Memorizing the blessed ordinary

18 years ago

Today's show on Oprah about a related subject started me thinking about this, but as you will see it's something I've given a lot of thought to in the past.

I've always thought it interesting what we remember, and what we don't. Meet up with someone from your past, and you'll see what I mean. Chances are, she'll remember some people and events you can't recall at all, and vice versa. As a general rule, though, we tend to remember the high points and the low points. We can recall the hilarious (some) and the tragic (all). But the ordinary, so hard to bring to mind, is often the most treasured of memories.

On a very ordinary day about 20 years ago I was struck by the thought that someday I could be longing beyond words, beyond tears, to be right where I was at that moment: a mother in her kitchen, her children upstairs doing routine things, her husband in his workshop across the road, the animals curled up here and there. I sat down and wrote in my journal about the day, a day when nothing extraordinary happened. I described what everyone had done, what they were doing, what they'd said, and how I felt. All very routine, all precious.

I'm sharing this to encourage you to do the same, to give yourself a gift you'll treasure down the road. We're all moving on one road or another.

About ten years after that journal entry I wrote this poem.

The Art of Memorization

He is your last baby, I told myself,

Put this where you can find it again.

He was four months old. The hour was midnight.

The dogs were asleep. The baby nursed.

I held him in my left arm, cradling his head

with my right hand. Snow fell outside.

New milk trickled across my stomach.

He is my last baby, my last baby.

My son is seventeen now, and shaves.

He bench presses two hundred pounds and above.

His language flies from high-tech to hard-core.

His car roars, his guitar screams.

But I took that moment to impress forever

an hour of infancy into my brain.

Seventeen-year-old senses come alive,

smelling my nursling, hearing him swallow.

I feel the silk of his baby neck,

and my palm against his diapered back.

My kiss on his head is as real as the grin

IÂll be lucky to get in passing tonight.

To prepare for my quiet retirement, for the longing

for amplifiers turned up high and rumbling

dual exhausts in the drive, I practice

now the art of recording time.

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Comments (14)

ronf_gw
18 years ago
Beautiful, Susan.
You bring to mind a similar thought/memory. Eleven years ago my first wife was in a hospital in Albuquerque. Every day I was there from 7AM until at least 9PM. One late afternoon the clouds parted and the setting sun illuminated the Sandia Mts. They were covered with a dusting of snow. Mary and I were enjoying this spectacular view from the top floor of the hospital. I remember thinking how I wish I were up in the mts. rather than in the hospital. My very next thought was; "Someday you'll treasure this even more." Two weeks later Mary lost her battle against cancer. I still treasure the memories of her in the hospital and admire her for her positive attitude and undiminished sense of humor during those days.
Thanks for the reminder.
Ron
Happy_Go_Lucky_Gayle
18 years ago
Thank you for sharing. I have a several days in the lives of my children that were precious moments that I never want to forget.

Now, that my Mother has dementia, I'm sure she has left those memories behind. I want to hang on to my memories as long as I can.

Thank you for sharing, it actually bought a tear to my eye as I so identify with it.

Gayle
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socks
18 years ago
I agree, but could never put it to words as eloquently as you do. Thanks for the reminder to enjoy the moment.
okwriter
18 years ago
Susan,

AWESOME as always!!!

:-)
ronm80
18 years ago
Thank you for sharing Ron.
mary_c_gw
18 years ago
Susan,
What a beautiful post. I have several blessed ordinary memories that will stay with me forever.

Thank you for reminding me to remember them today.
marilyn_c
18 years ago
That is beautiful...thank you, Susan.

I visited my nephew a few years ago in California. He was 11 mo.older than me, and we grew up together, more like brother and sister. I hadn't seen him but twice since he left home to join the navy in 1963. It was odd the memories he remembered, but I had forgotten. Another odd thing, he looked just like my father did at 60 years old...and I look just like my mother when she was that age.

When I was a kid, I kept a diary, and reading it, so many things that I would have forgotten, I can remember. I think, "Oh, yeah....I remember that." Otherwise, it would be long forgotten.

One thing I remember...I was 10 years old and I was standing
right off of the back porch. I was wearing jeans and a blue flannel shirt with a plaid yoke. I looked all around and said to myself..."I will always remember this day." And I have. Nothing special about the day...just another day, but one I decided to always remember. yeah...I was an odd kid.:)
alisande
Original Author
18 years ago
Thank you for your responses, and for sharing some of your memories. Marilyn, I love that you knew enough at age ten to give yourself that memory. Very cool!
des_arc_ya_ya
18 years ago
What a neat, thought provoking post! I think I've told you guys this before, but bear with me...One day when my DGD was about four she and I were down at my parents' house. There was a bird's nest in a shrub and she wasn't tall enough to see it. My dad, who was 82 at the time, lifted her up in order for her to see it. I watched the two of them and remember thinking, "I was I could just stop time right now with her being 4 and Daddy being 82. I know that there's gonna be big changes in store for both of them and right now is perfect." My dad died before the next summer rolled around.

I personally think our memories are some of the most precious things that we have. The good ones bless us. The bad ones have probably (if we still HAVE any sense!) taught us lessons that we needed to learn.
tannatonk23_fl_z9a
18 years ago
Beautiful memories! I love reading these stories. Thanks to all of you for sharing.
~Betsy
joyfulguy
18 years ago
Hi alisande,

After all of the fuss about this being the *last* one ...

... I thought that you were going to tell us that, later ...

... another appeared!

ole joyful
liz
18 years ago
awwwww in a big way...If you think you have nothing, you have everything by having memories such as this...i tend to remember lots, happy memories from long ago, but continue to try and make good memories in the today time...

This was wonderful...i'm at the screaming guitar stage now...tyvm...but he's still my baby...still likes a good night kiss and I love you...may he never lose that!
vannie
18 years ago
We went to a party at an assisted living facility last night and I looked at all those elderly people w/ the walkers, and the oxygen and I thought that all they have are their memories. They had to get rid of their "stuff" to live there, but they'll tell you all about their kids when they were little and stories about being newlyweds and eeking by financially. How sad the ones that have been robbed of that through Alzheimer's.
alisande
Original Author
18 years ago
Joyful, I wish!! I had a miscarriage at 41, when my children were 11, 9, and 6. We all wanted that baby.

Memorizing the blessed ordinary

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Happy_Go_Lucky_Gayle

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