned you have more important things going on and loosing trust. Sounds like you have a lot going on; I hope everything turns out ok.

You know, with all the technology today, there is no reason a church can't have great, in-house music even if there isn't someone playing the piano or organ live. Time for the good church folks to investigate a sound system that's easy to operate. They can surely access a recording of any song they might want to have played or sing to. I hope you enjoy your retirement and will play for your own pleasure or any event you CHOOSE. You've given more than your share; time for others to step up. I always think, when I'm feeling irreplaceable, "If I died tomorrow, they'd figure it out." And they will.

A quick google search turned up this; I know nothing about the company, but there are surely many of them that someone could investigate.

pre recorded church music

When an activity that you love becomes an obligation and brings you little joy, it's time to put it aside for a while and re-asses it at a later time. You may want to pick it up again (maybe in a different form), or not. It's your life, so do what's important and enjoyable for you. I'm your age. There are several activities that used to consume my life that I no longer actively participate in. I still have an interest, but not the desire to devote large chunks of my time to them anymore. I am finding different things that interest me, and that are maybe more appropriate for me to do now for a variety of reasons.

If you feel overly depressed, you may want to get a check-up and have your hormones, thyroid, and general health status verified. As someone suggested, maybe ask a good friend if they've noticed a change in your general outlook.

The church will find a way to make music when they need it. You have served a long time, don't agonize over deciding that someone else should step up and take over.

I'm so sorry you're feeling down about all of this. My mother is a professional pianist, and has played in a church for well over 50 years. I have heard stories. Ohhhhh, I have heard stories. ;-) That said, I firmly believe that certain things are in our lives only for a season. One season may be very long, while another might be so short it passes in a blur. Seasons aren't right or wrong - they simply ARE. Perhaps if you are able to view your playing at the church and nursing home as having been seasonal, you'll begin to feel less conflicted and guilty.

You may very well be in the process of being led to pursue a new direction. Listen to that quiet voice within you and rest in the assurance that you're doing the right thing. Play for your own enjoyment from time to time, if you so desire. Keep your eyes on the horizon. Something else is just over that next rise. :-)

Your music should bring you joy not heartache. I think you should back away from volunteering and just play for yourself when you want to. Not everyone can play by ear and you shouldn't be expected to.

Follow your bliss. You need to be strong and make a firm decision and stick to it. It's time to move on. You've done more than enough and just state "I've retired". Then find a new passion and enjoyment. Sometimes life gets stagnant and it's time to make a move, seems to me like this is the time.

That was very rude of the activities director - sometimes people who don't play an instrument have no sweet clue how much work and preparation it takes to sound good! I agree taking a break would be a lovely idea.

I recently joined a choir and it is a great way for me to be able to make beautiful music with other people with 1/100 the obligation of being a performer. I love it! Maybe something low key like this could be a way to keep music in your life while not feeling the pressures of obligation.

Yes, take some time away from volunteering / sharing your love of music. Take the time to do whatever gives you joy AND time to think about what you would like to share with others in the future. It is fine to decide no more schedules! (When I had to retire somewhat sooner than expected due to some health issues and work management wasn't willing to find a solution - I found I loved the freedom. I've found new joys, that build on my experience.

Clearly the activities director has a problem of some sort that has created a need to change that music session AND a problem with knowing having to discuss it with you ahead of time. It is her problem, and your very generous spirit created in you a strong will to assist her. If she didn't seek you out after - right away - then she has another problem. (And to add more than I really should, maybe, since she does have a boss, then that next level up has a problem, too.)

AND with a name like picturebug --- maybe you have some interest in bugs and pictures? A great shift in creativity area as you launch yourself in the next 'season' of your life.

Move on quickly, so the joy and bliss can build.

The funeral is the kind of thing that may happen and you don't have to agree with all the choices in every wedding or funeral -- and I doubt you have over 27 years, but I suspect the real issue is that you are either just burnt out with 27 years of playing (much less the idea of 35 more!) or the other situations have you in a real slump. I tink it is more people and life than music. People who have had music in their lives that long don't often stop. Take a break for whatever reason, sure, but lose that part of their life -- not likely.

Are the folks who have let you down or lost your confidence connected with the church? That would have a BIG impact on the total picture. Whether they are or not, it sounds like you need a break and maybe a change of pace. Take some time to take care of yourself, do some things you might not have taken time for, take a trip, try your hands at a new hobby or pick up an old one. Consider other avenues for work or volunteering -- in music or other services. Your local schools might need accompaniast for choirs, musicals, solo and ensemble competitions or you could volunteeer to read to younger students, work in a library, tutor students -- maybe even teach piano.

My exerience has so often been that being around children and students as well as seniors can be very rewarding. They are very appreciative, often need help and attention, and their simple ways are very grounding. They have a way of putting you back in touch with what really matters. Your bad experience was with an activity director who was wrong to think any musician should be able to play any music by ear. Maybe she plays guitar and figured she could find a couple of chords and just strum along, but that's not piano or most other instruments.

That was so unfair to you, but in all honesty, the residents were probably happy to have music to share and not too concerned about what was going on with the piano. I've been there with my parents and things are generally happening in and out of several different keys anyway. The stimulation to their brains and psyche are still there, and that's the real benefit. I bet not one of them would see you later and say "there's that lady who couldn't play piano." More likely they would say "that poor lady was having a heck of a time with that piano" or "we were singing so badly she just couldn't stay with us." I would talk to the activity director to make sure it didn't happen again -- let her know she has to communicate her plans to you and include you in the planning or find someone else.

Hang in there. Take care of you. Music is in your heart, but your heart has been trampled by people. Don't let them beat you down. Heal your heart and you will find the music again. Then it will be up to you to decide how you want to experience it and whether or how you want to share it.

Lascatx probably pegged it correctly in that "your heart has been trampled by people". Multiple issues in that regard - too many to address here. And I take things seriously. I need to let some things go.