"I lean towards 'semi-anonymous Internet anecdotes' because the person likely has gone through the experience" See, that's why looking back through the history of this forum would be valuable for you. You'd find an astonishing number of posts by people sharing their "experience", who turned out to be spammers for various products or services. It always puzzles me when someone claims to be skilled in recognizing "bias" in the world of science and pointing out conflicts of interest (real and imagined), but then expresses full confidence in whatever a stranger tells them online, as if those people couldn't possibly have ulterior motives. "I wouldn't believe a doctor anyway." That's your prerogative. Please recognize that many others do recognize the value of mainstream evidence-based medicine, and view the medicinal use of herbs as a complementary practice, not an antagonistic stand-alone philosophy.

Yes, last Friday I met my first assignment. She's been widowed 11 years, and her children don't live here, the closest is about an hour and a half away. She'd like a house-share, and she has a lovely home, but we also started to discuss her kids. One wants her to move into a senior place like where my Mother lived, and another child wants her to move to where he lives, maybe buy somehting like a condo up there. But she says she's not ready for that yet. SHe's a young 83, but very lonely. She's been in her home for 37 years, and she feels surrounded by her memories. She's all too willing to talk, and I had trouble getting out of there on time---I didn't get out nearly on time! But she's a lovely lady, and I think that talking about this will help. She may not be ready to solve all this right away, but she's willing to talk over the possibilities. Thanks for asking, PB!

Finedreams, I agree that at some point, as adults the children do see things for what they are and if they can move on and accept the parents for who they are and that is what I did. I chose to not have a close relationship with my mom because of the behaviors she chose. Regardless of whether she has mental illness or she's just too wrapped up in her own life or pain to see or care how it affects her children, isn't my concern anymore. She's had 25 years to get counseling, or whatever help there might be. Several of us have offered to pay for whatever help she needs. She refused. She therefore chooses to do these things and doesn't care who it hurts. I'm not here to debate why she does what she does. I'm not here to blame her and vent out my anger at her, I'm well past that and have accepted who she is and that she will probably never change. The reason I share these things, is there are some parents out there, that are currently saying to their children, things my mother said to me. There are currently some parents that have the same bitter and angry attitude that my mom has. There are parents that 'justify' the things they do or say to their children, that place the children in the middle or make them choose, that think they are doing what's in their child's best interests. They think the child has a right to hear bad things about the other parent if they are true. And I'm saying that just because a child doesn't stand up and tell you that what you are saying to them or the things you are doing to them or just because they go along with you, it doesn't mean they are not being torn apart inside and hurting from the things being done. They will grow up and in time, they will decide who they are going to have a closer relationship with. They may choose the parent that poison's them against the other parent. They may choose the other parent. It all depends on the child. But, I'm just telling parents that have minor children now, that what you do today, may come back to bite you in the ass in ten or twenty years. Because children should NEVER have to choose. They should never have to decide and if they do choose one over the other, then it is going to be the child that loses. My mom put me in a position to choose and she has never let up. If she had never made me feel I have to choose, I'd probably have a good relationship with both of my parents. Now, I'm the one that doesn't have a good relationship with my mom. My kids don't have a good relationship with their grandmother. Those of you that are putting your kids in the middle or having them choose, it doesn't matter to me if you think they have the right to know the real reason for the divorce, even if it makes their dad look bad because the deserve to know the 'truth'. or if they 'decided on their own' to not see their dad or you want to blame TOW, SM,GF or anyone else. I don't care. You don't have to convince anyone of anything, least of all me. Who care's??? I certainly don't. I feel for the children that go through it because I know how hard it was for me. The end result will reveal the truth anyways. The children that are living in your situation today and will someday grow up and decide if you did the right thing or if they blame you for it, that will be the 'truth'. (and two children from the same situation may draw different conclusions, like I said, it's really up to each child,individually.) This is just a forum of a bunch of strangers. None of us will likely be here (talking on a forum) when your kids are grown and in their 30's. You will have to live with the end result or your actions of what you do today. You can deny or justify all you want now, but you will live with the results for the rest of your life. All I am giving is my perspective as a child of divorce. My mom was bitter and angry about being divorced. She has never gotten over it and while she has tried to poison her children's relationships to our dad, it has backfired and poisoned our relationship with her. That's just my story. I'm not saying all children of divorce feel the same way. Every kid is different. But, don't kid yourself if you think your kid is going to feel what you want them to feel. You can't control that. My story is not unique. I don't know if I'd say it is 'common', but it certainly is not uncommon for the wife to become bitter when the husband divorces her. I don't even think it's uncommon for a wife to become bitter, even when she divorces him. If she thought he would beg her to come back and he doesn't, but moves on and marries someone else, she might resent that too. I'm sure guys get bitter too, I had a lot of first dates with that type. No second dates. But, since this forum is mostly women, I relate it more to women than men.

I wanted to like it, but when I watched the first time, it seemed like they were just playing musical beds ... but I suppose that is what happens on Grey's, too. I USED to like Grey's, but it quickly became same old, same old...