I am the adult kid here (scary, ha) with a 16 month old and I didn't have a job to go back to after maternity leave with no prospects (I'm an architect and 80% of architects in my county are currently laid off) so things are a bit tight here as well and I am doing the handmade/homemade gift thing as well. Both of my nieces have their ears pierced so they are getting a hand painted and lined jewelry box and an inexpensive pair of earrings for christmas and my parents/inlaws are getting a book of photos of our son (blurb.com allows you to publish "real" nice quality books and I have been working on it on and off for nearly a year adding photos as I get them - this one covers just his first year). That's about it. My parents are financially much better off than we are. We moved back to a very high cost of living area and purchased a house about a year before the height of the market and now I'm laid off whereas my dad is retired with a very nice pension and my mom bought her company a few years ago and is doing well with it and they are VERY generous with us. If the situation ever flips - well let's put it this way, there is no way I'd spend money on an expensive trip while my parents were living out of a crock pot because they could not afford a new stove! (though I would not get them a Wolf). I say as a parent you need to listen to your instinct. When we make sacrifices for our children it's because it feels right and because we want them to have a good life. It sounds like you have given them a good start to a good life and they are not babies anymore. You do what makes you feel right... and my parents are pretty tight-lipped about what they do for each sibling because frankly it's no one's business except the people actually involved. I think this is a good policy - your other kids do not need to know if you are helping out one of your kids who needs it more. JMHO - and it should not be part of gifts, just something you do because you can (no raiding your own retirement fund because then the burden will be on your kids to take care of you LATER) and want to. As far as gifts, I urge you to sit down and think about what would make YOU feel good to give them. I'm sure there are things you can come up with that don't cost a lot of money. If it's just about the money making you feel good then you should probably reevaluate what the holidays are to you. There is a LOT in between "socks n underwear" and giving an extravagant gift you cannot afford.

Sippimom, our kids are 22 and almost 18 and we did an all cash Christmas (much to their delight) plus stocking stuffers of course, last year. My husband joked that I was mixing up my holidays when I told him we were going to do all cash and hide it around the house...like Easter eggs and the kids would have to find it on Christmas morning! On Christmas Eve, we went around the house and made a list in case we forgot where we had hidden the envelopes. The kids loved it and then they were able to go purchase what they wanted and get some great after Christmas sales, so they got even more for their money. My father once wrapped about 100 smaller boxes and put them in one large box the year he gave my mother an expensive watch. She had to open a LOT of boxes until she finally found the one that held the watch. Good luck, we are trying to figure out another fun way to give our kids cash, can you explain the money puzzle idea a little more please? Kat :)

I am probably going to get a boo or hiss but I am not sure why a sane ex-wife couldn't attend her ex-husbands funeral. Remember at one time there was enough love to marry and create a family. I think there may be much more to the Kasem story then we are privy to. I am sure I am not the only one who is on both sides of the wife thing. Now that my children are adults and my ex's SK's are adults finances are really getting diverted. At least with child support my kids were getting some thing. My ex is the main bread winner in his home. She stopped working as soon as she could. My children raised by me are very independent and financially secure. Her children are not. They are now "helping" hers out. I know if my ex dies before her my children will not see a Penny. Do not get me wrong, I expect her to live off their accumulated funds but I suspect my kids will be out of the will and all the money go to her children. I fortunately, do not have any of those issues with my SK. It was not so years ago though. The issue was not with SK but mom not having enough money and backing out of things all the time. I for one love that my SK is an adult and I love the time we spend together. Once a parent though always a parent and there will always be reasons for interaction.

Lest I sound like the craziest mother on the planet for the timing of this move. We discussed and encouraged DS to take a gap year and either travel with us, or go off on his own (this is not a new idea for him- I have always liked the concept and encouraged him to consider it before) the answer from him has always been the same though- no thank you. DS is in a huge rush to become an engineer- he was born that way. Also, I had always encouraged DS to go to school on the East Coast. This idea had very little to no appeal to him. DS loves traveling the world, but when it comes to the US, he loves Northern California best of all. East Coast schools were back ups should he not have gotten into his first choice (which he was admitted to early decision.) We have kept the house in the very same town DS will go to school in and it will be occupied by our housekeeper and our cockatiel. In addition I am planning on having the kitchen remodeled, so I will have an excuse to visit every month. However, I am very sure I am not the person he will be missing the most- that distinction will be held by DS2 who is only one year behind and working very hard to get into the same school. Frosh orientation begins Spt. 19. The brothers (DS 2-4) have a two week fall break around Halloween, so perhaps a long weekend in SF could be arranged- if that seems like a good idea we could absolutely do that. And then we will spend Thanksgiving in NYC all together- and then there are three weeks for Christmas and so on and so forth. The last mitigating circumstance is that DS has a very close relationship with a professor at the school already - I am pretty sure they will see each other at least weekly at Mass (this prof. was DS's Confirmation sponsor.) Thank you so much sheesh and Kim for your kind and thoughtful feedback. Kim, I am very grateful to you for your offer of help.