Who is our 'adoptee' expert? I'm searching for

12 years ago

my hubby's birth family.

I know we have a person here who has had luck sleuthing for adopted people. I'm so sorry, but my old brain can't remember who it is. I need some ideas on how to go about locating DH's birth family.

He's known, all his life, he's adopted. "You're more trouble than seven kids; I don't know why I ever adopted y-o-u," is just one of the chants he heard from early childhood on.

His "mother" also has stressed from early childhood that she will never tell him who his parents are; will never show him his adoption papers; and will "disown" him if he ever asks about them.

Also, all his life he has felt as if he has a brother. From early childhood on, as far back as he can remember, he's "missed" this brother and has wanted to find him. I told her about this; I told her that to this day he aches - mourns - for this brother.

Her response was "He's 49; he doesn't need a brother and I'm not telling."

When he was diagonsed with a genetic blood disorder and the doctor wanted more information on his family members her answer to my inquiry was "If he didn't know he was adopted he'd still have the same problem and wouldn't know he 'came from other people'." She doesn't care at all, as long as she keeps her secrets.

Enough is enough for me. The last time we were at her house he took for an afternoon outing. I stayed in to catch up on the laundry...and photocopy his adoption papers.

Yes; I boldly got in the drawer where she has many times shown me she keeps the key to her "lockbox." She always says "Don't ever let him see this key;" as if he's too stupid to know what it is.

She "hides" the lockbox in a new location every time we're in the house - under the stairs; in the pantry; behind the bookcase, etc., then she stage whispers and points and says "Don't ever let him find the lockbox." It would be funny if it wasn't so pathetic.

I opened the box, took out the envelope (that she's waved under my nose a dozen times) and read the papers.

It's not a complete set of papers; it's only the final decree. I have the case number, the name of the judge that finalized the case, and the fact the adoption is on file in Baltimore, MD. It also shows his full birth name and birthdate.

It does not show his mother's or father's names. The hospital he was born in closed a few years ago and was consolidated with a larger hospital.

Is this enough information to begin searching for his birth family?

Where and how do I start?

He knows I'm doing this search; he wants me too.

Sort by:Oldest

Comments (9)

marie_ndcal
12 years ago
You can go to Ancestery.com and much of the information is avaiable for a free trial. He may have to sign many of the papers for information, also I may suggest he needs this information for medical reasons. I wish you the best.
two25acres
12 years ago
Is it possible he is the child of a family member? There seems to be such hostility about him, as though she didn't have a choice. Have you asked other family members?
Related Discussions
Searching opionion of a Kohler engine expert
Q
Comments (6)
Baymee, I worked on a Kohler 16hp a few years ago,ran like crap,to make a long story short ,it was running to lean ,I found crap at the inlet to the carb bowl that was blocking gas flow,I installed a new filter (better than OEM) and even a new fuel pump,I cleaned the carb ,but it never really started "great",it governor hunted,but once warmed up it smoothed out and ran fine....my 2 cents.... The troy bulit is not wired correctly and the wiring is shorted to ground ....if the cover touches the wires etc,it won't run .... Good Luck jim
...See More
Meyer expert needed (pics), after forum search!
Q
Comments (3)
Too much sun, not enough water. Kyle, for us in the West, well draining soil can be the death of our citrus during the hot, dry summer months. So, give your little tree more water. Mulch the top with at least 2 to 3" of fine wood mulch to help retain moisture. Water more so the soil is moist, but not water-logged. And lastly, it needs afternoon shade. Your sun is just WAY too hot for such a young citrus in a pot. That pot also heats up in the direct sun, so potted citrus in plastic pots get cooked two ways - direct sun to the leaves, and overheating to the roots. Once you've got things cooled down and moister, be sure you fertilize your little guy every 2 months during the growing season. And yes, a sun screen even in the direct sun might be in order. Patty S.
...See More
I'm searching for info on King's Banquet pole snap bean
Q
Comments (6)
Peterpotato, I see from your bio that you're in the 'hood. I got my seeds from a neighbor as well, the same passed-down story, and I've been growing it now for 10 years, its far and away my favorite bean. Seed Savers Exchange had someone offering seeds some years ago from Cortez. I've done my best to send seeds to other bean connoisseurs, and they all think highly of it. Why, just yesterday I got an email from some guy who was snarfing away at 'em! They also can well, and make great dilly beans. Re growing it, I plant seed in early June, and then again in early July, and the later catches up with the earlier. It's most important not to let the soil dry out - then they get tough in a hurry. If you can keep the soil moist, they stay tender until they're a foot long, seeds are formed, and the pod is starting to turn yellow - at least 2 weeks hanging there, pick-able and edible. They get hit with what I *think* is curly top virus, so plant plenty. Once they get hit, the plant doesn't do all that well. Selling at the market, you'll notice folks who know the bean will clean you out. Enjoy!
...See More
I'm back! Need to make some final decisions. Expert Advice Needed!
Q
Comments (20)
Jpmom, you home is gorgeous already! The 12" crown will look perfect with the already tall baseboards. Then add all the other woodwork in, the fireplace mantle, wainscoting, and pillars in the dining room. So pretty! My first reaction was to continue the white painted woodwork. It seems naturally connected to that bar wall from the the LR and DR with the baseboards and wainscoting. Oh and I also love that transom window above the other doorway too! My other thought was that I know from experience how the backsplash tile can completely change colors due to the lighting and what is directly next to it. I would want the two areas in the kitchen with the backsplash to look related. It may look completely different with one being next a window with white cabs and dark counters verses the other being in low natural light with black cabs and white Quartz. I'd definitely wait to decide on what to do with the bar area until the rest of the kitchen is painted white as Romy suggested. I do think it might look great either way, but I'm just one who needs to see it in real life before committing. I am sure either way it is gonna be stunning! ETA.... Could you possibly find a remnant of the Volga blue to fit the bar top if you went with white cabs on the bar? Or possibly just cut the granite and add a dark walnut type wood butcherblock section that reads dark above the wine fridge? Think romy's dark wood top next to the granite? Just a thought....:-)
...See More
maire_cate
12 years ago
Unfortunately he's too young to search the Federal Census, the 1940 Census will be available on April 2, 2012. You can still try to search Ancestry under his birth name and date. Have you checked with the state of MD to see what restrictions are on their birth records? That varies from state to state.

Is there anyone else in the family that you can ask, an older aunt of uncle?
heather_on
12 years ago
I've done a lot of successful adoption searches in Canada but I stopped doing it about 15 years ago. Search for some adoption reunion registries in the States and put your DH on the lists. You can also apply for his non-identifying information from Children's Aid services. This will give you a start. Was his birthname a common or unusual one? You do have enough information to start. Adoption Support groups will help you further and I suggest you might consider one of these as reunions can be really tricky roller coaster rides no matter how good they are. It is beneficial if the adoptee does the search himself as he will examine his feelings as he goes along. I suggest you do the searching together and not do it all for him. Since he doesn't have support from his adoptive mom, there will be a lot of personal issues that he will need to work through.
jennmonkey
12 years ago
I thought Chisue was the one with lots of adoption info, perhaps she'll see this.

I have no idea where you'd even start, but I wish you luck in finding his birth family. His "mother" sounds like a real piece of work.
gardenspice
12 years ago
His adoptive "mother" sounds like a real prize. It is hard to fathom how cruel she has been. I'm sure you'd like to just give that bat a pinch (or worse).
I agree with acres... the birth mother may hve been a an unmarried family member and the adoptive mother may have been pushed into the adoption, which would help explain (but certianly not excuse) some of the hostility.
I am so glad that were able to secure the final decree information and wish you the best of luck with finding his birth family. There's a fair chance his birth mother would still be living.
ghoghunter
12 years ago
Here is a link to get your husband started on his search
http://www.dhr.state.md.us/adoption/

I would also join ancestry and since you know his original name I would search the 1930 census and see how many families there are with that last name in Maryland. If his surname is not a common one that can be helpful. If his surname is something like Smith it probably won't help. I would also suggest he speak to his Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles and so on to see if they will give him any information. Write down whatever info they will give or not give and keep a record of it because all clues are helpful. In any kind of search you start with what you know and follow up on every piece of info. You never know where something will lead. I have helped two other people find their birth parents and it is a lot of work. It is dooable but takes time, persistence and patience!
Joann
kfca37
12 years ago
Google might be your friend...

According to the Maryland State Archives website, adoption records in that state prior to June 1, 1947 are "open" with some exceptions, and the Archives holds a lot of those adoption records. You should try their website for further info.
angelaid
12 years ago
I found a long lost half brother and a half sister my mom had given up for adoption about 50 years ago at The Seeker.

Here is a link that might be useful: The Seeker

Who is our 'adoptee' expert? I'm searching for

Comments (9)

marie_ndcal

two25acres

Related Discussions

maire_cate

heather_on

jennmonkey

gardenspice

ghoghunter

kfca37

angelaid

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US