I agree with you. Unless it's a BYOB party, the wine is gift for the hostess to open when he/she wishes, not for you to try.

Hmmm we went to a party last week Saturday. Bill had a bottle of wine in mind, and knew there wouldn't be anything he liked to drink at the party.

He brought the bottle, and opened it there, and we all drank it.

Liz (hostess) didn't have any. Her likes are in the other direction. She was glad, we took care of ourselves.

I guess, it depends on the friends?

Moni
PS, it wasn't thought as a hostess gift at all.

Nope, that was very rude on her part. She brought you a GIFT and then she took it back.

I think I'd have to send a little thank you note that said "Thanks for the gift of the bottle of wine. I'd like to tell you that I enjoyed it but there was only a dab of it left by the time I noticed that you had opened it. I hope you enjoyed both it and my party. Steve."

I'm so sick of rude people doing things and never being called on it. How will they ever learn if no one has the guts to say anything about it to them? I think you'd be doing her a service by mentioning it to her. And a polite note can't be argued with. :)

Rude, rude, rude.
The vast majority of the time, the host/hostess has the wine already planned out to go with the food being served.

Wine is a gift for the host, to be enjoyed when they want it, later. Especially something so special, decadent and rare, as a chocolate wine. Boo on her part!

I LOVE Flamingos idea of a letter, right to the point.

There is definitely a difference between a host/hostess gift and a bottle brought to be drunk. However, the difference may not have been so clear cut at your party. If wine was being served at the party, the giver may have thought of her bottle as contributing to what was being served while you interpreted it as a gift.

Was wine being served? Were there glasses available for people to help themselves or did she go into your cabinets and dig out a wine glass?

I've had parties where the wine flowed and people brought bottles, some of which were opened and drunk without my involvement. That worked at those parties because that was the idea. However, I've also had people hand me a bottle of wine at those kind of parties and say something like, "put this away, it's for you to enjoy later".

So a lot depends on what kind of party it was AND what the giver's intentions were.

If it was not a wine drinking party and she helped herself to the glasses & wine then I'd say it was extremely rude and ill-mannered. But I wouldn't bother with a note. Instead I'd probably just go buy myself a bottle and let it go.

Read the posting about "compartmentalizing"!! Let it go.

In our circles it really depends on how it is presente. A bottle that is in a gift bag or with a bow is a gift, if it is brought unbedecked then it is meant to contribute to the evening's offerings. If I were taking a special bottle such as chocolate wine that I want to taste I would take 2 bottles, one to imbibe and one to gift.

It's called respect.

You aren't supposed to bring food and drink to other people's house to eat and drink at that time unless you are specifically asked to (which is another post). I once stayed up until 1 the night before a party making a dessert only to be upstaged by someone bringing a store bought coconut cream pie. My dessert was really good but not many even tried it. Many hostesses often spend a lot of time coordinating food and beverages, etc (sometimes the hostess may not want to serve alchohol at all or may not have her wine glasses even out).

I just don't think some people understand this. Bringing food suggests the host can't feed anyone correctly or that her stuff isn't good enough. You don't think you're insulting and embarassing people by telling them what they are serving is not good enough? It also often looks like you're looking for a pat on the back. Someone's else party is the time to get raving reviews about your dish or wine.

I've notice the same people that do this generally are the type of people that never bring hostess gifts. If you want to bring a food, it's very easy to turn your food and wine gift into a hostess gift...just tell them it's for them only and to put it away for later. If they still want to put it out, let them, but let it be by their doing, not yours.

I have never thought about what people may be serving and brought something because I didn't think it would be good enough. I know it's a far out their concept... but if someone was serving alchohol not to my liking, I just wouldn't drink.

p.s. If you're still going to bring wine to drink that night, please bring enough for everyone... I think we were all taught this sharing concept in 1st grade. You can't just bring 3 candy bars.

If she bought and gave the wine to you as a gift, then it was wrong/rude. If she brought the wine to the party then it wasn't. When we have gatherings, people often bring their own choice of wine or other drink.

I wouldn't waste my time being PO'd......

You said guests brought a bottle, but didn't say if they handed the bottle over to the host and said, "this is for you". If they gave it as a gift, they wait until the host/ess opens it. If they brought a bottle and set it down, it's theirs to do as they wish. You stashing the last bit of wine was wrong, IMO because you don't know if they gave the wine to the hostess (then it belonged to her) or brought it for themselves (then it's theirs). If it was an open bar, then you should have poured it and enjoyed it openly.

I really need to learn how to read. Ignore what I said. YOU had the party. The wine was a gift.

never mind.........

all been said and done...

btw did you have an oppurtunity later to taste what was left? and how was it?

That was very rude. I sometimes bring a bottle of wine to a party, but it's a gift to the host/hostess, not meant as a "pot luck" contribution. At least you know your thoughtfullness was appreciated. But if I was invited again, I would have to say I'm busy.

Some interesting comments and I should clarify one thing.

Debby was right, in that I forgot to mention then when it was handed to me, the remark was "We know you like wine and brought this for you."

I'm not necessarily POd, but more amazed that she'd do something like that. The way I was raised is that if it was a gift (as obviously it was) the presenter didn't open it.

I did get a small taste (and I do mean small) and really would have liked more to get a better idea of the taste. This was more like sample you receive in stores when they put out a new product.

First of all, chocolate wine sounds pretty bad! LOL

That aside, I think it depends on the situation. I've given wine where I fully expect the hosts to drink it by themselves, at another time. OTOH, I go to an annual Christmas party where all the wines are set out for the guests. I've been known to open my own wine there--and pour less than a quarter of the bottle. It empties quickly after that, from other people pouring from it.

But since your guest said she brought the wine for you, she should have left it for you to decide what you wanted to do with it.

I'm with the others that say forget about it. My friends and I open and use the gifts right away - if it's sometime to be shared. If you find you like the wine, ask the person where they got it and go and buy some more. BTW - I do like chocolate wine. I agree that it sounds terrible but it is good. But I'd not want a whole bottle. One glass was enough for me.

Would I open it? No, unless I went to the host/hostess and asked "This looked very interesting on the wine store's shelves--shall we pop it open and give it a taste?" (emphasizing "we"--with the host/hostess)

(Some guests can actually feel annoyed or perhaps ignored when a host/hostess does NOT open their bottle of wine or put out the food item that they brought but were not asked to bring. But they forget their place.

Carla: You can invite me over any time! You can count on me to NEVER bring anything more than not-so-perfumey flowers, and you can even decorate your bathroom with them! I wouldn't be upset if you decided not to remove your well-thought-out table centerpiece for my grocery-store-bought flowers! LOL!)

It was a gift to you.

It was for you to decide to open that night or not. The guest was rude. Probably unintentionally but that's the problem with people not accepting or learning basic etiquette tenets these days.

Not worth losing sleep over. But you are correct to think it was wrong.

Since I do not drink wine or any other alcoholic drinks because I just don't care for them, I sometimes will bring sparkling juice and tell the hostess that they can put it away or share.

We know you like wine and brought this for you.

Yup, she was wrong to open it without, at the very minimum, including you in the first pouring from the bottle. But as I said above, I'd just move on. People do stuff like that, and even though it's wrong, I don't think it's worth hurting her feelings over it. Next time a situation like that arises and you want to keep the bottle for later, hide it away somewhere.

I love chocolate and I love wine but I don't think I've seen chocolate wine. Would you mind posting the name on the label? I'm going to look for it!

"First of all, chocolate wine sounds pretty bad!"

"I don't think I've seen chocolate wine."

It's not exactly "chocolate wine." It's wine -- a dessert wine, generally a port -- that's been infused with chocolate flavor. And it's wonderful. One that's made in the Alexander Valley here in California, that's won many, many awards, is Chocolate Amore made by the Trentadue Winery. Yum!

Maybe the guest already had drunk too much WINE and could not remember (or maybe did not even know) the proper ettiquette conerning a host/hostess gift.

If she were my friend I probably would just muse and laugh about it.

If it was offensive to me, I would mark her off of my future guest list.

Did they all get home ok? lol

"the giver was the one who opened it as she 'wanted to see what it tasted like'" "If you wanted to taste it, why not buy a bottle for yourself!"

Personally, I would never give any wine as a gift that I hadn't already tasted. And by that I mean that I would have already tasted from a different bottle! We gift a lot of wine to folks (we have at least 700 bottles of wine here), and we only give wine that we like ourselves, and either already know with certainty that the recipient likes, or are fairly confident that the recipient will like it. No sense in wasting good wine!

"when it was handed to me, the remark was 'We know you like wine and brought this for you.'"

They were absolutely wrong to have opened the wine without your knowledge and permission to do so.

Lindsey, only you could have convinced me that "chocolate wine" was worth a try!

She was wrong.
chocolate wine? hmmmmmm
okay, Lindsay.. i'll take your word for it.

Alisande, if the wineries here could ship to Pennsylvania, I'd send you some!

You could sort of do a "make your own," though... Chocolate and wine go very well together. But, you want to have chocolate with varying amounts of cocoa according to the type of wine you're drinking. There's a chocolate company in San Francisco, Bridge Brands Chocolate, that sells chocolate specifically for pairing with wine (as well as lots of other chocolates, too). You can order directly from them (order by December 15 to receive in time for Christmas), or you can find tha appropriate "level" chocolate in your local grocery store. (Many wineries have these tins of chocolate customized with the winery's logo.)

Take a sip of wine, then a bite of chocolate and let it melt in your mouth, then another sip of wine... And so on, and so on...

For pairing with...
Port - 54% cocoa
Cabernet Sauvignon - 55% cocoa
Pinot Noir - 56% cocoa
Merlot - 58% cocoa
Syrah - 61% cocoa
Zinfandel - 72% cocoa

Weird, I went to a party on Friday and brought the host a bottle of chocolate wine as a gift. He said "Put it on the table with all the wines and open it if you want". Well, no one did and there it sat.

I love chocolate wine--it kind of tastes like a mudslide.

I'll save that, Lindsey--thanks! At a party a few years ago someone suggested to me that red wine and dark chocolate go well together. I was drinking a good zin, and while I don't remember the cocoa content of the chocolate, it was European, and it was pretty high. The experience was delicious! I suppose I should have remembered it when I read "chocolate wine" above. :-)

My very favorite Zinfandel is from the Rubicon Estate winery in Rutherford (Napa Valley), California. The winery is owned by Francis Ford Coppola. The Zinfandel is Edizione Pennino, named after his maternal grandfather. And I can say from first-hand experience that it pairs very nicely with dark chocolate!! :-)

Thanks--I'll keep an eye out for it. I don't recall seeing it, though. As you know, our choices are often rather limited in PA.

My Sis in law shared a bottle of Chocolate wine with us on Thanksgiving. I have to admit I was skeptical.
Surprisingly it was nice to drink.

I think everyone covered most the bases on this. It seems to be one of those times to shrug it off and enjoy the day.

I too think everything has been covered...just wanted to add Choc. Amore is awesome....I too love a good Cab with some choc. Stacy

To answer the OP: around here parties are pretty informal and typically proceed the way sleepblues puts it. The bottles of wine that show up all end up on the table or a kitchen counter, and in the course of the evening people are free to help themselves. I always buy wine to serve, but never mind it in the least when people open other bottles--either what they bring or what others have brought. In fact, I encourage people to help themselves.