best, I'm getting that book for my son! I just had all my conferences with his teachers (he is a Jr in HS) and every single one of them commented on how quiet he is, including one teacher who actually called him "aloof." They all acted as though he's the first quiet kid who has made his way through that school. My older DS never really dated in HS. He fell head over heels in love right after graduation, though, and had a messy and emotional breakup about 6 months later. Hasn't dated anyone since then (almost two years ago). Younger DS (the quiet one) now has his first GF, as of about two months. They have been friends for two years and they are part of the same group of friends so it's hard to determine what counts as a date and what is just hanging out with friends, because there's a lot of overlap there. Sometimes they go out with the group and then the group will disperse and the two of them will go elsewhere. Sometimes they're in the group and they all stay together for the evening. And probably least frequently, they will go out on a real date. Problem with this whole scenario is that it feels (to me) that he is spending too much time with the GF, but since part of that time they are also with the guy friends who I want him to also spend time with... it's not like I can say, okay, hang out with your friends but don't invite her this time! Anyway, it does seem like a nice relationship so far. Hard to say if it will get serious but I do wonder how the breakup will be if/when it happens, because if it's not cordial, it's going to be awkward for their group of friends.

Fun, did you have more than one living space growing up? We had a formal living room and a family room so the family room is where our toys were kept. However, we didn't have nearly the same amount of toys as kids do nowadays! The way our family room was laid out, there was a corner where all the toys were kept. I shared an average size room with my sister, so we didn't have much room for playing in there. I'm sure we did a bit but for the most part, we were in the family room when we were young or outside. I also can't imagine having kids' toys in every room. That would drive me nuts! Most of the houses around here have basements or more than one living area so the basements store the bulk of the toys and then the family room, which is typically open to or next to the kitchen is where the main floor toys are stashed. Having four kids has relaxed my anal tendencies but I still go a little nuts with crap laying around. The peninsula in my kitchen becomes the drop zone but I can't stand having that clutter. And dh is the worst b/c he will leave his stuff there and never come back for it but then get annoyed if I move it or ask him to. He's used to clutter from his childhood. I used to have complete order in the house b/f I went to bed, but now I'm so exhausted by then that I have slacked off a bit and then get all stressed when I come downstairs the next morning to clutter and have to clean up b/f I can function. I'm like that with cooking too - I can't start cooking unless the counters are clear, no dirty dishes out, etc. DH looks at me like I have two heads. Am I the only weird one like that? Oops, sorry, I have a habit off going off on a tangent!

No one is going to tell you that they allow thier kids to come home after school and stay by themselves but that they are not mature or responsible enough to do so! I am not sure your questions are going to get you an unbiased result.

Tina, I think suggesting that adults not gossip, with children, about other children, is very good advice. and it is advice about communicating with a child, which is what was asked. I also think that, judging from the response, that - Oakley's rather selective comment notwithstanding - most here had that part of the OP's narrative jump off the page at them since most clearly saw it as a pretty serious issue, which it is (again, hardly a faux pas). That, to me, did not fall under parenting advice but really was a general observation resulting from what I suspect is the reaction by a lot of people of surprise that an adult would participate in conversation like that. If I hear someone bleat out racist or sexist or otherwise offensive comments, yep, I tell them it's offensive. If you don't, as Maya Angelou said, "you are part of the problem." I don't think the OP needs to read the comments as judgmental but instead can practice some introspection, assess the comments and the sentiment behind them, and yes, learn something from them. That is a good thing. The only comment I thought was out of line was Sushi's about hoping her daughter doesn't model that OP's behavior, and that one got 3 'Lkes" (and no chastisement from Oakley!). I thought that was personalizing it and making a general statement about the OP as a person rather than the one item, so to me, that comment was wrong and crossed a line. If we go down a road of criticizing criticism, where does it end? There is no end, only potholes of double and randomly applied standards based not on a principle but on personal ego and pettiness (again, using Oakley's comment as an example).