I explain to the kids that there is one "real" Santa Claus, stationed at the north pole, who makes his deliveries Christmas Eve. The other guys are his helper Santa Clauses, who go out to stores and such to represent him in the days before Christmas while he is up north checking his list and getting the gifts ready.

Even four-year-olds seem to get this concept.

I still hold hard feelings for the little neighbor girl (who was a couple years older) who told my DD that Santa wasn't real!!

Sue

I am sure that I am in the minority here but I do not believe in lying to children. They will never trust you after that and wonder what else you deceived them with.

I agree with you dilly_dally but if I didn't go along with the Santa thing, my DH's family would probably stone me. For years they wouldn't exchange any gifts in front of children - they taught their children that all gifts came from Santa??? I refused to keep up that piece of fiction.

I felt very betrayed when my family kept trying to keep up the Santa charade after I had figured it out. It made me nuts that no one would confirm the truth.

I hate when my son asks details about Santa because I hate lying.

I just never tried to get my kids to believe that hard. We just talked about Santa, enjoyed the myth, learned the songs, decorated with various Santas, even got them to bed so Santa could come. But they saw all different Santas on TV and here and there, and I just did not worry about them figuring it out for themselves. I wrapped the Santa presents in the same paper I used for everyone else. I did not pursue leaving out cookies and milk. They did not sit on his lap or even go to the mall for pictures with Santa--my kids were always afraid of costumed strangers, as I had been. But they learned by osmosis that he was not real and that he was part of the Christmas spirit.

I knew of some moms who used a special, hidden wrapping paper for only Santa, used a special writing on the Santa tags, even had a costumed Santa come to the house. They worked so hard with the fiction of Santa that the kids believed to their core that he was real. Two problems with that were that even when everyone else at school knew otherwise, they did not and were teased a lot. Also, the reality brought with it all sorts of recriminations that Mom and Dad lied and cannot be trusted to tell them the truth and that their lies brought them so much pain with their friends knowing and them not knowing.

My advice, unasked for here, is to tread lightly and not go overboard with propping up the myth. Keep it to the spirit of Christmas and not the only reason for Christmas. Enjoy the stories and carols and decorations. But let them grow up to enjoy the myth of Santa, rather than grow up to a disappointment.

I am so glad to read the three responses above by dilly_dally, paula_pa and sheilajoyce and that I am not alone. For the most part that is how we handled it. I recently asked my 23 year old daughter if she felt cheated that we did not do the full fledged Santa beliefs when she was growing up and she said not at all. Now I'm not saying anyone is wrong for doing Santa but it was our choice to not make Christmas about him.

We read fairy tales to our kids, don't we?

They know how to sort out the real from the fictional, rather early on: kids are smart. That said, I don't favour (more than a modicum of) lying about the issue. Especialy when the developing brain begins to ask the questions ... time to relate it to the spirit of generosity, of Christmas, I think.

However - aren't we humans masters of the con job, though?

When we have a birthday ... we get the presents, right?

When Jesus has a birthday...

... we get the presents! Imagine that!

I don't think that we made a big deal about Santa being real.

When son was about 20 months old we came from Korea via Japan, where the little shop girls were really taken with his creamy, wispy hair ... by ship, via Hawaii, and he spent time in the fall with his Mom and Grammie in Iowa, while his Dad travelled Saskatchewan telling about mission work and refugee resettlement in Korea, just after the Korean War, then we watched Pres. Kennedy's funeral in Grammie's house, just before the end of November: I don't know how it timed with Thanksgiving.

Daughter was born exactly one year later.

Then we moved into an apt. for missionaries on furlough in Toronto and took Bruce, at about 25 months, to visit a really well turned-out Santa in something of a castle in Toronto called Casa Loma.

He was having nothing whatever to do with that guy - wouldn't get within 35 feet of him (or was it 50'?). No amount of reassurance, cajoling or whatever our resourceful minds could dream up would move him more than about 6" (did we try bribery? Quite likely - don't remember).

So - what does the son do now??

He's a clown!!

(Some say that the apple doesn't tend to fall far from the tree).

ole joyful

P.S. But - he doesn't tell sexy stories (well, not to kids, anyhow).

o j

I believed in Santa while growing up and I still trusted my parents....my kids believed in him too and never needed counseling, they still trust me to this day. I see no harm in it! I hated it when they didn't believe anymore....so glad I have little ones in my life again to enjoy that magic of Christmas!

There is nothing wrong with believing in Santa or the spirit of goodness and kindness he represents. Our kids received a few presents from Santa and presents from us and other family members. My kids did not trust me or my husband or their grandparents any less when they were older. If all it takes is finding out about Santa to mistrust adults then there is a lot more going on with the family there.
Can't wait to have grandchildren to start it all over again! NancyLouise

To each his own. I didn't start the post to debate wheather its lying and deceitful or traumatized my kids or other children. I am just sad because another part of his childhood is over or soon will be. All kids grow up, Hunter is on his way to being a big boy.
I love the childrens innocence and belief in Santa, the Easter Bunny and heck for awhile Hunter even thought there were leprechauns that rearranged his daycare room on St Paddy's Day.

I didn't ever tell what IMO are extensive stories of Santa Claus. The kids went to see him and they asked for whatever it was their little heart desired...they didn't always get it!! Like a real live horse one year! But if it was possible til they were in grade school they had one gift under the tree from Santa. Wrapped in the same wrapping paper as the gifts from MOm and Dad or Gramma or whoever.

I'm on about the same wave length as sheilajoyce. I let the kids pick up what they pick up, but I don't play it up myself. No reindeer food or Santa's boot prints, etc. No trips to the mall. My youngest is 6, and I don't think he ever believed. But with 3 older siblings he learned to recognize a con-job quite young, just for self-preservation. LOL. I think he knew before he could speak in sentences if it looks too good to be true, it probably is. Not that his siblings ever told him out right there is no Santa, he just learned not to believe everything he hears, because of them ("really, Zach, the littlest cookie always tastes the best"). So he just never bought the whole Santa story. I don't care one way or the other. If they had gotten caught up in Santa, I might have played it up more. Same with the tooth fairy. It doesn't make or break their childhood. There are other *real* amazing things in our world to capture their wonder and imagination. So if they get amazed by a rainbow, I'm the one to turn out the lights, get a flashlight and prism. I will go the extra mile for a science project or book report project. But Santa, I can take it or leave it.

All that said, I do not put out any gifts or fill stockings until they are asleep Christmas Eve. And I still write "from Santa" on every single gift to the kids. Why? I don't know. They laugh at me. My parents did, so I do. I think I just feel wrong if I don't, like I am claiming some sort of credit for the gifts. They know who it comes from, but I don't want it to matter that it came from mom and dad. From anyone else, I want them to acknowledge it, though

I always wrapped one gift from Santa to each kid,and now in their 30's and 40's I still do...it's a bit of harmless fun,and none of my kids or grandkids ever made a big deal out of finding out that there was no REAL santa,but he was part of the spirit and joy of Christmas along with the real meaning of the holiday.

"I am sure that I am in the minority here but I do not believe in lying to children. They will never trust you after that and wonder what else you deceived them with."

I asked my 22 year old who was in the room here with me if he is traumatized with trust issues, since we did the Santa thing.

He is not.... and never had been.

OMG! NO SANTA? I beg to differ... DH and I are 51 years old and we still get presents from Santa in our stockings and under the tree!
If you don't believe, you don't receive.
:-)

Well I was a kid once and like I said, while I wasn't 'traumatized', I didn't appreciate everyone trying to perpetuate the Santa myth after I had figured out he wasn't real. That's just my personal (negative) experience. I didn't have a problem with the fantasy of Santa or finding out that he wasn't real but I just wanted validation that I had made the right conclusion and it was confusing to me not to be getting it since my family is otherwise very truthful.

I don't mind that my son believes in Santa but it's just not my nature to lie and a 5-year old likes to ask very detailed questions so I get very uncomfortable.

For years I believed the same as many of the posters here, particularly stephanie and sheilajoyce.

However, my youngest child loved, loved, loved the whole Santa thing. I had always thought she would ask about Santa early, since she had an older brother, but she didn't. She wanted to believe with everything she had in her. As she got older I left the door wide open for her to find out the truth. I'd say, "If there's anything at all you want to know about Santa, just ask", hoping she'd ask me if he was real or not. She didn't acknowledge there was no Santa until she was in middle school. She was the same way about the Easter bunny, the tooth fairy, and the Irish leprechaun. She had a very rich fantasy life as a little girl!

My daughter was never unhappy that we didn't tell her there was no Santa earlier. In fact, she wished she could have believed longer, but she was getting old enough that she knew the truth in her heart, even if her head didn't want to acknowledge it.

She is 16 years old now, and I still put out cookies and milk for Santa and put the Santa presents out after she's gone to sleep Christmas Eve night. My mom made an elf calendar to put small treats in during the days leading up to Christmas, and I still put treats from that elf in that stupid calendar.

It was a very long time before anyone could convience me that there was not a Santa. My parents took my sister and I to a movie every Christmas Eve. When we returned Santa had come. How could my parents be Santa when they were with me??? When I was to old to believe they finally told me our neighbors had put out our Santa Claus while we were at the movie. Talk about being hurt, I think I cried for a week.

I only had one son and didn't know until he was an adult that he would wait until we were asleep then he would get up to see what we had put out for him, then acting surprised Christmas morning. One clever kid!!

When DD was about 7 or 8 she was really questioning whether Santa was real or not. I wasn't quite ready to tell her the "truth" so I would just tell her "Santa is love." Finally she came up to me and said she got it. "We love her so we are Santa." When Easter rolled around she asked me if the Easter Bunny was "love". It was sweet and worked for us. Her 3 younger brothers were a much tougher bunch to keep it from.
Kathy G in MI

When I found out that Santa was not real, I was not hurt, or angry or dismayed. I knew somehow that Santa was for children and I remember how my stomache would be so excited for Santa to come on Christmas eve when I still believed in Santa. I would never had the heart to change that excitement or belief for my children or grandkids or any kids I know that believe. Santa is for the children, and he is the spirit of Christmas for them.
I still love Santa, and everything he stands for.

Christmas still has a way of making me smile every year when I see how excited kids get. It is a healthy part of being a child in my world.

Trin

Well the Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny and yes Santa..still visit my house...My boys are 16, 11 and 8...The 16 yr old of course knows who the "mommy" is behind the Myth and has for years..LOL..but he plays along...

And I think my 11 yr old does too(but he's holding out & not telling us)LOL...but we also have taught them that kindness and love come from those that care.
and Santa has many helpers in many forms....
The presents don't say "from Santa" on them..they just show up Christmas morning...and their stockings are filled too...

My Mother told me the real Santa stays at The North Pole working, and all those guys you see in stores are his helpers. I believed that till about third grade. That year my friend Andrea told me Santa brings the gifts but sends your patrents the bill (!) And I found a set of children's encyclopedias in the closet that later showed up under the tree at Christmas. I felt sad when I found out there's no Santa, but a little pleased when I realized it was a sign of growing up, like no longer going out trick and treating on Halloween.

I think it is nice for children to have some "magic" in their lives... reality will hit them soon enough. I wouldn't have lied to my 8 or 9 year old child if she had asked if Santa was for real.. but as long as she believed - I played along. I can't really imagine her life if she hadn't believed at all in Santa, the Easter Bunny and the tooth fairy. Childhood should be fun and magical IMO.

She is 19 now and I still put gifts under ther tree from Santa and Mrs. Claus.

Yes there is a Santa. No he isn't a real life man but he is the spirit of giving. When my children were old enough I told them that Yes Santa does exist. No he doesn't wear a red suit or live at the North Pole, but Santa is everyone of us that chooses to be Santa. He is everyone that picks an angel off of the Angel tree at the mall. He is everyone that donates food to the local food bank or a toy to the Toy for Tots program. Santa is the wary shopper who drops change into the Salvation Army kettles.
I even pointed out to them that I had been Santa and so had they. When they donated money to our local Jaycees for their annual Christmas party for underprivileged kids.

Yes their dad and I were their Santa because we could afford to be and wanted to be..But we have also been Santa to many many others over the years.
I don't think my children felt bad at all. They saw the good that we did as Santa for others and I am proud to say they both were Santa this year.

littlebit

When I was 7 or 8 I saw my mom give my aunt money to pay her back for a doll that she had picked up for me. It was a disappointment to me that Santa wasn't real. sniff, sniff.

My uncle told my son when he was around 4 or 5 and I still think he was out of place doing this. But my son still believed somewhat as he grew older. A few years later the Bishop at his school told them that they could ask just one question and you can guess what my son asked. The Bishop didn't lie.

Then when he was around 11 I was in my nightie, sans underwear, and carried an armful of gifts to the tree. I stooped down to rest them down under the tree and saw a red light. I couldn't figure out what it was because all the lights on the tree were clear. So I poked about and saw a video camera stuck in the lower branches of the tree.

I'm pretty sure this scarred my son for life - not by seeing me as Santa, but by my private(s) show.

I think children will believe as long as they want to.

How many adults read books that are fiction or watch soaps or movies that are fiction? Regardless of age, it seems we all need a little fiction/magic/make-believe in our lives.

I tell my daughter (54) that she better always believe in Santa, and Santa's name is Mom. LOL

When I was a senior in high school and sis was a sophomore, my folks made us leave the house at 11:00 PM on Christmas Eve and go "drag Main" for an hour so that Santa could come.

:-)

I remember one Christmas Eve when I put my kids to bed, then I climbed up the ladder to the attic to get the tree down, assemble and decorate it, and put all the gifts underneath,inculding a big Fisher Price Playhouse that required assembly. I got to bed about 4 am, they were up at 6. I am sure they still "believed". A couple of years later, I heard them talking and knew the jig was up. Other kids had definitely had told them the truth and spoiled the magic.

My nephew, a year older than me, told me when I was 5. We agreed not to say anything, so not to spoil it for our parents. If I am traumatized, I can truthfully say....that didn't do it.

My daughter, never liked Santa Claus and would not sit on his lap after she was a little over a year old, and cried when I got her to do it then. She was never a child to go up and hug or talk to strangers either. I talked to her when she was a little older than that, and told her Santa was more a symbol of the spirit of Christmas...and she seemed happy with that explanation.

I didn't see anyone point this out, so I will.

The first Christmas that I knew that Santa wasn't a real, physical being I played along like I did, anyway.

Why? I didn't want the presents to stop coming! LOL

Awww, Nodak.........

Dear EditorÂ

I am 8 years old. Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus. Papa says, "If you see it in The Sun, itÂs so." Please tell me the truth, is there a Santa Claus?

Virginia OÂHanlon

Virginia, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be menÂs or childrenÂs, are little. In this great universe of ours, man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus! It would be as dreary as if there were no Virginias. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies. You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if you did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but thatÂs no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You tear apart the babyÂs rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived could tear apart. Only faith, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Virginia, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives and lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay 10 times 10,000 years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.

Geeze Louize....I knew someone would bring up the old "lying to kids" thing with this...just knew it was going to happen. That is a happy time in a child's life, and I know of none who were traumatized by believeing. I can remember my Santa Clause days with pleasure..what a great time in a child's life!!!

Thank you Lynn!
I had forgotten that, I don't know how I could have!

I think that it depend on the age of people. I personally cannot ever remember when I knew about Santa--I think my grandparents, especially my grandpa talked about Santa and the spirit of giving etc. He was a farmer and very pratical and I was closer to my grandparents than my parents. I probably gave my brother a rough time, but then I usually did. Can't remember. I know my kids "really" believed in Santa, but then they also knew that there would be no gifts if they didn't. LOL.

Well of course there's those who want to believe and those who want to try to make something out of fun that simply isn't so. If I saw children who were so traumatized that they would distrust their parents over Santa Claus, then those are clearly incompentent parents and should not have children in their custody. Clearly there's a lot more reasons why those children distrust the parents and I dare not even ask what they're doing to those poor kids.

We grew up without a lot of the Santa hoopla. But there was "Santa". We all figured it out at an unusually young age. Maybe the hints? Maybe we were smarter or more able to analyze things? Maybe dumb luck? I don't know and I don't care. We were raised with more of the spirit and meaning of the holidays than on the giftwrap. But like mashed potatoes and gravy, Christmas and presents were part of it.

My mother died at an early age. The last couple weeks of her life, two cousins, both LPNs stayed with my parents to help out. I knew my mother appreciated this since it enabled her to be at home when she died. I knew I had to do something special that year. Didn't take long to figure out a present for each of them. One enjoyed photography and used instamatics all her life. Easy choice, eh? Yep a camera. The other just got a new car and had just an AM radio. A car stereo. So they were wrapped up and the tag said who it was from. Need I say? Santa. They were both kind of mystified why I was giving them a present and saying Santa until I asked them you DO know who Santa is, don't you? One blurted out YOU! and all of a sudden the other's jaw dropped and a tear came to her eye and said "I know who she is".

I've done a lot of things in my life for which I'm proud, but this one rates up there toward the top. I know I brought true JOY in this world, but this I'm sure brought a lot of happiness in another world if there truly is one. So whether you believe in other worlds, Santa, "good" and "bad" vibes, karma or whatever, it's the spirit in the person that matters.

So whether you want to traumatize your kids or celebrate with them, here's hoping every good person here has a happy Christmas (yes even if you don't believe in Christmas) and a healthy and prosperous new year. Gledelig Jul!

BTW, Joyful, since you Canadians celebrate Thanksgiving about a month before we do in the States, have you already celebrated Christmas???

One other thing I've often wondered... for the people who are so "honest"... do they also tell their kids that Christmas is about retail greed and refuse to accept any presents, cookies and goodies or the Christmas dinner? Just kind of curious. :D

To each his own. I'm medicare age and still believe in 'Santa'. When my children/grandchildren became aware, I told them that Santa does exist.....he's in anyone who has a spirit of giving, sharing, loving, etc.

hey i belive in santa... i loved that magical part of my childhood..im 41 some people dont ever grow up.. lol..i hated it when i found out the truth..but for just a lil story i was 5 years old...mom and dad home no neighbors around and i mean none we lived in the valley "sticks" there were jingle bells everywhere and hardly any houses we were surrounded by summer people and i mean everywhere...guess what the jinglebells off our door disappeared and they were there because i helped my mom and dad hang them..i swear.. then they were gone..no tracks no rhiendeer poop no nothing the bells were simply gone...if my parents did that they preformed a miracle!! i figured as i got older and my grandparents passed and such that id find those jingle bells somewhere...to this day my parents swear they had nothing to do with it and weve never seen those jingle bells since...thats one of the best memories of my childhood...and if my parents were fooling me (they are 2 peas in a pod) well they did one heck of a job..that was one of my most memorable christmases ever!!! and ill treasure that and never consider it lying...yep the best..i wish i was still that kid again darn it!