Funnies at the expense of us old people.

13 years ago

Which I am one, and can still laugh at myself.

A boss arrived at his office, not realizing that his fly was open. His assistant didn't know how to tell him, so she said, "Did you close the garage door this morning?" He thought that was a strange question, but told her he was sure he did, then went into his office. Shortly he realized about his fly and figured that was what his assistant was referring to, and fixed the situation. When he left his office, he asked her if, when she noticed his fly open, did she notice his Hummer. She said, "No, i just saw an old minivan with two flat tires.

An 81 yr old man went to the Dr for an exam.

The next day the Dr saw him walking down the sidewalk with a gorgeous young woman on his arm and he was laughing at something she said.

When he next saw the man, the Dr asked him about what he had seen and the old man said he was just following the Dr's advice. What advice was that the Dr asked. Well, the old man said you told me to get a Hot Mama and be cheerful.

No, the Dr said, I told you got a heart murmur and be careful.

Three old fellows were sitting on a bench.

Gentleman #1. said, "It's windy today."

Gentleman #2. said. "No, Its Thursday."

#3 gentleman said, "I am too, lets go get a beer."

The nurse went into the hospital room to help a patient being discharged. On the bed sat an old gentleman all dressed with his suitcase sitting beside him. She said she would get a wheel chair, and he said he didn't need one. She explain the hospital rules, so he got in the chair and she wheeled him to the front door. She asked if his wife was picking him up and he said, No, she was still up in the hospital bathroom changing out of her gown.

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Comments (8)

alisande
13 years ago
LOL I like the last one especially.
hayjud_mn
13 years ago
Good Ones!
I, too, laughed the hardest at the last one. (after I caught on!)
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Jasdip
13 years ago
Hahaa, the last one, is the one I *don't get!* LOL
.....unless they were going to have nookie?
jennmonkey
13 years ago
jasdip, I think the wife was the patient, and her husband was just sitting on the bed waiting for her.
Jasdip
13 years ago
OOOOHHHH!!! thanks Jen! THAT makes sense!
boy did I get it wrong. Hahahahaa
joyfulguy
13 years ago
Seems to me that not only the stories are funny, around here!

o j
dollydolots
13 years ago
These are (supposedly)actual comments made by 16 Police Officers. The comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:

1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."

2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

8. "Warning! You want a warning? OK, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
1. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."
2. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
3. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC."
4. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"
5. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
6. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
AND THE WINNER IS....
1. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
dotmom
Original Author
13 years ago
Dollydots....those are so funny. I'm going to email them to my nephew who is on the MPLS police force and SWAT team. I wonder if he'll find them funny....or...familiar.

Funnies at the expense of us old people.

Comments (8)

alisande

hayjud_mn

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Funnies at the expense of us old people.

Comments (8)

alisande

hayjud_mn

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Jasdip

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dotmomOriginal Author

COMPANY

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dotmom
Original Author