Two 40-50 foot oaks and many limbs hovering over my house. The tree guy here, used ropes and a ladder, and nothing else but a chain saw. The big and buggy maple out front when cut, and fallen had gone all the way across the street and slammed into the guard rail. We had traffic blocked for about 15 minutes for them to clear way the mess. All it took was a 2 day visit at about 6 hours a day total. They will soon be back to get rid of some birch and more, as one had fallen right outside my kitchen window and I woke to find it in my walk way. Luckily nothing planted there was damaged. But if it were to happen now, we can say its a $3000 damage I don't wish to pay for. My poor little old New Zealand made alumminium famed glass greehouse is only 6x8. Its now got dead birch tree limbs just waiting for more snow load to come. Wish you luck. BTW, most of my garden is sunny until about 3-4 PM. after that and before 9 am its shady. But I still manage. The oaks further back are at least 75 foot tall, and the trunks are well over 2-3 feet around. My poor blueberries lean to the eastern sky all the time and there are no real branches on the west sides of the rows over the big oaks. Mighty they are, but can be cut down if very necessary. Next door quickly realized that if I have damages from his trees, he will be getting many expensive bills to pay!

Okay, long post. First, Im sending a great big hug to you. Second I definitely agree that for the safety and sanity of your family get him out of your life. You donÂt need his drama and neither do your little ones. They may not realize what is going on but they know when somethingÂs wrong. I think it would be a good idea to have Rhiannon talk to someone. ItÂs better to have someone impartial for her to talk to. My sister has been getting counseling for her and my 5 year-old niece after her relationship ended. Her husband was an alcoholic abuser; he wasnÂt abusive when he wasnÂt drinking and his abuse was mostly psychological, but she found out through the counseling that my niece was more aware of what was going than she thought. She was also very matter of fact when she would talk to the counselorÂjust "this is what happens whenÂ". My storyÂwhen I was 13 my uncle tried to rape me while I was staying at my grandmotherÂs. I didnÂt tell anyone and tried to block it from my mind. All I could do was make sure he was never around my younger sisters. I closed myself off from everyone and pretended everything was "normal", but was terrified of any close relationship. Luckily he didnÂt come around much for family get-togethers and if he did I stayed where my grandma or my mother were. Years went by and one day out of the blue, my grandma asked if something had happened with him. All I could do was nod and start crying. I had thought for all those years that everyone would be mad at me and I would be shunned. Instead she hugged me close and told me "heÂs my son and I love him, but I could kill him", which made me feel so much better. She was my most favorite person in the world. I wasnÂt alone with this anymore. I could breathe again. I got married, had two kids, got divorced, and life went on. I had told my husband before we got married, but still didnÂt talk about it unless I had to. I have two wonderful friends who helped me get through my divorce who I had told about what had happened. When my oldest was in middle school, one of her close friends told her she was being molested and my daughter told her stepmother who then reported it. My daughter was asked to give a statement about what she had been told and I decided that as much as I hated talking about what had happened to me, this was more important. I had my friends with me but still couldnÂt talk about it without getting teary. 20+ years after it happened, my sister made a reference to him and I admitted it to my mother. Every time I talked about it, no matter how hard it was, it felt a little better inside. I still have trust issues and probably always will, but thatÂs getting better too and I was able to write this without tears. It also helps me that he eventually died of stomach cancerÂkarma to my mind, but I digress. Your heart and gut say stay away from himÂstart with that. Cozy quiet holidays at home sound like perfect memories for little ones to me. Jen

Interesting responses. A few more points. First I forgot to say I wouldn't assume it to be collection, only that it's not legitimate. I realize that some of these calls and such can catch you off guard so you might slip and say or do some things you wouldn't normally. I would suggest to not give them ANYTHING. Don't say that he's your husband, don't say he does or does not know someone, etc. Give them NO info. If they ask "do you know ___?" My standard question is "Why do you ask?" If they so much as ask if you are talking on a telephone, again, "why do you ask?" Until you are completely comfortable it's legitimate, and you're confident you know WHY they're calling and what they intend to do with the information I would assume the call is sinister and it can be to your own detriment. As for what would a caller hope to accomplish? Sheesh. You really don't know? What does ANY scammer hope to accomplish? My experience in crime prevention, personal experiences and a diverse background has made me skeptical of peoples' intentions. I've seen too many good people have bad situations. Better to err on the side of caution, and that's one of the reasons why there's no doubt in my mind, since you're involved, do the right thing. One other thing, it's curious she offered to take your number out of their database, especially on the first call. Sounds very telemarketer to me. But again, I wouldn't assume anything. A collection agency simply would not. It's part of their records. They might make a note that they can't get through via this number but no way would they remove it. PI wouldn't remove it, again records. She may have said it with the intention to get on your better side to accomplish something more at that time or in a future call, but that's not too likely. Lots of bad smells to this call. Which is why I would want to know about it.

Chloebud, I have a friend who was called to serve in Downtown L.A. He said it wasn't a problem to change the courthouse to one near him the same way you can change the date, but that it helps to call in right away. Seagrass, you'd know if you had the call in thing. It would be on your summons. In California, some time ago, they realized they weren't getting a good diversity of jurors because of the exceptions and excuses. People hated sitting around in the jury room for two weeks. The ones who didn't have an accepted excuse were the elderly who thought it was a change to their daily lives, people who worked for big companies that paid them same as if they'd gone to work to sit there and knit or read, and maybe a smattering of students and teachers during their vacations. Now we have "One Day, One Trial" where you call in for five days to find out if you have to show up the next morning, and can arrive at a civilized time if you watch the introductory videos online. Once you're there, if you're not called to a courtroom, you're done for the year at the end of the day. "One day." If you're selected for voir dire (interview), you have to keep coming back on subsequent days as may be required to finish voir dire and, if chosen, be a juror on the trial, until you're dismissed. "One trial." It's much more humane, but just about everyone but police have to serve. The only economic excuse is pretty much if you're so poor you or your family won't eat if you don't work. People over 72 can be excused permanently if they don't wish to serve on the basis of age alone (no other excuse), but they may serve if they can do so, given reasonable accommodation for whatever infirmities a life long lived may have bestowed upon them. If you're key man in some endeavor, you can reschedule so that you can make sure to have coverage in place (which you should do when you get the summons, so you don't waste a day trying to wiggle out of it). Even the governor has to serve. Same with kids. You can reschedule to a time when you have someone to watch them. If you're a full time caregiver for a family member (which might include stay at home nursing mother of an infant), you might be able to get out of it, but you'd probably have to show up for a couple of hours and put your case to be excused to the judge. If you regularly have fill in/substitute help so you can have a day off, the courts will expect you to make the same kind of arrangement to do your jury service. In general, however, if you have One Day, One Trial, expect to go in at least one day (though now and then you don't get brought in at all), and expect not to be excused. Re voir dire: everywhere in the U.S.A., there are rules for challenges by the lawyers to excuse jurors they don't want. These are different in certain courts and perhaps vary by jurisdiction as well, but basically, as they ask the questions during voir dire, if they decide you aren't fit to serve for some reason, they can ask the judge to dismiss you for cause. There are rules about why someone can be dismissed for cause, and it's up to the judge to determine if they apply. Each side also has a certain number of jurors they can dismiss without demonstrating a valid reason, just because they don't like them. Once both sides have used up these "peremptory challenges". any fit juror must be accepted, including astrologers and lawyers. :) No one wants to empanel the friend I mentioned. He's an academic, exceeding intelligent, very attentive and nitpicky. He's always one of the first peremptory challenges. They want bidable and cooperative people who will behave in a predictable manner.