Sorry, I do have compassion, but do not feel sorry for you. It is called tough love. You need professional help and legal help. You let your daughter run your life and that was not good. Can you go back to AZ? If so, pack a suitcase, go, and let her handle everything. You may have to declare bankruptcy and start over. You will survive, but only if you make the choice. As to a phone, you can get a rechargeable phone at Walmart to use as an emergency only. Do you have other relatives to help out. Call the phone company, close everything out, and tell them you have no job, no income and cannot pay the bill, but will try to take care of stuff when you get your life back on track.
Sorry, but we just lost a good friend today thru suicide we along with others in our town are devastated.

Wow Audrey! I do not know what to say. I cannot imagine my own daughter taking advantage of me like that! Do you have any other kids? Who was in Arizona that you moved there for? Could you go back??

I can't imagine what you're going through...I'm very sorry!

Oh I'm not looking for pity! I know I've done it or allowed it to happen! I also know that I'll get through it. Was just sounding off I guess.
I didn't know a soul in the town in AZ, I just had to get outta Oklahoma, and chose a warm place I could afford to live in! lol Yes I could go back, but part of me wants to stay close to my grandkids, I mean otherwise I'd never see them. Believe me they will need me as someone they can count on in their future. But I also wanna escape Oklahoma as I did before. lol

Aunt Audrey, I will be next in line to give you a big hug. I cannot imagine what this is doing to you, not only the troubles but also the betrayal. I know all too well what that feels like, went thru it with a business partner of nearly 25 years...we are still trying to dig ourselves out of the mess.

Are you able to seek counsel from a pastor or social worker? They may be able to tap into local resources to get you the assistance that you need for housing, financial counseling and the mental support that you need. The Salvation Army might be a place to start, they have programs in place to assist those 55+, housing and support services. Talking to them might open some doors for you, or they may be able to point you to a local agency that can help.

I am so sorry that you are going thru this, having to start over when we reach this stage in life is not where anyone wants to be. How we got here is not important, getting the support and help that we need to take back control is.

Hugs to you, Aunt Audrey.

Lynn

You better wake up and start living the rest of your life for you.Let your daughter live hers.in the end you are responsible for one life "yours"Find a good church and talk to God.Your present state is hopeless.

I'm sorry, AAA. If I were closer and didn't have exchange students in the only spare room I have, I'd offer you a room to rent (dirt cheap) until you could afford your own place.

Audry, I think dinner for the two of us is due now. When and where?

I am off today, and work tomorrow from 3 till 9, and have a hair appointment for 9:30 AM.

Check your email.

Moni

Your DD is using you and you are allowing it. It is time to pack your bags, take you SS check and start living your life as others have said.

Like Marie said.....tough love. The kind of love you are giving will only help your DD to become more and more self destructive and on down to your DGD. Seems there is a family pattern here.

There are low or no cost counseling/mental health clinics everywhere. Go to the local senior services and they may be able to direct you. You need to get help for yourself. You were already down over your loss and your DD took advantage of you. Makes me kind of wonder what the bast___d's side of the story.

Aunt Audrey You come here and sound off anytime!
It's a vicious circle sometimes, or should I say merry-go-round? LOL Anyway its a hard decision to get off that ride but you do what you gotta do for your own sanity and well being.
Many of us have ridden that ride.
Sending you strong "I can do this" thoughts!
You can do whatever you have to and want to, I think you've proven it by now! Go girl!!!!

Dear Aunt Audrey, please take care of yourself. You are in the middle of a situation that is not going to get better unless you find the strength to change it. I know how difficult that will be. I too lost my husband in 2001 and then last year "lost" my daugher (figuratively speaking) to drugs. I learned that you have absolutely no control over how others live and the decisions that they make. You can be content again and live your life without the fear Im sure you have had. Please listen to the other posters when they suggest therapy/support group etc. There are many others like you and having a support system can make all the difference. It is very difficult to put your needs before your daughters but it is the only way out. I wish you luck and please post again. Satine

I don't know why life has to be so hard on us sometimes, but stuff happens. We all love our kids and want them to be happy. I wish your daughter hadn't disappointed you in so very many ways. And I understand your being torn about moving away or staying close to the grandkids.

I have no advice, just lots of hugs and prayers that you can sort it out and think about yourself for a change. You deserve a great life!

That's a sad story to read. Yes, I know there are daughters like that around--DH and I had a long, expensive legal battle with the one who stole a quarter of a million $$$ from his mom. It sort of sneaks up on you, though, doesn't it? Looking back, it's easy for those reading your post to think 'she should have seen this coming'--but it's really not that simple usually.

Look, the ONLY way you're going to start feeling better about yourself is to start taking the steps to get yourself out of this mess. Have you checked into your town's senior housing options? And these days, you don't have to stay in town, I think legally any subsidized senior citizen housing complex has to accept applications from anyone. My mom lived in a beautiful senior citizen tower--gorgeous large apts, caring staff, loads of activities--and the rent was based upon her ability to pay. She was only paying under $300/month for an apt that would have gone for upwards of $1600 in a commercial building. Every year the rent is reevaluated based on your income and expenses (if your medical expenses go up, for example, your rent goes down). It was a lovely place, nice neighbors, and she was very, very happy there for about 15 years. These are federally funded buildings, so there must be some somewhere in your area. Also, there may be state programs that help with rent, utility bills, prescription drug expenses, etc. Our state pays a good portion (almost a year's worth for a frugal person) of the electric bill for qualifying seniors, as well as the Part D premium and MOST of the co-pay for prescriptions for seniors. Do make inquiries about what programs are available that might help ease your financial burder.

I'd also look into sitting down with a lawyer--many give first visit consultations for free, or you could probably find one who does pro bono work through your county bar association. You're not going to be able to recoup what you've put out, but it would be a good idea to find out some suggestions for protecting yourself in future. And you might want to consider that if you have other children, they've felt cheated and hurt by all the money you've sent their sister's way. What can you do to make them feel better about things?

Last? I'd have a talk with this gal, letting her know that at her age, she's an adult. At your age, you're on a fixed income. Because of those 2 facts, she's going to have to figure out how to take care of herself from now on--whether or not this latest relationship works out. You love her, you'll emotionally support her, but you can no longer afford to financially support her.

Taking steps to get your life back in your control is going to go a long way toward making you feel better. Good luck.

Just another thought, if your daughter has access to any of your financial records, including but not limited to your social security number, bank accounts, etc., you need to protect yourself. I'm not sure exactly what steps you need to take, but you need to protect yourself and an attorney is the best one to guide you on this.

I'm sorry you are going thru this . You need to live your life and let your daughter live hers. I can't imagine my daughter doing this to me(or my son). Makes me grateful for the productive lives they lead. You don't deserve this. I hope you find a way out.

Your daughter needs to get you out of this. Sorry, that's how I feel and see it. I don't know how, when or where, but she has to help some. You're not a dishrag, demand some respect NOW and don't stop until you get it.

Get angry and fight for your right to a better life.

Like I said before I'm not looking for pity. Just needed to say it all to someone other than my dog Schultz. I'll get through this I know, just dealing with the stress right now. I am a grown woman who can fend for herself, and will get this done. I am no wimp believe me. Thanks for your responses.

You rock, Audrey! Great, great vent. You know what you have to do and you sound like the gal who can do it.

Same age, same financial situation, although, I still have a DH. I'm either in the middle of it, on the cusp or ending where you've been. It's kind of mind boggling, huh? Difference, I have a crazy DIL, out of rehab for the 3rd or 4th time, I forget.

All I do is care about what happens to my GD, step in where needed, kick the butt that needs kicking and then step back. I keep a watchful eye on my GD....

I understand where you're coming from and the price you've paid. I could have been you 'cept I'm meaner than you are. Hang tough and take care of you.

Always, since about 9 yo, my motto in life has been, "Don't mess with my family, don't mess with my friends and don't mess with my dog." (I think I had a different word for "mess") It's served me well.

Don't let her mess with you. You have it in you.

Let me know if I can help in any way.

Aunt Audrey I'm so sorry you are going thru this. My mom died a very long time ago and I would never have thought of doing this to her. You can get out of by following some of the above advice. It is ok for you to sound off here.

I hope you find one kind soul who will keep you moving in the right direction. It is so hard to do this and I will be giving you my energy and my prayers. I hope you don't look back on what you shoulda done.Don't give up. If you were near me I would take you in and let you rest awhile.
You have done a great job of sorting out what happened as roco 0101 said. You need food and rest to fuel your brain. You'll see. It may not happen tomorrow but things will change when you change.

aaa just had to let the gals know at the "th"...you know you have a ton of love and anytime you need some tlc stop in...

Geez, I'm so sorry.

But I have to agree with some of the others here. It's one thing to admit and acknowledge that you created the situation. It's another to fix it.

I think part of your depression is a feeling that your life is out of your control. Take a small step, any step, to reclaim your life and you will feel better. Each step towards your own independance will make you stronger.

Okay, step one is done. LOL The fiance gave me $200.00 to cover the phone cancellation fee. Not much, but a start.

One day and one step at a time,and you'll get thru this,make yourself FIRST on your list.You don't owe your DD anything at this point in her life,she needs to learn how to stand on her own 2 feet!!

If you get the newspaper,read todays dear abby,she was talking to you and others in the same boat as you.Heed her advice,it's called tough love!!Prayers and good thoughts for YOU!!
Kathi