If you're renovating why would you need to hide it? You're making it better and anyone worth their salt will understand that and be happy to take you away from it for a little bit to give you a break.

Ditto!

If you can't tell people that you are remodeling and the house is a mess and move on with whatever you have planned, then I guess you will just have to give up dating.

On the other hand, if they can't see past the mess and appreciate what you are doing, then you should not want them in your life anyway. You could use this as a way to weed out shallow and self-centered suitors.

Well, we aren't hosting gatherings since there are some key functional items missing for that (fridge, couch, etc.). But I am unconcerned about whether or not people find my renovation messy. Renovations are always messy. I have friends/family stop by all the time to see the progress and sometimes to help with the work.

A person who'd condemn you for the inevitable disastrous state your house ends up in during a renovation is kind of a judgy lunatic.

Thank you cp and beth. Rmt, point taken. Jillius, Judgy lunatic! I love it. I think the judgy lunatic is me. I have said I'm renovating, it's a mess. I don't think guys care, theoretically anyway, but I'm having a hard time with it. The only clean, organized room in the house is my bedroom, that's where I spend all my time these days, and it's way too personal a space, well, obviously.

Most guys won't even see the mess. Most don't even care. Don't use that as an excuse.

Look at it as a test to continue the relationship. If they 'get it' and understand, move forward. If they start TKO mode, you may have either found your soul mate! Or....they might be a plain ole lunatic...;-))))

Well, not exactly ruining, but yes putting a crimp in our social lives. I have kids and with an ongoing kitchen and bathroom, plus some other updates, remodel, I feel like our house just isn't safe for having kids over. During the day there are workers in and out and all over the house. Adding more people underfoot seems foolish. And I never know what the project for the day is until the GC shows up so some days my morning starts with hearing that we all need to be out of the house for an extended time period. And even when the workers are not here, there are tools in the kitchen space and ongoing work that could be damaged by careless kids (like the tile on the bathroom floor that has been laid but not yet grouted)

The house is also a mess, but that's less of a deterent, becaue I figure the remodel is a pretty good excuse for that.

We have been meeting people at the park, taking friends to the movies and meeting up for lunch. It's not the same as being able to offer to host at our house, but people know about the remodel and I think they all understand that I'm not in a position to do that right now. We have hosted in the past and I tried to get some of our more regular kid visitors over shortly before the project started.

Waaay back in the day, If I was dating a girl that was remodeling a kitchen? ...I'd say she was a keeper!

Yep, cp, busted. And, ouch, by the way. Rebunky, finding a soul mate through renovation... you might need to start a new advice category. I love your optimism! Crl, I haven't had my nieces or nephews here in ages, and I've stopped dog sitting my sister's sweet dog for the same reason. It's making me cranky, which may be putting an even bigger dent in my social life. I keep telling myself it's temporary, but it's starting to feel permanent. Cook, thanks! I hope I prove to be a keeper one day.

I'm with RMT!
However, be very wary of those fellows who want to "help." I'm here to tell you you'll pay for much of it in hours of fixing the help. Most truly want to help and have good intentions, but don't count on anything, anyway.

In my 10 year rebuild, I'm also here to tell 'ya too many seem to think they're going to get something I'm not willing to give for some construction work. Although I have it, they're not thinking "beer."

If I were, my house would have been done 9 years ago and I wouldn't even be here.

If you like 'em, tell 'em, warn 'em then forget about it. Don't apologize, don't use it as an excuse, and just keep on working. If they can't handle it, what would they do when real inconvenience happened? Like a fire. A flood. Someone slapping a pallet of shingles on your roof and having the whole house collapse?

Or, just do what I do: Tell them you're a construction materials hoarder and the only way I get rid of something is to build it. But with 2-3 jobs, I'm just a little tired.

Interesting conversation. We just had some friends over for a BBQ. This couple has deeper pockets than we do and hire everything out. They also have a business that is managed by others so they have more free time and will often go to their condo in Mazatlan or another trip while construction is going on at their home. They have done several remodeling projects since we've known them but have never been home for any of them, AFAIK. This is quite the opposite of our limited budget, DIY, slow-moving remodels.

When she was admiring how much better our kitchen looks with the wall taken out, wall cabinets gone, etc., she asked me how I could stand living in an unfinished house. It honestly never occurred to me that this would be a problem. That's mainly because the way we're working on the kitchen, it will never be out of commission for more than a day or so, here and there. For example, once DH finally gets the plumbing and electrical done for the new peninsula, we will move DW there, install the clean-up sink, and then, once that is all working, we'll move the lower cabinets around and be without the prep sink for awhile until that area is ready for the new prep sink to be installed.

So since the kitchen is never out of commission, I just don't see it as a problem. But she really did. Strongly so. In fact, she even jokingly chastised my DH about how he better get on it and get the work done pronto so I don't have to live with an unfinished kitchen much longer. OK, secretly I kinda enjoyed that as I would like him to work on things a bit faster than he is but I know not to prod him myself because the more I prod, the slower he goes, LOL. But, really, the slowness doesn't bother me all that much. I'd rather have a non-stressed happy hubby.

Anyway, I think it's interesting how we all have different levels of ability to deal with construction issues and such.

Of course, dealing with strangers working in your house and having to leave with the kids for hours daily is a whole different issue. And I really wouldn't like not being home when strangers are in my house either.

Excuse my long-winded ruminating. :)

Really? No social life during renovations? It would never cross my mind that I couldn't do both.

CEF, "tell 'em, warn 'em, then forget about it." Good advice. I'll try it. Funky, that's exactly it. We all have such different thresholds for mess, disorder, construction debris. I'm coming to terms with it, I guess they'll have to too. Good for you Sherri.

It has definitely put a crimp on my social life. We've basically gotten over the instinct to drop to the ground and army crawl when people knock on the door. But, we surely aren't in a position to entertain and a lot of our energy and time goes into the house. On top of that, I have several "friends" who have been pretty judgmental and even shaming about our living conditions and our decision to do so much DYI. Those comments have ranged from "How can you live like that?" to "I could never handle it/your life/your choices/etc" to "Just hearing about your remodel stresses me out. Get with me when you have finished it".

In fairness to them, this has taken much longer than we anticipated, for various reasons. Some good ones. Some not so much.

I can see it ruining (or at least messing up) a casual social life but hey... if you are thinking about wooing someone special, bring the person in! If he or she is going to be judgmental about what it takes to renovate -- better to know this up front! They're going to be a mess in the rest of your (hopefully) forever life as well, if they can't handle a reno.

I agree. The ones who make rude remarks about how can you live like that and they would never put up with a mess like that or get their own hands dirty come across as very shallow to me. And my DH wouldn't want a woman like that and I wouldn't want a man like that. We have lived in our home for close to 40 years and a lot of the renovations were done by us. I get the odd comment from several friends of FINALLY you are getting that bathroom done. About time.... Well, don't come over if you don't like it is what goes thru my mind.

Well, I finally let "him" in the house. He actually helped me with some lights I want to string on my balcony. After four hours of this he told me he's going to date someone else but wants to remain friends. So the good news is I have balcony lights, and the house wasn't an issue. And actually, the other good news is I'm not with the wrong guy any more, and hey, I've got a new friend.

I don't know how those of you with spouses ever found each other, but my hat's off to you all.

I wonder why one would have people who make rude comments like that in their lives?

Some friends are long established and for the most part good friends. But they are not always perfect, as are any of us. At least that's the way I view it. But I still don't appreciate those little snide comments.

eam44 - I forgot you WERE renovating! Have you been posting any progress pictures? I'd love to see some. We DIY'd so much of our renovation but there were two of us and DH is so very handy. Even then, everything took forever. Occasionally, we hired out some jobs (like hanging cabinets) and it was so incredibly satisfying to see actual progress in a day. What you need to find is another DIYer. Maybe start hanging out at Home Depot or Lowes in the early mornings...? Happy 4th my friend!

mushcreek - Nice picture; what memories (and stories) we all have from the construction days. Hopefully you'll post a shot this Thanksgiving of your table!

Ob2b! Yes, yes I am renovating. No progress pics yet. As for hanging out at Lowes I feel like I live there already. Maybe I need to stop showing up in old yoga clothes with a baseball cap on?

Mush, you get the GW Entertainers of the Year award for 2013, retroactive. What a wonderful thing to do, hosting T day in the midst of the chaos! Silk, I'm with you, no one's perfect. CP, who would be friends with all the snide people (or the guys that just want to be friends) if not for we few, we happy few...

Artemis, you were absolutely right. Turns out he wasn't someone special after all, and it is better to know up front. Steph, I'd do the army crawl too if the floor in the entry weren't tile! The "get with me when you're done" comment from a friend would hurt me to the core, but then I'm not nearly as tough as I pretend to be.

In all, it's really nice to know its not just me who feels this way, and it's inspiring to see my GW friends have overcome the blow and learned to take it well and ultimately triumph. Happy Fourth to all! Let's rock our Independence!

Kitchen Reno- taken down to studs with dining room. Good friend (whose husband is in the construction trade )did help with putting up t& g ceiling, loaning tools and hauling materials for us . However, after 3 yrs of working on it,as we can pay for it,plus I like being able to control the quality of the work, still makes comments about " how can you stand it? It would drive me crazy!"

Yeah, yeah, I know. You've told me that. But the flip side is - who gets to eat out 3to 5 times a week with no cooking or cleanup? Shut her right up. Lol

Boops, that's a great comeback!

I want to see your kitchen! It looks like you are having similar issues to what I am experiencing! WHat did you decide on your layout? Thanks!

Dear Friends,

I came across this old thread of mine, and my one year update is that the house is still a mess, I'm still waiting for the "new" contractor to return, but I'm finally dating someone I really like and he couldn't care less about the mess and never asks when construction will be completed. I'm so happy I almost don't mind the construction delay anymore.

Thank you all for your kindness and advice. As usual, it was exactly correct and absolutely what I needed at the time. To anyone going through this alone, you might find that a year from now life is sweeter than you can imagine. Even if you aren't finished with the reno!

-E

Ha, I remember this thread. My house is still a mess too. Solidarity, sister!

I'm so glad you found someone who makes you happy enough not to care about the remodel. :) My husband's cute and all, but to forget the disastrous state of our house, I think I'd need a continuous lifetime supply of back rubs and maybe a puppy.

Eam, yay! Lovely to hear some good news. I forget why the delay and does he appreciate tile...?

Yay for happiness!

Glad you found someone who doesn't care about the mess. I really thought our last project (new construction) would have ended in divorce. It was a nightmare for nearly 2 years but we did finish it ....4 general contractors later and in the end becoming our own GC.

but I'm finally dating someone I really like and he couldn't care less about the mess

Ok, please just this once can I say it? Please, please, please?

"I told you so." ;)

Seriously though, so glad you're in a better place.

So glad you're in the setting of things and happy! My house reconstruction has definitely taken over my life (because of the time) but hopefully is getting closer to being finished.

For anyone reading this thread or receiving comments like, "how can you live like this or I can't imagine doing this all yourself" ... I could imagine saying something like that but meaning it in an incredulous, impressed kind of way - along the lines of when someone runs a marathon and you ask "how could you possibly do that"??

I'm not saying your interpretation wasn't correct, but maybe they were just being dopey?

Jill, thanks for the solidarity - definitely a puppy! Aren't back rubs part of your marriage vows?

OB2B, he's not much on tile, but he's very appreciative of me :-) The delays could fill a whole new thread, but they basically go like this: I'll have a couple days next month. No I said the month after that. Eight months of this nonsense, then the New contractor broke his foot. Says he'll be back any day now, but then I've heard that before...

Crl, yay indeed! Thanks for the love.

Katrina, I'm so glad it all went well in the end.

Cp, yeah, go ahead :-) Thanks!

Zelly, I get it. Good luck! And it's true, people don't always communicate that well.

I know there's life After a reno, but I'm finally happy to report there's life During a reno too.