It was not right for him to make you all worry by sneaking away in the night,and it is nice he had the upbringing that gave him the knowledge to apologize. On the other hand isn't 18 legal adult age? Unless your are his lawfully declared legal guardian because he has some mental dysfunction and can not make sound safe choices, a legal adult doesn't need anyone's permission to go about their business and I'm not sure a curfew for a legal adult can be enforced? If you are allowing him to live in your home by abiding by a lease agreement that includes a curfew and dating who you want then by all means you can have him evicted for breaking the lease other wise let him grow up without strangling him with the apron strings. If you are the declared legal guardian and this 22 yr old woman is really that much of a threat to his safety and well being then file for a restraining order and have her instructed by the courts to not come near your son.
LIL

What's really happening is you have an adult living in your house, not living by your house rules.

FREE rent comes with a price. MY HOUSE, MY RULES. When he moves out then he can do whatever.........you have rules so you can get upinteruped sleep, so you can go to work...so YOU can pay your bills. Right? Your rules are not senseless...you have to have a place to live....he's putting himself and his wants ahead of you.

If someone is living in your home, they live by your rules regardless of their age. I don't think jamie's at the point of having to kick him out. Sounds like a typical 18 year old to me... I doubt Waffle House was the only thing on the agenda though :-0

I too would be worried about a lady that age...not sure what to do, but I don't think a restraining order is in order either. I'd let it run it's course and have a serious conversation about house rules. But you're right, it could be a lot worse...

lol, exactly Carla.

I love my Cousins response to her DD:
My daughter told me I can't come to lunch with her at HS, ever! Progress reports come out soon. She told me she might have a C on her progress report (late assignments). My reply, "if I see a C on your progress report I won't ground you! I'm coming to your HS lunch table everyday for a week!" Her expession.... priceless. Lunch is peanut butter sandwiches instead of taco bell!

What can you do with a 18 year old?

Count your blessing that he is 18, not 13. My son had his cousin for a sleep over and my sister said, "not a good idea". She was right they crawled out window after we went to bed and they were brought home by the police. He was only 13.

I think it's great that he acknowledged his error. He snuck, he disrespected you, he caused you alarm. Whether or not, at 18, you have any legal right to impose rules or deny permission is not what I think should be considered. It is respect for one another and knowing what is acceptible and what is not.

Also, I've never liked the "it's my house so it's my rules" argument. It's their house, too. It's the family's home. However, as head of the household, it needs to be known that the parent is ultimately in charge in that home. At the end of the day, if there is a disagreement, the "leader's" stand stands.

Now - don't get me wrong - I don't believe in one-sided, no ability to debate or disagree households. Everyone has a voice and should use it. But again, there is a "pack leader" who is generally accepted as final say.

Jamie, good for your son for 'fessing up. Try not to worry about the girlfriend's age, but perhaps get to know her a bit and find out if her personality and core is someone you would worry about your son being with.

I just don't see her being four years older as such a big deal. Better four years older than four years younger right now.

Typical 18 year old. Pushing the boundaries. You're not alone!! My son did the same type of things and somehow he turned out just fine and I'm sure Lance will too!! Alot of help I am, huh? lol.

Tammy

I know you worry, but young adults have to try thir wings sooner or later. And remember that you have raised him right. I do not think this girl's age is of such importsnce, it's just the worry of not knowing where he might be. Is he still in high school?

i don't buy the thoughts that just because someone is 18 they are an adult. if they are self supporting, then yes but if i clothe, house and feed you then i get to make the rules. it's a matter of respect. don't like it.......get a job and leave. all of mine went away to college at 18 but they respected our wishes when they were home on vacations. and, our rules were very lax as long as they were being responsible.

Its scary when that happens and you don't know where your child went! You, DH, and Lance need to sit down and discuss it a bit in a calm manner. You don't want him sneaking out of the house-period! I don't think I would have a problem with a college student meeting a GF at Waffle House at 11 pm unless he had an early class the next day. Maybe since he is now 18, some rules need to be tweaked a bit judging from his reasoning about sneaking out. As for the GF, not much you can do about that. I am almost 4 years older than DH! Try and include the GF in some family outings or dinners and get to know her. You may end up liking her, and if not, things will run their course. My rule at that age wasn't a curfew but if I was out somewhere late-I needed to let my parents know where I was and when I would be home. With texting he could even be somewhat discreet about checking in if plans change. You have mentioned here a few times what a good kid he is...I'm sure he feels bad now and will be more considerate in the future.

I realize just about how you feel and I empathize. I also understand the fact that he lives under your roof, but if you live in Louisiana, the legal age of conscent is 17, so he is, by law, an adult.

Maybe you could suggest he pay rent, because you might be feeling 'taken advantage of' and are resenting the fact that he may be taking liberties that you don't like.

I went through a similar situation with my 17-yr. old stepson. When I gave him the option of 'abiding by my rules' or paying rent, he chose to move out. Easy street isn't always so easy to find, after they get out in the real world.

I wouldn't worry about the age difference too much... in a few years it won't matter at all anyhow. I agree that you should get to know her... she's probably a very nice girl.

Lance is in college now, right? I'd give him no curfew as long as he lets you know where he is going, gets home at a decent hour and keeps the grades up. Before long he'll be out on his own and you won't have any idea what he is up to.

Since he is 18, maybe you all should sit down and rework the rules and expectations. I agree making you worry was a bad idea, and he knows it...but an 18 year old at a waffle house at night shouldn't be a big deal (we did the same thing when I was a teenager). Also, I agree the age difference isn't too much, so I wouldn't be concerned. It's better than him trying to date a 14 or 15 year old. If he's mature for his age, then I see no problem. Maybe try giving him a little more freedom in exchange for taking on a little more responsibility.

At 18 he shouldn't feel he has to sneak out to see a friend.

He was wrong to worry you and I think he should have told you he was going out of respect for you. But he must be respected as the adult he is also and curfews for 18 year olds are disrespectful to them. So he needs to let you know he is safe and when he will leave and return out of courtesy but you need to allow him his private life without interference out of courtesy.

My DS had an older girl friend at that age. She taught him a lot about being a man and I don't mean in the sexual sense. He learned manners and honed his social graces around her. He started to take more care with his grooming and learned how to dress better. She was the one who taught him the most about how women tick other than his own sister.

I agree with Wildchild, 100%, and that's how we raised our kids.

Isn't he attending Northwestern U in Illinois?