I think happiness,sadness,fear,elation,boredom are all emotions that are transitory. It rather depends on the person's mental state at any given time,the stress level of their lives,both positive and negative or if they have mental health issues.

We hear are you happy with your life but we don't often hear the opposite are you sad in your life. For sadness we use the word depression although as I'm sure you've come across many depressed people don't describe themselves as necessarily sad but rather "gray" or "flat".

I think it is more about living a "satisfied" life. No one can be happy at all times but we can choose to appreciate the good things and either stand up to the bad that needs to be dealt with or know when to let it go.

I'm not prone to depression but I'm also pretty pragmatic. I'm not good at denial so I suppose that could put me in the negative camp at times. I see a problem, I want to identify it, do what (if I can) to fix it and move on. Some people prefer to ignore the bad stuff entirely and are perceived as "happy" but they lack satisfaction and contentment.
To me being content and comfortable with oneself is more valuable than being happy. The former is the opposite of being depressed. The latter is simply the opposite of sadness.

How much do you figure that lack of self-esteem may figure into the equation?

Or a feeling of lack of having control over one's life? Being pushed around by circumstances (or people)?

ole joyful

I think the way we feel and think and act is basically in our make up, our genes. Some I am sure is based on our environment and the people we are around. I have always been a happy, up beat person. My husband used to tease me about waking up in such a good mood. He was the opposite, moody, quiet and picky, so during those very long years I had to work to stay positive. I failed miserably many times. Now life is about me, I am happy and love people, perfect strangers who are so nice to me. Simple ways, for instance I went to a pizza buffet today they recognize me when I come and they put my favorite in the oven. Instead of bringing me out a few pieces they brought me the whole thing and a box to take the leftovers home. When I was staying at Frank Lloyd Wright's hotel, I spent two night in the club room and ordered a drink and burger. I was billed for the burger, the drink was on the house both nights AND I didn't have to worry about a designated driver. LOL

That is an interesting question, as well as the replies on the other thread. My opinion is....that most of us are born with a pre-disposition to be optomistic or pessimistic. I personally have been depressed for periods of time (and take a very mild anti-depressant regularly) but I am not sure that depression, unhappiness and negativism are the same thing; and would argue that depression is a phisological/chemical thing. My family members are always teasing me about my "rose colored glasses". Without being conscious of doing it, I always (and I do mean always) respond to "troubles" by saying "but the good thing is...." and I am really not sure where that comes from. Maybe I haven't been in situations where there is no "good thing", but I know I have; and usually there was a "lesson" I needed to learn from the situation.

I have a long story about my 55 year old daughter who came home 5 weeks ago....broke, no job for 1 1/2 years, no prospects, no roof over her head and credit cards maxed out etc.etc. Two years ago we had a falling out that only in the last 6 months were we coming to terms with. Of course, we took her in....kept the wolves (credit collectors) from gobbling her up. For 5 weeks, we talked and she applied for jobs and I think that I was able to convince her that, perhaps this was a time for her to think about what it was that the "universe" was trying to teach her. Maybe about empathy, having left 3 marriages without looking back and acknowledging the hurt she left behind. The job situation was a shattering blow, as she has always walked in and got the job too easily...well 1 1/2 years has left her with a different look at life....that maybe it was a lesson that she needed to experience. She started a new job with wonderful prospects on Labor Day....exactly 2 years to the day that she walked out on husband #3 and started her 2 year journey of self discovery. She rents a room in a house with older students and is starting all over again. OMGoodness, we hope this time will be successful.

But to the question....Do we choose to be happy or not. No. We choose paths in life according to instincts that we are born with. Some paths are harder because we haven't learned from our previous experiences and so we find ourselves repeating the same experiences until we figure out what it is we were supposed to learn. TMI here. Sorry
Nanny

Good question.

I do know a few people who constantly complain about pretty much everything, which makes me wonder if they're just hard to please or something.

I mean, how can "everything" in your life be something to complain about?

One of them, no matter what you ask her about in her life, she complains about it, including her kids, husband, her home, her life in general, her car, her neighborhood, even birds and trees, things that other people appreciate.

She has a fantastic view of the mountain right in her yard and never even noticed it until I pointed out that she had a great view, something that other people would love to have!

It seems to me that she likes being dissatisfied.

I think all of the above is true. Well said by all.

I'm usually Happy Go Lucky, in fact that is what hgl stands for on my id.

But we have Hills and Valleys and we get through it always.

I used to work with a woman who was the most negative person I've ever known. She never EVER appeared to be happy about anything.

She and her husband saved for two years for a vacation at Williamsburgh (sp?)When she got back she told us bits and pieces of the trip for a couple of days ... it was hot, they wore old-fashioned costumes which were itchy, and hot, they had to walk here and there, there was a problem with the car, it rained one day, and on and on. So at lunch on the 2nd day I asked her ... wasn't there ANYTHING about this trip that you liked? And she looked at me, so very surprised, and said it was a wonderful trip and she was so glad they went. I told her I hadn't heard one single positive thing yet .. not about the people they met, or the scenery, or anything. She got all huffy, and it wasn't long after that, that we just quit being around each other.

I have met little children who have a very serious nature, but I've never met a child who was negative by nature. So I don't think we're born that way. I think our environment influences us. Now, that doesn't explain why siblings can go through the same upbringing and one sees the goodness in life while the other sees the ugliness.

I think that most of life is a choice. Yes, we can be dealt some nasty cards but how we choose to deal with them is entirely up to us. I have been really fortunate in my life, I've traveled the world and seen extreme wealth and extreme poverty....the poor were probably happier because they live simply without jealousy and pettiness. That's a really simplistic explanation, and yes it goes much deeper than that, but suffice to say that they don't know what they are missing. I don't judge myself by my 'stuff', instead I see those I love and those who love me as the yardstick I use to measure my life's accomplishments. Some love to laud material things over others, it seems to give them a sense of superiority and at one time I was one of those people. I'm so glad those days are past, that's hard work!

I'm pretty well known as being happy, seeing the bright side of things. It's part of my personality, I just try to not stay in a sad mood, and will leave a situation that I can't be myself or be happy there. Move on to a place where I can be. I think that being self satisfied and not comparing myself or my life to others is at the root of it. I'm content and that shows thru to other parts of my life. That said, I don't hesitate to jump in with both feet. I put my heart on the line and more than once it has been stomped upon. Giving till it hurts makes one very sensitive to pain, but without giving one can't expect to receive.

Life is full of all sorts of folks, I want to know as many of them as possible.

I know some people who consider themselves 'positive' people, and therefore, happy. I wouldn't necessarily consider them happy. In fact, I sometimes think the 'positiveness' is just an act. I think life needs to have balance. You can't truly be happy unless you also acknowledge the the things in life that aren't so pleasant.

I think a lot of 'happiness' is learned. A small part may be biology, but the rest comes from our experiences.

My mother's family has a history of bipolar disorder, but I am lucky and don't have it. But that doesn't mean I'm not affected by it. She came to live with us about 6 years ago after my Dad passed. She's had one 9 month period of mania that just about killed us. But I always try to find something to laugh about. I am generally a happy person, and while going through a divorce and losing a parent, I kept a positive outlook. I was sad and miserable at times, but I innately knew that it would eventually pass. People tell me that I have a very even keel. I feel I've been blessed in life, and made a lot of right choices as well. I didn't have a satisfying first marriage, and although it took me a long time, I chose to end it. It took 13 years to find the right guy for me after that. If one part of your life doesn't 'make you happy', you just have to find another part that will. You can't depend on someone else to make you happy - you have to find it within. I think some people who seem so unhappy have bought into the fairy tale that it is someone else's responsibility to make them happy. Of course, from my family experience, I do know that it is physically impossible for some people to be happy.

Life happens. It seems silly to me to think you 'should' be 'happy'. You'd have to be blind to life!

The best brief and to the point advice I've heard was that given by a rabbi to a friend's son at his bar mitzvah, "LIVE your LIFE." IMO that means to actively experience life, to invest in it in all its' variety, to take responsibility. Not to be always 'happy', not all 'sad'. Just REAL, grounded in your self.

We can't control what 'happens'. We con't control our *feelings* (happy, sad, whatever). We do have control over how we decide to act, to behave, to relate. We can be open to life and resilient.

I choose to look for the positive and sometimes I have to look hard. I also choose to avoid negative people.

Of course there are sad times and for some people chemical imbalances, that's different. But cranky, complaining, negative people...how miserable they are.

Maybe you do have to practice being happy. I used to be a very angry, bitter person so I know you can change the way you think, be grateful.

Life is full of choices. I believe life is what you make it. My mom spent her retirement years feeling "so abandoned". She didn't reach out to others and get involved with activities. I love my retirement years. I volunteer at the hospital, am on the Board of Trustees at my church that has 1,000 members, I make quilts for my friends' grandchildren, I have pets and I don't feel lonely or abandoned.

I think it is a combination of choice and heredity. For example, I get seriously depressed two or three days before my monthly period. Really, it is bad--everything looks bleak, I have no energy, I'm convinced my miserable life will never get better, etc. Several days later, on the day my period actually starts, it is like a dark cloud is lifted from my mind. My spirits soar, life seems manageable again, the future bright. I'm 50 and this huge mood swing associated with my period has been with me most of my life. So I KNOW depression is partly hormonal/hereditary. And as I say, partly choice.

"So, do you think there is any choice on how happy of a person you are? If so, how much is choice, and how much is the cards we are dealt?"

I think that you are considering two separate aspects of life. One is your outlook/disposition, how you view life, how you interact with society. The other is the overall sense of living a "happy life".

How a person presents themselves to others and how they deal with daily lifeÂs challenges is certainly a choice, but it is also a learned skill. I believe that a child is born with a predetermined disposition. (Some folks are happy all the time and others grumpy, many are neutral) A child learns how to deal with success, disappointment and challenges as they grow. An adult that is more self aware can choose how to react to situations. "Am I going to let other peoples negative actions bother me, or let it roll off and move on?" Is having a positive or negative demeanor and outlook helping me or hindering me in acquiring my goals?

Our environment can also affect how we feel and cope. If we have a negative individual that we must deal with daily, then we must decide if we will accept that negativity into our lives (let it bother us) or if we will choose to let it roll off, avoid them, whatever. This can be really challenging when this person is someone you live or work with.

Whether a person is living a "happy life" I think depends more upon the level of satisfaction that we attain regularly. If we are satisfied with what we have, what we have accomplished, do we set goals to improve our lot in life (being proactive), do we receive pleasure by helping other and so forth. Perhaps the question is "what factors help determine a happy life?"