Ok, I've answered some of these points above already but once again to clarify: 1. There wasn't enough room at the table, so we did fix a plate but it wasn't just a matter of taking our seats. There were no seats to take. Going to the kitchen was a last resort - I didn't know what else to do. 2. The hostess had not yet eaten by the time we arrived. So she couldn't remain sitting at the table and eat without getting up. She wasn't already sitting at the table. She was standing, fixing herself a plate. 3. I didn't realize how late we were till we got there - there was no set starting time and she lives an hour away, we sat in the Friday-Afternoon-Heading-Out-Of-Town traffic which I don't know if you can imagine unless you live in a place like Houston where it's unpredictable at best and can be horrific. 4. My children, ages 17 and 20 WERE includded - it's a holiday. (for those who aren't Jewish, maybe that's not meaning anything to you, but would you go to a friend's house for say, Easter Lunch, and leave your kids at home, no matter what age? This would be comparable to that. In any case the invitation which was sent via email said, You and your family. There's NO question, the kids were included. 5. She made no attempt to sit near us. She put her plate down as if she meant to sit near us but came back before ever sitting anywhere, picked up her plate, and went to the other table. I don't mind if she sat with us or not, it's just the way she acted as if she was going to, then apparently changed her mind. Even THAT wouldn't have mattered had it been a table with others in addition to just our family. It was just weird, the four of us, sitting alone in the kitchen, no other guests sitting or eating with us, the rest of the entire party in another room, and no attempt to integrate us into the party. Yeah, we're guilty of being late. But as hostess, it's her duty to make us comfortable and welcome, late or not. That's what I think you'd learn in an etiquette class. 6. And again - we were about 20 minutes late. Is that really late enough to turn around after being in the car one hour and not show up at all? If someone were 20 minutes late to my house and let that convince them to blow off my party, I'd be horrified. 7. I HAVE gotten over this, WAY over this. I wasn't going to answer lizzynola's post for that reason and because most of her questions/comments had already been covered in my previous posts. But since the discussion continues, I'm answering. I am glad I was able to vent here. I'm no longer mad or hurt. I'm still good friends with her. She had no ill intentions. I thank you all for your comments. May

I have a lot of copycats in my family, they do everything we do, we purchased a new car like 4-5 years ago and a lot of people in my family went and purchased new cars, we have a projector/movie theater/family room and a 100in screen, they want to copy our movie theater idea, my neighbors as soon as they saw we purchased brand new stainless steel appliances, they went and purchased brand new appliances, they are lucky my husband and i love them and see them like family hahaha! Now this one is on another level, i really got mad over the following events: When i got engaged 6 years ago (I have been married for 5 years already) they all went and purchased similar rings to mine, and a girl that DH and i know COPIED my ring, YES, MY RING, SAME EXACT RING!!!! I was so upset!!!!

I found this thread after Googling the mentioned book. I ordered the book, but was unable to read it fully on receiving it, for the very same reasons mentioned by the author of this thread. I had hoped for strategies on coping with the pain I am experiencing at my youngest child's indifference to me. Instead, I found the book laid an even bigger emotional burden at my door. One thing I felt moved to comment on, was in response to a post in this thread where the author has distanced herself from her birth family and is focusing on her family with her husband and children, doing all the things for her young family that she did not herself receive from her own parents. My childhood was very dysfunctional, and I was the biggest critic of my own parents as a young mother, and adopted exactly the same attitude as the poster in this thread. I did everything, absolutely everything, differently to what I'd experienced at the hands of my own parents. My children were pampered, adored, and given as much as I was able to give them. I made heaps of mistakes (of course) but they were totally different to those that my parents made with me. Today, I realised that karma does exist. What we do to others inevitably happens to us. Youngest child who was probably the most adored, most spoiled of all my children, is the one who has virtually estranged himself from me. His reason? He's just not that into me, and has his own life to lead. I realised with some pain today that my harsh criticisms of my own parents has come back and bitten me where it hurts most.

'When he returns to rehab, my friend is going to need emotional support. I'm really baffled to know what to say. I know just listening is what is probably needed most, but how do I just listen without saying something?' That's the hard bit. When my mother had a bit of free time when her 5 kids had gone to school, she thought she might try her hand at becoming a councillor. She joined a group, headed by a councillor or maybe be was a psychiatrist. I can't remember. He explained that what they had to do, as councillors, was to listen. No talking. They were not to talk. They had to be quiet. The person with the problem was to do the talking, not them. So, the training started. He had them sit there, being silent. And then he asked them questions. (According to my mother.) My mother could not resist answering the questions. And she never became a councillor. I was telling my friend about this and my friend somewhat disagreed with the councillor/psychiatrist. My friend thought that sometimes we can suggest things to help. But I agree with the councillor/psychiatrist. The fact is, we know what we should do. And if someone tells us, then we can feel patronised. The definition of the the word patronise (she said, hoping not to sound patronising) is 'treat with an apparent kindness which betrays a feeling of superiority'. I looked up some synonyms for 'patronise' because I tend to over-use that word, but the definition was so nice that I wanted to include it here. I think that it's soooooo important never to come across that way, especially to someone who is going through something.