On losing weight.....

17 years ago

Two things happened to me today at Wal-Mart. A young girl who I've known for years and like tried to sneak by me without me seeing her. She has gained weight. I went out of my way to speak to her and to say hello, and I hope I made her more comfortable around me. I don't care how much someone weighs, we all have our little battles. I've known this gal for years and didn't want her feeling that way.

Then...I ran into another person I know and she said, "Deanna, you are so thin...WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?" I said, "Why, Violet, thank you." That should have been her clue to shut her pie hole. But..no, no...she said again, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? I said I attend Weight Watchers. She kept it up....She said, "YES, BUT ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?" I said, "Define all right :o)" She still didn't shut up. She said she saw my husband at the grocery store and she didn't recognize "me". She must have thought he'd gone out and got himself a new woman:o) I finally just walked away from her while she was still talking....two people reacting in completely different ways to weight loss. The second one is now on my $hit list :o)

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firemanswife

17 years ago

I have just the opposite problem. I have been going through chemo and have been off and on steriods for a while and have put on about 15 lbs. and a coworker suggested I go to weight watchers so I can learn to take the weight off so I don't get heavier. First of all I am "healthy" weight wise and right now with all the meds I am horrible "puffy".
People just don't know when to stop and when things are simply non of their business.

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User
17 years ago
When my sister lost her weight a few people asked if she was sick. Why can't someone just lose weight because they want to? I know my sister lost a little too much this time around and she put back 10 on purpose (she's still under her goal weight).

Congrat's on your weight loss!
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maybee_gw
Original Author
17 years ago
You know..I've never in my life commented on any one's weight..I guess maybe that comes from being a heavy child and my cousin tormenting me about it (I still cry when I think about that). I would never, ever comment that someone was too heavy...or too thin. Like you say, it's none of my business. I very well might tell someone they look nice or that I like something they are wearing, but to do what this gal did to me today was just unconscionable. And...I'm "not" too thin at all..I wear size 10's and 12's.
jannie
17 years ago
I was on prednisone and it caused severe water retention, chipmunk face, weight gain that was all water. People didn't recognize me, a few asked if I was pregnasnt. At 55? Forget it, she wasn't very bright, that's all.
ivamae
17 years ago
I've got the same problem. I'm on prednisone and have gained 32 pounds. I sure hate it but can't do anything about it.
jahalaro
17 years ago
I can understand how annoying that sort of reaction is. I have lost 16kgs (about 34lbs) and have about 5kgs to go to my goal. Just in the last week or two I have had three people tell me not to lose any more weight, that I am looking very thin in the face and to be careful "you will end up with a lot of saggy skin" (thanks for that bit of encouragement!). I am feeling so happy with myself to be finally losing the extra I put on with comfort eating since my son's cancer diagnosis and death and careless comments can be a real downer.Losing this extra baggage is part of the healing for me and I am unlikely ever to be smaller than a size 12. I am actually eating better than I have done for years. Like you, I never comment on anyone's weight unless it is tell them how good they look when they bring up the subject of their weight loss. I am sorry you had to deal with that woman's thoughtless comments. Don't let it get you down. Beth
intherain
17 years ago
It's too bad people just can't say, "Good for you!"

When I lost weight on Weight Watchers, I had one neighbor pull over and tell me I looked great. I said thank you! And that was it. It really can be that simple!

Sheryl
joann23456
17 years ago
I still remember when my mother was dying of lung cancer. She was doing chemo, and lost a lot of weight, and looked ill and fragile. The whole family knew she was very ill, but her Aunt Laura still had the gall to say, "At least you're really slim now!"
maybee_gw
Original Author
17 years ago
Oh my....I think I'd write that aunt out of my life forever.

I've always said I was going to write a book about some of the things people have said to me...people say things to me that they wouldn't say to someone else...hard to explain.

When I decided to lose weight and keep it off...one friend had been in Arizona for the winter. I wrote and told her I was losing weight, so that it wouldn't be a shock to her. Well, when she saw me, she came up to me and said, "I liked you better fat." And...she didn't speak to me the rest of the evening and not much since...her loss, I say, and she wasn't much of a friend.

I know I've told this story before, but my cousin lived with us while growing up. She would call me, "Fat"...didn't use my name, didn't say fatty or anything like that...just, "Hey Fat." She had a very bad complexion and I was peaches and cream, but I just couldn't bring myself to stooping to her level...even when ten years old. I did lose the weight while in high school, but those hurts never go away. She still called me, "Fat" while in high school even though I wasn't fat...just heavier than she was. I know I told this cousin story not all that long ago, but today she is heavy and I'm not...I still can't say something unkind to "get even" with her.

And...stories like what joann just told are never forgotten...what do people think? That we will just roll over and take unkind remarks like that?
debnfla8b
17 years ago
I have been fat all my life. I think that some people just see a fat stupid person, not somone with feelings.
I can't believe some of the things said to ya'll!!! What do people think? That fat people don't get their feelings hurt?
I had a friend tell me one time that she wished she could get cancer for "just a little while". Just long enough to lose a lot of weight. She told me this as my Daddy was battling larynx cancer and was emanciated...I dropped her like a hot tater!

I remember someone saying years ago that even fat people get hungry! I would never make remarks to someone extremely thin and never to an overweight person. Shoot....if you are over weight, you certainly know it and don't need someone to tell you.

Deb
Jerri
17 years ago
I have been on a yo-yo since I quit smoking 2 years ago. I was already heavy due to hypothyroidism, so that additional 20 lbs was a terrible burden.

I lost the same 25 lbs twice. The third time I figured out what works for me. That was (nearly)40 lbs and 4 months ago. Which sounds good, but it is still only 1/2 way to my target weight. I fully expect it to take a long time to get there and a lifetime of changed eating habits to stay there.

What I'm finding is that all my 'heavier' friends mostly avoid me. I had one person last week mention that I was looking better. But acquaintances aren't happy for me at all.

Human nature, I suppose. I'm not doing it for anyone else (except DH) anyway, so it makes little impression on me. I just shrug, do a mental "the world is full of jerks", and go on.

I thought I was doing pretty well until I got my wii fit hooked up yesterday & it informed me I was obese, had a wii age of 71 (!), was far too weak, & my balance sucks.

*sigh*. Back to the drawing board.

I understand how you feel. Seems like all the effort should at least entitle us to a positive comment now and then. Envy is the pits.
j
grittymitts
17 years ago
Good manners, good sense and kindness is in very, very short supply these days!

Suzi
teresava
17 years ago
If I see someone that has lost weight, I usually say they look nice, hoping it will be a motivation to keep going. I'd never say they should lose more or gain some. I don't know their health situation and frankly, it's none of my business!

There was one guy I knew in high school that I lost touch with and saw again in college. He had lost a considerable amount of weight and I seriously had no idea who he was (I also hadn't seen him in about 5 years) He had to keep reminding me who he was until it clicked!

When I was pregnant, (I got pretty big) people used to ask if I was going to pop anyday now etc.

Jerri-Hey what does the Wii know anyway!! Every pound lost is one step closer! Congrats!
maybee_gw
Original Author
17 years ago
When I decided enough was enough and I was going to lose weight and keep it off (I've been at goal for four years), I asked a friend if she wanted to go to Weight Watchers with me. She said no..and I'm sure she thought I would go for a while and fail. One day after I had lost over twenty pounds, I put on something that fit a little better than what I had been wearing. I ran into this friend and she had the most horrified/shocked look on her face and asked how much weight I had lost. I told her and she was very upset. No..heavy people aren't happy for you at all. Anyway, she went home and had a stroke. It was just a light stroke but I'm sure her being so upset caused it....she has a jealousy problem with a lot of things, but this sort of put her over the edge. We still speak, but aren't "running around" friends any more. My husband says, "Birds of a feather, flock together." He said you won't very often find a very heavy person being friends with someone thin...that's not always the case, but a lot of times it is. I've never had a jealousy problem..it must be a terrible thing to live with. When I started to WW, a lady I went to school with, but she was two years behind me, told me I was looking very good and wanted to know what I was doing to lose the weight (this is the kind of person who makes you smile) I told her and she started WW with me and is looking beautiful!! And..we have become fast friends...she has the same struggles I do.

On losing weight.....

firemanswife

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