Neither....my name is already there, below DH's.
Since he's already there, I will be above him.

I've never heard of the names on the monument having to agree with the physical location of the remains.

Monica..I guess I should have explained that I'm talking about "double" markers. The last name is across the top, and then the husbands name goes on the left?right? and the wife's name on the other side. Standing at the foot of the grave, looking at the stone, the wifes name is above her head..and the spouse's name is above his. And..according to some people's thinking..there is a right/wrong way the husband and wife should be laid to rest. According to that thinking..the husband should be on the left..and the wife on the right!

Like these!

Here is a link that might be useful: Grave Markers

Neither for me. I told DH I wanted to be cremated and have my ashes scattered. He wants to be buried at the nearest Veteran's cemetary.

From those I have seen, whoever dies first gets the left side... kinda like reading a book.

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"According to some people's way of thinking, there is a "correct" way a husband and wife should be buried. "

Who are "some people" and what do 'they' say?

Well facing my Parent's Headstone my Mom is on the "Right" side. (It is already engraved, but has no DOD, since she is still alive.)

Main Man's Parents have seperate Headstones, but facing the Headstone his Mom is on the right side.

Gayle

Maybe it's Southern "thang", but over the years, I've heard people say that a couple is suppose to be buried the way they stood when they married. In our case, that would put me on DH's left. Make sense? I never gave much thought to it back in June when we buried my husband..but there was some "talk" about the fact that, when the marker is placed..he is on the right and I will be on the left (and there ARE personal reasons it's that way)

We picked out the marker yesterday for the grave and that was one of the questions the man that's doing it asked..and it just got me to thinking! Is there really a right/wrong way and if there is..why?

Gayle..that's what I'm talking about. It seems the rule of thought is the woman should be on the right, man on left. I'm just wondering why it's *suppose* to be that way.

same as lydia, only dh will be as well...

I haven't ever known that there is a right or wrong way. In my case, when my DH died I filled out papers for the VA marker. Later I ordered one for myself which matched. This is in a "garden type" cemetery with no above ground markers. His came (brass with name. etc) on the left side of a granite base with room for mine on the right side. looking from the foot.

Why that is I don't know;never thought about it.

Talk to the company making the marker, and to the cemetery people. They should know if there is a protocol.

Sue

Most of the ones I see list the names vertically, with the husband's on top (natch!). Granted, most of the ones I see are pretty old. But I'm thinking I might do my own the same way, with the family name at the top, and then my DH's name, and then mine, and then our daughter Gillian.

I haven't priced these yet. Any idea how much they cost?

If there is any protocol, it's probably the same protocol that puts my husband's name first (or only his name) on all of our property-related bills, even though I am the head of the household. Typically the male names comes first.

I can't imagine any reason why the names couldn't be in either order, besides 'it's usually done this way'.

I want to be cremated and have my ashed passed and carried around to interesting places, like Flat Stanley.

Sue..I did and that's what really got me to thinking about it! lol When he'd got all the information (names/dates/Etc.) He said.."One other question. If your standing at the foot of the grave, looking at the marker, is he on the left side or the right"?. We told him the right and YES..we knew that wasn't the "normal". He said he'd "heard it all" about why one is right and the other is wrong. Said one lady even told him it's IN THE BIBLE that the man is suppose to be on the left..woman on the right! lol

DH and I will both be cremated so it doesn't matter. I found this information:

Husband-to-the right burial apparently derives fro a British Christian folk belief that Eve was created from the left side of Adam.

It seems to be the case a lot of times. I took these shots in a family cemetery in WV this summer.

Here is a link that might be useful: burial position

I think you should be on HIS left...like you are when married. So he should be on the left side of the marker.

That is what I've always heard....Where you are nearest to his heart.

patti

Oh, I love Paula's idea of sending ashes around with people on trips. Do you think they would mind?

I work in a cemetery office and in our cemeteries we say it is "traditional" for the man to be on the left and the woman on the right. However, it is up to the family to decide who goes where.

It is proper for the right name to be over the right person, which is why before markers are cut, the monument companies send us a copy of the order so we can verify positions.

If two are sharing a single grave, it doesn't matter who's name goes where.

Gotta love that word "tradition"! Nothing can get a reaction quicker than going against "Tradition"!! lol

Pattico...I've also heard that about being buried as you stood in marriage.

Interesting question. I'm dealing with a cancer diagnosis and have spent some time thinking about where I should be buried in the empty six grave plot (3 wide-two deep) we have. I decided that hubby should go in the middle and I'd go on either side. That way, there'd be room for his next wife on his other side! Hopefully, this will not be an issue for a very long time. In our case, the headstone will only say the family name and names of the deceased will be on footstones.

If I had my way, I would not be buried at all. I'd rather be left in the woods and returned to dust the natural way!

We both have chosen to be cremated. Hubby wants his ashes buried in the new Veteran's cemetary. Burial there is free for him. I want mine scattered in our wildlife sanctuary, which is our front yard.

My in laws are buried in a Veterans'Cemetary. My FIL passed first, my MIL joked that she wanted to be buried with him on the bottom, and her on top. I thought she really meant it. Turns out they are side by side. I've seen graves where only one person has passed,it's strange to see the names, birthyears, and only one death year is missing.

I think there is some old idea along the lines of what Pattico said. At a marriage ceremony, the woman was on the man's left side (close to his heart) but also leaving his sword hand (right in most cases) free to defend against enemies. Perhaps this was carried on into the burial position? Beth

I don't think there is a 'wrong' or 'right' preference - its the individuals' choice. Why not ask a funeral director or pastor if there is a protocol for this.

I've seen many markers either way. For some, it was the man on the left and woman on right when viewing the headstone from the foot of the grave. For others, the one who died first was on the left.

I know of one headstone with the names of the husband and wife engraved on the stone. The husband died first and his part of the stone contains both a birth and death date; but her side of the stone has only her birth date.

After her husband died, she moved to live with her daughter in another part of the state. She is buried near her daughter's home and this grave has only an aluminum funeral home marker. I have photos of both graves.

In another instance, one of my ancestors grave has a very nice headstone that records only the wife's name. There is a space allocated for the husband's name, but his space is blank.

The reason: They separted before either one died. He moved one county away and she stayed at their home place.

I have a record of a child's stone with his surname mispelled. The reason: The stone was a child's stone and was narrower the other stones in this family plot. One can see where the stone cutter began with a font with the same size and spacing as other stones in this group, but midway across the stone, he realized he was running out of space. So the stone cutter dropped a letter and crowded the remaining three letters of the surname. I have no idea why the family accepted this workmanship. Possibly, the parents were illiterate and the stone cutter passed off his error by keeping quiet about it. "If they did not complain, he wasn't going to enlighten them."

Gravestones do tell stories. These leave clues to the past. But beware that a gravestone may carry inaccurate information. If a grave is 150 yrs or more old and has a nice polished granite headstone with sharp markings, that stone may have been placed years after the burial. In those cases, the family member buying the stone may have placed his/her preferences on the stone in regard to names spellings. I know of a stone bearing the names of a grand-daughter and grandmother. The grandmother had been married three times. Her first two marriages ended by death of her husbands. Her second marriage was very turbulent and upsetting. The grand-daughter chose to omit the surname of the 2nd husband.

There is a young man in this family that has two death dates! After his father was killed in a domestic squabble, he went crazy was was placed in a state mental hospital. Records from a newspaper account in the city of the hospital shows a death date and burial in a potter's field. However, half a state away, there is a gravestone for him showing a death date of two days later. He is not buried in the potter's field. The family claimed his body and interred him two days later. The date on his tombstone is the burial date; The newspaper date is his death date.