Good morning, y'all -- just sitting down with my chai... First thing, (((mitch))) that *stinks* :( Good onya for standing up for your daughter and not taking no for an answer. She'll remember your tenacity and support for the rest of her life. (DH and I both have memories of how our parents *didn't* stand up for us to authorities ever, on anything, so we're determined not to make that particular mistake in this generation.) So this sounds like a movie, I know -- I think of Pollyanna but without the paralysis... As they told it to me, DH and DD drove down there last night at the end of practice, feeling a bit nervous as they pulled in, only to see the sprinters and the distance kids -- gasp -- playing Capture the Flag together! First, the sprinters had never played a game, only DH's distance kids; this was a double first because the sprinters can barely stand to have to breathe the same air as the distance kids anyway, much less acknowledge them as peers, and here they were laughing and playing together. Completely ODD. When the kids saw DD, many of them broke from the game and *ran* to her, seriously. There was MUCH hugging and "I'm so glad you're back" and "Are you o.k.?" etc...one girl hung back from the group--the perp, of course. And DD noticed that the sprinter girls the perp usually hung around with were not clumped with her, either. The distance girls were all bouncing around happy to see DD, but even one sprinter girl and her mom came over to welcome her back and talk. One family volunteered to join us at the all-comers meets next month if DD's able. So while she's over with the kids and the moms, who are variously inviting her over to play with their kids (although I'm not holding my breath for it actually to happen--DD's just the it girl for the moment) and admiring her hair, which they'd never seen out of a pony tail (hey, it's what they know LOL), DH is over with the head coach. awm03, you'll be interested to read this...The coach starts out with "well, I've talked to three different families and I have three conflicting stories" (meaning the perps, us, and one dad who saw it from across the field whom I mentioned above, and I could have taken the other two apart in court quite easily, but it's not necessary) and DH was gearing up for his "don't even try to call my daughter a liar" speech, but then the coach said "but on Sunday, I saw with my own eyes the girl do it *again* at a meet." DH was stunned to hear this. Evidently the girl felt pressured at the state meet in one of the events and she tried to push another girl out of her lane--again, no one official saw (but thank the fates our head coach did) and he went up to the perp's mom and said that the perp is developing a seriously bad tendency and she's got to stop pushing people out of their lanes. She was spoken to again on Wednesday much more forcefully, the head coach saying "[perp's mom] is super-competitive anyway..." with a significant look. We have to make sure that the policy of having to sit out the next meet that we suggested will be instituted, and it seems now that everyone knows that DD didn't "just fall", that the perp hurt DD and tried to push the girl at the meet, that the club isn't going to ignore it, so DD's psyche is healing quite well. The timing of the coach noticing 'a pattern' is quite odd, actually, because we sent the letter on Wednesday afternoon, so on Sunday from *us* he didn't know that the perp was the person responsible yet. (I'm not inclined to think he's lying about the whole thing, esp. since another of the distance coaches has said he wanted to talk with DH about something that happened at the meet, when he gets back from an ultramarathon next week--now we have an idea what he might be wanting to tell DH). Reading between the lines there must have been even earlier incidents that caused the coach to say the perp was developing a pattern, The girl is seriously troubled (again, more on this below). The coach then also told DH, if we can believe it, that on Sunday when people realized DD wasn't at the meet, and why, they came up to him "constantly" to tell him how much they liked DD, how fun she was, how sweet, how she was so nice to everyone, how her hard work had inspired them to work harder this year and how they wish she could come back and race - like going to your own funeral without having to die :). I wouldn't believe all this except for the reception DD got spontaneously from all (but one of) the girls of the club, the moms, the coach's wife, etc. (the boys were too cool to care, of course). The coach's wife, who was included in the recipients of the letter we sent, actually said something funny by mistake: she said that she really admired DD's attitude (DD was doing what I do in those situations and making lots of jokes), then said "and you'll be back soon, you'll come back with a vengeance, right? Ah, I mean...you'll be working just as hard as before, right?" LOLOL I had also pointed out to DH that one reason the push and the lack of witness to it happened was that there aren't enough distance coaches to have one with each group of kids -- as the only distance coach who shows up reliably (others are parents who do ultramarathons and such, not track distance, and they help out with runs when they can) he has to juggle *all* the kids of all ages and abilities and he has to rely on the older kids to regulate themselves sometimes. Which obviously has its vulnerabilities. So the H.C. agreed to work from several directions to address this next year, seeing as the distance contingent has grown so much bigger since DH took over :). (I sit back and can see from a wider perspective the dynamics of what's going on there, kind of like sports dramaturgy :), and saw the organizational flaw...I also have suggested more interconnection between sprinters and distance kids, e.g. distance kids doing sprint workouts every so often like the great Nick Symmonds, sprinters doing distance workouts to help them with the 400 -- but I have no official track experience so I have to whisper in DH's ear and he gets credit for all these ideas. Love it. But as long as it helps DD and the team, I'll be the eminence grise) So now about the perp. I am seriously worried for her. She came over to DD yesterday after some of the initial excitement had died down and said "I'm sorry *you're hurt*" (COME ON, girl, is it SO hard? evidently so--she is to be congratulated for coming over and trying, but she just couldn't own up to it, even or perhaps because of seeing how bad everything was). DD told her the full extent of her injuries and how she's going to have to train back, finishing with "I'll be back even stronger next year, though" with a sweet smile (which she repeated for me LOL). Perp girl smiled back weakly and kind of slunk away. The idea that she has done it before and did it again in a *meet* is suggesting to me that maybe subconsciously she's so desperate she *wants* to get caught and banned, a la "suicide by cop". It's maybe the only out she sees. But even beyond running, I have deep foreboding about what the teen years hold for this poor girl. I wish I could sit down with her mom and really talk with her about what her kids tell pretty much everyone who will listen, but the mom is a serious (shiny upper middle class blonde) hard case. She doesn't respect me or DH, who has tried to talk about the kids' training and nutrition with her before, to which she just says "I used to run too and I know what I'm doing." Well, o.k. Guess I just have to send out energy to the girl for strength and courage to seek out healthy people to associate with (she actually had hung around DD and always wanted to be on a team with her, ironically enough--DD thought they were friends, which is why the push was doubly saddening for DD). Maybe I might try to find a time to casually talk directly with the girl herself. Not recriminatory, but supportive, letting her know there are other ways to live and she *can* find them and they will accept her if she doesn't push them away...(and now I know why the ex-husband of the mom didn't want his kids doing track. We never understood that before.) I'm going to make sure that DD makes sure that the other kids don't demonize the girl for what she did, that they leave the girl an open door to come back in if she ever decides she wants to behave better. So DD just has to let her ligament heal, do the PT, and get back in the game. I am *so* thankful for how the club handled this, and I just hope that the good feelings continue and grow, even if it took DD's injury, from which she'll recover, to hold a mirror up to people. (A side note: I love this thing I see happening all the time--when something happens to you that people can see, suddenly people you have known a bit, say cashiers or postmen or whatever, suddenly share their own stories of similar things happening to them and how they overcame them, got better, came out stronger on the other end, etc. We even learned that an older-looking shelf stocker at the local pharmacy, just a person we asked where the knee braces are, was almost an Olympic gymnast (I could tell she wasn't lying by the way she talked) back in '72, but she tore her ACL by showing the mens' team a floor ex move she'd made up that, it turned out, Olga Korbut did in the Olympics later that year! (not that O.K. somehow stole it, it was just 'in the air' and the same idea occurred on two different continents simultaneously.) She has had extensive surgery but can still *downhill ski*! She was a *wealth* of information and humor -- DD and I walked away shaking our heads--you just never know, when you start up a conversation with someone, do you? :)

Live-Wire-Oak, I thank you for your post. I finally do get it at last that it does not matter if the white is perfect but what matters is how everything in the kitchen goes well together giving that elegant pretty look. The recent kitchens posted made me realize this and the new reveals came at just the right time. The KD and I talked when he came by for his sample doors and he had more changes he made but I told him I did not have time to go over them if I had to order only today before the price went up. I needed to do my work as I like to get done right away what is given to me to please my clients. He agreed that if I could not decide which white door but I still loved the Shiloh Flat Panel beaded inset cabinets, then I should wait and pick out my counter first and then decide how the counter, floors and cabinets look altogether. Apparently each change takes him hours as he does it manually. I explained to him that I had told you to leave everything the way it was but take away the blind cabinet and kept the Lazy Susans. He told me he was trying to make the new kitchen better with other cabinets a little bigger but he sees I did tell him that. He is sorry he heard me tell him a 36" opening and saw all my emails and pictures of the refrigerator I wanted but he remembered the one I had was 33" wide so he wanted it to look build-in so drew the lesser space. I felt bad since he looked like he was going to cry and I told him, timing was so wrong and the pressuring was not good for me and if he gave me the designs right way a few months ago, we could have worked together to tweak it to be what I wanted and then had more time to pick out the right white door and counter but I am too busy to do it right now as my clients are my priority at the moment. I guess I would be more comfortable sitting in front of a computer with a designer making changes to show how it affects my room and my budget. I am that much closer to having my new kitchen with new floors as soon as my tax season ends. I am now finally seeing the forest and not lost in the trees. I did reread all the posts above many times and plan to before looking again after tax season. I still love the Shiloh beaded Inset door in the flat panel. I remember when I picked out my home office desk about 19 years ago. I walked in the store and fell in love with the beautiful Scandinavian teak desk that had a big rounded edge in the front to have more room to go over paperwork with clients. I did not like the price but was told I could get a cherry veneer. I ordered it on the spot and I still love it. When I chose my home, I had looked at 10 houses and disliked them all. When I was faxed the layout of my townhouse, I loved it. When I finally decided to be open to a townhouse, I loved the outside as they all look a little different where I live. I loved the inside layout and the way the home office is separate from the rest of the house. I loved how clients did not walk through my living area and have a bathroom to use in the home office area. I loved my private back yard with the privacy fence and woods in the back. I loved the location and how it was only 6 miles from where I was living and near so many highways but still country like. I went home to measure everything and came back the next day to be sure everything would fit. I then knew this is where I wanted to live and I am still happy here even after over 16 years. BUT when I chose paint and floors, I could not see how it would look as I could only see a small sample and I have been needing help. I get lost in the trees like you said which is so true! I was able to pick the BM Bone White color on the wall as a painting designer on the paint forum of Garden Web told me it only looked dark as I had a big spot on a big white wall and it was actually very light and peaceful and I should just go with it. I then thought, I would listen and I love my wall color. I am finally seeing that once everything goes well together, I will be happy and the perfect shade of white does not exist. I just want someone that listens to me and I guess maybe I need to communicate better what I want since I am a number's person and not a spatial person. The kitchen designer told me when I am ready, he is still willing to work with me if I want to call him and gave me another card. I felt bad since he thought I was buying today but I wish he would have realized that I needed to pick out a counter to tell which door color would be for me and he should have emailed me the new changes to have time to go over them to be sure I liked them. I should have not let myself be pressured and told him that it does not matter if there will be a price increase, now is not the right time as it takes me awhile to go through the process of finding what I want. This forum made me realize it was the whole picture I needed to see and not the individual pieces that would make my kitchen come together. I just wish I had room for an island but I wanted to live where I live and you get so much less for the money. I just reread my post and I can't believe how long it is. I type over 100 words a minute on a big screen computer and I eat my meals as I post. I am eating dinner now before getting back to work. I will leave it as I want to be able to go back and read these posts over and over again before I get back to choosing my kitchen when tax season ends. Thank you!

Getting married and having children may not be for everyone, but if they are what you want, health, emotion, and finance wise you can afford, why do you deprive yourself? after all you only live once, you have right to make choices. I was happy as single and child free, but being married and being a mother are so much better for me. Life is a lot more inspired, enriched and fulfilled. Here is one of many articles from internet. The link is http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/marriage-rights-benefits-30190.html Marriage Rights and Benefits Whether or not you favor marriage as a social institution, there's no denying that it confers many rights, protections, and benefits -- both legal and practical. Some of these vary from state to state, but the list typically includes: Tax Benefits • Filing joint income tax returns with the IRS and state taxing authorities. • Creating a "family partnership" under federal tax laws, which allows you to divide business income among family members. Estate Planning Benefits • Inheriting a share of your spouse's estate. • Receiving an exemption from both estate taxes and gift taxes for all property you give or leave to your spouse. • Creating life estate trusts that are restricted to married couples, including QTIP trusts, QDOT trusts, and marital deduction trusts. • Obtaining priority if a conservator needs to be appointed for your spouse -- that is, someone to make financial and/or medical decisions on your spouse's behalf. Government Benefits • Receiving Social Security, Medicare, and disability benefits for spouses. • Receiving veterans' and military benefits for spouses, such as those for education, medical care, or special loans. • Receiving public assistance benefits. Employment Benefits • Obtaining insurance benefits through a spouse's employer. • Taking family leave to care for your spouse during an illness. • Receiving wages, workers' compensation, and retirement plan benefits for a deceased spouse. • Taking bereavement leave if your spouse or one of your spouse's close relatives dies. Medical Benefits • Visiting your spouse in a hospital intensive care unit or during restricted visiting hours in other parts of a medical facility. • Making medical decisions for your spouse if he or she becomes incapacitated and unable to express wishes for treatment. Death Benefits • Consenting to after-death examinations and procedures. • Making burial or other final arrangements. Family Benefits • Filing for stepparent or joint adoption. • Applying for joint foster care rights. • Receiving equitable division of property if you divorce. • Receiving spousal or child support, child custody, and visitation if you divorce. Housing Benefits • Living in neighborhoods zoned for "families only." • Automatically renewing leases signed by your spouse. Consumer Benefits • Receiving family rates for health, homeowners', auto, and other types of insurance. • Receiving tuition discounts and permission to use school facilities. • Other consumer discounts and incentives offered only to married couples or families. Other Legal Benefits and Protections • Suing a third person for wrongful death of your spouse and loss of consortium (loss of intimacy). • Suing a third person for offenses that interfere with the success of your marriage, such as alienation of affection and criminal conversation (these laws are available in only a few states). • Claiming the marital communications privilege, which means a court can't force you to disclose the contents of confidential communications between you and your spouse during your marriage. • Receiving crime victims' recovery benefits if your spouse is the victim of a crime. • Obtaining immigration and residency benefits for noncitizen spouse. • Visiting rights in jails and other places where visitors are restricted to immediate family. Same-Sex Marriage, Civil Unions, and Domestic Partnerships If you are in a same-sex marriage in one of the states where same-sex marriage is allowed (Connecticut, Iowa, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Vermont, and D.C.), or if you are in a domestic partnership or civil union in any of the states that offer those relationship options, none of the benefits of marriage under federal law will apply to you, because the federal government does not recognize these same-sex relationships. For example, you may not file joint federal income tax returns with your partner, even if your state allows you to file taxes jointly. And other federal benefits, such as Social Security death benefits and COBRA continuation insurance coverage, may not apply.

I think wedding planning was easier! We started off first thinking we were going to have the cabinets in our "new to us" house repainted, since the off-white paint was peeling off. The granite countertops were in great shape, and it was obvious the previous owners spent a lot of money on these counters. We received an estimate for $4500 for repainting. Then, I figured it would be better to reface, and get a whole new look. I received estimates ranging from $12k- $20k (with one place being very high pressure, "will drop the price if you order today" type of attitude). One place I called, also did remodeling, and I called them in asking for prices for remodeling, not refacing, yet told me remodeling would be "much more expensive" than his quote for refacing. How much more? He would not elaborate. At this point, with particle board cabinets that really were not in the greatest shape and could stand for a lot of improvement, I figured I had to try to get an answer from SOMEBODY about a remodeling price. We were not even trying to change much - just pretty much keep the same layout in terms of appliance placement, but make a few modifcations to get it to where I thought it would be more functional. I finally got one place, when he saw in person that our kitchen wasn't as big as he thought based on the pictures I showed him, to give us a quote for remodeling. Came in around $32,000. Ok, finally! I tried a few other people, both of whom wanted a budget. I explained how we went from spending $4500, to $15000, to now maybe $30-40k? But that honestly we wanted to spend as little as possible to get the look and features we wanted. My DH was not thrilled at the thought of spending $45 (as one quote came in) and the idea of redoing the kitchen fizzled. But I knew there had to be a way.. I called a custom cabinet maker that had done a few kitchens in our neighborhood, and I went to their homes to see his work. Beautiful! I was shocked to find out he came in the lowest out of them all (around $20k for just the cabinets - since at the time we were thinking we would save the granite, and he was able to do that.) We are still toying around with what to do - we have another quote from a friend who has told us that the markup on cabinets and granite is just ridiculous. Some of the quotes I received were more detailed than others. I have been trying to get more specific on other quotes so that it would be easier to compare them - I am so afraid of choosing one, thinking it comes with everything I want, then finding out it will be extra $ here and there after we've signed on.