Whoa--I see smoke coming out of your ears :-) Who knows what whacky thoughts she may have. You did your best and what did you get? Shows me one thing--you don't really want her around anyway.

Its best to just ignore it, RUDE people I eliminate them ,they thrive on making people miserable because they are.Dont let her get you down ignoring them just pisses them off.

Hi bigbaby,

I think I smell some smoke, as well: don't tell me that the build-up in your ears caught fire!

When we get our shirt-tails all tied into knots over something(s) that someone did to us (or didn't do) - especially after we'd bent over backwards to be helpful to them ...

... we don't do them any harm - but we may harm ourselves.

Or have too much of our mental and emotional capabilities working overtime at what an outside observer evaluating our operation would probably consider something of a fruitless/useless enterprise.

Sometimes doing something physically demanding will help us work off our frustration - used to be that when we saw dad splitting wood for the kitchen stove (with some gusto) ...

... or the housekeeper wielding the dust/floor mop similarly energetically ...

... we kids figured that to be a good time to make ourselves scarce. Lest we become target of some re-directed wrath/frustration.

ole joyful ... who sometimes finds it rather difficult to practise what he preaches

Well, good riddance, cause she sure does not sound like a friend!

Sorry, but sometimes, people change, and move on. For some reason she did, and left.

Send the card back, with wrong address written on it, if you want to be mean, or just give it to your inlaws and leave it at that. Your choice.

Moni

there are some people who just should be forgotten! we inherited a football pal of my dad's when they moved...he'd show up every christmas...a user for sure...we finally had a falling out and never looked back...but mother till she passed, sent him a christmas card and bday cards...maybe your mil was like my mom?

I would have my fit, (to let off steam) and let it go. It takes all kinds of people. You were unlucky to get a few bad ones in the mix. No reflection on your character.

You really want to know what happened that changed everything, I would be curious too.
Too bad you can't ask someone who is in touch with her,
like your MIL, what soured the relationship.
It's the not knowing that would drive me crazy.

I agree with you pekemom. Something had to happen. I would say someone said something that wasnt true.

Normally I would say ignore them but I want to know what their problem is too. So ask them.

:-)

It would bug me as well, and as far as that card goes.....I think I would send it back marked "No one here by this name".

Let's face it, this stuff happens. I know well, and from experience. Even if you were to confront them and ask, you likely won't get an honest answer. If you have a true friend who is in contact with them, they might be able to find out the excuse. Likely someone poisoned the relationship out of jealousy, fear, greed or otherwise. Friends come and go. Friend is a relative term. Some friends are for life and some are temporary. Just be glad they didn't tap you for big money or hurt you in other ways.

I'd return the card "return to sender - wrong address".

Life is too short for toxic relationships. I enjoy the words to the song Caledonia: I have moved, and I kept on movin'
proved the points that I needed provin',
I lost the "friends" that I needed losin',
found others on the way.
So lose the "friends" that need losing and be on your way. You have far too many positive things in your life to waste time on these negative losers.

AMEN to your post from start to finish, ole joyful!

Hey, don't stew and don't lose sleep over it. Don't try to get even or put yourself on the same level. You did well.

I think I'd ask the MIL if you are close to see if they said something to her. It may just be some simple something that happened like a disagreement about politics or religion. People are crazy...just remember that...HA!

I bought a mug the other day that said "Eat cake and move on." Life is too short to waste with negative thoughts.

I thought twice about posting this but really needed to vent. Now I'm very glad I did because I have enjoyed reading all of your responses so much! I just feel like speaking my mind and I don't think I care what she says at this point, I am sick of biting my tongue.

Don't you think it's really better to speak your mind? I mean you don't have to be mean or rude but just lay your cards on the table. I am so tired of people who do so much passive-aggressive, back-handed crap!!! I wish I had confronted this person way back when it all started, really, then maybe I'd be done with it!!

I'm with ArkansasGirl here.

You're going to continue to stew over this until you find out what happened. To that end, I'd employ your mother-in-law. She is aware that you girls don't speak, right? Give Mom-in-law the card, tell her that it still bothers you that you were frozen out and that you still can't figure out why, and ask her to somehow sneak in to her response to them that "my daughter-in-law asked about you -- she says you girls haven't spoken in a while: was there an argument?" Maybe the ex-friend will come clean.

This is gonna roll around in your mind until you get an answer-- "just move on" is easier said than done. I'm sure anyone who tells you that has never been able to completely dislodge something like this from his or her mind. The memory doesn't work that way. You might want to just forget something, but none of us can.

And what if it was a tiny misunderstanding that could be rectified quickly? Odds are that it was more of a "mean girls" thing -- maybe they found something negative about you to bond over, to laugh behind your back about (like "She dresses like a [fill in the blank] -- can you believe that?!" They won't admit that to you, because not everyone's so blunt.

But it's worth a shot to finally figure out what happened.

BgBaby, you were not put here on earth to be friends with everybody you meet. Friendships come and go, this one apparently ended when you could be of no further "use" to her. Let it go, don't worry about it. And don't get mad "Living well is the best revenge."

I agree with Pammyfay!

This is going to continue to bother you so I'd casually ask MIL if she knows something and if she doesn't then it's time to call Karmen.

Are Karmen or Kathy friendly with your group of friends? Does Kathy still live in the area?

I couldn't agree more with Cynic's thoughts on this subject. The sad part these days is that there seems to be such a generational gap in the definition of friendship. I've found in the last few years...much to my dismay...that I have far more casual "acquaintances" than I have "friends". And, having lived a bit of a nomadic life until I reached my 50's...most of my dearest friends that were scattered all over the globe have either died or are beyond reach both physically and mentally. Thus, my dearest friend and confidante is four legged...with a long fluffy tail and limitless devotion. Oddly enough...it's kinda nice this way these days. It's too stressful to keep "losin" because sincerity seems to be a lost art.

I, also, agree wholeheartedly with you Baby in that I think you should just lay your cards on the table, confront them and put an end to your pain.

Anne

I think Cynic's right, too. You probably won't get an honest answer.

Fran1523, Great quote and good advice. "Eat Cake and Move On". I like that.

BB, passive-aggressive personalities = mean people and they're toxic. The person that's done (and still doing) this to you is getting great pleasure in it. Confronting her or soliciting an intermediary to confront her would only give her more pleasure and I doubt you'd get an answer out of her. Does she really deserve your time and concern? I would think and hope not. Whatever problem she has with you is just that. Her problem. You can take the letter, "X" through the addressee part, mark through the bar code, and then print "Not at this address. Return to sender". You can choose to "eat cake and move on". It's healthier.

You can send the card back marked or, if you have her address, I'd write her a nice little letter and just ask....What harm will it do? If then she ignores you, good riddance, if she answers, maybe you'll find out what the problem is....
It's not good for you to keep this building up, let it out!

Whatever decision you make will be ok. Just sending hugs and a soothing cup of tea.
Marie