Your sisters and you need to get together for a family conference. You also need to get some legal advice. If she has quite of bit of money, make sure she is not just giving it away, or to some scam artist. How old is she? You said she has limited driving--accidents??
As you are on the bank account, you might discuss any banking concerns with the bank manager/president, quietly without her knowing. She cannot take your name off, but could close the account and open another one without anyone. I think you could do online banking, just make sure the statements go to her--again talk to the bank.
Dementia never bothers the person, just the family, which it should. Can you find out why she cashed the bond, where the money went, and yes she has to pay taxes on the interest earned. Is she sending money over seas? Yes, all of you should check up.

Hey, marie. Mom is 79 and has limited her driving because she feels she's too tired after shopping to drive more than a few miles. A decision she made herself. All of us have ridden with her and don't feel she's a danger to herself or anyone else in that regard.

As far as the money.... she's tight as a tick! LOL. Much more so than she used to be. I understand that prices of everything has gone up, and of course her pension hasn't but she seems to spend alot of money on groceries. Her pantry is stocked, that's for sure! On the other hand, she has done very little Christmas shopping so none of her money is going to that. And, the last thing I would ever believe is that she is sending money to someone or being scammed.

What I think is going on is she is taking cash and hiding it and then forgetting about it. I found $200 that she had hidden not too long ago. She started hiding money several years ago when homes in our area were being broke into. She has hidden her jewelry and can't remember where it is. I've told her several times where she put it but she forgets each time then when I tell her again, she'll remember for that moment. There are times when we've found her the perfect hiding spot and she'll use it for awhile, then all of a sudden, that spot isn't so good anymore.

I told my sisters that the day will come when we'll have to go through everything in the house with a fine tooth comb or its no telling what could get thrown away. We have also talked about what all it will entail the day we have to take steps to protect her. As far as the comment on the $10,000... I do everything I can for her so I guess she'll do whatever she can for me???? LOL It's not funny but yet it is. Like I had said I needed $100.

wish you could get her to the dr...some of the new drugs are helping...my aunt has altz, and while she can't be left alone anymore i do think my uncle's intervention (he's had her on meds) several years ago has helped...it's encouraging when i call them that she still knows me...

Does your mom have a computer? I hope she didn't fall for one of those Nigerian scams.

Back throughout the '90s I kept encouraging my parent to get a simple computer so they could use email to keep in contact with their friends and relatives, who ALL have email.

Now, if they went out and got one I would take it away. They are too naive and trusting and always have been.

My father is now on medication for Alzheimer's but it is my mother who seems to have gone loony but she thinks she is OK. I could type for hours.

They keep getting scammed by salespeople. Yes my mother now owns a new Kirby. And a new $3,000 set of pots and pans she bought and can't afford, nor did they need, because the salesperson told them that new glasstop electric stove won't work with regular pans.

You HAVE to get her to the dr. What you're describing is definitely some sort of dementia. If it's Alzheimers, there are meds that can help--won't cure the disease, but can slow it down, and give the person more control.

Secondly, from what you're describing--and I know you don't really want to hear this--your mother is at the point where she is truly not capable of handling her finances. If she told you she'd go and get you $10,000, just because you asked, you really DON'T know who else she's decided to help out (might be that 'tight as a tick' charateristic no longer applies).

I've been through Alzheimer's with my MIL, and through my mom getting confused an unable to handle her affairs (not officially diagnosed as Dementia, but that didn't change the fact that she needed a LOT of help, for a number of years). I totally understand that you really DON'T want to admit that your mother is past being self-sufficient. It's so hard to see, and much more difficult to accept--our mom's are supposed to be the ones in control, who can do anything, right?

But you really do need to take some steps now. Getting her to the dr. is first--and do call him ahead of time, and let him know what your concerns are, what symptoms you've seen. If you're not listed as someone he can discuss your mom's situation with, he can at least listen, and then he'll have the info to do the appropriate evaluation. As I said, there are treatments for some causes of some kinds of dementia--and cures for some other things that can be causing it. And even if it's an untreatable situation, there is lots of help for you--but you have to know what you're dealing with.

Second--you need to speak with an eldercare attorney. If your mother runs through too much money too quickly, and then needs residential care in the near future, you could be in a very difficult situation. A lawyer can explain the legal requirements of getting help and can help you conserve and protect her assets, and can, if you all want, help set up your mom's affairs in the best way possible.

Lastly, it occurs to me--maybe you should let your mom give you that $10,000, and put it in a separate account, that you keep for her. There are a number of advantages to doing that. Of course, you'd have to pay the tax on the interest, but she can legally give you that amount, and you'd be able to see that it was saved for her when she needs it.

Good luck to you. I know how very difficult this time of life is going to be for you. I took care of my mom for the last 12 years of her life, and the one thing you need to understand, even though it's hard to accept--is that today is probably as good as it's going to get. Unlike children who advance and become more able and independent, our parents go the other direction, some slowly, some more quickly, some aware of what's happening, some not; some accept it, some fight every step of the way--but we have to be able to help them, the way they helped us learn to become the people we are. Again, my thoughts are with you, and my hope you'll find the strength it takes to parent a parent who doesn't want to be 'parented'.

I think you should sign up for online banking and keep an eye on her account. However, if you notice she has seen fit to give someone else $10,000, it would be too late!

Yes, you need a family conference and to keep an eye on her finances so nothing goes wrong. I know you are not angling to "get" her money, but no sense in having her spend it inapproriately or give it to someone. We've had the experince in our family of older members sending cash in envelopes to religious organizations, and then complaining that they don't have enough money. Can you keep an eye on your mom's mail? That will give you a clue as to what's going on also.

Mom is the topic of most every conversation between my sisters and myself. Neither one of them live close... 1 is on the other coast, the other 1 1/2 hrs away. But, we believe her problems mostly come from her fibromyagia. The brain fog thing???

I do plan on setting up her banking online and keeping track of her money, making sure she pays all bills but I'm wondering about her savings account. I don't think I'm on that account so I need to see Donna at the bank, who is aware that we have concerns. I talked with her 6 months ago or so.

If anyone remembers that I mentioned this last year, my oldest sister told me to make mom a Dr. appt then tell her about it. I did make the appt and sis told her about it. She told us to mind our own business and canceled the appt. I had also called and asked the receptionist to make a few notes on her chart but so far Mom hasn't been in. As far as her fibro, she claims anything that she has ever taken for it has made her sick to her stomach. She takes no meds, other than the occasional tylenol.

I've informed my oldest sister that as the eldest, it will be her job when it comes time to take away license or manage her money. It's only fair since I have to live next door to her. :)

azzalea - been giving serious consideration to your suggestion of taking the money from mom and holding it for her but honestly, she'd catch on to that.

I really need to talk to my sisters again next week. More than anything Mom needs to see the Dr.... even if its the fibro. Why live in pain? Makes it hard for her to sleep, therefore she isn't alert.

You might try explaining to her that there are a lot of advances in medicine--there may be something new that will suit her better. And yes, why live in pain if there's something that can be done.

I know I'm just full of sunshine here--but if you're the closest geographically, I can pretty much tell you that the bulk of your mom's care will necessarily fall to you. It's very much a hand's on kind of thing, and your siblings who live further away simply cannot do the day to do stuff like managing her medicals, her money, doing her shopping, cleaning, etc. Most of the care will probably fall on your shoulders. But, when the time comes, don't hesitate to get help--home health aids are extremely reasonable, and may take some of the work off your shoulders, and make it possible for your mom to stay in the home she loves longer. Mom's aid was a godsend--we couldn't have made it without her. You're not at that point yet--just letting you know that there are avenues to find a little help, once it is needed. Again, good luck.