Hello all... thanks for all the kind words. I am still trying to struggle through the day. Somedays I am ok, but others not that great. It was her birthday on October 20th. She would have been 64 or "39" as she would have said. We went to the park and fed the ducks... she always liked to do that. I also brought daisys and popped the tops off and placed them in the water. I miss the way that I would call her and she would be willing to go with me on what ever adventure I wanted to go on that day. She was always there for me. I know I am lucky to have a person like that and that it was my Mom, but it hurts no less. I am trying to build a new "normal". It is rough though because everything I do reminds me of her. I started to move around furniture in our house and I was thinking that everything I touched we bought together. She was a great decorator and I have no decorating sense at all. I just wonder when the feeling that I am completly lost and alone will go away. The holidays are coming and I hate it. I think we are going to plan a vacation at Christmas so I don't have to think about it. I don't know about Thanksgiving. Mom used to make the best mashed potatoes. This is so freaking hard. I think I am going to check into counseling again. It is so hard because I put on a strong face when I am out, but crumble when I get to my car or at home. I talk to my husband, but I don't think he really understands. What do you all do for the holidays?? Any ideas on how to get through them?

I'm sorry Dorothy. Tough loss for all. Since Noe is in low income, can they not adjust her rent to her income only? Are there any organizations that you can do the "leg" work on to get her some assistance/counseling for the changes in her life?

Adella, "The kids don't respond to mom's method of discipline (which appears to be screaming) because there is no consequence." You're exactly right. And by saying that she wanted the kids while dad was less than enthusiastic does not let dad off the hook for care, it's just saying when a person wants something so bad, and keeps having children although she is overwhelmed and completely stressed does not make sense to me. In essence, she did this to herself. It makes it hard for me to have sympathy. The dad has an gold-fashionedh approach to the whole thing, which is, eI go to work, you take care of the kidsf. When I was a SAHM my daughter was fed and bathed by the time my husband got home from work. He did not come home to a dirty house, a frazzled wife and hungry, whiny children. IMO, this is disrespectful behavior on the part of the mother. Mom2emall, gI have to say that being a SAHM can be more frustrating than juggling a full-time job and kids.h While I agree a SAHMfs job can be frustrating, and in your case perhaps it was emoref frustrating, I donft think that generalization works. I go to work at 6:00 every morning, get off at 2:00, pick up my daughter, go home, do homework, get a snack, get her dressed for her sport, drive her to her sport, bring her home, make dinner, do an activity with her, eat dinner, clean up, bathe her, get her into PJs, read a story, attempt to do laundry and clean, spend an hour or so with my DH and go to sleep. When I was a SAHM, I could go to the park, call another SAHM on the phone, have playdates, etcK to get adult interaction. Popi, Amazingly, the three kids are slender. But the mom is pretty overweight. The mom once saw some pictures I took on the way to her house. She said, where did you take these? And I said, on the side of the road. It was beautiful, and we¡¦d been in the car for a while, so I stopped and we took some pics and looked around. And she said, I wish I could do something like that, I wish I was like that. I think a lot of her issue is not being relaxed enough to have a good time. She is not coping. She thinks she has a really hard life. She complains about everything. I personally don¡¦t see where the issue is, except that she¡¦s a spoiled brat too. Daisy, You¡¦re right, it¡¦s a great teaching experience. I talk with my DD about how their relationship is and how I don¡¦t want to do that with her, the cycle of whine/yell. It¡¦s good, but it¡¦s hard to get through it when it¡¦s happening. ¡§There are a few people who won't be offended if you point out their children's misbehavior, but those people are very, very rare. I think you're right, there's no way your husband can tell his friend without offending him and damaging the friendship.¡¨ Thank you Daisy. This is exactly why I wrote the post. I don¡¦t think there is a way to say it, but I thought I might be wrong º My point with this, ladies, was not to dissect their parenting, blame the mother, or condone any behavior by the father. I know that they have marriage issues too, and I don¡¦t think I can even go there! I don¡¦t want to sever the relationship, I am willing to endure hanging out with a woman I don¡¦t particularly like because I know my DH and his friend are very tight and I respect their friendship. I don¡¦t have to be her BFF, I just have to be civil for a weekend every three months or so. I¡¦m sure you all have family or acquaintances that you must endure for defined periods of time throughout the year. I just wanted to know, (and maybe I shouldn¡¦t have included any other information, but I was so frustrated!) do you think there is any way to tell him his kids are brats? I don¡¦t think so. My DH wanted to know, because they¡¦re driving him crazy too, and he loves his friend.

Hi Maryanne!! Welcome to the real world forum. This is definitely the place. Jo hit the nail, I think. Since you've been lurking, you probably know that this bunch - especially the regulars, are truly family here. They may not hear me speak to everything that goes on in my brain, but they sure have helped me through a lot this last few months that I've know them. RE your question, I can tell you, I'VE GOT THE SAME EXPERIENCE - YUK!! This person has been a very good friend for a very long time. About 3yrs ago, he began calling pretty regularly. Right after that, I went away for a job and lo and behold, he began calling EVERY night!! Now mind you, when he first started calling, it was light conversation, but it began to lean towards an interest in me. We have our "moments" since then, and I began to have some feelings. But when I reacted to them, he would "run". I've told him many times that I didn't want to ruin a perfectly good friendship with his habit of chasing and then running when I responded. He says he's fine with our relationship - he wants me around but he doesn't want to get married. So now, we are truly best friends. He still does the chase thing, but I stay away from anyting else now because I don't want to risk the friendship. It's not as though I'm afraid of losing it, it's just that when he and I began to get closer, we keep telling each other that we were beginning to act like an old married couple (no arguing, it's just that if feels like marriage). We knew so much about each other as friends that it was difficult making the transition. We have the warmth and care/concern, but it's not the hot and heavy romantic stuff that I thought it could be. I can't say I've lost hope or anything like that, but I wonder if the romantic thing is better than what we have now. So, I just let it be - as it is now- which by the way, is great. OK, I've shared some of my story, but to address your question, I really have to wonder why more hasn't happened already. There does come a time when suppression really doesn't hold out. If he really has romantic feelings, then I'm curious as to how he is able to keep them at bay all this time. I'm not saying this guy doesn't like or want to be with you - not at all. After hearing some of what my friend has said to me, I'm just wondering if your friend is just content as things are between you now. There are a myriad of things that come to mind - some guys just have a hard time leaving a relationship behind. If he hasn't gotten over the bad relationships of the past, he's not going to move forward with yours, other than to have you there to have a trusted female companion. One thing you might try - you make a move and see what happens. Just know that the risk is there, that it might not feel like the high school crush. That could still work well, and be the best romantically involved friendship. That in itself gives you a lot more than what a lot of people have. That will give you the leg up, so to speak when things are not so great all the time. Most don't have that either. But if sparks do fly when you take the plunge, then it's gravy. Best wishes with your decision. I think it would be worth it to try it and see. If you don't you will always wonder. If it doesn't work out, in the end, you will at least have had a great friend. Nine times out of ten, the friendship part will never go away though. What you don't want to happen though, is that someone else helps him take the plunge before you do. He's seems comfortable with you so I'd try it. You don't have to go hog-wild, but maybe just have a little more forceful discussion. BTW, the writer thing - you got it, it all sounds good. I know about that too, but if it doesn't sound like it, it's because it's almost 2:00AM!!! Go for it - we're rootn' for ya!! gng