The space under maples is definitely known as dry shade. I do have 2 maples planted near each other in a corner of my yard. I am trying a variety of plants under the maples, but I can speak most certainly about those which have been successful there over a period of years. Once you start working different parts of this area you may find sections that stay moister. In my past experience, growing shade plants under tall oaks is much easier,not so may surface roots. So I have had Solomon Seal (polygonatum), Japanese Painted Fern and hostas hold their own. Hostas don't get as big as they would planted elsewhere. Variegated hosta will add contrasting color in a space where flowers are hard to come by. There is even a heavily variegated Solomon Seal (they are not inexpensive) that you can find sometimes at the bigger nurseries. What would come as a surprise to many would be that maidenhair ferns have been returning for several years under my maple. Most sources of botanical wisdom will say that maidenhair ferns want to be in moist shade. My advice to you is to proceed slowly in the driest areas. I wasted money buying a whole variety of different tiarellas that supposedly tolerate dry soil. They might have done well if I had planted them in somewhat less dry soil, but instead they diminished and disappeared over time. I did have an epimedium that I transplanted from another part of the yard. I planted it between the 2 maples and this spring it looked so wonderful when its white flower was in bloom. My intention was to get a whole planting of them this fall. But in this much wetter than average summer I looked over and it had died. I don't know why, maybe too dry or maybe some other reason. I will buy one plant, put it further out and progress slowly inward, keeping an eye on things. Nothing worse than seeing that a large planting is clearly in the wrong place or has actually died.

Suzy ~ My apologies for not "getting it". I take things very literally...I suppose it comes from my line of work ;o) I do think it would be a very good short story, though. Reader's Digest, perhaps? She lived a double life, dangerously close to the edge. Will her sordid little secret come to light? She left work early that day, making sure noone saw which direction she was heading in. As she traveled to her destination, she wondered aloud if she was doing the right thing. Her heart told her one thing, but her sensibilities told her another. What a prediciament she had gotten herself into, but what could she do? She finally arrived, and with her nerves and senses tingling in anticipation she got out of the car. She looked around, hoping she wouldn't run into someone she knew. After all, what would they surmise she was doing there? She walked with a steady stride to the front doors, hesitated, took a deep breath, and entered. She continued walking until she reached her destination. A smile of satisfaction came across her face. "Hello, my darling. I've been longing for you, to see you, to hold you in my arms.". With that, she picked up the treasured 3-quart Tramontina braiser and made her way to the front of WalMart, thrilled with her newly found acquisition.

Paler gray on the bricks; deeper darker gray on both of the eaves .... white columns; black front door (add silver knocker) -- and please paint the downspout in the same color as the brick! LOL! :) Just teasing! :) No shutters at all .... If possible .... add lighting by the front door -- and in the garden. Add a white-painted round vent at the top of both of the eaves. Remove original plantings -- and expand the garden beds -- and make them flank the walkway. Add some larger gray rocks in several spots and a variety of height in the new plantings. Add vintage garden chairs or a white bench to the front porch.

I thought my house was funky, but yours is even quirkier. I would not fight the funk- I would go with it. Instead of trying to make it look traditional, which won't work with that roofline, how about going modern/Frank Gehryesque? (Not that I know what that is.) Here are some outside of the box ideas: 1. Change the front siding to match the sides and attic (?) area. 2. Change the garage door- maybe to a modern barn door look with two doors. 3. Replace the attic windows with a series of identical clerestory windows from side to side, about eight of them. Big wide trim around them. 4. On the second floor, continue the window pattern that's over the garage all the way over (probably mean adding three or four more). Wide trim around all. 5. Metal or galvanized tin roof. 6. New door: single light french. 7. Depends on what rooms are on the first floor, but I'd put another two single light french doors, sliders, to the right of the front door. 8. Pergola from end to end of the house to define the first floor, with a solid (galvanized tin?)roof over the entry door or maybe all the way across. With a patio outside in front of the single-light slider. 9. Paint: charcoal gray with black trim, or dark purply-brown with plum trim. Or warm tan with white trim. Or...? Landscaping: tall spiky things. Good luck. I have had a heck of a time working around the bizarre add-ons on my house. Each part of the house still has different siding. So I am in the same boat- except that I have only one story to contend with, which makes it a little less daunting. In any case, it will not be cheap.