I was adopted as a month old baby and have often heard how the whole extended family gathered in celebration ahead to discuss what my name would be. One grandmother was really pushing for Opal, Dad wanted Christina, and the other grandmother wanted Maria. Thankfully, I was named Holly, a name I have always liked because it's common enough but not weird. My husband has an unusual name and he is the staid accountant type, while I am the artistic one. He has always hated his name and when he left home, abbreviated it to something common. It grieved his mother somewhat but she and the rest of the family still call him by the given name. I have always found his given name interesting but he said if we have children, they will be either William, John or Mary! Or something equally foolproof! I had a friend who named her son William and I was dumbfounded, it seemed so uncreative. (not that it's not a perfectly respectable, historically noble name).

I love texting! I'm a middle-aged woman, but I text all my friends, and most of them know how to text back. We text little stuff, things we probably wouldn't make a phone call to talk about. "Clients were awful today. Calgon, take me away!" ... "Grace is driving me nuts. Want her to come live with you?" ... "Fajitas for dinner. Yum!" Texting does not isolate me. On the contrary, it connects me on a new level. It's similar to when email became popular. I got closer to my sister and my faraway friends, because email allowed me to say little things that I wouldn't have called or written to say. Same for texting, only moreso. I also use texting for simple exchanges of information. "We'll be late to gymnastics. There by 3:15." ... " "Will you bring the Mitchell file to court today? I need to copy some stuff." In the courthouse, everyone is texting. It saves so much time. For example, instead of running down the hall to another courtroom to look for a file, one of the D.A.'s will text the D.A. in the other courtroom. I've pretty much substituted text messages for voicemail messages, too. Most of my friends use their cell phones primarily or exclusively, and it's a lot easier to read a quick message than to have to dial into voicemail. (Speaking of which, as far as I can tell, young people don't use voice mail anymore. Young friends of mine complain when their mothers call and leave messages. "Why is she leaving a message? I can see she called on caller ID.") Just FYI, if you'd like to text someone but don't have texting on your cell phone (or don't have a cell phone), sign up for a Gmail account. It allows you to send SMS messages (that's texting) from your computer, just the same as an email. People can respond to you, too. I'm sure there are other services that do this, but Gmail happens to be the one I use. However you feel about texting, I think it's smart for anyone who has a child or grandchild to learn to do it.

My dd will sometimes text while we are having a conversation - that is really irritating! I tell her to put the phone away, and she does, but I am surprised she does this at all because she is normally very polite. I think texting while talking is common and acceptable in her circle of friends. She pays her own bill with her babysitting money, but still, I would not hesitate to take her phone away if her grades dropped or if it was causing trouble (other than the occasional abovementioned rudeness). I think kids have been finding ways to connect with their friends on the sly for years. When I was a teenager, we wrote long notes to each other during school and passed them in class, and talked on the phone for hours (in bed, while we were supposed to be sleeping). I snuck out of my window to meet up with boys. So, as long as dd keeps her grades up and is polite to me, I don't have a problem with her texting her friends - seems like a different way of doing the same thing teenages have done for decades. I did want to point out, stargazzer, that I feel better about her IM'ing/emailing her friends rather than texting them. I told dd that her IM conversations are logged, and that I probably would never read them, but reserved the right to if necessary. I know her email password and could monitor who she is in touch with if I wanted to. I'm not sure how easy it would be to monitor who she is texting (haven't bothered, because so far it is just her friends and occasionally, the boy who lives next door). I have read about options to get an alert when your child receives a call from someone not on your "approved list" - seem like more work/expense to set this up though.

Your story sounds very similar to my own!! I am sorry your step children are going through this. I know as a step mother there seems to be only so much you can do without overstepping your boundaries or putting the bm down. In my personal experience, I think you should have had your husband call her and tell her these things. The last thing a bm wants to hear is how her parenting skills are lacking from a woman who, in their eyes, is trying to take their place. Regardless of what you tell her, she will feed you all the lies you can handle to make it sound like she is trying so hard to get on her feet or be near her children. The bm in my situation moved 5 hours away from us and it really did a number on her children. She had told us she was not really planning on ever moving back and the kids would want to live with her there when they are old enough. She is now living 20 minutes away from us in her mom's spare bedroom because her brother (5 hours away) kicked her out. Something will eventually happen to force this woman to move somewhere else. I find it funny that BMs are so firm in making sure their children know who is the "real" mom, but when it comes down to explaining their behavior, they claim they don't know how to say anything to get through to their children. So it is basically left on our shoulders. As far as the children, I would definitely make it clear that you are there to support them no matter what and that they can confide in you and their father. My middle SS is really attached to his mom too, no matter what she has ever done to them, he still acts like she is the coolest thing since sliced bread. I'm sure they will grow out of it as they get older and see the real picture. Let her make the decision to move away. You can't make anybody be a better person. Obviously these children have one real mother to look up to, and that is you. Good luck!