"just because it is colder in Iowa doesn't mean it is colder everywhere else." Oh, How true. March 8th my wife and I left Iowa for an extended stay in Florida to try and get warm. Eastern Iowa had been in a cycle of Rain, Ice, Snow every 3-4 days since before Christmas. We just wanted to go south and get warm!!! We hit tennessee day after they got smashed by a blizzard. Went on to Gatlinburg, there it was 50-55. Went to Savanah Ga. It was 60 and rain there. Went down to Venice Fl. 60 and high wind. Couldn't dive because water was so turbulent you couldn't see your guages. Ft. Lauderdale and Deerefield Beach wind off the ocean was 40+ mph and temp not above 60 or so. Went over to Freeport Grand Bahamas for 6 days. Temp never got above 65 most of the time it was 50-55 and rain 4 days out of 6 it rained and had high wind. Tryed diving one morning and the waves came up so badly once we were out and underwater, the dive master came down and called us in and it was almost impossible to get back on the boat as the boat was rocking in 6-8' seas. 21 days gone and only a couple of them did we see 70+ temps. Got back to Iowa and we went right back into the winter rain ice snow cycle and we are still in it right now minus the snow. Still cold enough to freeze outside some nights yet. I just want to be warm. I will gladly put up with 90+ temps and 90% humidity. I am tired of being cold. I would like to break a sweat for a change. Of course the old saw still applies: "A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still" Here is a link that might be useful: For those who wish to keep the debate going, ample fuel here!!!

How much moisture is in the house? It sounds like your humidity is way too high. Do you run a de-humidifier anywhere ? the moisture on the hardwood is most likely caused by the window condensation running off the windows. If you have this much condensation on your windows you need to remove moisture from you house. This will also help with the must smell. Before you get too upset I would look into this first. If you have fixed the leak and reduce the moisture in your house this should get rid of the mold. Mold needs moisture to live. Also, this may sound stupid but make sure that the smell isn't coming from your clothes washer basin. If you keep the lid closed after doing laundry this can make the washer stink because it never dries out. This happened to us and it STINKS really bad. I ran a hot water cycle with bleach to kill the bacteria and mold in the washer and now we leave the lid open all the time and haven't had a problem since. -renee

As usual, Sweeby has said what I am thinking. Do you plan to have children with his man, considering his lack of parenting skills? There are multiple issues to be dealt with here, and I don't think 3 weeks can even break the shell. I'm not saying jump ship, I'm saying that if you are making a lifetime commitment THIS is what you are committing to - the situation as it stands now. By saying I do you are saying you accept things as they are. What strong motivation for change is there when the ink is already dry on the marriage license? You may think change will still come, and it may, but the urgency is gone. In a man's view you've already accepted the 'terms' of the deal so now you have to deal with them. As for the terms of the deal - there are several to be addressed. Problems with the man and problems with your attitude toward the child. 1) You have denied many times, and I feel you believe your words, that you do feel SS is a not primary member of the family. I understand things were better before, something changed; they've gone downhill, but as a step mom and a step child reading your words I see between the lines to what you are conveying without writing it. He is a distraction from the life you pictured with this man you love. I get that - I've been there. BUT - this child is his life, convenient or not. If you have to force him into the 'picture' there is something wrong with your 'camera.' It's been said many times - this boy is your present and future as much as he is his dad's. From their perspective you are being 'forced' into their picture. 2) You can't force a child to feel at home anywhere, you are right. You can make him feel welcomed, loved, included and wanted though. He will feel how he wants about each house, but wouldn't it make you feel good to know you provide an atmosphere that he is comfortable enough in to call home? You don't get off the hook by saying 'He's not going to feel at home so sleepovers aren't needed.' That's HIS call. Respect him enough to let him decide where his comfort level is. If at 12 he doesn't want them any more as you did so be it. 3) You can not EVER be the judge of what time FDH and FSS need together. Every relationship is different and there is no set rule to what a person 'needs.' It sounds like FDH would like to have every day with his child, so how can anything less than that be enough for him? Just because you find it sufficient doesn't mean they do. To try to put restrictions on that is only asking from resentment from them both. Now the man ~ 1) COMMUNICATION. You just need some, and fast. I think communication levels stem from respect levels, so this is a huge red flag to me. Time to find out why his respect for you has lessened so drastically. What happened in his mind . . . or is it once he 'won you over' his true colors came out? I think you need to know this before you say I Do. 2) He is disrespectful, no two ways about it. You have every right to be involved in the planning of your household. There is no reason he couldn't call you to say 'DS has a game tonight. Do we have plans - I'd like to go. Would you like to come along?" Perhaps a solution for this would be to get a schedule from the coach for the season and put it on the fridge. Better yet, get a calendar and put them on there. Then also put the nights you have book club, or dinner with Sue and Joe. Then if you have a conflict, it's time for the compromising Ceph outlined. 3) Disneyland Dad. That's gotta stop. I know before my DH got custody we both had a tendency to try to have all good times, but that's just not realistic. All it does is set a child up with an unrealistic expectation of life. What about if you two have a child? How will he discipline that kid and not his son? This will open up a can of worms you won't want to deal with. I would think long and hard about this before even considering children with him. 4) He will have to give his ex some 'say' as to what happens in your house as she has custody and the final say since there is not formal parenting plan. This does not mean FDH can't put in his own 2 cents as well, but I'm here to tell you that this is unavoidable. She will be a part of your life and its best you come to terms with that now. Even as the wife of the CP who has raised my SD since she was 5 we bend and twist around the ex. Your gut twists too, but you learn to cope. . . . or you don't and it eats you up. Their family may be gone as you said, but their mutual obligation to their son isn't. 5) Time off with son. This is a hard one as I go both ways. I don't think FDH should be told he can't take time off with his son, but I also understand you are excited about this marriage and want to celebrate that on a honeymoon with your new husband. Perhaps if cash is such an issue now you take a mini honeymoon for half the planned time and then do something with FSS for a day or two> In a year when the finances settle down take a honeymoon for your first anniversary. I understand YOU want this trip, but what does FDH want? Compromise . . . Whew. Time to get back to work. Food for thought . . . .

An expensive one. LOL. Seriously,you will find yourself replacing one of the $300 big box washers on a routine basis in an operation like yours. Their pump can't be rebuilt and a new pump costs as much as a complete washer on sale. I like "Cat" pumps for all the things that are expected from quility products plus their customer service department is secound to non. Don't overlook possability of a pto driven pump set up similar to an orchard sprayer with a 250 tot sitting on a hay fork or trailer. That will free you from a garden hose if alot of your cleaning chores require dragging a bunch of hose. Less than $1k will buy a kick butt pump,gun,hose,nozzle and pto coupler. Another $300 buy's another gun,hose,twin quick connectors and nozzles so that two people can team up as needed plus you have spares when somebody loses or run's over something. There are other good ones along with Cat at Northern Tool if you want to compare side by side. I consider Northstar to be worth what you pay if cost is a factor. Again,be sure rebuild kits are sold for whatever you choose. You don't need to keep a kit on hand since one can be ordered online and overnighted in an emergency. One final thought in case you arn't aware. Many people subject washers to more wear,tear and stress by laying gun down while they piddle with something else than the wear created while actually in use. While the trigger is not pulled is really hard on the pump,largely due to heat built by high pressure and no incoming water to help cool.