Many of the items I chose for decluttering were given away, and those who received them were genuinely pleased and grateful for the gifts. I think your Mom and Grandmother would have been happy that you have made someone else's life better.

I have/had a similar situation as I got all of my grandmother's things and will have all of my parents at some point. I have been able to get rid of most of my grandmother's either by selling or giving away. We are working on my parents too as they are willing to go through some things. Maybe you could take pictures of some that mean the most to you and then sell or give away most of the others with the thought that someone will enjoy them as much as your mother/grandmother did.

I know it is hard but after cleaning out one house and seeing another in my future to do, I do not want to leave all of this for my children either. Keep us posted on your progess or other stumbling blocks. Good luck and I know how hard it is to do so you are for sure not alone.

Kids these days (does make make me old?!) don't want their parents' stuff. They prefer things streamlined.

Keep up your focus and be ruthless!

Hi, I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I'm a jeweler and we see this a lot, it's very common to not want to part with physical items that carry memories. Often what we are able to help people do is consolidate the many individual items into one that will still hold all the sentiment; either by rearranging the pieces of jewelry you have- stones, gold, etc- or by using the funds from the rehoming of lots of types of items to purchase something that means a lot to you, will remind you of your mother, and that she would have been happy for you to have or experience.

Your mother wouldn't want her grandson to deal with these things, either, but would she have loved for you to:

Have a nice pendant with her diamond?

Take a once in a lifetime vacation with your family?

Plant rows of roses that she loved in your yard?

Sell what you can and use the funds to do something you and she would have loved; no guilt because you will always think of and remember her and all her beautiful things that allowed you to when you wear it/see the pictures/smell the roses.

When we do it with jewelry, we call them memorial stones- because they really are whole lifetimes of memories packed into one small drop of beauty nestled right there on your hand or next to your heart. You'll get more return and more joy out of one thing you love than a closet full of things you feel guilty to keep and guilty to not keep.

Good luck!

it is hard to be ruthless, but since my girls don't want it now, I would guess they don't want it later either... and out it goes.

The more you manage this, the easier it gets.

Moni

the jewelry is important and finding out what is real what is costume (older or "named" pieces often are worth $) gold is still high and I suggest getting pieces appraised (check with local jewelers, $) my problem is the "tween" items like the pieces of lenox clocks, Waterford one, and my irish brand...item like that might get a better price at auction, although they take a cut of the $....and what to do with the cash after...thanks be we have already done fil's, an dmy mother bless her moved in with us with few items...and yet I hate seeing those 100% maple pieces leave...and of course they're worth nothing, sigh...(so 50's)

another huge item is paper! keeping things like check (yes i'm old-fashion) for the required 5 years was fairly easy. I have a slim plastic drawer unit, finally labled, for bank taxes ect. since we're poa for fil he has one too...in fact his has had to go back further in same case for Medicaid feds...

you'd be proud of me getting rid of my ton of paperback books. those have gone to local library, (and got a receipt) I also have donated to purple heart for vets..they love books...

i'm working on one room at a time...

I like the jeweller's concept of "re-homing" ... and the previous poster who said that they'd be better off being looked at and appreciated by a new owner.
How about making a list or relatives, loved ones and friends, with contact info, and make a list with description of the various items to send to them, asking whether they might be interested?
If you do Facebook, probably do it there.
Here's an idea that, though in a different context, you might find relevant.
My urologist says that about 80% of old guys over 80 have cancer of the prostate, and that almost all of them die WITH it ... but not OF it.
The other day, while dealing with a staff person in my urologist's office, while discussing a cancer situation, I quoted a saying that my Grandma, born about 1862, died about 1951, used to make. She lived with us after Mom got long-term sick and Grandpa died, and I remember her having said, "Don't cross bridges till you get there!".
Two of them said that they liked that expression ... that they were going to use it. When one considers the tremendous advances that have been made in communication during my lifetime ... if Grandma might have been listening ... I'm sure that would have brought a smile to her face.
"There's a time for every season ... under heaven".
ole joyfuelled

Good for you and to all others for swallowing hard and working your way through what you know needs to be done. I know for some it can be very hard. Once you get started, you'll gain momentum and it will get easier.

It will feel like a lifted burden when you've disposed of unwanted and unneeded clutter. For items with sentimental meaning but no use, take a photo of them. That way, you have them forever. Then box 'em up and get on with it, to use your words. Good luck, I think you have a good handle on the task.

You can always give them to Goodwill or another charity.

My mom made a doll house for my girls many years ago. Lots of time and love went into it.

My girls have been past the doll stage for quite a while now and the doll house was always in the way. Recently, I put it up for sale, hoping another little girl would ask for it. I was so lucky because a grandma and her grand-daughter came for it that day. Something about knowing this young girl would be making use of our doll house made it OK to move it out of our house.

I think finding all your resources would help you to place your items. Local online for sale sites, like on Facebook sale pages or Craigslist are usually good. As with any transactions you have to be very clear on what you sell and what you want from it.

I has to be very difficult for some people to part themselves from their parents possessions. I have only one or two things from my grandparents and I plan on keeping those few things. As far as your conscience goes though, I think you know what needs to be done. Especially if you don't want your family to end up dealing with things you didn't want to deal with!

My MIL gave my husband lots of clothing from his dad. Coats, trench coats, etc. He only wore about one thing but he always took them from her if she was giving them away. We kept them in the basement where his work clothes are and now two years later they are finally at good will. I guess enough time went by to relieve any questions about giving them away.

I have to say, things like journals, well loved cookbooks with handwriting, letters, especially love letters would be my downfall. I would keep them all!

My advice would be to take it in steps. Agreed about having the jewelry checked out because things our mothers might have called "junk" jewelry are now highly regarded. When you have it checked, it's a good idea to fib a little. Say you want to know the worths so you can divide it well amongst the heirs (you can make good on the fib by giving the potential heirs the money if you sell it). You'll get a higher number than if you say you're going to sell it, but you're less likely to be told that name pieces are worthless. Make sure you write down all the names and marks so you can check them yourself online.

For the rest of it, think about the way we usually tidy up a room. The boxes that say keep, toss, donate. Add one for "Mom's" and one for "Grandma's" and put anything you don't want for yourself and belonged to them in their boxes. When you're done decluttering, you can pack the items nicely in the boxes and stack them in a corner, or a closet, or the garage. Let them be. In a year, or two, or five, you can open the boxes and look at the items and you'll either thing, "Why am I saving these?" or "Why didn't I keep that?" or "Son's girlfriend would love this!" or whatever, and make the decisions then.

Doing both the tasks of fixing up the room and deciding what to do with the heirlooms, at the same time, is making both tasks too hard. If you do the one that has a direct impact on your life (the room) first, and let the other one wait until you really feel like tackling it, will make it easier to get both done.

I know what you mean. I have several lovely rings my DH has given me, and my DD and DIL would not like them. DD has her own, and she is too petite for most of my large pieces. DIL really does not like jewelry. I have told DD that my wedding and engagement rings can go to her sons for either to use when he gets engaged some day. They are 5 and 8 right now!

We still live in the house where they grew up. I have some toys I saved that the grands play with. But they need to go through their closets and dressers and throw out what they do not want. Then I need to go through the rest of the rooms and storage. We have accumulated too much stuff in the 35 years we have lived here and it will be too much work for the kids to clear out when the time comes.

A few years ago, I decided to sell my mom's sterling silver flatware. It had been in a box in my closet since the mid 90s and I didn't use it. I got a tidy sum for it. Then I took my parents' class rings to the same place and got another tidy sum. I bought myself my very first brand new stove with the money and had some left to partially pay for my new fridge. Now I am planning to part with my favorite aunt's mink jacket. My son tells me he wants my mom's buffet some day. I think taking a picture of things with sentimental value is an excellent idea.

Pillog....love your idea of a "family heirloom" box....those pieces from parents and grandparents you may not use or even like but have sentimental value and you're not ready to part with yet and maybe in a few years the kids, other family members or even dear friends might want.

My father took up painting in his 50's. I don't think he was particularly talented and I really didn't care for his style, but I have a few pieces he painted for me that I just can't part with. I hope one day the kids will want them as a remembrance of their grandfather but maybe they won't.

We started to clear out 30 years worth of stuff in the basement awhile ago but didn't get very far. Now I can just set aside all the sentimental pieces and let the kids go through them in a few years when we downsize and move to our retirement home. That takes a lot of pressure off having to decide now when you're also going through all the regular stuff.

Thank you all so much for your suggestions. I am going to make a copy of all these suggestions and keep it handy as I continue tackling this job over the next few months.

It's nice to feel that others have gone thru or are going thru this very same situation. I definitely will be taking pictures of the items I'm not keeping so I can at least enjoy "seeing" them whenever I feel the need.

Tomorrow I will be approaching the job with a better handle on the situation thanks to all of you. I'm hoping this will be my last cry for help but if it isn't it's comforting to know you guys are there if I need a reality check. Thanks again.

My mother (in her 80's) went to a funeral once where the family had laid out pieces of the deceased jewelry. Mainly just costume pieces. They had a sign saying something like "Please take one if you like, to remember dear Mary". We had never seen that before, but my mom took a pin that she remembered Mary wearing one day at a lunch. She thought it was a clever idea!

What works for me.....keep the one piece that has the most significance. Try to find a good home for the rest. If you can take money out of the equation. give your treasures to someone who needs but can't afford them in memory and in honor.

I had kinda the opposite experience. When my Mom died in 2011,, there were plenty of things I wanted from her house. Photos, a few pieces of furniture, knickknacks, you know...stuff that held memories for me. Unfortunately, my brother got greedy, refused to let anyone in the house to take things, not even me and and my 2 sisters. He got all weird, sold what he could, threw out tons of things. (Probably good in the long run). He got so messed up he ended up committing suicide, God I never wanted that for him!. I realized later that Mom would never want us to be upset or argue over her "stuff". I did get a few sentimental items that were found in the house after my brother's death. I got my own bronzed baby shoes, a plate painted to commemorate my birth, and a couple of diaries my Mom had kept during her lifetime. Remember, it's all someone's junk in the long run. My Mom was never ever rich, no jewelry or paintings or any real "valuables". So I'm happy I did get a few things to remember her by. I am inspired to keep my own home as clear as possible.I don't want my own children to struggle with cleaning out my home after I'm gone. I do tend to be a "hoarder". Just a few years ago I went through all the books I owned. I was a little embarassed and even amused to find "study books" from my high school math classes! No one would want them, they went in recycling paper bin.

This is no time for sentimentality or nostalgia. You have to be ruthless and practical if it's valuable sell it. If not give it away to someone who will appreciate it or donate it. I've been through this so I understand what you are going through. You will feel great when it's done. Promise.

I'm in your situation often. If you can get hold of the January 2015 issue of Real Simple, there's an article entitled, "The Essentials! Keepsakes! Clutter You Just Can't Quit," by Betsy Goldberg. You might find it helpful. I looked for it online, but didn't see it.

FlyLady says to sing the Englebert Humperdinck song "Please release me, let me go":

Sing this song: “Please release me, let me go” as sung from the stuff’s point of view. It needs to be loved by someone and if you don’t love it – GET RID OF IT!

http://www.flylady.net/d/br/2012/07/07/how-do-i-declutter-2/

Vicsgirl, I'm so sorry for your experience, and the loss of your brother and mother.

I'm very fortunate to have been able to go through my mom's stuff while she's still living. (I get emotional pretty easily.) Last summer/fall we cleaned out her house and were able to take what we wanted and to talk to her about items, such as where they came from. She kept a few, plus her personal items, but wasn't generally interested in too much anymore. It did make her sad when she realized we'd have to sell/give away some things as none of us daughters has a big home for storage. It all worked out fine and we didn't argue a bit. :) I did have dreams for weeks after the process that there was still stuff in her house that we'd forgotten to retrieve and I felt desperate to go get it (in my dream.) There were a couple of things we let go at the sale that I have since re-thought: my dad's Underwood and the super-duper mechanical pencil sharpener we all used through school. But at least the person who bought it also has a thing for good sharpeners and was thrilled to buy it.

I do remember forcing myself to let things go, as much as possible--it's tough. One sister wasn't interested in very much and the other likes to live without excess 'stuff' but also had the same attachments as I did. Some things we took, just because, such as the ancient plastic measuring cup.

You have to be in the right frame of mind to do this. Start in the morning and only do as much as you can handle at a time. Do you have any nieces/nephews/cousins who might be interested in your Mother's things that you need to let go? Sorry if this has already been asked and answered; haven't had time to read the whole thread.

I agree that other than a few sentimentals, the rest can and should be given away or sold. That said rather than donating to the Good Will or Salvation Army, I would either donate to a shelter or sell what I could through a consignment store and donate the money to something my loved one would be happy about.

When a good friend of mine decided to sell her home, I started to look at mine. I thought there might be some things I could get rid of. I packed up things I saved from being a Girl Scout leader. I am not sure why I couldn't just get rid of it! My thought was to pack it up, store it and at some point I will look at it and then throw it away.

I am always streamlining my clothing and was able to donate a few bags worth.

I did get rid of some books. But then again, I just couldn't part with books that my DD's read growing up. Some of those are also already stored in the attic. (Ugh, the attic!!!)

When I go down to the basement where I have a pantry and I store kitchen and household things, I find that I use all of these things. it might just be once or twice a year (cheesecake pan, tube pan etc.) but I do use everything.

I totally understand what you are going through.