I think you should cash it. Accept it in the spirit in which it was given.

My favorite aunt always sent me a check for $50 for Christmas. She couldn't afford it, so I always sent her a check for $100. I will miss getting her card this year--we lost her in February (she was 91).

I agree to cash it.

And try to find something that would be really helpful to her, to give to her, whether at Christmas, birthday, or just for love's sake.

ole joyful

When someone gives someone a gift they get pleasure from doing something for others. I think it is very unfair to deny them that pleasure. You should be gracious about it and cash it. Then either buy something for the kids with the money or let them choose something with their share of it. Then have them write a thank you note telling her how it was used. It will make her day.

I too think you should cash it. While you know money is tight for your Aunt, you should allow her to know the state of her finances well enough to know whether she can afford this gift or not. In her shoes I'd be hurt that my gift was effectively rejected once I'd realised out the cheque had not been cashed.
In addition, having an uncashed cheque makes it a pain balancing your cheque book, especially if you haven't realised that's the problem.
If you still think she can't afford it, do as Wanda does or send a grocery hamper or similar to the same or a greater value.

I think you should cash it too, but after years of not cashing them, I would make sure she knows you are going to, just in case she assumes you won't.

Good idea about the heads up. I was going to send some flowers her way...maybe I will get a fruit basket ordered instead.

Maybe buy somethihng really special with the money and then tke some photos and send them to her kind of gush all over it. It might make her feel special. Say something like "in the past we didn't cash your gifts lbut this year we couldn't resist ading this to our home: etc.

If she likes flowers and fruit ok Personally I always hated getting either of them delivered etc.

I'd say cash it and shop for them, but it's complicated since you've left the checks undeposited in the past. Will she assume you will accept in thought only, not cash it - would she be short funds in her checking if you do?

My mother, at 84 1/2, insists on shopping for my birthday, Christmas, when there is really nothing I need more than she does - at least not that would fit into her tight budget :) I accept her gift, and a month or so later, whatever the next holiday might be, Valentines, Halloween, Easter...I put a generous grocery store gift card in a greeting card and mail it. Often Fred Meyer, there is a superstore with groceries, or household goods, gas for her car, close to her house.

I don't buy much that isn't practical for elders on a fixed income, too many I know are struggling to make ends meet each month - I buy grocery or gift cards, stamps, greeting card assortments for events throughout the year, certificates for a haircut or perm, pedicure (not all can reach their own toes!), an oil change or car wash if still driving. Can one person alone finish a fruit basket in time for best quality - I don't think my mother could.

A fruit basket delivered may run you over $100. If she needs money, I'd do a grocery store gift card instead.

I'm not sure what to do about the check... if you haven't been cashing them for years, I'd probably keep up the charade at this point and continue to not cash it.

Do you ever talk to her where it could slip out in some way? Do you think the money will be in the account? How big of a hardship would it be? You know, sometimes elderly people appear more financially needy than they are because they don't tend to buy things. Could she have money and you just don't know it? Can you ask another relative close to her--like her children --how you should handle? There are so many things to consider... Godd luck.

I understand that we should honor her wishes but I can't do that when someone needs their money.

I would continue to not cash it and thank her for thinking of you as if you had cashed it and give her lots of hugs and kisses.

History says she probably doesn't look at her bank account. If she did look for this month and saw that you didn't get around to cashing it yet, I'm sure she would believe you eventually will and forget about it as that seems to be what has happened in the past.

It is wonderful that she wants you to have it and would sacrifice to do that for you. That is a gift that is better than money.

This is an interesting situation. First, how close is the relationship between the aunt and your children? How often do they see each other? What is the aunt's age, and how many children do you have and what are their ages? Have you, or the children been acknowledging the gift? Do the children understand they are getting a check which is not cashed and therefore they are not getting gifts from the aunt?

Sorry, but I think it would be impossible to answer your question without at least that information. I think with more details, an answer would be fairly easy .

Sue

Does she ever check her account? Balance her checking account? Either cash the check or tell her that you cannot cash it.

I think it's cruel of you to not face the issue and/or not cash her check. And if she isn't looking at her bank balance and taking care of her finances, then who is?

So she has, what? $60, $129, $180 more in her account than she thinks she has? Not fair, please face the issue with her.

Someone needs to be balancing her bank account.

We always thank her for it. We only see her every couple of years and hear from her at Christmas via cards. The kids have met her 3 times or so. My husband's family isn't close but they do get along well if that makes sense - they just keep their distance I guess. It's always comfortable and good when we all get together though. We are approximately 2000 km apart. I will talk to my MIL and see how bad things are for her. Her Christmas card stated she asked for more hours at work though. She is pretty scattered so I would be quite surprised if she balanced a checkbook - I don't mean this in a negative way at all - she is just a very free spirit. His aunt is in her 60s, no kids. Maybe I will send a note saying lets do gift swaps when we are visiting for Christmas only.

Send her a thank you. Then tear up the check/cheque. That's what I did the 4 years my husband's sister was unemployed. She insisted on sending checks for Christmas, kids birthdays,even our wedding anniversary. Her good wishes meant so much. It felt good to rip up her checks.

I really don't think you can start cashing the checks when you haven't all along. She's become accustomed to you NOT cashing them, and probably isn't expecting you to change your habits at this point. Sooner or later, everyone balances their account, even if they don't do it on a regular basis--she surely knows those checks haven't been cashed.

Obviously, if she's in her 60's and asking for more hours at work, she's on shakey financial ground and really cannot afford to spend that kind of money.

I would continue to thank her for thinking of you at the holidays, and NOT cash the checks--it will be your gift to her.

Check is ripped. Flowers are sent! Wow, fruit baskets are insanely expensive. I will give some cash to my two older kids compliments of the aunt and have them send her a thank you note for thinking of them at Christmas. thanks for your time in answering, yes, I should keep with what I have been doing in the past. When we visit for Christmas she always gives us gifts and that is plenty. Whew, feels good for it not to be an issue. I didn't give it a second thought until someone said it's rude to not cash them. That bothers me but I didn't want to get into her personal situation at the time as to why we don't cash them.

I think you did the right thing all along by not cashing it. Whether she knows it or not, you know it and you took the high road. If she knows it she never asked so she doesn't mind and if she doesn't know, even better. I would continue to do the same kind gesture and continue to thank her.

Now that you have made a decision and you said, it feels good for it not to be an issue, case closed.

Indecisions can be worrisome, can't they?

Sue

I wouldn't cash it either. My mom insists on giving me a check anytime I pick up anything at the store for her, even if it is only a couple of dollars. I've learned to just take the check but I never cash them. I am the one that balances her check book for her, so that makes it easy for me to get away with it. She is on a fixed income and I don't want to take her money. I will pick up things for her at the store and then tell her I got them for nearly nothing by using my coupons, she falls for it everytime. She's my Mom, so of course I want to help her out, even if it is just a little here and there.

I feel bad for her, being so diminished and patronized. I'm of the mind that, if I offer it, I mean it. I don't believe in offering anything (verbally or otherwise) if I'm not prepared to see it through. Again, if I offer it, I mean it. I hope people respect me enough to honor that.

Perhaps your aunt feels differently and feels that she has to send a check but hopes that you won't cash it. If it were me, though, I'd lose respect for you and be hurt if you don't think I'm up to making my own decisions.

Just my opinion.

suzieque, I could see your point to an extent... but... My aunt sent me a check with a white purse for my wedding. For some stupid reason, I kept the check in the purse and just forgot to cash it. Months later my aunt called and told me to cash it. That's the difference. Since the aunt hasn't told her niece to cash the checks, it's almost at the point now where maybe she shouldn't cash them (especially if the aunt is hurting for money).

I can see your point if this were the first check but there is now a routine and habit of not cashing it. We don't know what the aunt thinks only that she hasn't told the niece to cash them so, at this point, it may be best not to cash them. I mean she could cash it and send her a $100 gift card to make up for it but I seriously think there could be a chance the check could bounce. Plus, I doubt she's mad or I have a feeling the checks would have stopped altogether.