1. Be someone trustworthy. In ALL areas. In love, in finances, etc. 2. Cover each others back. In other words, that you both know without a shadow of a doubt, that your spouse believes in you and will stand up for you. 3. Do the small things for each other that tell each other they matter. Greet them with a big smile when they come home. Sew on a button. Bother to make dinner special. Tell each other how much you appreciate them, and that you value them (tell them what it is you value about them)! Let them know that you also appreciate what they do for the family. 4. Be willing to bite your tongue and let things slide......................................once in awhile. Extend grace where you can. 5. Be able to forgive and move on. 6. Try your best not to badmouth each others family. It only makes everyone defensive. We all have flaws. 7. Do not join into "husband bashing" with your friends or family...I see women do this all the time. It is extremely disloyal (would you like your DH sitting around with all the men you know telling them awful things about you? Then don't do it to to him!!! Besides, for those of you who indulge in this past time, keep in mind that it tells other women that things aren't so perfect between you two, and lets another woman know she may be able to squeeze in. Because she won't believe all the bad things you tell her, regardless of what she says. Why, because women think that "she can change him". 8.Be each others biggest fan. Encourage one another. Ask about each others day, and actually listen and care. 9. Do not flirt, or hang around flirts. When one is exhausted, the other rallies. When one is discouraged, the other can encourage. Smile... and be the kind of person that "you" would like to come home to. Simply...love each other. It softens the hard edges in life. LEARN TO PERSEVERE...like an athlete!!!! There will be times in marriage where you feel like running. When you wonder what in the world you were thinking when you chose this person. When you look at them some days, and are not even sure you like the person...let alone love them. Hang in there. Just hang in there, and remember that another day will come when you will feel like the luckiest person in the world to have this same person. Life can be funny that way. Everyone pitch in and keep the house decent. No one wants to come home to a pigsty, and no one feels happy, let alone romantic in one. It weighs heavy on everyone in the house. Believe in something bigger than you both. There are probably more but it is late, so I will call it a day. By the way, they are not necessarily in the order of importance. Just what popped into my thoughts as I was typing.

Chinacat..."it's not the smoke, it's the slacker who's abusing it. the prayer goes 'blessed art thou who has sanctified us by thy commandments, and given us the herb of the fields' by the way... and 'treat your body as a temple' applies just as much to things like white sugar and Pringles as it does to anything else..." You said it. I do know productive members of society who smoke, and I know others who abuse their bodies with food, abuse their minds with television. It's not the guns killing people, it's the people killing people. That said, perhaps that is his one vice? If he works as hard as she says he does, he must need some time to relax. Also, is he a homeowner? I thought it was the OP's house. If it is, then expecting him to contribute and feel equal may be difficult. Have you tried interesting him in exercise? That gives a great natural high. Does he have hobbies you could share? If you're really not interested in being with him because he smokes, yet you knew he smoked, did not ever own a home, etc... prior to getting married, you set yourself up for failure. Don't blame him for your inability to change him. You married a bachelor who has the social and homemaking skills of a college student (no offense to college students!) He doesn't want to grow up. You already have. Invite him to grow up with you, or get out. You deserve more, and your kids deserve more. By the way, don't ever assume kids don't know what's going on. They will find out sooner or later, and you will have to reconcile the "don't do as I do (or DH does) but do as I say" and we know that never works. I'm sorry, but you said to be frank. I mean no judgement. Best of luck to you.

6 months isn't long enough to give any new situation a chance (school, a move, a new job). It can take up to a year to really adapt to a major life change. Seems to me, it's pretty unfair to not give your husband, your family, your child a better chance than you've allowed. Your son should get to know the other side of his family, his cultural heritage. I agree with the poster above, who suspects that your son is just following your lead, that you've influenced him to want to go home. And you've probably not set a good example for him of how to make this work out. And I was thinking the same thing--that you need to get out, get involved in local life, make some friends, find the wonderful things about your new location. It's up to us to make our own happiness--and if we develop that skill, it doesn't matter what our address is, we can be happy anywhere. I truly believe that. I don't see how a marriage where the partners aren't committed enough to each other to want to live on the same continent can possibly survive if you move back home. I've been married 33 years. Certainly, I have my 'comfort zone', but if push came to shove, and I had to make a choice--there is NO physical place on earth that I'd choose over being with my husband. He's SO much more important to me than WHERE we lay our heads at night. You need to seriously look at yourself, your husband, your marriage, and decide what's important. If you don't have that kind of marriage (the kind where you'd rather be with your husband every minute of the day, than anywhere else), then it's much more important that you work on your marriage or resolve it, than try to make a bad marriage work from thousands of miles away. Sorry, I don't see living separate as a viable solution to your problem. Most important of all, your son won't see the example of how a married couple relates and solves their problems on a day to day basis. Do you really want to doom him to possibly never knowing how to conduct his own relationships when he's grown? It's been proven that we all are very influenced by the examples our parents set when we're children. That's how we learn how to be good (or bad, in some cases) husbands, wives and parents. Whatever you decide--I hope you find the happiness you're looking for, and that your son is okay.

I think it depends on your definition of "happiness" and what it takes to make you happy! I never depended on my husband to MAKE me happy...that wasn't HIS job! Good thing too...or I'd probably have fired him within the 1st 5yrs.!LOL We've been married 39yrs.this past Oct. I was 18yrs.old to the day...we married on my 18th birthday, and he was 19! We might have been young..but we both went into it with no great expectations or visions of fairytales...just love, commitment..and very little else! Like a lot of the others have said...we've had good times and we've had bad times..that's just life..married or not! There were times when I wasn't "happy" with something he did or said and vice versa..but we both knew the bad times would pass. Maybe he didn't always do,act or say what I wanted him to..but neither did I. Somewhere along the line, I realized if it was so hard for me to change ME...I didn't stand a chance of changing HIM..and why would I want to. He was still the same man/boy I'd fell in love with and married. I guess for me..I've always been CONTENT and for me that means happy...and I think it's the same for him! But, if you think you aren't happy..there's nothing like a LUNG CANCER diagnoses to make you RE-think your thinking! Amazingly..you can find happiness in the smallest of things after that. Yeah...there's been times in these almost 40yrs. that I've thought about what my life would be like without him and there were times it actually looked pretty good. Now..that thought scares the hell out of me!