Wedding date on long weekend, yes or no?

13 years ago

DD is trying to set her wedding date for late Spring 2012. She was thinking of June 2nd, with the long weekend in May as her second choice. There will be approximately 20 family members who will have to drive about 200 miles to the city where the wedding will be.

Although I would normally avoid having a wedding on a long weekend, it occurred to me that those out of towners with a long drive might actually prefer to have an extra day as a buffer, rather than drive Friday night after work, or drive all the way there EARLY Saturday morning and have to drive all the home again the next day.

I'm sure the intown guests would probably prefer not to have to stick around on a long weekend for a wedding. Should DD avoid the long weekend in May to cater to the majority of guests, or go for it in consideration of the out of town guests, who are most of the closest relatives?

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Comments (19)

ciele
13 years ago
I was married on Memorial Day weekend, only a few didn't show up.
susie53_gw
13 years ago
I have mixed feeling on this.. We have a home in the southern part of our state and we always enjoy the long weekends away. Also, all our kids camp and enjoy the long weekends, too. I also understand the people that live a distance away. For us, if it is a family member or close friend we stay behind and attend. That being said most of the ones we have attended on long weekends have been poorly attended.
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You should get the date to out of town relatives and close friends, but you don't have to send special save the date cards if you don't want to. E-mail, phone calls, or letters are perfectly fine, especially if you don't have a zillion to do, and a lot cheaper. If you are writing to or calling any of these people anyway, just mention it in that communication. To me, informal contacts like that are preferable anyway. But save the date cards are common and won't offend any out of towners. The important thing is to get the date to them ASAP. If you do send out cards, I suggest skipping the kind of bossy wording "Save the date!" in favor of something like "We wanted to let you know that we have scheduled our wedding for [date], and we hope so much that you will be able to attend." Don't send save the date cards to local people who won't have to travel, though. Look through old strings on this forum, and you will see that many people see that as pushy (as in, "I control your calendar; you now have no excuse for planning anything else that day" or "send us an engagement gift"). It's fine to mention your engagement and wedding date when you see or talk to them, though. If you do send out special save the date cards, be sure to save that list, because of course you must send all those people invitations. Congratulations!
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Scarlett, thanks for "allowing me to say "screw it". That about sums up how my hubby and kids feel as well as me. At least a good part of me feels. I've tried my best to change the relationship for over 20 years and gotten no where. I continued to try because my mother was alive and continued to want me to. No matter what I did, it never changed. On the other hand, it would be nice for it to, but at this point I don't forsee it happening. My daughter asked me yesterday, if the situation changed, would you ever be able to believe in or trust the change or would you be looking for the "underlying reason and what they are up to". I told her I didn't know and she said she would never trust them after all these years. When I told her that I didn't like her attitude and her taking sides or being caught in the middle between the parents on both sides, her comment was "we have been, both of your kids, because you have been trying so hard for so many years and keep getting shot down and we see how it has affected you. You gave custom handmade graduation gifts to both of my cousins along with graduation cards and only got 1 thank you note from one of your nieces, and both of you kids didn't even get an acknowledgement on either their HS of college graduations. You sent them pics of us from graduations and you got nothing. When grandma died, they wiped out her apartment of almost everything before you and dad got there at the time you where told to meet them there. When we got there, there was nothing left for us to take and everything my brother and I gave our grandmother was gone. When we said something about the stuff, your brother and sister-in-law told us we where lying that their kids gave grandma everything and we gave them nothing. All my brother and I have is a coffee mug we each gave her one year that says "worlds best grandma". They took everything else. So how can you say we aren't caught in the middle. You didn't put us in the middle, they did." She's right about all she said, and I could add so many more things. The reasons for going to this wedding are really not the right reasons to go; because my mother would want me to, to spite them if that's the reason we where invited, ETC. One thing I've learned in the past few years of my health not being good is that life is to short and you never know when your health will be good or bad. Take the advantages of good health and enjoy them, deal with the bad when you have to, but don't torture yourself with what could have been and what you should have done and didn't do. You can't change that. I would love to add a family tie in to a wedding gift for my niece, but I don't have anything to give them. My mother left no will and they left me and my children with very little of anything of hers. As for recipes, well I sent them some after my mother died and was told not to send any more, they don't want them and through out what I sent them. I've spent quite a bit of time talking with my hubby, my kids and my best friend about what is the right thing to do and have pretty much decided, with all of them agreeing, that it's time to put this chapter of life to rest. My health, both physical and mental is far more important than any wedding to attend. I've been through several years of serious orthopedic and spinal health problems, several surgeries for them and am still trying to get back on me feet. Mentally, I'm just too drained from all that I've dealt with in the past couple of years to deal with the any more attempts to salvage something that no one who knows us and the situation believes is there to salvage. My family and friends have been through too much with me to see me suffer or be hurt or insulted again with this family situation. The words are "enough is enough, time to end the torture for yourself. Going to this wedding will be a physical strain on you that you shouldn't do, it may very well set back your recovery again, and you've had enough things happen to set you back that where beyond your control, but this one is." Being honest with myself, what they have said is true. My brother doesn't know anything about the health issues I've had or the spinal surgery, so I can't say anything negative about no contact with them over that. I never called him, nor did my hubby or kids. None of us saw any need to. 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susanjf_gw
13 years ago
picky shopper, if you do decide to do the 3 day weekend, take into consideration...are you at or near a destination/vacation point? if you are, i'd make aarangements NOW for hotel/motel spaces.

sending out a date to remember card, is very important. better still, if you are a destination town, make a list of things to do before or after the the wedding.

time of the wedding...dd had hers at 11, and we had a wonderful brunch after..then some went golfing, others rested (me!) and we all regrouped for a evening dinner cruise (it was in ft meyers fl) that was so much fun...(despite a cranky groom's mother!)
rhizo_1 (North AL) zone 7
13 years ago
A family (or close friend's) wedding would trump my desire for a weekend getaway. Period.
two25acres
13 years ago
We did ours on Memorial day weekend, everyone showed up and we did it on Sunday instead of Saturday and saved a bundle.
kayjones
13 years ago
My first wedding was on New Year's Day - worked great! Many of the guests appreciated the extra days to travel, but gifts, etc.
renee_fl
13 years ago
I vote no. I hate traveling at all on holiday weekends and dealing with the extra traffic.
jennmonkey
13 years ago
I vote no also. I really like choosing my own plans for my long holiday weekends, especially because they are few and far between. Some people don't like traveling on holidays because traffic is terrible, some people have set plans they do every year for three day weekends. I would prefer even out of town weddings to be on a regular weekend, and then I can take an extra day off if I want to, especially with enough advance notice.

My friends got married on Halloween last year...and while everyone still went to the wedding, I think a lot of people were a little miffed because they were missing so many other things going on because of the wedding, which could have been any day. I personally am just not that fond of people holding those kind of events on holidays because I think most people would rather choose how to spend their own holiday.

Of course this is just my opinion, maybe I'm not in the majority.
jemdandy
13 years ago
I got married on Labor Day weekend because it best fit our schedule. It worked fine. I reserved our hotel room enough in advance and reconfirmed 1 week before the event where my new bride and I would stay the first night. Reservations are cirtical on hoilday weekends.
blitzyblond_protege
13 years ago
I vote for polling the family that has to travel the farthest and the closer emotionally they are to the Bride the more weight their opinion carries.

IMHO: tell her to elope and throw a fantastic ten-year anniversary party. Saves the couple more money up front for housekeeping and gives then (1) 10 years to save and plan for the party and (2) they can Celebrate beating the odds these days.
carla35
13 years ago
I would personally prefer going to a wedding during Memorial Day weekend. Then again we don't do much on that weekend anyway (at most maybe a BBQ). Memorial, Labor, and President's Day aren't really big deals around here. Maybe I'm geting old but they're like the 'clean out the garage', 'clean the gutters' type of weekends. What/where does everyone go on these 3-day weekends that they can't make a wedding? What am I missing!!?!!

I disagree with blitzyblond's opinion on polling the fmaily... big no no... the people whose opinion you don't listen to will be "totally" miffed... I did something similar for a smaller scale party and it totally backfired... you're not going to be able to please everyone. Bottom line, go with what works best for you (the hosts and the bride and groom). Sadly put, if someone would rather be somewhere else on that weekend, maybe they shouldn't be coming to the wedding to begin with.
joann23456
13 years ago
I don't do much on holiday weekends, either, but I would *hate* to have to travel then. So I'd vote no. I'd still come if I were close to the couple, though. I'd just complain about it.:)
juellie1962
13 years ago
I agree with Susie53, long weekends are cherished in our family and I want to do what I want to do....and the traffic?? no thanks!
paula_pa
13 years ago
I say choose what works best for the bride and groom. You won't please everyone no matter what you do. Personally I would avoid the holiday weekend for the many good reasons mentioned above, traffic being the top reason, if you ask me.
susanjf_gw
13 years ago
listen to carla don't poll the family!! it just doesn't work! when we decided to have a family reunion, cousin and i decided on memorial day weekend, gave everyone 6 months notice and a wonderful turnout...

we had to drive from mi to kansas but didn't have to make one reservation aside from one in tiny town ks, lol...
suzieque
13 years ago
I, personally, wouldn't be thrilled about going to a wedding on a long weekend. Those are "special" when you work. I so look forward to them for 3 days down time; doesn't mean I'm going away or have anything special, but I just wouldn't want to have to get dressed up, socialize for hours with people I probably like but don't necessarily want to be spending part of my long weekend with, etc.

I love weddings but would much rather attend one on a regular weekend.
jennmonkey
13 years ago
carla, I almost always go out of town for three day weekends. Camping, road trips, getaways to little towns around the state. There are little cabins on the ocean my friends and I like to go to sometimes, etc....

So even if the wedding was local to me and I didn't have to travel, that would prohibit me from taking any other trips or making out of town plans for the entire weekend.

I love weddings, but since I only get a few three day weekends off from work in an entire year, they are precious to me and I would prefer to spend them as I choose.
Adella Bedella
13 years ago
My brother got married on a Memorial Day weekend. It was not a popular choice. Many guests already have standing plans for that weekend. Gas and hotel prices tend to be higher during these types of holidays and anyone traveling will have to fight the heavier traffic. I'd vote for picking a different date.
amicus
Original Author
13 years ago
Thanks for all your responses. I just called DD and read them to her. It seems that more of you would prefer not to have to go to a wedding on a long weekend. DD had thought that it might be more considerate for the out of towners to give them one day of rest between two days of four hours of driving. However, some of you mentioned the holiday weekend traffic being much worse, and hotel rooms and gas prices likely being higher for the long weekend, which are very good points.

When it comes right down to it, most of the out of towners who have all the driving to do are close enough family that they'll come to the wedding regardless of how tiring the driving is, so DD thinks she will probably nix the long weekend to avoid the other issues it involves. Thanks for your input!

Wedding date on long weekend, yes or no?

Comments (19)

ciele

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amicus
Original Author

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Wedding date on long weekend, yes or no?

Comments (19)

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amicus
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