Cute,but the last verse doesn't rhyme.Sounds kinda wierd.

Maybe you could parody "The Three Pigs" with a line about going "Wii Wii all the way home".

Cute!! It rhymes. I just think your syllable/meter count is a little off near the end. I think this may be off too but sounds a little better to me:
Too old for play trucks or a brand new dolly
No my kids had texted "we want an Xbox or Wii"

You may even use real text words in your poem or kid language...like "Plz send an Xbox or Wii" or "Sweet! an Xbox or Wii"

Maybe
The night before Christmas they call Christmas Eve
When children all dream of the gifts they'll receive.

Their letters to Santa are not in the mail
For they sent him a text with a backup email

Too old for trucks or a brand new dolly
Now the kids text "we want a Wii"
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
I think it is the dolly and the WII that is the problem written it doesn't look like it ryymes but out loud it works is there a descriptive word you can put in front of the WII?
Try it

They want one little package under the tree
And they have texted Santa for a brand new Wii

YOu asked for opinions--mine isn't about the poem itself--as far as the poem goes, whatever YOU feel fills the requirements of the contest is perfect, regardless of what others here may say.

However, I've been competing (in another field) for almost 30 years. I know this is a small contest, not the national kind I compete in, but here's my problem with your post. And I say this only because it's good advice for anyone planning on entering a contest. You NEVER share or publish your work before the contest is judged and the winners announced. Often, in the fine print, there's an admonition against submitting published works (and yes, posting on the internet CAN be considered publishing by some sponsors). Even if there isn't, it's always best to keep your entry close to the vest, so to speak, just to protect it.

I'd strongly recommend NOT putting your entry on any website at this point in the competition--it could end up costing you the chance to win. Obviously, that's just one opinion. You can certainly do what you want, but you're obviously putting a lot of thought and effort in this. It would be such a shame if someone either stole your entry, or disqualified it because it was easily found with a quick internet search.

soonergrandmom nailed it! Brilliant!

I like Carla's suggestion for changes in the last verse.

Good luck!

I like what "sooner" wrote, but I'd change it to this. b/c it flows better:

They want one little package under the tree
And they have texted Santa to bring them a Wii

Good advice from Azzelea

Azzalea is absolutely right. Many years ago, before I had heard of the internet, I shared some prose with a friend and guess what? It ended up in a book with HER name as author!

I really like this suggestion and the rhyming is good
from
soonergrandmom (My Page) on Thu, Nov 25, 10 at 1:55

They want one little package under the tree
And they have texted Santa for a brand new Wii

I have to also say that I agree with azzalea.I think it would be unethical to use the verse suggested here (even thought it definitely sounds better than the original)because it isn't "your" work.
Good luck with the contest.

Since I don't write much, I cannot offer a opinion, but you might check to see if you put it on the internet, or even to a friend, if this could count against you. Not sure what the rules are with as much as there is on the net or even tx--

thanks everyone.

These were just a few lines I had thought of off the top of my head. The verses will most like change. I just wanted your take on my idea...glad you all like it!

In all honesty I don't put much hope in winning. I've entered other work and it always seem that the winners are affiliated with the English Dept there. But it's worth a shot.

On the plus side..I also enter my art work. And even though my old boss' wife is one of the judges she is 100% unbiased. Great thing about her is that she will always give me great feedback.

SamKaren
your resident DJ