Hi Len,
I am sorry to hear how things have turned out for you at the moment and hope there is an improvement in your wife's health very soon. There are a lot of different chat rooms out there - not that I have any personal experience to suggest any in particular. I think doing a search or two would be a good idea. I think Marion has said most of what I'd want say. I can imagine what an enormous wrench it would be, especially for someone like yourself, who is obviously so passionate about his garden. You have always been a very active member of this forum with numerous contributions over the years and I feel we ought to be able to help in some way Len. If you have to move then I think you have to try and remain positive and think about it as another chapter, another opportunity. Easy to say not so easy to do, I realise! I hope things improve for the better soon. I'll happily exchange some e-mails with you Len if you'd like to, though my friends will agee that I'm not always the fastest to respond!
Take care
Cheers Jan

thank you all for all the positive thoughts and suggestions.

i can get all the councelling i want/need so long as i can get into town (30k away), the help i get each fortnight came with suggestions i am not in the shire of the town they work from (my shire has absolutely nothing) and distance from town (again 30k). tried all charities the ones who regularly hold out their hand or seek donations, no joy there.

the town doesn't have anything unless you can get there maybe.

searched all chat rooms (yahoo/icq + others msn want a fee), related to gardening or general nothing there that amounts to meaningfull rivetting chat that doesn't drift into smut.

even the respite care people who drive me to the shops can't help they have rung around town asked the leader of one well known religous based association but they haven't even bothered to ring me, and when i phoned them early up they had absolutely no help or suggestions to offer.

this may seem a little selfish but not looking for support groups related to my darlings health problem looking to break the isolation and lonelyness, after all in the end i need to remain lucid sort of i think?

guess there are lots of lessons here for those considering moving to rural hey, how nice the land looks or it's price is not the only concern. actually had one person say to me when i told them "no there isn't any public transport out here" their response "why would someone move to where there isn't any public transport?" guess my crystal ball was broken at the time hey lol?

just in case i am on msn messenger

thanks all

len

Hey! I live in a town without public tranport, only school buses. I believe that vandalism led to its demise. Luckily my daughter also moved here. It's only 5k to the town centre, but a good walk and it's about $9 taxi fare home. Having lived in and out of many small towns in south west WA, I know too well the difficulty getting help when you need it. Luckily I have never needed it desperately when I lived well out of towns. Had anything happened to my ex, I do not even drive!! Pity there is not a- email/video link set up for people like you in the country. Badly needed. All I can do is join the others in praying for you and your wife.

How about if we all or at least some of us can email Len every other day so he has at least some contact with the "outside" world and doesn't feel so alone?

Len, maybe it would be a good idea to let folk know your email address so they can add it to their contacts if they are on messenger....

Cheryl.

Len,
I'm sorry to hear about your wifes illness, and I'm sorry to hear about your present circumstances.

I know the feeling of loneliness - since I separated from my husband, I have the same problem - it is now 7.30 at night, I've put the 2 little ones to bed, in another 1/2 hour I'll put the 2 big ones to bed.... and I'm here on the net doing the same thing as you....looking for someone to chat with. Email me!!!!

We can compare tryffid comfrey notes!

Trina

Len , I know roughly the area you are in , hang in there mate . Funny was just thinking about you as I pulled a few Chempadek seeds out of my pocket when i got back from 'work' . One of the forums I really enjoy is a tropical garden nuts board of people who have been kicked of the tropical forum in America , cannot send you a link as i am using a new laptop while my regular PC is fixed . Maybe Allison will send you a link and you can look . I have put a few mates from around the world onto it , and i really enjoy reading the posts there . One mate from Guatemala writes very well about his trips into the jungle , and often has very amazing pictures from his jaunts .. hey how did you go with the Kwai Muk seeds I sent last year ? just had another crop , and they were not as sweet as last year ..

hello again to all,

the best people hang out in this forum no doubt.

to trina & aroidiana please send me an e/mail when you can aroideana i had no luck with those kwai muk seeds, but then i'm not real flash at germinating maybe if you could send me some more i can have another go?

so once again tahnk you all very much for ersponding and yes feel free to e/mail me

len

mail len

lens garden page

Hi there Len,
Do hope you're having a good day today. Isn't it wonderful how people have responded to your query? I do think there is a true camaraderie amongst gardeners everywhere.
Dee.

yes dee,

they are a great mob

len

Dear Len,
Well I have never been a chat-group person, real-time, I mean. So don't know any sources myself.
GW is pretty much "home" to me, I've met some terrific people here.
The forum Michael mentioned, I'll send the link.
Please come over to the "conversations" section of this forum, it's intended for a LITTLE non-gardening chat. Sometimes there are terrific puzzles and funny stories. It's been a bit slow, we might belt it up a bit.
I don't think I've fully understood your situation description, but can sympathise with the loneliness as I juggle house, garden , and work and carer with only a little bit left over for me sometimes.
However I don't feel inclined to share some bits with the whole world, a private chat group would be nice, I know a few in similar circumstances.
Alison

thanks alison,

got the link and sent you an e/mail

len

Sorry to hear about your troubles Len, loneliness can grind you down; especially if you need to present a positive side to a loved one.
The one and only time I looked in on a chat room and got the one word *ok* response I was out of there. I see Google has groups now but haven't spent time checking their activity levels.
Trying to find where you mentioned messenger; I'll email you my hotmail address if you'd like to add me for a contact. Though I think I'm pretty boring :)

Wishful
All the best to you and your brood; hope the vegies are bountiful this winter.

Cheers
Rose

Yes Len - I agree that you need to remain clear thinking through all this. Have you looked into carers? When dad was home in the last stages of his cancer, Mum had respite care twice a week, where someone came and sat with Dad, while Mum had a rest, or went shopping, etc. It worked out to about 6 to 8 hours a week. You may be able to get this support if your wife needs to be supervised for periods of time, while you get out and do shopping, play sport, or just get out in the garden.
You don't mention your wifes condition - does she have altzheimers - where she is gradually needing more and more supervision? There are also facilities where sufferers can go in to daycare, for 1/2 to 1 days per week, and in increasing amounts until they require full time care.
I dont think it is at all selfish to try and find time for yourself in amongst the stress. You are no good to your wife if you don't take care of your own health - meantal, physical, and dietary.
I always maintained that my ability to cope with bringing up 6 children - 3 of my own, and 3 step children, was my ability to switch out their needs for a period of time each day, and to not loose sleep worrying about minor or major problems. It doesn't mean you care any less - you can give more if you actually have something left to give :-)
Keep open the lines of communication, but also look into hobbies that might keep you occupied if you are having to be at home for longer periods. Perhaps online games - scrabble, chess, etc.

Take care!
Cheers, Jan

g'day rose,

yes please e/mail your hotmail addy, and i will gladly add you and i have never had dull chat yet and don't anticipate any hey lol.

jan,

she has a cyst growing on her brain, so at this stage doesn't need are beyond being close to her doctors at present.

not much into hobbies or games on the computer or online do like heaps of e/mail or chat contact. not much to do outside now that it is winter.

thanks

len

Len , all the KwaiMuk have finished a few weeks ago , I have put some seed down myself this time and if any come up I will set some aside for you . also have some fresh seeds of another unusual fruit from sth america , Eugenia stipitata or ariza' . Very sour fruit , but the juice makes a very tasty cordial with heaps of sugar . Alison got some seeds , she can't help herself sometimes ;-)
Winter is slowly starting up here , finally dragged out the doona . Funny thing but its usually winter that i start wearing shorts , must wear long pants to keep the dreaded mossies at bay all summer , but after the first few cold days , the whinning little buggers seem to dissapear.
Have to laugh when i get visitors to the flower farm , and they see me with jeans and a long sleeved shirt in the middle of summer . they ask why are you over dressed
, I just stand there and not say a thing until they start swatting all the mossies , I smile and say 'thats why'

Len - I've emailed you

Rose! hello! I have to confess, I've dropped the bundle big time - the garden has gone to wrack and ruin ( it got terribly neglected from Christmas on, not watered etc, and as most things were not even a year old, I've lost heaps - the vege garden is a mess). I've started again in the front yard - there wasn't much out there except one lonely snowflake bush I planted this time last year.... it was in the first bed I made with layers of pony poo, newspapers etc, and very well mulched with lucerne, so obviously the roots had plenty of opportunity, even given the complete neglect and lack of water over our long hot dry summer. This bush is now AMAZING - only about 1.2m high in the middle, but easily 2m in diameter - a perfect white dome shape - and has been flowering now for over a month, and still going strong - not at all sparse or weedy looking. So I've scavanged/begged as many council rates notices as I could to get the free trees, and I've recently planted about 2 dozen different drought tolerant natives in the front yard, courtesy of the Brisbane City Council. And spread a pile of newspaper 1m high, and 10 bales of lucerne... so now all I need is some stones for a path (and maybe some tan bark to cover the hay) and I'll have a 'real' front garden LOL!

how is your pigeon pea mulch going?

thanks aroideana,

while i am here i would appreciate some seeds as you can get any even if i don't plant them here i have friends near by who will appreciate the food trees.

i have been planting a few native seeds of late and my success rate is on the improve, learning things to do to pretreat seeds etc.,. so my seed raising green thumb is on the improve not great but on the improve.

take care

len

Morning Len, thought I was up pre-dawn, but no.
Trouble with winter, just as the days cool down and the humidity drops, the dam' things get shorter. Like today: 87 yo mum came back to Mackay for 2 days to do the rounds of the rellies. Borrowed her rechargeable chainsaw to crawl inside an overgrown whitefly infested hedge and get radical. The thing was allowed to flop on the garden shed for shade and it's sneakily taken root on its leaf litter. Anyway, those two kinds of activities are mutually exclusive as mother dear isn't using her years of driving experience in town :) Not in my car :)

hey wishful, your front yard sounds a treat!
Everytime I drive past a cockyapple tree I look for fruit/ seeds...how else do they make baby c.a. trees?? You'll have the *most organic matter* in the suburb prize when that lot rots down. The pigeon pea goes from strength to strength, it went quite ballistic in the vege garden when I turned my back. But it's easy to tame. Might just get in quick before the seeds ripen. We rehabilitated the sloping nature strip, SO wanted colour. He got colour, I don't think there will he a pic on the gallery any time soon, unless it's for the poor taste prize. For mulch there was 2 bales of grassy hay...and the pigeon pea, broken by hand as the mulcher has gone huffy again. And just for fun I dumped half a feed bag of old pp seed...it all came up! How does pp stir fry sound? I know, mum can test taste it!

One? of the US forums does a journal post; pple post as frequently as they want....what do you all think? Maybe on the conversations side....

Cheers, everybody
Rose

Hi Len - what about a blog? It's a bit too high tech for me - but I think you get to post about what ever you want and people who read it can email you.

Alternatively, you can post a subject on whatever you like here and we can follow up. I have to say, the threads here have been a bit slow of late, so you may be able to give the place a bit of a boost.

How was your day today and what do you have planned for the weekend?

We bought two mini ghost gums (we will now have 10 eucs in our backyard, we only have a quarter acre !! - we will have 2 jarrahs, 3 torquatas, 4 leucoxylon rosea, 1 ficifolia and 2 ghost gums). We also have to plant out our crab apple (already have one in the front). I think we've over planted ...

g'day agnes,

ok what is 'blog'? i've probably heard it before but right now the mind is bogged down.

had a great day one of the oz forum poster and her hubby visited me we had a great chat, i was able to show them around the place shared lunch very nice day indeed, took away a lot of loneliness had a pretty long sleep period last night no feeling of being down a very up day. amazing hey what good company can do for others when they have a need.

sounds like you have a very busy back yard hope these trees are the smaller varieties of euc's?

i have been visiting a local friend/family on most saturday morning for a couple of weeks now so that helped fill some of saturday but that is off for this saturday, so the weekend is just another 2 days of the week around here, something to get through as best as possible. i have some more messnger contacts so hoping i can be online when they are and get some long chats going.

everyone here has been fantastic.

len

>For mulch there was 2 bales of grassy hay...and the pigeon pea, broken by hand as the mulcher has gone huffy again

Rose, apart from the really thick branches (which I didn't dare risk) we found that the lawn mower handles pigeon pea really easily.

Hi len!! (what am I doing on the forum when I should be packing...), excuse me while I reply to Pam :)

Pam, that thought occurred to me, I used to mow over fiddlewood leaves. Now the mower has gone rank; died without much warning at all yesterday while doing what passes for a lawn at DH's w'place. He geeed up the staff to say buy a new one, but this one owes me...it's on its third handle, and second other body part, and it's only 12 years old. Favourite repair shop told me they are booked out until 22 June; mower still sitting in back of ute waiting for a destination.

Glad to hear you had some great interactions, len; we'll have a chat next week.
Rose

wow is all i can say the responses are fantastic and still coming the milk of human kindness and caring shines through.

len

Hope you are still reading this, Len...
This is what I have been up to the past few days or so, got this far today but had to pop out and get more plants. Raining now so have knocked off for the day. Still got a good few days work to do in this area which is my new clothes drying area...no more bird droppings on my laundry..:) Looks a bit different to the photo I sent you the other day, doesn't it...gee...I sure hope you think it does...:)

Cheryl.

{{gwi:2112748}}

wow that looks great cheryl,

you have done lots since the last pic i saw.

good to hear you are getting some rain we had a shower last night ourselves.

len

Hi Len .. what you need to do is to belong to a number of message boards, miles better than chat rooms. They work much the same as this forum - your brilliant ripostes stay forever - only they're of a general nature, rather than gardening.

My two favourites are Nomads of Chit Chat - http://groups.msn.com/nomadsofchitchat

And The Angel Inn - http://groups.msn.com/TheAngelInn - click on Messages on both. You need to join to contribute and all newbies are very welcome.

Topsi, who contributes here, also belongs to both. We love it, you can pop in any time, post or not .. or just lurk for a look see.

Give it a try, I'm sure you'll enjoy them. They're both based in Australia.

g'day jennie,

i have both those icons on my desktop now so will be perusing them further as i go along.

ta

len

Hi Len, how are you and your wife today? I truly hope that you both feel better soon.
I spend a lot of time at home on my own too, it can send you nuts. Friend of mine has been known to verbally abuse the lettuce! They died not long after. I'm not new to gardening but I'm new to the concept of keeping plants alive which has fuelled my enthusiasm.
It's great when things come together and you find a new interest.
Hope all goes well and I lokk forward to news on your wife.

thanks ree ree,

we are both as well as can be at present, um not into abusing me vege's well not yet anyway hey lol i talk nice to them so they grow fast and produce. yes being alone at home can be very difficult moer so for me as i live in rural and there is almost nil human contact, the neighbours all keep to themselves.

i have had some very good responses from this forum visiting some new places now to chat on forums, offers of accomodation in brissy & visits by some it's been real great.

but i still need to try and get more who want to send regular e/mails or arrange chatting on msn messenger when we are online at the same time.

len

Iam so glad that our gardenlen is not as alone as he first thought he might be.
I hope things improve for you .Lots of love from Calthrop

thank you calthrop,

i have had a very good response from this group i do welcome all and any chat or e/mails from anyone who reads this post.

take care

len

Hang in there old son, you sound a top bloke,we are thinking of you in WA

Fred

thanks fred,

len

Hi Len,
Both my husband and myself have been through life-threatening illness. We had family and friends close at hand all the time. It helped us enormously. I can't even begin to imagine how hard it is for you in such an isolated situation. Our thoughts are with you as you battle through this! I have been so impressed with the responses to your plight. It really warms my heart! Be strong and think positive thoughts. I truly wish you all the best,
Cheers,
Dee.

thank you dee,

yes i would much rather be in the suburbs right now at the very least i'd have neighbours and society in general and some where to walk to all sorts of things that just aren't here, including being much much closer to family.

len

Hi Len,
I haven't been visiting gardenweb as much as I used to (I'm obsessed with ebay at the moment) ... Have you checked it out? Everything to buy there (even "window shopping" is fun!) - it's amazing what people buy & sell. It's a different world and there's plenty to discover. There is chat there too on different topics, if there is anything you are interested in (I'm into collectables). There is worldwide ebay too ...
Another reason I've been off the gardenweb forums too has been the weather - and here in Brisbane we've had some poor attempt at water restrictions recently introduced. My garden is looking awful. Coming up to it's worst time of year ...
Anyhow, I read your original post a while ago and have been trying to think of some contructive suggestions to contribute.
I have always wanted to live "out a bit" rather than in the suburbs, but the lack of amenties/medical treatment etc etc has been a thought.
Suburban living does not guarantee you any less loneliness - neigbhours have their own lives. I have rental properties on both sides and there are fights, obscenities, loud music, etc etc at all hours of the day and night - this wouldn't be a good situation for you to find yourself in either. And they'd be the last people I'd want to talk to.
This is just my situation at the present and I know most neighbours are fine, and I do understand that there would be more opportunity for interaction in suburbia (libraries, community groups etc).
This might seem like a stupid question Len, but, have you thought about learning to drive? I know this costs money and cars are an ongoing cost too. I don't know how old you are but age shouldn't be a deterent. I know a lady whose husband had a stroke and she has recently got her driver's license - she's in her late 70's. It would give you an interest and a lot of independence (even if you could occassionally borrow a car rather than buy one). Is is possible to take driving lessons in the area where you live?
Another idea - have you thought about a penpal (or penpalS)? Except they're not called penpals when you send emails instead of letters. I don't know of any specific sites to point you in the right direction, but a while back my daughter was trying to get some online pals from other countries. You might be able to connect up with others in a similar situation to yourself in remote areas in Australia, or even in different countries. Not sure how you'd find out more, maybe a google search?
Best of luck anyhow Len.

sent you an e/mail amelie,

len

Hi Len,

I haven't been on the web site for months and when i read your posting I felt really proud to be able to call myself a gardener (of 30 plus years and still forever learning). The compasion, understanding and thoughtfulness of all the replies to your email is quite touching and I get the feeling that maybe some of us here are "loners" either by circumstances or choice. I agree with one of the above posts about the "company" that can be found in more populated areas, and after growing up in the country in tassie and now living in Brisbane I can definately say i have felt much more lonely in a city full of people than i ever have standing in a paddock surrounded by nothingness.
The human spirit thrives on contact with like minded souls and I know that there a plenty of those out here for you. I admire your strength and determination to establish some outside interests just for yourself. My Husband works abroad in Afghanistan and I am constantly trying to keep myself upbeat and lively when we manage to talk, which can be a trial when you are the only adult left to deal with the day to day events, or non-events !!!! I wish for your wife to be pain free and for you to take the strength from all your caring, loving and understanding friends here, and if that sounded a little too "deep" just remember what a mad-capped, hair brained and funny lot we gardeners are. Amanda.

thank you amanda,

yes there are lots of lonely people around, maybe we should all be chatting with each other as pen pals through e/mails, so feel free to include me on your list of contacts i welcome as many e/mails as others will send also available for chat on msn messenger when we are online at the same time.

chat again real soon

len

mail len

lens garden page

Hi Len,
I thought I would catch up on this thread and see how you are doing. I do hope everything is going alright for you. How is your wife doing? My thoughts are with you both.
Cheers,
Dee.

things not changed terribly much, still in need of pen pals for e/mails or messenger chat when and if we happen to be online at the same time or if time permits.

there is no cure or repair for what my wife has we just have to live with it.

thanks all

len

Hi Len,
I'm sorry to hear that. I was hoping that perhaps there could have been some improvement. I am sure it is not an easy time for you both.
Good thoughts your way,
Cheers,
Dee.

Another idle thought Len ... there are lots of courses out there - have you considered the possiblilty of keeping your mind active through some kind of study? There are numerous courses that can be completed online. I don't know a great deal about them but I think you get to discuss course work with a tutor. TAFE may be able to point you in the right direction. There may be less formal study options available too. Of course costs may be a deterent ... may be worthwhile investigating.
Another thought ... have you considered taking up something like painting or drawing? You will need some equipment but you might find it a good hobby and not taxing physically but may be helpful in those lonely times - it's a solitary pursuit anyhow and can be a good emotional release. Can't paint? Yes you can!!!!!

g'day amelie,

i plan on doing courses fully funded by centre link when i get back to brisbane but criteria for doing courses won't allow for that now and money is very very tight.

painting was way way back in primary school so go to say at this time mind is saturated with many things so at present painting might be out of the question.

ta

len

Len, I do hope your wife is comfortable for your peace of heart.
It is always sad to have your mate on the not well list.
Here in Rockhampton area, and I guess all areas, there are groups like 60"s and better and the University of the 3rd Age which is great if you want to learn different things and join in with others in similar situations.
They have little trips away too that are quite cheap.
Don't be scared away by the University bit as they have gardening, painting and computer courses for everyone.
Marion

g'day marion,

she is quiet comfortable her problem causes more confoundment to her at present as she is still in denial so isn't prepared to look at her own situation and work out the organic causes for her stresses and strains.

i wouldn't be shy to attend a university or anywhere for that matter introverted isn't one of my fortes chuckle, just where i am here it is very isolated and there is no way i can get into town to do anything. there simply isn't any help for people like myself in rural areas.

that i was able to get someone to pick me up once a fortnight to do grocery shopping took a lot of doing, my main push has been trying to get e/mail pen pals or msn chatters to fill those hours.

at present my mind is on bev a lot of the time, and our main aim is to sell our place so i can be closer to her, so my head is pretty full of all that for now just need to fill the many lonely hours i guess.

thanks to all her for the very many suggestions.

len

Hello there Len,
Just checking in to see how things are.
I am pleased to see that others are doing the same.
Just checking in on a mate.
regards sarah

thanks sarah,

the status quo is still pretty much the same, my wifes condition is unlikely to change well for the better anyway.

still solo in the bush and trying to sell so if anyone knows of ways i can get the sale of the property noticed all suggestions gratefully accepted. i have it with agents and online on some free sites i found (no money for pay sites).

len

len
just wondering....if a notice in Grassroots magazine would be any good for your marketing.
Rose

g'day rose,

as we discussed on messenger chat it turns out a pretty expensive ad' basically got to look for freebies right now.

len