Interesting question Mariannese, in our household here in country Australia my wife and I garden together, I do the work, she supervisors. we do differ on how things are to be done, but we talk it out so it works for both of us and the betterment of the garden.
Regards David.

My husband has very little interest in gardening although he does like Fuchsias....and used to grow some... I do all the gardening but he is there to help if I need him... I have a free hand and do whatever I like... and to be honest, I spend whatever I like, within reason... I do ask his advice sometimes about how something looks.... it's give and take, he has his own hobbies with expenditures and I go along with that, just the same...

..I feel a bit sorry for those people who squabble over things like this....or have to keep something hidden...

...I think he'll be glad when I stop buying roses and sometimes rolls his eyes when finding that I've ordered yet another....lol...

In our household, hubby tends the lawns and I do the beds and borders. He will lend a hand removing a shrub or digging a big hole if I need help. In the fall, he'll save me shredded leaves and grass clippings for the beds. And he'll come along for the ride when I go plant shopping but he's not interested in doing any planting nor does he have any opinion on what should be planted. So I can happily pursue my hobby.
Oh and he is the houseplant caretaker around here, which doesn't interest me much. So it works for us.

Interesting question...my wife, Nancy, and I have different tastes in many things, but we both love gardening and plants. When we got into roses, I wanted to explore antique and older hybrid teas. She loved the newest moderns and miniatures. We're growing a lot of daylilies now and she loves miniatures and the newest fanciest ones. I am hybridizing with species and I love the really tall ones. Both of us respect and appreciate the other's tastes. We also end up liking what the other one likes in many cases. End result....less lawn all the time as we continually expand to accommodate both tastes. I do the planting and much of the heavy yard work like tilling new areas. She handles the extensive paperwork needed to maintain records and maps of crosses and seedlings as well as keeping everything labeled. Great synergy between us...I wouldn't have it any other way. Bob

I share the house with my brother and while he LOVES his lawn tractor he isn't all that thrilled with actually using it to mow, lol! He often comes out and helps me in the garden. He digs holes for me all the time and helps with hand watering and such too. He isn't a big weeder though, lol. I like to include him in picking things out and I think he appreciates that. He has very definite likes and dislikes in colors and flowers so if he gets to help choose them I think he enjoys working out there as well. He's actually very good at picking out roses that do well for me!

My DH does all of the hard work - digs all holes, takes care of the lawns, deals with the 2 feet of leaves off our huge oak trees every year, happily does any weeding (much faster than I do!), trims/cuts large bushes & small trees, rakes the driveway, composts the leaves, and does some hard scape construction such as raised beds and border edges made out of those concrete brick thingies. Last year he re-built all 9 of the cast concrete (built in 1905 to look like stone) pillars along our front wall made of the same stuff. It is heaven - I get to chose, and buy or grow the plants, plant them after he has dug any holes which are needed, and prune & feed the roses. He puts a 36 ft ladder up against the house each Fall and ties up/prunes our huge rose bushes which go up 3 stories. I think I will keep him.

Jackie

My husband cuts the grass and such, and builds things for me, but he has no interest in what I plant or where. I do most of the digging and planting unless the hole needs to be too large.

If you asked my husband he'd tell you we do it together. But mostly I do it--planting, weeding, mulching, mowing the works. He likes the IDEA of gardening, but doesn't have a lot of follow through--but then most people who work 50-60 hours a week don't have much time to garden!

He did have a veggie garden for the last couple of years that was just a big rectangle that he ran a disk through. It looked pitiful most of the time because he didn't take care of it. I'm taking it over and have a raised bed building project going on in the basement as we speak. (Good thing I use power tools too!!) It is rather ambitious and he is dubious, but I have faith he will come around--especially once it's set up and he can plant whatever he fancies. And yes, it may be a veggie garden but I already have a pair of climbing roses for it!

My husband is a great rose gardening partner. We moved into our current home two years ago and in that time have planted about 109 roses, mostly own root (bands and gallons). He has willingly dug about 75% of the holes (about three holes to my one), amended soil, spread compost, and helped keep the beds free of fallen leaves. He set a goal for himself to remember the names of all of the roses and repeats the names as he remembers them when we take our daily stroll through the garden. He does not miss the chance to tweak me now and then...and often comments as we walk by Wollerton Old Hall, that he likes Wolverton's Old Ball.

After reading your comments, Marianne, I feel very fortunate. I don't understand how a relationship can flourish where the husband is so controlling and unfeeling about his wife's wishes.

My husband has no interest in gardening and yet there would not be a garden without him. He has planted every rose and almost all the companion plants, and all the trees and shrubs, without a single word of complaint. He's always encouraged me to buy roses, no matter what they cost, and has never complained when I've discarded them or given them away. He's moved some roses two or three times, again without a word of complaint. He says that for him the pleasure I derive from the garden is the only thing that matters. He does enjoy the look of the garden and respects my vision for it.

I know this sounds almost too good to be true, but this is the same man who has never asked me to do laundry, cook a meal for him or clean the house. I am one lucky woman.

Ingrid

My "partner" is Sammy, my DYH Amazon parrot. We've been together for almost 17 years -- way longer than any human partner for me. When the weather is nice enough for him, I bring him outside in his smaller cage (he's fully flighted) and let him watch me do yardwork. He loves eating nontoxic flowers and whatever else I find for him. On hot days, he gets a shower from the hose. So I guess you can say "I garden with Sammy".

:-)

~Christopher

This post was edited by AquaEyes on Sun, Dec 14, 14 at 13:30

I wouldn't say my husband is hostile, but he doesn't have any interest in doing gardening. He'll help me if I ask and he does do the lawn (and complains about it). After we had our yard dug up and we have all these nice empty beds, he said he wanted to leave them like that! LOL. He's very anal and likes things clean and plain while I like things a bit wild. We compromised and I promised not to plant anything near the border so it interferes with the mowing.

He does like the roses though and will give some input on colors. And he's buying me a truckload of dirt for Christmas!

My husband has been my champion, my great support and encouragement. He has applauded my over the top ideas and efforts. He's very interested in plants and has learned a great deal about roses. He has a demanding job working as an ICU nurse, but helps out as often as he can. The days when we can work together on a project are always my favorite times. He deserves the "Great Husband of Rosarian" award. My award is him.

My husband is not interested at all in gardening, or even in being outdoors much, so I handle almost all the outdoor chores, including mowing. He'll help if I need it, but his back isn't that good and mine is great. He never says a word about what I spend on the garden, and he's another one who gets pleasure from seeing the joy my garden gives me. He has also come to enjoy it a little for himself and has learned some of the plant names, but mostly he appreciates that it attracts birds, and he really loves watching them. Early in our marriage i discovered that I didn't enjoy a lot of housework chores, whereas he has the kind of personality that finds repetitive chores soothing. In the first week or so, he said he didn't like the way I washed dishes, and took over that job. I liked being outside and didn't mind mowing, so I took that over when we bought our first house. (Let's see - dishes every day, or mowing once a week for 3 months - who got the better deal there?) I think some people may have thought we were nuts, but why should we each do a job we loathe just because it's the expected role for each of us? Almost 40 years later on, I don't think anyone feels that way any more, and I for sure don't care even if they do.

My partner has no interest in gardening or the outdoors whatsoever so I pretty much garden alone. It's fine by me because I get to plant whatever I want and don't need to take his opinion into account.
He does encourage me to get the plants I want which is nice. I am the stingier one out of the two of us so I need that encouragement!

He is willing to help out with things when I ask him to but I do most stuff by myself as I don't like waiting around for him to have the time. He did install an outside tap for me last year which has made life so much easier and he does most of the jobs that require getting up ladders.

So yeah, I'm mostly happy with his involvement or lack thereof. The one thing that makes me a little sad is that he resents watering my plants when I'm away but at least he does it anyway.

The DH makes the greatest contribution of all: he pays the water bill!

He helps out a bit on the irrigation system from time to time, though I have learned now how to do most of it myself. He installed the pressure regulator and check valve for the new drip system on the slope, and made this drip system technical document for me on a piece of official technical document paper:

{{gwi:2121940}}

Otherwise, the garden is my domain.

DH is my chief labor force. He is a uxorious man who invests heavily in pleasing his wife, rather than pursuing hobbies of his own. He never gardened before he met me, but he likes the garden though it doesn't agree his own taste in plants. I think he just likes growth and flowers...living things.
To a considerable extent DH's and my marriage is a partnership in which I come up with projects and he carries them out. He protests, but does the job, and then he likes the results, which of course encourages me to do it all over again. It works pretty well, as DH is strong and energetic and likes to be busy, but doesn't come up with good projects on his own, while I have ideas but not all that much energy.
So all in all we do very well together, in the garden and out of it.
Melissa
P.S. I work a lot in the garden too, of course. DH gets most of the routine chores and the heaviest tasks: mowing, watering, hauling rocks around. We both dig a lot, though DH gets more done. I do almost all the weeding and all the pruning, and I'm the garden designer, though DH will occasionally come home with a plant that I then have to find a place for. He's also been known to plant trees smack in the middle of the tractor road. Still, in garden matters he's pretty close to perfection.

This post was edited by melissa_thefarm on Sun, Dec 14, 14 at 23:57

The short and not quite serious answer is: no, it's my escape from what goes on inside the house!:0 More seriously and at greater length, my husband has back issues which prevent him from taking an active role in digging, etc. Like many men, he is a lawn dude. He'll fertilize those and water as needed, but like so many in SoCal,we have weekly gardeners who do the raking, mowing, manure, etc. (and who will plant or remove roses for the most nominal of fees, and with a smile!) DH does appreciate what I am up to and admires roses on the bush and in the house. I wouldn't want him poring over the DA catalogue, checking out rose web sites, etc. His thing is the sky (telescopes, binoculars, etc.); mine is the earth.
After 29 years of marriage, and a few more of togetherness before that, I'm clearly satisfied with the arrangement.
Sylvia

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 10 years. He believes you should pay someone to garden for you. We both live in separate houses, so he can do what he pleases with his yard.

I remember buying him some day lillies to put in his back yard. I asked him if he had a shovel. He indicated he did. So, against my better judgement, I went without my implements. When I got there, the shovel he pulled out was a snow shovel! In central California, really???

No, a gardener he isn't but he is a wonderful man, kind, generous and loving. That is all I need. He allows me to do my own thing with my garden and comments how beautiful it looks. Doesn't like the bees I attract however. He is from New York city, so I don't mind as I know he doesn't know any better and believes that all earth should be covered with cement and tall buildings. His nickname from me is Nature Boy!

Not just Mr Campanula but the whole bloody lot of them...and now the 3 year old has got into it as well, it has been a mad season of planting (inappropriate) seeds In vast quantity from uncoorrdinated and enthusiastic childish hands. All very well when they had their own gardens...but in the woods, there is intense squabbling as 7 adults (and one small child) attempt to fulfill a vaguely defined communal 'vision' - to make a better woodland - while jealously guarding cherished ideas, methods, themes and styles. plants and other uses of space...Any idea of harmony and serenity has been utterly abandoned although there are alliances and temporary truces where many hands get a job done much better - tree felling and wood-chopping, leaf raking and bulb planting for example...although there has also been unseemly ganging up and propaganda
. I sometimes long for the days when I was matriarch of the plot, sole arbiter of taste and style - not to mention, possessing the imperious pointing finger to be directed at various muscled youths, demanding large holes and nifty timber structures (unlike my own wonky bodges). Nowadays, it's endless arguments about fruit training, 'should we try okra again' (no!) and more demands for (unruly and thuggish) herb borders and experimental wasabi beds (insanity) and foolish permaculture ideas (not a hope - they can hugel elsewhere). The maternal thumb remains undimmed, greener than ever and psychologically on top.

I'm really enjoying reading these responses. It's fascinating to read how different couples manage to make things work. My husband and I both work about equally in the yard, but mostly on different projects. I guess I would say he does more of the "landscaping" while I do more of the "gardening", if that makes any sense. He deals with mowing the lawn, weed whacking, edging, spreading of mulch (although I help with that last part too). I do more of the planning, buying of plants, planting and weeding. We both keep on top of the watering. He tends to prefer a more manicured look, while I like a more cottage garden look, so we try to meet in the middle...or maybe a little bit more on my side :) He really doesn't mind what I plant, although I do sometimes get the "another rose?" comment, when I purchase a new one, but never get the "another hosta?" or "another hydrangea?" comment, even though I have just as many of those too. Strange. Maybe because roses are more prominent in the garden?
-Chris

Hi :)

Although I do not have a partner yet, this really interested me! For two reasons. One, my dad is as described in the first post. and secondly, I wonder if couples do work together!

Personally, I really want my own farm or house with a few acres to garden and its my therapy, my hobby and my life is gradually being taken over by it :) I really hope I can find someone that would compromise and work on gardens together! Especially when it comes to building raised beds and things LOL!

As for my parents, my mom use to do the garden but my dad would get on one of his "garden" kicks and come out and weed out everything without asking and yelling when my mom would say how something was pulled out....Now that I've sorta taken over (my mom has vertigo and hills like ours are not good for her with dizzy spells), it is still much the same way, tho I safeguard every area I do.

Also, he wants to cut down a fruit tree for something else, he does not ask, he just does. I can't even tell you how many times out of carelessness, he comes in from mowing and weed-whacking and has cut back or beaten up a plant because it was in his way and shouldn't be on the lawn part.....Tho we don't use our pool anymore(we def spend more money on chemicals), he will not take it down because "it is his house and not ours." Same thing applies to our flat land which we can not garden on because he likes a big lawn and it should not be ruined! So most of the gardens are on the steep hills LOL

~michael

P.S. Thank you everyone who has given me hope! I believe in compromise or at least where the other partner does not mind the garden even if they don't take much part in it!

In our house I am the head gardener. My husband is in charge of vegetables and his opinion is the deciding factor there. As for ornamental gardening and fruit trees, I will happily plant things he particularly wants or likes but otherwise it is my domain. Of course that means I do most of the work, but I actually prefer it that way.

Expensive items like hardscaping we do decide together.

Rosefolly

Michael,
Look carefully and make sure you find the right partner! The answers on this forum make it clear that couples can garden together happily (or one can take over the garden while the other does different things), but you have to find the person who'll help you, or at least not work against you. I think your projects sound great and wish you luck with them.
I've been lucky that I've never seen the conflicts you describe in my own family, but it comes up in the local farm folk: almost always it's the women who want a little room for some flowers, while the men think flowers or a garden are a waste of time and insist on putting every square meter under the plow. The worst case I heard about was a man who bragged (to my husband) that he poured boiling water over his wife's potted plants. Brute. I would have sued for divorce the next day, Anyway, I wish you luck, and wisdom in picking your partner. It makes all the difference in the world!
Melissa

It seems to me that how someone handles the gardening situation may be a clear indicator of their overall personality. People who ride roughshod over their partner in the garden will no doubt be the same in every other sphere of life. A poor recipe for a harmonious marriage, and depressing to hear about.

Ingrid

Count me in among the folks where there is a mutually agreeable division of labor between me and my husband. Outside, he does the lawn mowing and rakes the leaves, with most of the snow shoveling, and will do occasional trimming. He does carefully avoid plants that spill into the lawn just in case, even though he has instructions from me that it's OK to whack back any of the annuals that spread into the lawn. I think he's not enough of a gardener to recognize what's an annual and what's important, so he prefers to be cautious and keep me happy. What's not to like there?

As for partnering in the garden, I actually relish the "me" time in the garden that would be spoiled by having to talk to someone while gardening, much less negotiating plans. I have a pretty intensive job that taxes my left-brained skills all day long, and I need that "right brain" time to chill out and keep myself balanced in life skills. My DH and the kids are welcome in the yard of course, and they all use it for their own purposes, including water fights and tents and soccer and pretend spaceships that are part of the point of having a yard in the first place. They are almost entirely at the appreciation level as far as the garden goes, although my son is getting an interest in vegetables and occasional pruning tasks lately.

What I value as much as anything is their enjoyment of the yard as a whole. They can't tell me how much better "Reine des Violettes" is doing than last year, or how surprised they are that "Souvenir de la Malmaison" has survived the winter, but that's what all of you are for as a support group. Instead, they like "those pretty flowers" over there, or my husband will comment on how nice the flowers in a particular area look and hazard a guess that they might be roses (the odds are good). All he's asked is that I keep the front yard relatively tidy and not take up all the lawn in the sidewalk median, and that's not too much to ask. He'd clearly rather there were fewer prickly branches around the house, for maintenance as well as ease of movement, but the house doesn't need all that much so it's not as big a hassle as it might be for him.

All together, I don't think our styles would work together if we tried to garden together anyway. I'm a planner and I keep track of lists and think ahead of multiple possible options, even though I'm a "plopper" at heart when it comes to planting time. He tends to be right brained in how he approaches a task, often watching and pondering it for some time before he acts on it. It's perfectly fine to garden and do many other things that way, it's just that we would have opposing approaches to tasks. We work together fine as far as mutual decisions go with the household, kids, plans, activities, etc. After 20 years+ we've more than learned to appreciate and take advantage of each others' strengths, and allow for differences in priorities and approaches where we differ.

We're both happy and feel appreciated, yet relish the freedom in our respective hobbies. It works for us!

Cynthia

People say that Gary and I are inseperable. That goes for gardening also. We wouldn't have it any other way. Especially when some glacial rock has to be moved to expand one of the flower beds. God bless him and John Deere tractors.

This is interesting reading the responses. I hope my fiance and I will work in the yard well together. Or at least he does his things and just leave me be and I'll do mine. He does all the mowing now. This is my first place of my own and I was so happy to have a Zinnia flower bed even if it was rather small. I am more freestyle and would love to just have Zinnias or place for wildflowers. I think he likes uniformity. He commented tonight he would like something 'arranged' with smaller flowers in front etc. This is an old post but it just helps to get this frustration out. I think he just likes things straight and in order. But my flower bed?? I can't convey to him how much joy they bring me. I just don't think he understands it all. We will just have to figure this out

Good luck to you, tmsouth1!.

As my grandmother said about my grandfather, "He does what I tell him." (She said this to the Dept of Motor Vehicles when they wanted to take away Grandpa's license- he was in his 90s and getting a bit forgetful. He would say, while driving, "Where are we going, Ev?") But seriously, I want to please him and plant things that he likes, such as red roses. He loves our garden and is very helpful with watering the things in pots. We both marvel at the beauty of the flowers.