Hello, i'm new to this, but felt i really needed to reach out because i feel i'm at my darkest hour and i really need someone to tell me i'm not alone. I have two children, ages 19 (daughter) and 16(son), their father and i divorced 6 years ago, and under special circumstances, he was the primary guardian and i the secondary one. In 2007 i made the worst decision of my life, i had gotten remarried to someone in Jordan, i was only supposed to be there for three months. 1 year and a half later, i finally managed to escape and come back home. My ordeal in Jordan was severely traumatic, i was severely abused, tortured, and left for dead. I remember calling my ex-husband here in canada to help me because i knew i would die there if someone didn't get me out, what i got was 'you made your bed, you can lie in it, as for the children, if you ever want to see them again, you'll have to go through family court'. When i heard the dial tone i felt all was lost. Somehow, i made it back, the only thing keeping me alive everyday i was tortured was the thought of seeing my children again ( my children and i were extremely close before i left, and i never foresaw that my passport and all my ID would be taken,,). Once i came back i was in for a huge shock. In the time that i was gone, it didn't take long for my ex-husband to tell the children that i had chosen to stay and didn't want anything to do with them. They were so young, and he broke their hearts, i never knew any of this until i had come back. I came back in 2009 and i have tried everything, i was patient and i loved them without bounds, and over and over again i tried to prove myself to them, but the damage has been done. With all of this, i moved back with my parents and my children are with their father on a military base. They are only 4 hours away, but i am not to call, write, or even visit. My daughter has told me she wants nothing to do with me, as for my son, his father has told him he wants nothing to do with me, but that if he wants to he can. What child would ever go against their parent if they're the one with the money and house, etc.? I'm in school and am graduating in about 2 weeks. Once i get a salary, i'll be saving money to get my own place, etc. Not a night goes by where i don't cry or miss my children so much that the pain is killing me everyday, i really feel i have no purpose in life anymore, my children were my world, and they don't want to have anything to do with me, it's been like this since i left, but even worse since 2009. My daughter has openly admitted that she could not care if i lived or died and wants no communication from me, as for my son, he will not communicate at all, they have my phone number and email,,but nothing,,,i feel this pain will completely crush me and i have no idea what to do,,,the oeverwhelming hatred i feel for my ex is also wearing me out,,,i just want to know if things do get better as time goes by, and if it doesn't, how do i go on living when i hear their voices in my head from when they were young children all the time?

Don't have insecurity per se, but definitely feel like I'm headed away from 20 - not as comfortable as I'd like to be with that. It's not because of age; I KNOW I don't want to be 20 again - EVER. But, somehow I keep thinging that the end is near, even if it's 30 years from now. I miss enjoying the things that I did, or could do when I was younger. It's not to say that I sit in a rocking chair all day because I don't - work all day, then sit in the rocker - LOL. But when I'm around younger folks, I really feel different and can't get used to that. When I'm around people my age, they do things that feel like old folks things - that I don't like. Maybe I have a few more years to go before I mellow out some more. But then I'll be OLD!! As far as a relationship, it's harder when you are older. I'm pretty independent because my dad left when I was 12 and my Momd didn't remarry until after I did. So, even if it was difficult, my sister, my Mom and I got it done.. Some guys tell me that they don't know how to take me because of that. So I'm up against that curve too. But, I was also taught that women don't go places alone and all that old fashioned garbage. So I guess I'm not used to getting out so I can meet someone. I'm used to someting so much different - hard to meet someone when you are independent and have old-fashioned values. Plus, the older guys just don't seem to want much - they are just happy with good company. I guess that's the romance that you get when you are older, but it would be nice to have someone wink an eye at you every once in a while too. Oh well - I'll get use to this age at some point.

Lindsey_ca, I would disagree. People like that generally just don't care and are selfish. They feel they're owed it. I don't think the difference would amount to more than a handful. I don't understand why people have to bring a whole tribe of gawkers into a hospital room anyway. Good grief, when I'm in a hospital the last thing I want is a bunch of people around wanting to be entertained, fed, and other special accommodations and more. And no, my family and friends with whom I'd allow in there aren't that way but so many are. Having finished a hospital stay recently I went to measures to NOT let people know I was in there. I have a peeve with the hospitals and their digging for phone numbers ("emergency contacts" which we know are more for collection options) and such. And who they can tell about my condition when they call, etc. I said they shouldn't get any calls - the only way there should be contact is if something goes wrong and I can't be revived or something, then YOU call THEM. I will give them credit (and for a lot of things). I called my sister to try to arrange a "release" for the next day when I'd be discharged (more on this peeve later!) The goofy phone system there wouldn't let me block the number and when I left a message, my sister saw the CID of the hospital and panicked, exactly what's not needed. So she called and got a hold of the night nurse but he wouldn't put the call through, just said that I was "resting comfortably" and not release any more info. Good for him, except that I actually was awake so I guess I could have taken the call. Now for the discharge procedure: When someone is conscious and alert, why can't a person take a cab or drive themselves? This ticks me off. I still drove home after I left. I told the nurse I could get to my car fine and since she had other things to do she went to do them, I got in my car, Sis got in hers and off we went. I didn't want anyone knowing I was having surgery and not letting you take a cab a bus or something? That's crazy. I don't think that's their position to dictate that. Now, short kudos deserved. The entire hospital staff was overall EXCELLENT during my recent stay and during the months of followup. This hospital gave me nightmares 40 years ago when I was there. Poor care but now, totally opposite. I don't think I could have asked for better care. They have thankless jobs and right down to the ones who cleaned the rooms, delivered food and otherwise, were respectful, cheerful and would ask if they could do anything for me, and that's not their job! I was amazed. Now for the crazy people. Generally, in my experience, it's not so much they're acting "crazy" because they are, it's because they're selfish and childish and grew up with getting what they wanted by throwing temper tantrums. Also they have heard the expression "squeaky wheel gets the grease" and often that probably works for them too. They're probably just spoiled brats and could use a smack in the chops and a wake-up call to reality. There's other people in the world besides them but that doesn't matter to them. It's no different than people butting into line. Back when I dealt with them directly I, a couple times, told people that if they could get EVERYONE else (patiently waiting in line) to agree to let you go first, then I would, but I wasn't going to ask them. Of course they were insulted and oh, I guess I wasn't "nice" to them but the world doesn't bow to them and they might as well start learning it. Often when I see a person like that who is (let's face it, the term is) "abused" by a patron, I try to give them a day brightener if I can. Go up and say something like "Who sh*t in THEIR cornflakes today?" or "Hope they don't step on a landmine on the way home, huh?" or something. Even a compliment on how they handled it or something. I've been on the receiving end of spoiled brat stuff and it is helpful to know that others appreciate the situation.

Maire Cate, I lied! It was The Kitchn, NOT the Test Kitchen recipe! I've used so many recipes for turkey from the Test Kitchen (am a subscriber to the site now and to Cooks Illustrated for years prior) that I automatically wrote test kitchen, sorry!! The recipe I used is linked below, it is both easier and tastier than the test kitchen methods I have used (brining, roasting on a bed of veggies, roasting for just a few hours, etc.) The Kitchn method is absolutely the easiest one I have ever used, and one of the best, if not the best. I had a fresh turkey of almost 15 pounds for ten meat eaters. It was rinsed inside and out, giblets and neck removed from cavity (the former in a bag, thankfully), and dried, then sprinkled all over with salt and coarse ground pepper. No stuffing was put in the turkey. The oven was preheated to 450. I poured two cups of Swanson's chicken broth in the bottom of a roasting pan with deep ridges on the bottom and set the turkey in breast up. I untied the legs per instructions. The bird went in the oven on the next to lowest rack setting and temp immediately turned down to 350 degrees. After an hour I basted it with the juices and tented the breast, which was already a beautiful golden brown. You are supposed to take the turkey out and close the oven door when basting, so I did that and basted it two more times about an hour apart. The turkey was ready after 16 min. per pound, I was timing it but there was also a pop up timer in the bird as well, and I used a meat thermometer to make sure it was done. I took the bird out and it rested for nearly an hour while the sides heated up and we had our first course. My SIL's husband (she is my brother's widow) carved and the meat--- every bit of it---- was moist and flavorful and delicious! Best of all, the pan drippings made fabulous gravy, which I made by combining unsalted butter and flour in a large, straight-sided skillet into a roux that I browned a bit instead of leaving white. I used it to thicken the pan juices (which already included broth) by adding the broth to the skillet. I had about three cups of broth/drippings, which contained rendered fat, so I made more roux than I would have for liquid without fats. After thickening the gravy I added about four ounces of half and half and two of those small containers of Knorr concentrated, home style chicken broth. They are about 2" x 1.5" and come in a four pack. This method has to be tweaked on site for the amount of fat in the drippings but makes absolutely delicious gravy. The meal WAS wildly successful, thank heavens, and we did not have a lot of turkey leftover as our young men (ages 13, 16, 22, and 25) ate like there was no tomorrow :-). But there will be enough leftovers for HK to make a turkey pie or two for the coming week, unless we eat it all in open faced sandwiches with that fabulous gravy before the day is out! Here is a link that might be useful: The Kitchn recipe for easy and delicious turkey