Maybe he remembers being a 17 year old boy and dating and what went on and the sneaking bothers him. It would bother me also..I think your daughter and her boyfriend need to re earn his trust to fix his insecurities, even if it is more difficult than it should be. And it appears she IS trying to...but she also commited a fairly large trust issue so correcting it will take time. A lesson learned for her for sure. He on the other hand could also be face to face with the reality now of her age...and how quickly she will mature now. Once they date, the years go by quickly, and a daddy (especially step dad) can quickly take a back seat in her life from being the ONLY male in her life, to one who now has little control and notice in her life. Maybe that also bothers him, maybe he is pouting. I agree with others, since this is so out of character of him, he might also know, or suspect more than he is sharing...the worse thing tho that can happen is the two of you become divided in this....bad for both your daughter, both of your realtionships with her, and your marriage too. Over riding each others authority is not good, even in step relationship. I personally think it teaches children subtly to play parents against each other. And on another aspect, there is much guilt with it from both parents and child. And it is really tuff on a marriage. I know you want to believe she learned a lesson, and maybe she has, but what is wrong with a boy who went along with this too...that is what could be concerning the rancher....his "ethics and morals" are obviously not squared up with good values not matter how nice he seems up front. And ont the other hand, kids are still kids, and think like kids too...but that does not mean we should just accept that thought process either. Don't always take her word now where she is and what she is doing, randomly check on her, so she knows a repeat act might be busted. Maybe that would comfort rancher. He cant choose her dates for her tho. And if he is too anti boy against this boy, she will just sneak more and more...which is what caused her to sneak to begin with..instead put checks and balances in place..and dont be afraid to check on her often, no matter how much she gets annoyed. She commited the error of judgment and it should cost her a bit so she does not repeat the error. Feel no guilt over it. Good luck..raising teens is never fun is it. And step families make it ten times worse. I come from such a family myself. Good luck my heart goes out to you.

rhome - I agree the dark counters would have been cold and warm but to me, more or less a black color is more neutral, and I was also borrowing the idea from a magazine. Why exactly that black and the beige worked in my inspiration picture is beyond me - I just know that it worked. That picture also showed a kitchen w/ white cabinets and it worked beautifully, but again I can't say why. Probably cause there's a hint of peach or pink that makes it less than just a really dull beige - and then also because the beige went so nicely w/ the floors. Yes I like contrast and I definitely would have had it w/ the black/dark grey counters but I was really trying to move away from something that's not only so ubiquitous these days and yes so potentially dreary in our small, dark, North-facing kitchen. I too like grey and beige together, which is along the lines of liking tan with black. And it's funny cause you know how right now tan and grey is going together more like in interior furniture. As for my instincts, I don't know...I think it's more of a hit & miss thing. I think when I hit it I really hit it but when I miss it, well it's just too often or random for me to be able to gamble considering I won't have the money to rip it all out and start over. Don't even really have the money to be doing this in the first place! :-o It's not deficit spending per se, and half the money's going to pay off the one and only credit card we have, but the money could have gone to pay something more off such as car, or savings toward kids school, etc. (having some guilt there). Re. not having enough faith in my instincts, I agree there too...I just haven't had the opportunity to remodel before (the most I've ever really done is choose paint colors, curtains, rugs, throw pillows and furniture)! I think the bottom line is that black w/ tan works REALLY well - thanks to that magazine picture pointing this out ;) but grey and beige is just a lot more questionable. Here's the clincher, which happens to be what I want to say in response to mondragon: mondragon - What's funny is that I totally agree w/ you that it works in a more modern looking way. I think in a modern kitchen, the stainless steel and beige tiles would look pretty cool. Almost retro-modern, since pink was such a '50's color. Problem is I'm trying to make the kitchen look more 1913 (trying to make the stainless *work* as period, due to its surroundings and the fact that they did have zinc countertops e.g. in pantries back then). So I guess the final question is that while it can look good in a modern kitchen - and that's I guess where I guess my instincts may be okay - can it work in an older looking kitchen (regardless of the fact that marble definitely can)? Something tells me the farm sink, gooseneck faucet and pendant light might tie it all together (and the original cupboards) but once again - not sure. Thanks for taking the time to read and respond, and I'm sorry to always be writing so much! I hate that about me but just can't seem to help myself when it comes to something so important to me! Can you imagine having 3 small, messy boys, one big messy husband, and no dishwasher or disposal or undermounted sink to make life dramatically better?! ;) And now I'm thinking of upgrading from a very standard fridge made in 1990 that has 18.2 cu. ft., to something much bigger! Just being able to keep big gallons of milk in the door will be a massive improvement!

I believe in the principle of NO TAXATION WITHOUT REPRESENTATION: if I have to do the work, I have the right to decide about it, otherwise I can not be held responsible for it. This is true in any relationship, public, professional, private or parental. I nipped in the bud the chores'problems because I simply prevented it, having seen a number of stepmothers having to juggle two full time jobs, without any thanks for it. When my SS came to living with us, given my husband'schedule,I did know I was at risk to became the enforcer of the rules so I sit dow with my husband and said: I work and you work, and a third person in the household (especially if he's a teenager) means more housework to do. My time is worthy just like yours, so let's discuss how to distribute this additional load.If your son has to help with the housework, you will be responsible for enforcing this rule, if you prefer to have him concentrating on his studies, you can pay after your pocket for a maid coming and doing this additional work. My husband as he's out all the day and did not want to being constantly on the phone checking on hs son, decided to pay somebody else to do the jobs his son is not doing. So a maid is coming twice a week and does all the "heavy jobs", floors, vacuming, deep cleaning the bathrooms and the such, better done when nobody is home, and I do only the everyday little jobs, while my husband and my SS are responsible for household and food shopping: my husband for the big week groceries, he has the car, and my SS for the milk etc..He tried to "forget" about it but he found himself without milk for HIS breakfast next morning and he has never forgotten since! (i had breakfast in a cafthat day !) By the way, I do only the "general" housecleeaning: the common areas, or bedrooms, our pets, the garden etc..my SS and my husband are responsible for my stepson room (the first two monts they "forgot" to cleaning it, I "resisted" and in the end they had to paid the maid for 4 additional hours! out of my husband and SS pockets! from then on the room receives regular maintenance) and SS laundry, trasportation: I try always to be kind and helpful in a pinch but I did take care to not get responsible for anything as I work too. About general cluttering, "forgotten" items, I take note (with a bit of practice you develop a kind of selective blindness) just of items belonging to to my husband or to me, everything else is left to lie where it fall or if it is in a common area (kitchen, living room entrance) is swept in conveniently placed box (I purchase three square wicker basket that double as additional sits) or left it at the mercy of the dogs: after the first costly sneaker got chewed (and my husband spending a Saturday afternoon shopping for a new pair) things got differents in a hurry. In other words: put your stepson in the BEST condition to fend for himself, notify your husband that you have done your job and that's it, the results are THEIR responsability.If he has to take a medication at a certain hour and he forgets about him, purchase him a 6 dollars' little pill box with an alarm, and ask your husband to put the pill in it and leave it on your SS bedstand, then the next morning, if your SS decides to not to take it, is his choice, and he will have to discuss it with your husband. If you and your husband decide to not go the maid's way, and your SS is to be assigned chores, make theses chores directly related to HIS and your husband's quality of life (cleaning his room, separating, doing and collecting his and your husband laundry, preparing his bag and his breakfast for next morning, cleaning the garage or your husband study etc..) so THEY will bear the consequencesof their (in)actions. This I think is the key: growing up is having to live with the consequences of what you chose to do or not to do. This is true for for your SS but also for your husband. If you can be really consistent (and I know it is hard) it really works and it will not only help your SS to develop skills that will be useful for the rest of your life but make your husband to realize the kind of job is parenting instead of delegating it to you.

JJ, when you put the photos into a different format and when you singled out the photos, they came into focus for others. That is one of the values that you get from both culling out the insignificant ones and organizing the reamaining ones. The importance or the significance of what is left comes into much sharper focus. I am in the middle of culling and organizing our photos and I it has become evident to me that much value and appreciation is stuck in oblivion when the photos are a mess in boxes. They must be curated and organized to tell the story. If not, they are like a bowl of alphabet soup with letters that don't spell anything. I had started a post about organizing photos, if you are interested. One example is that we had a box of photos that FIL had brought home from WWII. They had been languishing in a box that was casually shoved into a drawer and mostly forgotten about. I took them and put then into a small book and placed the book on the dining table. Hubs picks it up and finds himself absolutely drawn into them as if he is seeing them for the first time. That is not the case, He knew about them. He had just forgotten about them because they have been hidden in a drawer in a box for so long. After composing them in a book and noting the inscriptions that FIL wrote on the back, they have become a personal story of a young man who turned 19 years old and arrived for D Day one day later. He was but a boy when he went to be a part of a tank crew in Europe. This is his story and now it has been revealed for us to share. I think that it is priceless and to think that it lingered untold for so long. He told us his story and we just relegated it to a hidden box. I find that to be rather sad in retrospect. In organizing our photos, I have gained and experienced some revelations and realizations of who and where we have come from and who lurks in the heritage of my grand children. Life's moments and lives that have gone have come forward and I am truly enjoying the journey. It is important to cull out the debris so that you can see the value of what you have. I have yet to discard the rejects. They will get one more pass through before they go out. In my estimation, I have rejected somewhere around one third of what was being kept.maybe a bit more than that. Now, the remaining ones are being divided into two collections, one for each of our grown children. I plan to keep none for us. I want to hand them down to my kids in a format that they can be seen in. I don't want to pass down a mess of stuff that has no voice. After the photos are taken care of, I plan to include some genealogy documents in the pages. It seems a perfect compliment to the photos and will explain some of them. I have also made sure that the kids have all the information that they need after I am gone and not have to go searching for bank accounts, revolving charges on credit cards or any of the stuff that they are going to need to know. I even have a document of all my passwords for any forum or bank account, etc.