LOL

Oh, I don't blame you.....he needs a pop on the side of his head!!!

Yeah!! If he doesn't thank you for all the things you do for him, why is he expecting a thank-you from you? And then arbitrarily stop doing it.

I would think he would enjoy making your coffee for you.

Sometimes hubby thanks me for dinner, and I'm always surprised. I don't expect a thank you......we have to eat! LOL
I DO like to be told that he likes the meal, so I know whether to cook it again, but am taken aback when he says "thanks for dinner." Poor guy, he's not a starving waif.

Awwwww sounds like he needs a little approval. He's telling you that and now you've told him the same so resolve it by going out of your way to thank him and see if he does the same.

Gratitude goes a long way but we so often don't even think to say thanks.
Maybe this will be the start for both of you.

I am a lucky woman. My DH says thank you for just about everything I do for him. (Including placing his dinner in front of him, monitoring his pills, making sure he has clean underwear, etc., etc.) Moreover I *know* he appreciates me, even if he never SAID a word.

Sounds like some hugs are in order, Dotmom. Your DH is feeling neglected and unappreciated. (You didn't think he would come out and SAY that, did you? He's a GUY! LOL)

I forgot to say in my OP, a quirk of mine is I don't like to have to talk before I've had my coffee, but often when getting my second cuppa, I say boy, this coffee tastes good. It may not be a thank you, but it is an acknowledgment.As for feeling unappreciated, I so often tell him how glad I am that he has the smarts to take care of our money=matters, and even after 4 years since he quit smoking, I take every opportunity to praise him or brag on him to other people when he is present. I have had to take over almost everything he used to do. I except that, because what is, is. I don't expect undying gratitude. Truly, there is so little he can do as a nicety for me. I guess I'm feeling a little hurt that I have to make a point to thank him for this when I have to and want to, do for him/us. I'm feeling taken for granted and it's not a nice feeling.

I understand Dotmom. Sometimes I think the (some, not all) men tend to take us for granted... but when they do something for others they want a big hoopla made of it. I think it was good that you brought up the things that you do for him that go un-thanked... maybe he'll say 'thank you' more often too?

((Dotmom))

Sometimes men are just - "bigger" little boys. Need so much more for the ego.

However, it never hurts to say thank you for a gesture done for another person's behalf. Thanks for the reminder, I need to do that more.

I'm so sorry you are having one of 'those days'.

Acknowledgment is not the same as appreciation. A grunt can acknowledge anything, even a cave man can do it. A smile, a hug or a little fanny pat in passing can be appreciative and say thanks all at the same time.

Loving someone means you put forth the effort to fulfill the needs, dreams and desires of your partner. It is the understanding their happiness means more to you than your own and in showing your love in simple acts you should be happy as well.

I just do the things that make my sweet guy happy. Weather he thanks me or not is irrelevant. I do not do these things for his thanks or his gratitude. I do them because the happiness he derives from the acts. His pleasure also gives me pleasure. I get the reciprocation of him doing the things he knows I enjoy nearly as often. Yes the words thank you are used a lot here but not constantly. "Thanks for the coffee dearling" may be said but more often it is a kiss blown across the kitchen as I sit down at the table sipping that first cup. We show our appreciation for each other in the smiles, the touches, the wink across a crowded room. He often helps make dinner or makes something to nibble so I can spend some time relaxing after work. I guess I'm a lucky gal. I want to do niceties for him. It makes me feel good. He does them for me. It makes him feel good. When we feel good together we make each other happier.
Be happy. If he wants a little bit more of the appreciative verbiage smile and say sweet things to him. If you want a little more of the sweetness hug him first and tell him you need a bit extra love right now and just stand or sit holding each other for 30-60 seconds. You don't even have to talk just hold each other. Remember most men are still mostly dumb-numb to the emotional needs of their spouse. So......... take the initiative (clues and hints don't usually work) tell him you need a hug or a shoulder to lean on or whatever it is you need at the moment. I'm pretty sure your DH will come through like a champ once the message is sent.

LIL

I suspect we all or most of us understand where you are coming from. My husband is so good to me and I do try to make sure that all of his needs are met but I also know that from time to time we all slip up.

Dotmom, I'm glad you told him what you did. Sounded like he needed a good, healthy dose of perspective. I sure can relate to this, as most wives can.

Dotmom, can I relate!?!

My SO works 3 shift and starts at 10:30. Every night I stay up and make a sandwich, pack his lunch and have a cup of hot coffee in his travel mug when he comes downstairs.

I like coffee in the morning too. I usually have it made before he gets home, but every now and then I don't. Just last week I asked him if he would make me a cup because I was running late. He rolled his eyes (the nerve!) and told me I am spoiled. It took all I had to tell him he can wash his own dirty underwear from now on!!!

And yes, he wants acknowledged for every little thing...It's frustrating because I do all kinds of things to make his day a little easier. I don't think he even recognizes it.

I enjoyed the things I did for my husband, it didn't matter if he thanked me or not. He passed away in June and I would give anything if I could still do them. We were married for 55 years, so I guess I did okay. Vique.

It doesn't hurt to remind your DH. Some people just don't stop to think about what they are doing. Hopefully your DH got the message. I'm fortunate that Jammer is very thoughtful and is always thanking me for little things. I try to remember to do the same for him.

Good for you for reminding him of all the things you do for him on an ongoing basis. what did he say to that?

I've definitely noticed that men seem to crave a bit more appreciation and need to hear "atta boy" more than women expect to hear.
I'll never forget being at my Dad's house one evening. His wife had worked a ten hour day, run errands, cooked dinner and had just completed wrestling with two hyper dogs to get them bathed... Dad (retired, btw) comes out into the family room and says "Look, I cleaned up the dinner dishes!" I thought he was going to get killed that evening.

All that said, I have to wonder if he is miffed about something else and the coffee making strike is a symptom of his real issue?

Think about Vique's post! Don't sweat the small things.
(((((Vique)))))

(tiptoeing outta here)

o j

P.S. Not having been diligent enough about letting my ex- (now deceased) know how important she was to me, how much I loved her ...

... she left.

With kids, 6 and 9 ... making me a non-resident dad.

I don't recommend that course of action.

o j

Well someone has to make some trouble here and it looks like it's up to me! :D

Nah, Scratched off the other stuff. I have to say if *anyone* in this world deserves a cup pot of coffee prepared for her it's my buddy Dotmom! And I think a fresh hot roll or at least some toast should be on a plate with it too, but hey, I'm not getting in the middle of this!

Too bad we don't live closer. I'd love to make some coffee for you! :) But you might have to settle for a styrofoam cup!

Everyone has their quirks. I have mine. Sometimes you do things for someone and don't feel appreciated. Even I've felt that way a time or two so you're not alone sweetie. Get a good night's sleep, scratch Buster under the chin a few minutes (methinks *he* will thank you for it!), then enjoy the day tomorrow and hopefully things are brighter for you quickly. You ARE appreciated here, at least by me!

Well, ya can't live with 'em, ya can't live without 'em! :)

As I ponder what you must have done for him during that time, I'm surprised he did that over a 2 week period. Still, I would advise you keep an eye on the Little Debbies. Wouldn't want him to waste away!

Good morning, KT friends. Sorry about my pity party yesterday. I'm over it today and Hubs & I will carry on as usual. I don't know why 'things' got to me yesterday. I'm usually a shrug and let it go, person.

P.S, I did buy his Little Debbies yesterday and all I had to do this morning, was push the button. I did mumble thanks, I appreciate it. (remember, I still don't like to talk until I actually drink the coffee. LOL)

Thanks, friend Cynic for the offer of coffee (even in Styrofoam), as for Buster, he gets his share of scratches and pats, and accepts them as his due. Remember, Buster is male. But like Hubs, I love them anyways. Have a good, bright and sunny day. KT friends.

Men, indeed. My hubby does things for me once in a blue moon, always without my asking or nagging. Like Sunday evening, , he asked me to make some French Fries to go with our dinner (hamburgers fried in a fry pan). I told him, sorry, we're out of frozen fries. He got in the car and was back in 15 minutes with 2 orders of fries from McDonalds. What a sweetie!

Let's not forget the prophetic words of Norm Peterson: "Women. Can't live with 'em. Pass the beer nuts."

THAT's more like the Cynic we know! (see previous post)
I wondered who kidnapped "our" Cynic and replaced him with someone else, in your nice, warm, compassionate post!

Just a week or so ago, we were sitting at the dinner table and out of the blue my hubs of 40 years said, "thanks for doing all my sweaty, stinky laundry." He said, he was in the bathroom and looked over and noticed that all the damp sports clothes from the night before had been picked up and all the laundry done that day and put away. Laughingly, I asked him if the thanks were for that one time or all the times in the 40 years of marriage. He looked surprised and shyly said, "both".

Personally, I like all the Cynics we hear from. The nice one, the crusty one and the knowledgeable one.

Oh I completely agree Dottie. I like Cynic too.....all of his personalities!! LOL

Crusty? CRUSTY??? Well let me tell you