I like the way that Italian, Greek women wear black when they are greiving. I think that is a good thing so people know you are in a delicate state, and just need to be treated tenderly. So many things can make you feel a little better, when you are grieving, like a hug, a hand that holds yours, a flower, a visit to a coffee shop, a walk along the beach. Just someone to guide you and look after you, and make all the decisions for you. Just someone who says, I know what you are going through, I am respectful of your loss, I am walking that road with you. Some of the really insensitve things that where said to me are, " Are you still upset about that", "Just have another baby" . I think its hard for people to have any concept as to how you are feeling, and although they are well meaning, it really does not help. I think we have to take responsibility for our grief and ask for help, and tell people "I need this". I wish that I had done that when I was bogged down with a broken heart, but I was young and didnt know what I know now. My little boy died in 1980, so long ago now, but still tears fall, the sadness still bubbles over, I have a private sob, and then get on with things. Its like my heart is in a thousand pieces.

I have a few.. Cancer Compass Lung board and the Brain board. Hard to say which one would be better, the brain section has a LOT of caring, compassionate people. One gal there just lost her young adult son; she goes by heart_and_soul. If you register, read some of her posts There is also a Caregiver section There is also Well spouse and if you go to their main page, there are tons of links for help. Make sure they get set up with hospice asap even if it isn't needed. It will make it much easier when they do need to jump in. Depending on what type of hospice; my dad had nurses come in during the day to check on him (home hospice); they also were the ones to pronounce him.. I called and they sent someone right over. With my FIL who passed from brain (home hospice as well), my MIL paid them (or insurance covered) to stay 24 hours. It depends on insurance and what the person wants. There's also the option to go to a facility.

Thanks all! Of course I will act as though I am not worried at all, I wouldn't dream of creating any extra anxiety or worry for him. So the big day is this coming Wednesday; today was our warm-up: a "baby root canal" (pulpotomy and crown) and several fillings, performed with conscious sedation because the first dentist who attempted the procedure freaked him out completely and refused to work with him if he cried, which he did. He woke up this morning crying about going to the dentist, then was fine after I explained to him that he won't be in pain and that if he is scared or nervous that's normal and nobody will be angry if he feels like crying, which he likely wouldn't anyway. SO... He came through the dental procedure apparently unscathed, although there was little consciousness on his part. In fact, he's sleeping the day away :). I'll keep you all posted after the surgery! Thanks again---

OJ - thanks for the advice, although I'd already acknowledged my error and apolgized (if not to criticize, was it to reprimand? Or just an opportunity to post something "cute" that didn't contribute to the original question? Duly noted, anyway. I'll be more careful in the future). I use Babelfish frequently but hadn't looked for Yiddish words; I just assumed (yes, I know what that makes me) that, since it has such a selection of languages, it would have Yiddish. I was wrong. Sorry I took up the space. Sheesh. (no, I' not offended - just not sure I needed a finger wagged at me)