My opinion only. I would contact the attorney ASAP, explaining what has happened and ask for immediate help. When DSS contacts you, if they do, tell them you have contacted your attorney and get advice. Contact your Dad's Dr ASAP, and try to coordinate this problem to show DSS you do care, and you will do the best you can for his health. Yes you do have my prayers for all. Just take a deep breath, have a cup of tea and do one day at a time.
Good luck.
Marie

I'll be praying too. Try to stay calm , it will all work out. He hasn't been neglected and they can't prove that he has so try to relax but take the above advice. This could be anyone's parent and I've never heard of DSS taking action, they're only supposed to be alerted if they suspect abuse which is not the case.

You and your family are in my prayers.

Kittiemom, it's so hard when we've grown up thinking our parents are indestructible and always will be. He does need help and you have already done all the right things. So no need to fear the DSS. You didn't say how old he is, but it may be time for assisted living or even a nursing home. He will get the help he needs and you and your sister will have peace of mind.

I remember the discussion I had with my sisters/brother around the time that, in our minds, we knew mother had to be taken care of. But our hearts were speaking louder sometimes and hated her having to give up her freedom. It's hard, but it just has to be done sometimes. Only you and the doctors can decide that. After you do, don't look back with one shred of regret. Depend on those medical people to guide you.

Sorry you're going through this, sweetie. Believe me, I know how hard it is.

Tough spot to be in.. I will certainly pray for the both of you. Your poor dad, it is certainly time to get him some help but it will be tough on him to lose his independence. It could turn out better then you think.. I have a cousin who recently had to go to a nursing home.. she agonized for weeks over this, got so depressed thinking about giving up her apartment etc. Now that she is there she is happier then she's been in years, being around people and having someone to talk to all day. These kind of changes in life are tough, I hope it works out good for all involved...

Tough spot to be in.. I will certainly pray for the both of you. Your poor dad, it is certainly time to get him some help but it will be tough on him to lose his independence. It could turn out better then you think.. I have a cousin who recently had to go to a nursing home.. she agonized for weeks over this, got so depressed thinking about giving up her apartment etc. Now that she is there she is happier then she's been in years, being around people and having someone to talk to all day. These kind of changes in life are tough, I hope it works out good for all involved...

It's rough--have been there with my mom and aunt. In Mom's case, we were able to have home health aids in to help her stay in her apartment. With Aunt, we had to place her in a facility where she'd get a bit more care than mom needed.

As long as you're willing to work on getting him the care he needs, and since you've already initiated steps to get there, I don't think the agency is going to give you too much trouble. Those places have enough clients on their plates, as long as the family is willing to step up, I doubt they'll 'fight' you for him.

But you do need to get in to see the lawyer sooner rather than later at this point, to make sure everything is taken care of properly.

Know you're at a difficult time of life, but remember, most of our senior relatives really do better in a community of their peers (a sr. apt. building, assisted living, nursing home)--they're happier, and having good professionals taking care of them frees us to visit and enjoy the time we have left with them, rather than constantly stressing over what needs doing. Just take your time making your final decision (in the meantime, he can go into a facility as a 'guest') on what facility is the best for him and you. We researched thoroughly, and to our great surprise, the best place we found was also one of the least expensive. We were so pleased with the care and attention Aunt got there. And our decision was validated down the road when a hospice nurse we were talking to said she'd told her family that was the place she'd pick for herself when the time came--she thought that highly of it.

Good luck to you. Hang in there, and know that doing the right thing is often the hardest course, but you won't have any regrets by choosing it.

Thoroughly agree with Azalea. You and your sister have not neglected or abused your dad. DSS sees horrible things. I am certain that it will see the situation as it is, time for help. Best of luck. Feel better soon.

Sending up prayers

Oh man, what a situation. I hope your dad heals quickly and completely. And I hope you and your sister can decide on the right decisions for your situation. This has to be agonizing. I aplogize that I don't have any advice, but you definitely have my prayers.

what is it with elders and taking a shower?? fil isn't in depends, but litterly refuses to bathe on any set schedule...when we were there for his garage sale, i asked several times but to no avail...he has a walk-in shower with a chair and grab-bars...

it was pretty harsh of the hospital staff to assume he's uncared for...

see if you can upped your appt with lawyer...

btw don't know if your dad is a vet, but they are allowed living expenses, if they served during wartime..it's an involved process, but well worth it ...sadly your dad's health issues he may not qualify for asst living...we were told flatly that fil would have to be capible of doing his oxygyn tank care...

Hi, I have neen a lurker for a while but have not posted.
Just wanted to reassure you. I was a hospital social worker for ten years. We are mandated reporters. If we see possible abuse or neglect we must call or we can lose our license.
It is not about thinking your Dad has been abused but they need to at least know about it. In my experience if there is family involved Adult protective services will not be involved at all. They have way too much to do with elders being exploited financially or really neglected to get involved if they don't have to.
It's really tough if parents still have decision making capacity and don't understand their own limitations, often not a lot can be done. It helps if there is money available to pay for assisted-living or guardianship, home health. Often there isn't. It also probably depends on what state you live in.

Good luck.

Theresa

I just want to reiterate something--about reaserching possibilities.

The facility we found for my aunt was classified as 'assisted living'. Which is why it was only about $4500/month, rather than $9000-10000/month. However, they had fulltime nursing staff. They were willing and able to handle all sorts of issues--they did the bathing, laundry, saw to it that aunt either came down to meals (or they delivered them to her). They saw to her medical needs, provided occupational and physical therapy, had drs who made house calls but when necessary took her to drs appointments and tests. And they made me a promise when she went in, that they would keep her, even as her health deteriorated. They kept that promise, even to the end when she was unable to get out of bed or take any care of herself.

Facilities vary greatly from one to another--don't assume that one will be right, one will be wrong just by the name. Visit, walk around, talk to residents, have a meal there, chat with the staff. Ask questions, and more questions and then some more.

As I said, many have programs for clients to visit on a temporary basis (while their families go on vacation, or during a temporary health issue)--if you start on that basis, it will give you time to look around enough to feel comfortable with your final choice, and it will give you all a chance to see how things work out. We actually did that with aunt, because she needed someplace to go quickly, we were overwhelmed. As it turned out, the best place WAS the one we used for that temporary visit. I've never had a moment's regret, either--she received wonderful care from people who were kind and compassionate.

Thanks everyone. My dad discharged today from the hospital and I signed him into a rehab facility around the corner from my office so he can receive physical therapy. We don't know yet how long he'll be here; he is in a rehab bed so we'll need to look for other placement. The hospital has now documented his confusion and I asked today for an assessment for dementia. I don't believe he will be able to go home. We are pretty sure he has dementia and it will only get worse. I also think that at best he will need a wheelchair to help him get around and his house isn't at all handicapped accessible. We are meeting some resistance from his brothers and nieces/nephews, who think we can take him home and hire someone off the street to just stay with him. For the foreseeable future, he obviously needs the care of trained healthcare personnel. I hope that he can at least move to some type of assisted living facility at some point. It's a relief to have him somewhere that he can get some help, but I do feel the strain from feeling that the rest of the family is pressuring us to bring him home instead of having him at a facility. I'm just telling them that it's the doctor's decision and we must follow what they say is best for my dad.

I hope that he will get used to this and actually make friends. He was so very lonely at home. He was transferred while I was signing the paperwork and was already in his room when I finished that. When they walked me in, he already had a visitor. It was another gentleman who saw him being brought in and stopped by to welcome him. The gentleman was wearing a Korean war vet hat, so I knew immediately that he and my dad had something in common, since my dad is a Korean vet too. They were already swapping war stories. That was a good beginning.

Glad to hear that things seem to be off to a good start,

... mom to a kitty ...

... and daughter of a Korea vet.

Sending good thoughts and hopes that things may work out for the best for your dad ... without too much family friction.

And offering some prayers on behalf of all of you.

ole joyful ... who spent some time helping refugees get back on their feet after the Korean "Police Action"