It used to bother me but not anymore. Some days my house is a mess but that is just the way it is. For the most part I keep things picked up. Most of he time I could throw a quick meal together. I would rather they let me know.

Letting me know the day before would be preferable, but generally my house in order, so no problem there. Food would be the issue as I don't always have lots of options available. I plan my meals daily, not weekly.

Your lunch sounds yummy for being last minute.

I welcome last minute visitors but not at mealtime. In this specific case, I especially agree with your first take, it's not like they woke up that morning and suddenly realized you were nearby.

"Yes, I'd love to see you, do you have a favorite restaurant around here where we could meet?'

I'd be thrilled with that kind of unexpected company. No question. If I didn't have the fixin's to rustle up a tasty lunch, a quick trip to the store would resolve that issue.

Years ago it would have bothered me but now that we are older no it wouldn't bother. We live near a grocery so a quick shopping trip would provide a nice meal and we always have an extra room to sleep in if that is needed.

I would hate it. I think it's incredibly rude for them to think that your schedule is so open that you might not have anything else going on that day. They must have known for a long time that they were coming, and if they weren't even sure if they'd have time to see you, they could have let you know that it was a possibility at least.

And if it had to be last minute like that, for whatever reason, I think they should have suggested themselves that they take you out for lunch.

Suzieque, that was a big part of the problem. I do have a busy schedule. Wed. I had planned on running around looking at tile for a bathroom project that is to begin shortly. Had I known on Monday night or Tuesday morning that they were coming on Wed., I could have shuffled my schedule and done the tile shopping on Tuesday. Yesterday I was gone from 7:30 a.m. until 5:30 on a golfing trip. Today I'm golfing here and will have to go tile shopping after golf....not ideal because of the time of day and traffic issues returning home but so be it. It's a long story but I don't feel I can get out of the golf commitment as it is not just a usual golf game with friends. I cannot go any other day for another week because of other commitments and overnight company coming next week. Oh well, it all seems to get done in the end. At 76 I still have a lot of stamina, but it's not like it was when I was in my 60's. LOL

Something similar happened to me. I received an email from old neighbors who moved out of the country 6 years ago. We have kept in touch, but not regularly.
They emailed a week before. Granted more time than the day before, but I also felt that they must have known way in advance.
But, they offered to take us to lunch remembering our last time we went out (I didn't)that we treated them.
I decided it would be more relaxing to invite them here for lunch. We had a great time.
Georgy, you were very nice and I am sure they appreciated it.
They themselves are probably spontaneous people. And love last minute plans.
I have a friend who kept calling at the last minute saying, "I'm being spontaneous, are you and your DH free tonight to go out to dinner?" I did not mind, but after a point my DH did, so I started refusing. Now, she always checks a week ahead.

It would have been nice to have advance notice, but I would tend to give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they had something originally scheduled at noon and it was cancelled at the last minute. Maybe they just found out the item scheduled for the morning wasn't going to last as long as originally planned. It's hard to tell. Anyway, I'm glad you had a lovely visit :-)

It wouldn't bother me at all--I would have enjoyed it. I always have plenty of food in the freezer and pantry, so I can mix up a decent meal on a moment's notice.

As for the house: If they are coming to visit me, they are welcome anytime....if they expect a clean house, they should make an appointment! (My house is almost always presentable.)

Rude?
Hu. If you aren't comfortable saying no, I don't think that's his fault. Perhaps he originally anticipated that his schedule would not allow a visit and then last minute decided it would work out. Turns out he wanted to see you....what an honor.

I'd rather if a person is too busy, just say no than grouse about it later. Sometimes opportunities present themselves for a visit...its not a crime or a sin. Just say no next time, so he understands that your life is too busy for last minute get togethers.

I love surprises so unexpected company is always fun for me. I'm not one to worry about the house, they come to see me. I can throw together a quickie meal as I keep food stocked for just that reason. If I had previous obligations, I'd just explain it to them if they arrived at the door unannounced.

I would like at least a days notice, if not more. Besides that I might have plans, chances are great that I wouldn't have anything handy to serve for a meal and a trip to the grocery around here requires at least an hour and a half. Then time to tidy up the house and look presentable, sheesh, better call me 2 days in advance or meet me in town at a restaurant!

I had relatives (in-laws) who would drop by on their way to somewhere else. They never notified us ahead but arrived with 5 kids and sometimes a dog, expecting to stay overnight and be fed.
One time I got up out of bed to answer the door, told them I had the flu which was the truth. She said "You don't look like you have the flu." and marched in.
I survived these visits but still feel irked when I think of them.
They always had a couple of packages of specialty food they had bought and wanted to store in our refrigerator. We never got a bite of it!!
I did this for my husband, not them. But-- what else could I do???

Might they be living in a country where everyone has 'help'?

I'm glad they wanted to visit with you, but...I would have taken them out to lunch and offered to serve them a dessert at home if they wanted to visit longer.

I would not be happy.

Your nephew may not have called earlier because he was unsure if his schedule would allow him to see you.

I have an open door policy at my house. If you show up unexpected, you get to see my messy house. We will be ordering out for food or going out to eat if it is meal time. I'm happy to see you.

Well, I'm glad you had a nice visit and that you had things to put together for a wonderful lunch. I don't appreciate last minute company at all and surely would've offered to meet them somewhere. Thinking about this morning here... I woke up with a vicious sinus headache which is still with me. Finally got myself downstairs and into the kitchen for coffee only to discover a line of those tiny ants marching across the counter. I'd planned on some shopping, but I think that isn't going to happen and nobody better call and tell me they want to come over--or worst of all, just show up at the door!

I would kinda sorta not like it, my DH would hate it and might even leave before they got there. We could stuggle through, as for our house it is always pretty straighten up, not always company clean tho~~for food I would grab one of my take out menus from restaurants around us, let eveyone choose what they want and have DH pick it up;)

If I felt I would be uncomfortable at my house with it messy or what not, I would tell them to meet me in our downtown area and go to the Mission Inn, it is famous her in Riverside and tourist would love to go there~~

This used to happen to us constantly. We live in a small beach house on the water and we suddenly had visits from long lost friends and relatives we hadn't seen for years before we bought this place. If I see a strange car pull down the lane we jump into escape mode. Grab the keys, throw on a jacket and shoes and meet them in the drive as we are heading out for the day.

Actually one couple said " that's OK we'll be here when you get back", then I just lost it and have never seen or heard from them since. Man loosing it feels great sometimes.

Everyone now knows no call no visit, even if you call I may not be in the mood for chit chat with someone I have nothing to talk about. Just because I share DNA with someone doesn't mean I want to talk to them.

These days since it takes me longer to get around and do things I would prefer some kind of advanced notice. If it is family then they can come anytime but since I don't live near by they always let me know plenty of time ahead.
I agree if you come to see me and not my house that is great if you come to be picky and tell me my house is a mess then you are not there to see me are you? I rarely have a perfect house!
It is clean though well as clean as my cleaning lady cleans! My husband and I do our share as well.

AS to a meal or food I am always happy to feed people, I am Cajun like that! Hopefully I have something on hand. If not I am happy to go out to eat too.

"How do you feel about last-minute visitors?"

Well, three hours lead time is not exactly last minute to me!

I LOVE visitors.
And the opportunity to visit with family who live out of the country would be priceless.

So, I would welcome them with open arms.

My house is always open to company. If I did not have food for a proper lunch, we'd order in.
No big deal....

I would have been okay with the 3 hour notice... had they showed up unannounced I would not have been happy at all. I prefer at least a days notice, but 3 hours is doable for me.

Hope you had a good visit!

Since not any of the relatives drop by (distance) i don't worry --if I am home ok if not--sorry!! But when we did travel, we tried to call ahead of time, but we almost always got a motel first, the let the people know we were there. Sometime we ate at home and sometimes at a restaurant--After traveling, even hot dogs and hamburgers sounded good at a person's house.

This thread is sort of depressing :(

Well, I guess I will depress you some more.

I would HATE visitors on a three-hour notice. And right at lunchtime, no less! Who do they think they are? Royalty??

That would totally ruin my week.

Amy, you're quite young.......(anything under 70 is young LOL). When you hit 70, you'll understand. Don't misunderstand me. I really enjoyed seeing them. We had a nice visit and I was delighted they thought of us. Just wish they had thought of us a day or two before. It would have made life a little easier. I'm not as spontaneous as I use to be. We have relatives who are going to be in the area next week and are staying a couple of days. I'm thrilled they're coming. They called two months ago and I've had plenty of time to plan meals, arrange my schedule and enjoy their visit.

I agree with you georgy! As we get older, we are just not that quick on our feet!

I just hope you enjoyed their visit. My house is generally messy. But three hours is enough time to straighten up and get something from a local restaurant or deli.

They won't find anything in my pantry or refrigerator. They'll just have to enjoy me :o) Unless they call ahead and I can run to get stuff in!

I'm over 70, handicapped and would not appreciate unexpected company just dropping in on us or giving us a short notice. I can't get around fast enough to clean and many days we have doctor appointments that can't be changed on such short notice without paying a penalty. When I was younger, I wouldn't have minded.

Depending on who the person is, I may or may not enjoy the unexpected guest. My house is usually tidy although the kitchen can look like holy hell at times. Fortunately it doesn't take long to clean up the worst of it.

As for food, I'd have to serve PB&J sandwiches, as I have nothing on hand. Short-notice guests should not expect to be fed. I've had some thoughtful guests who have picked up some lunch along the way and brought it for all. Nice!

I really don't like when someone drops in unannounced. That is not playing fair! At least give me a couple hours notice so I am presentable when you show up.

Putting someone on the spot is not nice.

If this person is old enough & educated enough to be in town to deliver a lecture, he's old enough & educated enough to know better.

I think we sometimes acquiesce to people's wants/needs/demands because they blindside us, & then we get to thinking that really we shouldn't have let ourselves be blindsided/treated inconsiderately/maybe used & then we get mad at ourselves more than at the other person.

I would try to chalk it up to experience & promise myself not to be surprised again;
if people have the b@lls to put me on the spot, they have the b@lls to deal with, 'I'm so sorry, that won't be possible at this time. maybe we could meet for coffee at the cafe on Main St', or just 'I'm so sorry, that won't be possible.'

Everyone is welcome at our house anytime. Just don't be surprised if we are not home since we travel a lot. lol I have never had a problem with drop in company. If I don't have anything to eat on hand they we will go out or order in. Life is too short to sweat the small stuff.

I remember, growing up, Sunday visiting was the thing. That was in the 40's and 50's.

At least they gave you the heads up that they were stopping by. I've
had people just stop by ringing my door bell unannounced ....which
I really don't like.

Still, depressing - I think folks who spend more time on the computer may be a faction of society who is less inclined to be socially flexible. I'm worried I may become that if I continue my own patterns -

My family - mother and grandmother are both "you are always welcome here" sorts - my gma is 92 and lives a very full busy involved-with-others life. Maybe I need to re evaluate my behaviors and trends - this thread is a bit of a wakeup call. I want to "go" the same way my beloved grandma will go - surrounded by all the drop ins and loved ones - and she has boundaries enough to say when something wont work for her - I always know where I stand with her and it tends to be on the side of warmth. That's who I want to be! Time to cut out some online stuff for me. Starting....today.

>> Still, depressing - I think folks who spend more time on the computer may be a faction of society who is less inclined to be socially flexible

Huh?

Look - I love company - love it! But I would be sad to know that a part of my family didn't care enough to let me know ahead of time that they were going to be in the area and offer to, perhaps, get together if everyone's schedules allowed. At least be put on notice!

However, please know that I, too, have a valuable life and do not sit around with nothing to do, waiting for that surprise call when it works for you. I'd love, love, love to see you - and in order to do so, let's coordinate. Give me fair notice and I will do everything in my power to arrange/rearrange.

But 3 hours? My interpretation of that is "let's not tell old Auntie Suzieque that we're going to be in her area. That way, we can see her only if our schedule permits at the time and I'm sure she will be thrilled to see us. After all, what else could she possibly have going on?. And, of course, she's not a priority for us to make time .... we'll just give her a call if we have a break in our schedule."

Yes, I think it's rude.

And as far as people who spend time online being less socially flexible, I repeat .... Huh?

This post was edited by suzieque on Sun, Sep 15, 13 at 18:59

they get what they get ! actually since I "moved" out of the lr, it's stays neat...and the downstairs bathroom isn't used except by me...now the kitchen is another matter, lol...or the office where I watch tv, ect, daytime...it's messy...but that's what doors are for!!

glad you had a wonderful, if unexpected, visit...

It depends on who it is. I prefer to know ahead, but if someone is in the neighborhood & decides to drop by, that's ok. If my house is a little messy, I just close a couple of doors, apologize & say that I've been busy. DH has one friend that made a habit of last-minute, though. It drove me crazy. If I can't pull together a meal and/or I've been so busy that I've just let the house go, I might suggest that we meet at a local restaurant.

Amy, everyone leads different lives and has their own comfort levels.
If you want to be the type of person who loves last minute or unannounced company, that that is the type of person you will be!
And, in thinking more about the three hour notice, I agree with susieque. A bit more advanced planning would have been the polite and respectful thing to do.

"Still, depressing - I think folks who spend more time on the computer may be a faction of society who is less inclined to be socially flexible."

I think it is sad, also, Amy!
But I will disagree slightly with the quoted sentence above.

It has been my experience that people who spend more time on the computer are a faction of society that are less inclined to keep their house clean (among other things).
And age does not matter.
Again, my experience! They are the ones complaining they have no time to clean, no time to cook, no time to visit or to be visited. And they don't.... as they are online all the time.
They are happy with that life, and that is sad to me.

And now, let the flaming begin!

Actually, LuAnn, I spend a lot of time on the computer, my house was not in great disarray and I entertain more than the average person. I like to cook and I like to entertain. I still would have liked a day or two notice because I did have plans for the day but cancelled them. Had I known the day before that they were coming, I could have rearranged my schedule more easily. As it turns out, today I have to take care of what I was suppose to do when they were here and it's putting a bit of a burden on me because I'm expecting house guests tomorrow but it will all get done. I still would like more notice because I do like to fuss and have everything nice but they were welcomed regardless and have no idea that it was an inconvenience that could have been avoided with a little more notice.

I don't like drop in company. My husband's family used to come from Florida, and not only they didn't let us know, they showed up and planned to stay a few days. I was young then and it was hard for me to cope. One time his half sister and her husband arrived, planning to move in with us until they found a place here. Not a word before hand. I am afraid by the time they left, they didn't like me very much. Not only did they arrive unannounced....they had very restricted diets and couldn't eat lots of things we eat. I haven't thought about this in ages. It still makes me mad. I just about had a nervous breakdown over that. Her husband went shrimping with my husband and left me to baby sit her all day. She was 30 years older than me and a kook in her own right. I've changed a lot since then. No one had better try that with me now!