If it had been a snake it would have bit ya. And I hate snakes. I use "You couldn't see the forest for the trees."
Leslie

Reminds me of DH who is notoriously bad at looking for things. He can look RIGHT AT IT and not see it. When he hollers, "Where is it???" I say, "What's the matter, it's not falling into your outstretched hands?" I did that yesterday when he wanted the syrup, and I didn't even have the words out of my mouth when I turned to look at him -- and he wasn't even looking for it!!! He was standing in front of the open refrigerator with his hands outstretched!!! Smart aleck.

DH uses the expression, "It's better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick."
Clare

ron my mother used to say the devil had his hand over it when things like that happened. lol
Donna

We always say it was in a parallel universe and was just put back.

When the kids were little and carry on because they couldn't find something....that THEY had put 'away'. I would always tell them...open your eyes and shut your mouth!

I don't lose things. I put them in a SAFE place. So safe in fact, that I have no idea where it is. One day I am going to stumble into that safe place and find a treasure trove LOLOL!

We have a few family sayings, and they are not polite ;). When asked what's for dinner, the answer is often $hit sandwiches. Or sometimes, the answer is just "Do you like bread?" which implies those sandwiches LOL.

When offering a list of something, we often add a last item - a kick in the arse with a frozen mocassin. "Would you like a drink? Cola, ginger ale, beer, wine, a kick in the arse with a frozen mocassin?". Or something can be better than that - "How is the roast beef?"......"Better than a kick in the arse with a frozen mocassin".

There are more. We are all odd ROFL.

I've threatened to make a folder on my computer titled 'Where did we put...?' and list the places where we put things for safe keeping. But then we have to remember to use it.

Dances...i'm peeing my pants from laughing at your post...I can't wait to use the SH** Sandwiches and a kick in the arse with a frozen mocossin...ROFLMAO..

I've been trying for 27 years (marriage) to make a place for stuff...I'm still not there...but there's always tomorrow! My hubster, bless his heart, when he's looking for something, he has to think like me and that's a terrible thing most days...LOL

Dances, you're too funny!
When we were kids and would stay with my Grandparents if Grandpa got up we'd always ask "Where you going Grandpa?" If we was heading for the bathroom his reply was "I'm going to see a man about a horse."

There's a local plumber that whenever you ask him what he's working on the answer is "I'm making a rudder for a ducks a$$."

Ron

Ron, that was my Dad's favorite response. Have not heard it since I was a youngster. Brings back memories.

My mother, if exasperated, would say, "Hell's bells and butterflies!" She was a PK and that is as close to cussing as she got.

My Mom would always say "If It had been a bear it would have bit ya." She would also say "It was in the last place I looked."
Kittywhiskers

I always heard the, "if it were a snake, it would have bit ya". I like that excuse, about the devil covering it.
My DH doesn't like to look for anything either. Often it's right in front of him, and he doesn't see it.

For lost items my paternal grandfather would tell us "It'll be in the last place you look." When we were kids, and didn't "get it" we thought it meant he had hidden the item in a place we wouldn't think and get mad pleading with him to tell us where it was. Eventually we finally got it- it's the last place we look b/c then we stop looking!

Unrelated to lost items.. and the background here is long... In my mom's family there are 6 kids and my grandmother was widowed when they were age 5-16. She relied on the oldest ones to help around the house as she went back to work. She also saved "stamps" from the grocery to purchase small appliances or whatever. One day, I guess the list was long, one of the kids asked in a smart mouth, "You want me to put the stamps in the book when I'm done with all that?"

So for 40 years our family has been using that phrase. When someone makes a long to-do list they might add "And when you're done with that, put the stamps in the book." If they don't say it, the person receiving the list will ask it.

I've used it on my kids, but since they have no idea what I mean by "stamps" they don't get it! LOL. Maybe it will die out with this generation.

We have some other lines that go back to those years of my grandmother raising 6 kids on her own. It seems a sense of humor got them through the grief together.

Turned around and there it was, GONE!

I do better finding things if I stop looking for them. Just start organizing a closet or a drawer and keep an eye out for it. Couldn't find a huge white blanket (now how many places could that go?!), soon enough, I found it in a closet.

Dances, my mother had a version of yours- when we all bugged her too much about what was for dinner, the answer was always "poop on a bun". lol And when the dinner was finally ready, she would holler out "it's soup!" Or sometimes "gerd 'em!" Short for "gerd your loins", I guess.

And when we didn't show up fast enough for dinner (probably we were passed out from hunger, we always ate late) she would ask "would you like a written or an engraved invitation to dinner?" and it was dripping with sarcasm. lolol

What a fun post! I love all y'all's sayings!

My father, 100% Italian, had a saying that he always said in Italian. I don't think it's polite to say it in English in mixed company...

When we were kids and Mom would get frustrated, she'd say, "Well, sh*t fire and save the matches!" I'm sure there are others that I'll think of as soon as I hit the Submit button. LOL!

This post is just a riot...I've gotta write this stuff down...cause the old lady who lives here is slowly eating my brain innards.

SH**FIRE AND SAVE THE MATCHES!! LOL...

HE**LS BELLS is one my looselipped sayings!

When my kids used to ask what we were having I'd say fried apple turds...don't know where that came from...now they just show up and hope for the best!

No quippy comebacks when looking for things, but I sure hated for mom to send me looking. She'd have 27 instructions, all of which I was to remember....."Up the stairs, to the dresser, on the left side of the bed, in the third drawer on the right, under my pink slip on the left next to the blue one, near the back but not all the way............." Whew!!! I hated for her to send me looking for ANYTHING! And it was never there. UGH!

Mom's favorite whenever we sassed her.....
You'll be dead before God can get the news!

Mom's favorite whenever we argued with her.....
If I say the Detroit River is coming through the front door, don't go look. Just run for a pail and start baling!

My favorite to let my daughter know I was serious.....
I'll knock you into next week.

An elderly couple I knew would bicker back and forth. He'd ask a simple question and she'd launch off into a lengthy explanation. He'd look at her and say, "I asked what time it is, not how the clock was made."
Ron

I'd be looking for car keys.

"Have you seen my car keys?".

"I've got other things to do beside keeping track of your car keys".

"I didn't ask you to keep track of them - I just asked if you'd seen them!".

I've also heard the one about, "If it'd been a bear, it would have bit you".

ole joyful

my dh family used to say when something didnt go the way it was supposed to WORKS LIKE A WINDSHIELD WIPER ON A DUCKS ASS we used to ask my dad where he was going and he always said OVER THE HILL and we always believed him because both roads out of our farm there was a hill. I loved reading these it brings back really good memories

my mom used to say
If wishes were fishes, we'd all be in deep water.
It wasn't until I was almost grown that I "got" it.

For my parent's 50th anniversary, we 5 kids brainstormed up 50 things our parents used to say, and about every 15 minutes during the party, one of us would ring a bell to get everyone's attention, and read one out loud. It was a big hit, caused alot of laughs and brought back memories for alot of people.

Mom used to say "spit in one hand and wish in the other and see which one fills up faster". When my aunt has to get up early, it's at the a$$ crack of dawn, and when she's *really* hungry she could eat the a$$ end of a buffalo...

There are more, but those are already dancing on the edge of decency, lol!

I love my family :-)

april

April, you reminded me of another saying.

Ex military friend of mine, when he has to get up early it's at Oh dark thirty.
Maybe you have to be there.
Ron

I've heard that one too, Ron :-)

I've been after my aunt for years to write a book of her "Lexie-isms", but of course I can't think of any more right now to post :-P

april