Yes, it is still done here. Also many churches will have a meal following the funeral and people will donate food to that plus help out.

Sue

I was brought up the same way and it amazes me that so few people do this. I try to have something prepared for those days after when friends/family have left. Casseroles are always good. This time of year scalloped potatoes/ham or pork chops and of course frozen soups.

Yes, it's still tradition in my area too and I live in the country with neighbors. Also, the bereaved family's church normally provides a meal in the reception hall for the family and callers. That is usually announced by the minister before or after the funeral. I think you should do as your heart tells you and not worry. She can share your dish with the rest of the family or freeze it for later when perhaps she won't feel up to cooking right away.

It's the norm around here. Suburb of a large northeast city.

I like to make a big casserole of something like Baked Ziti, and take it over as soon as possible. With all the running around the family has to do between the death and the service, it's SO helpful to have something all ready to go in the fridge, that they can just plop a spoonful or two on a plate and nuke, whatever time they have a few seconds to grab a bite.

If it's a family out of the area, where I can't possibly drop off a casserole, I send a gift certificate to one of the chain restaurants that has pick-up--like Applebee's or Chili's--I figure even that's a help.

Absolutely. You don't realize how much you appreceiate the kindness of others until you experience the death of a loved one. This summer after the death of a friend's sister I called the Pizza Hut closest to their house and had three large pizzas delivered. The family told me later how much they and their children enjoyed it when they just wanted a bite of something. We have to take care of each other.

Times have changed. I am afraid you would be saddened to learn that most of your kindnesses end up in the garbage. I have seen it time and again since my dad died 22 years ago and was shocked when we threw away a ton. Since then I've seen it when my 40-something neighbor died leaving a young wife and three little kids; when my dear friend lost her 34 year old son; and again when a friend's elderly mother died.

People really don't seem to want to eat as much at bereavement. Young families no longer seem to eat casseroles. Food preferences come into play, too.

It is a lovely gesture, but, along with flowers, is wasteful. I guess gift cards and cold, hard cash are better options these days.

Are you sure that people hadn't brought food? You said that there were no covered dishes or platters "sitting out". I would imagine that she would refrigerate any casseroles, etc. that had been brought. I don't think she'd leave them sitting out.

Hopefully people have brought her some food. Perhaps you could take her some now instead of waiting until the day of the wake.

That's always been the tradition in the mid-size city I was brought up in. I thought the same as Suzieque, they may have been put away, or even shared with extended family.

Yes, we do that and I've learned taking paper products is one of the best things you can do, so there's no dish washing. Also, a can of coffee, and when my Dad died somebody came w/ donuts and breakfast food, which you don't think about. I think a tray of finger sandwiches is always welcome--no heating, something everybody likes. Cakes and desserts are usually wasted b/c you get so many.

It is still a much appreciated tradition here.

It doesn't have to be a hot dish either. If the family is going to have a lot of other family/friends coming in - it is nice to send over extra paper good (paper towel, napkins, paper plates, toilet paper) Also, some six packs of pop or bottled water. Also a pound of coffee or two.

Very fresh deli meat and some sandwich bread or buns is also nice. I put in a small bottle of mayo and mustard too.

If there are some younger kids involved - I try to send a busy packet of coloring books/crayons and some puzzle books.

We have a local sub shop that makes mini sandwiches using their tuna, egg, chicken, ham and seafood salads. I usually pick one of those up or have one delivered to the funeral home. They are pretty much 2-3 bites and can be eaten on the run. Another thing that I think is good and that came in handy for us is fried chicken. Something that can be eaten on the run or can be frozen for later.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I've noticed too that fewer and fewer folks do this and think that is so sad.

Yes, it is still done. At my age I have experienced many of these events. Some of the ones I recall as being most appreciated were a baked turkey breast or ham, and one of the most well-liked was a crockpot of hot chicken mixture for sandwiches, and, of course the buns to go with it.

It isn't done much in my neighborhood. The food brought to my home by my immediate neighbors when our daughter passed was greatly appreciated. I say "immediate" because the neighbors whose property borders ours are the only ones who brought something. We had lived here for 6 years at the time, coming from another state. We were not welcomed by anyone when we moved in...it was us who went around and introduced ourselves. We have welcomed, with cookies and/or soup, each of the four new families that have moved into the neighborhood. And took food to and offered house sitting, lawn mowing etc during berevement time for others. It is how I grew up...lookout for your neighbors. Things have changed.

You're right, Gazania. Times and some geographic areas have changed immeasurably...and not necessarily for the good. I was brought up to care for my neighbor[s] with the same concern that I would care for a family member...with the same respect...and with a blind eye to race/religion/politics. Sadly, with few exceptions, that way of life has passed away.

Twenty-four years ago my now deceased husband and I moved to this rural area which has a heavy local ethnic population. We weren't welcomed then...and I'm barely welcomed today even though I've supported this community in a multitude of ways. I was an outsider then and I'm still considered an outsider today. Fortunately...for me...I've grown thick skinned over these years and manage to survive...contentedly...without them. But, I sure could have used a little old fashioned TLC when my husband died. So to those of you who wonder whether you should step forward at such times...don't hesitate. With rare exception...I'm sure you'll be appreciated. I know I'd love to have you as neighbors.

Anne

I lived in suburban Wisconsin and have had quite a few family funerals, husband, father-in-law and both parents and no one has ever bought food to the house.

Yes we always did the food thing as well.Although thes days,i wait til the day of the funeral then i have one of those Incredible Edibles things of fruit sent over to their house.They go over very big,everyone loves them,and nothing is ever left over.Kathi

Was much appreciated when FIL passed away. Lots of family from out of town, neighbors and church friends passing in and out. Cold cut and vegie trays are so easy to pull out of the fridge and set out with bread and condiments for sandwiches for everyone. Costco frozen pizzas were great for all the kiddos that had to tag alone. Muffins were another easy grab-and-eat snack.

I realize that I'm different that most, but the *last* thing on my mind when grieving the dead is packing my face with food! Somehow I see it more as the Fat American Syndrome and most of us could stand to skip a meal or two. Harshness aside, the tradition is simply that, a tradition started a century or more ago to help out the families when cooking was a far bigger chore than today. Also it was a tradition (with which I think is obsolete today too) where you have to feed everyone who attends the funeral. Really, why today? In the past when people walked miles, rode horses, were in ox carts and traveled hours upon hours, even days to attend a funeral, it was a kind courtesy to give them something to eat before they ventured the long journey home. It's not that way anymore. For cryin out loud, you can hop a plane, go thousands of miles, attend a funeral and be back home for supper if you want to these days. And today it's expected that you be *fed* even on a plane! LOL

When my mother died some people brought oddball casseroles which nobody in my family liked, especially my dad. And then the people would pull me aside and tell me to make sure he eats it, he's so frugal he shouldn't let it go to waste, etc. Sorry folks, no thanks. Better to hit a restaurant, sub shop or deli, which had no availability when the tradition started.

Sometimes traditions need to end. Personally I think this is one of those that should be allowed to sunset. I do like the idea of paper goods, stamps and help clean a house. That's far more thoughtful than food that will get dumped out and people are expected to commend them on the "favorite recipe". I gave a friend a prepaid cell with some time on it since they didn't have one. That way they could make the long distance calls from anywhere, be available when someone needs to contact them about the estate and the like. I also believe that donating your *time* is valuable these days, more valuable than your money most of the time. Help with the lawn work, make sure they have gas in the car, do they need groceries? Maybe they need help getting rid of the deceased's clothing and posessions? Maybe they just want some companionship? Maybe they want to be left alone. Everyone is different. Some like food. OK, but at least show the courtesy to find out if they *want* it before forcing something on them that could cause them stress. Some really hate to waste food, even bad food.

Interesting topic. If at all possible I think you should contact someone in the family or close to the family to see if they want anything first.

We've had close friends lose a family member and someone in the neighborhood organizes a schedule among the neighbors and friends to provide dinners every night for several days.

In other instances I've been told that the family has ordered trays from a caterer and they don't need anything.

I close friend of mine died a few years ago and I was one of the people who brought casseroles. Instead of one large one I made 3 smaller ones so that they could put some in the freezer if they didn't need it. I found out several months after that they did throw out a lot of food because most of the people made lasagne or ziti and they were rather tired of it. One dinner that they really enjoyed was the night I dropped off several Boston Market roasted chickens, stuffing and corn.

But I always check first to see if they want food. There's only so much room in a refrigerator for if.