Sympathies Scarlett.

You can have a holiday without a fight - just decide that you won't be involved - just let it go. I know, easier said than done.

Happy holidays.

"Tis the season. Years and years ago, I gave up. Today, the only decorations are a display of cards received. No tree, no shopping for presents (except for grandson, and he's finally old enough to get a check.) Nuthin'.

And guess what, life is quiet and peaceful.

Just opt out. As Popi says, easier said than done, but you have to start somewhere.

Happy holidays, and may there be peace in your home!

Agree with Sushipup. If YOU enjoy doing the baking, decorating, shopping, etc., continue, but if you're doing it only because you feel you're supposed to do it because it's Chrrrriiiiiissssstttttmmmmmaaaaaaaaas, then stop or drastically reduce what you do.

Case in point, last week my husband asked if it wasn't time to put up the tree. I said, "I suppose, but I really would rather not because it's such a hassle". Next thing I knew, he dragged the box out and had recruited our son to help him put it up. When I balked about doing the lights next, he got that going, too. :) If he hadn't done it, I probably would have just grouped the gifts around a little, pre-decorated, tree I have in storage.

I will also say that you're not alone. Many of my women friends complain that, according to their husbands and children, Christmas magically "just happens". They get to do whatever they normally do every day, not even noticing that the mom/wife is running herself ragged, and (viola) Christmas!

We have downsized the holidays drastically now that we don't have young kids in the house. My problem with DH is mostly cleaning up the place. He just refuses to move his "stuff" and to clean anything. He could live in a cardboard box and not notice any difference. I'm at an age where I would just hire some people to come and clean, but he's very against that and besides, he would still have to move his junk so they could work.

It matters to me if I have a fairly clean and neat house for the holidays, so I am sucking it up and doing the work and not arguing, but in my heart, I have resentment, which is not how I like to feel. Why can't he just be reasonable???

Sorry, double post.

This post was edited by scarlett2001 on Tue, Dec 23, 14 at 15:42

'I would just hire some people to come and clean, but he's very against that and besides, he would still have to move his junk so they could work.'

This goes beyond not being motivated or being clueless;
it sounds like the beginning of hoarding.

Hoarders don't want anything 'disturbed' (moved or packed or thrown away), & they don't want anyone in the house, & they won't do anything with anything.

I've seen tv shows depicting interventions in which a team will come in & help the hoarder evaluate the accumulation & the quality of life, but if you aren't picked to be on tv (or if you don't want to be on tv), interventions cost money, & the person with the problem may say, "I don't have a problem, this is my house, go away", & the crew has to go away.

I recently read a long online discussion among people who are worried sick about their parents, because the accumulation has gotten so bad that the hoarders' homes are in danger of literally falling down because they can't, say, get to the attic to fix the roof & they won't have anyone come fix it for them because they don't want anyone to know the conditions inside the home;
they're afraid of the city condemning it or the fire department coming in with a dumpster or something, & so the roof leaks, & the roof's decking rots, & the attic contents rot, & there's mold & then the ceilings absorb the moisture from the wet contents & the ceilings fall in & the contents of the rooms get wet...

My only suggestion, don't know if it's on-target or helpful but I hope it is, is to have a sit-down discussion with husband about the net effect of his stuff;
tell him that his habits & behavior have lowered your livestyle beneath acceptable standards, & that he must do XYZ by a certain date (start with a small step), or you'll have to bring in outside help, whatever the cost, whatever the consequences.

Your & his quality of life is more important than his stance "against" outside help.

If you have grown children that you can enlist for support, by all means do so, because there'll be denial & resistance & maybe yelling & stomping off, but you're a human being, & you're entitled to live in a reasonably orderly home & to expect consideration, respect, & reasonable behavior from a person living in the same house.

I wish you the best.

Thanks, everybody, and to all - a very Happy Holiday!

Yes, Calisha46, I have noticed this.

There is nothing like a clean table top to get a smile on my face !

Declutter is my middle name.

'There is nothing like a clean table top to get a smile on my face !'

spoken in the manner of Cliff on Cheers:

'It's a little-known fact that clean table tops are the natural habitat of dismantled carbureators."

Oh yeah, he does not think automotive parts are out of place in the living room or the kitchen.

I heard this at a party but not sure if it is an urban legend or not: A local couple have reportedly bought a duplex and he lives in one half while she lives in the other. No divorce or anything, just separate living quarters. Sounds good to me!

My husband would do whatever I asked when I needed help. He would even scold me if I moved the furniture with out him. Truthfully it was harder on me to have him help because then I had to pick it up. LOL I never asked him to help me clean or prepare a meal. It was my job and I enjoyed it. I was a stay at home and he worked to support us and one Christmas he worked his full time and a part time job for extra money for presents. It is harder on today's women, their husband needs to help them if the wife is in the work force.

Yes, I hate to date myself, but when I grew up, there were "men's" jobs and "women's" jobs. My mom cleaned the house, did the laundry and cooked, my dad took care of the car, the yard work and things like painting and repairing.

Then we were liberated and now the men do almost nothing, the women work in AND out of the home and people hire other people to do almost everything. (And then they go to the gym to lose weight.)