Eating my words: spin off from Adult children at home.....

17 years ago

Okay............ I admit it. There is always an exception to the rule, right? Tell me I'm right.

My son called me yesterday. He had gone to the police because the people renting the main floor not only take things from my son and his room mates (often when they're not home: they know how to unlock a deadbolt without a key), but when the kids asked for their dvd's back they had their lives threatened. The police offered to go over and talk to them, but they're affiliated with gang members and my son told the cops how stupid that idea was. SSSOOOoooooooo........... I caved.

yeah, I'm a marshmallow but I had to. Gang members are killing each other left right and center in Calgary lately. We've never had so many shootings. Who says we don't have hand guns in Canada???? Anyways, the police were on the news the other day and said that anyone who is affiliated with a gang member is taking their lives into their own hands. Bystanders are being shot now too. My son and his room mates would be bystanders if something happened upstairs. I had no idea the people upstairs had anything to do with gangs.

We laid down the rules. He buys groceries. He respects me by not yelling, stomping or slamming doors (the kid is sweet but has a temper). He saves every single dime and moves out by January 31st 2009! Maybe I should stipulate the year to him. I did say in 2 months, that should work too, right? hehehehe

Anyways, I hope I'm not making a mistake. I just can't take a chance that he's lying just to come home, or that the people upstairs are full of hot air.

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Comments (11)

trishaw
17 years ago
I am not sure if this would make you feel better or not, but I would do the same thing! If he is being threatened or feels threatened, then he needs to get out of there.

Trish in SC
susan_on
17 years ago
You're not a marshmallow. You did the right thing. Hopefully, he will show appreciation, by controlling his temper.
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Terri_PacNW
17 years ago
Well...I agree too...
Bullets travel through walls, and floor/ceilings..depending on the kind....
mariend
17 years ago
Gosh, this is sad. We were at Calgary few years ago had such a great time. Guess no city is immune from this. Even here in Minot crime is going up, and our "cops" don't see it like some of us who came from larger cities do.
SO
sheilajoyce_gw
17 years ago
You are doing the right thing. Our older son rented a room from what we finally decided was an unstable man when he was in college. There were several college kids renting from him, so DS wasn't the only one. This kid has no sense of danger, too trusting. We told him to commute from home till he found a better place.

You know, another gang can decide to retaliate and get the wrong door or apartment. Get out now.
ivamae
17 years ago
What else could you do? We love our kids. How would you feel if something happened to him and you had refused to let him come home. I lived in Calgary for a number of years in the 80's and found it such a safe city at that time. It is so sad to see what has happened since. The little city where I now live has a lot of increased crime as well. Unfortunately, I think most places do.

All the best
jannie
17 years ago
I'm so sorry to see violence and gang activity has spread to Canada. I always loved visiting Canada, Toronto, Vancouver, Victoria. My best friend since sixth grade (1963) just purchased a house in Ottawa.
azzalea
17 years ago
Well, of course you did the right thing.

No area is exempt from problems with crime and gangs. They've invaded every area of society, it seems. I would definitely assume your son is telling the truth.

But even if he isn't--what does that mean? He's feeling insecure, unable to live on his own. He NEEDS you right now, for whatever reason. As long as you have rules in your home, and he's expected to abide by them, there's nothing wrong with letting a grown child back in your home.

I can tell you this--even moving an hour away from our old home and where our daughter currently lives and works, I have a space for her in the new place. She's got a room if she wants it when she comes to visit, and if she ever feels the need to boomerang back, she's more than welcome. I would even fix up the finished basement as an apartment for her (it has a separate entrance), if she wanted it. They're always our children, and I think we always try to be there for them.
dotmom
17 years ago
Sorry to go 'off subject' but gangs are all over and in my opinion, if someone is apprehended for any reason and found to be a member of a gang (of any race or nationality) they are immediately executed. As harsh as this sounds, the type that belongs to gangs, have no qualms about shooting into a crowd, or through walls at an 'enemy'. As for your son, Debby, I would have done the same thing. Dottie
gardenspice
17 years ago
Debby,
As others have said - how could you not allow him to come home under the circumstances?
It sounds as if there is some history here, but I'm thinking if the rules stick, all will be well.
I'm hoping the best for your family!
dirt_yfingernails
17 years ago
My nephew lived in a building like that. One night there was a shooting leaving a young man dead. One of the bullets passed through the wall only an inch or two from my nephew's head where he lay sleeping and close to his wife, also. You did the right thing.

Eating my words: spin off from Adult children at home.....

Comments (11)

trishaw

susan_on

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