The main thing that I expect, require, however you want to call it, is respect from friends. I am currently distancing myself from a friend which is a little difficult because I go to the gym with her and she is part of a foursome of women that I run with 3x a week. I used to go for coffee with her, afternoon walks, Costco runs, maybe some window shopping, (or real shopping during Christmas sales), etc. but no longer do so. Why?, because when it's just the two of us or sometimes more she gossips about people that I know and she is so critical of her family, her DH's family and the children/spouses of our friends..

I figure if she is gossiping about friends and people that I know, then she is probably gossiping about me and that is something I won't abide. I no longer tell her anything about what my DH and kids are doing or what I'm doing because it gives her less ammunition to gossip about and to criticize. I feel sorry for her as one of our running group as already distanced herself for the same reason. I sometimes feel like I'm in high school when I'm with her and I left that behind over 40 years ago.

Ellendi, Jewell's posting also caused me to give some thought to my friends, considering the state of each friendship. "State of the Union" I guess you could say! I'm happy with my friends, each relationship very different from the others.

As does everyone else, I have relationships that are decades long and some even reaching back to childhood. Others that are new. Good friends bring joy, happiness, support, companionship, all that good stuff.

We've found that relationships can ebb and flow. We're closer (individually and as a couple) with some friends than we used to be, and a bit more distant with others. While I always have time to offer help during difficult times, all of us have experienced friends that either have or develop too much baggage to be able to sustain the relationship. I've intentionally drifted away from one friend whose actions consistently produce too much drama in his life. I'm not interested, spending time with him now is boring and exhausting.

You need to call it how it is. i value friendships that bring mutual happiness and enjoyment, but individuals whose attitudes or actions don't produce that aren't worth spending time with.

blfenton, I'm right there with you, good for you for having acted on the matter.

I had to tell my son at a very tender age, some friends we still see face to face, and some we carry in our heart. I tell that to anyone who doesn't get to see the friend any more or is considering not seeing them any more. The friendship doesn't end just because you're not in each other's lives. The love can go on, even if some sadness is mixed in. Or a lot of sadness. Friends can be a lifetime or a season. Maybe it's time for a new season.

I've been debating about posting a similar situation I have come to myself. A friend I've had for 60 years had a new personal crisis last year. The way she is handling it disappointed me. Her grandson's relationship with his girlfriend has created a major disruption in their entire family. Of course it's ALL the girl's fault even though my friend has photos and emails that clearly indicate they were in it together. She's willing to write a blank check for a lawyer but won't consider any kind of mental help for him. If "that girl" but she doesn't call her a girl, would just go away everything would be hunky dory.

And I've realized every hour long phone conversation is about her life. Not even the polite How are you? And if I do manage to get a word in, it's only one sentence before we're back to her life so I don't even try. So now I'm not initiating any contact. If she does I chat like always. Maybe it's just time for a break.

Speaking of friends....I had a call last night from a friend that asked me for $4500 but said she was sworn to secrecy and needed the money by 9am today. I tried to get her to tell me what it was for but she wouldn't and of course I would never have considered giving it to her as it was a scam. She has been scammed before but believes anything that is told to her involving large wins of money. It doesn't help that she is in early stage of dementia. Her money is tied up so she couldnt have gotten it. I guess I got through to her as when I went to see her today she said she had not done anything about it. She has already fell for a computer scam that involved her debit card. As long as people keep falling for those types of scams, those people will keep calling!

I think that evaluating our life and the people who are in it is something we tend to do naturally as we mature. Ending a relationship can be easy if you don't enjoy time with that person or they don't treat you kindly. When I dropped the friend I had had since school it was easy, I was so sickened by her behavior and the way she treated her kids and myself that I couldn't stand to be around her. I still felt terrible for her kids, who were adults by the time I said enough.

That's a pretty good chunk of change Maryl, wow. I feel sad for people in her shoes though, dementia is a terrible thing to go through.

I have also ended some life long friendships over the past few years due to drama. I simply no longer have the energy to deal with it. I have come to realize that I really don't need very many friends, just the few really good ones. The ones that are there for you when you need them, and of course, you are more than happy to be there for them. It's a two-way street really, and if thats not happening, it's not worth the bother. Life is just too short & I truly intend to spend my time with those that put a smile on my face rather than a tear in my eye.

lisaw2015 - "I truly intend to spend my time with those that put a smile on my face rather than a tear in my eye."

What a great thought. I'm going to remember this. Too bad we can't apply this to family sometimes.

BL, in some ways you can, the secret is distance! I love my extended family very much, but we are really different and small doses works for us. Living out of state saves me from the day to day drama, and it guarantees visiting time will be quality time. I know they're there for me though as I would be for them, always.