I would say that the girl was really rude and doesn't deserve a gift! I agree - let it go.

Wow, some people just have no class at all.

Not hardly.

Tacky is a polite term. I say, let it go. Let's see what she does for Carri's b'day.

beyond rude - I'd quote Mick Jagger 'You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need'

Yes, I'd say it's not only tacky, it's downright rude. After that, I wouldn't get her a gift even if I were inclined to before.

Just tacky. I can see why the friendship has dwindled. Tell her don't even bother with a card next birthday.

I would be speechless. That is beyond tacky!!!! I would absolutely not get her a gift. I wish Carrie had thought to take the card back and tell her she's sorry she was disappointed.

The nerve of some people!!!

Linda

What unmitigated GALL! I couldn't have uttered a single word- hard to talk when your mouth is hanging wide open.

Suzi

I think your daughter is lucky that the friendship has dwindled...she should "dwindle" it further...

Oh, yeah, rude. I would have interpreted that as being sarcastic or facitious. I would have laughed and said "yeah, right."

I'd say the girl was WAY out of line, rude AND tacky! My response to her would have been "And just WHY did you expect me to get you a gift"?

Sheesh..people never cease to amaze me with the stupidity!

Are you kidding me. Even if the friendship hadn't dwindled, she had no right to expect a gift and even less of a right to say something so rude. Wonders never cease.

I wonder if the girl was trying to make a joke? I can't imagine why on earth anyone would actually make a statement like that in all seriousness.

If she WAS serious, she is greedy and rude and your DD is so much better off without her. It was LOVELY of her to make her a card, period. And I can't wait to see how Miss Ingrate reciprocates on your DD's birthday. I'll bet DD gets a big fat nothing from her. Sheesh. People.

Amazing! Even if your daughter were to give her something now, it could not be considered a gift, since a gift is something given VOLUNTARILY. This would be considered COERSION.

I would never mention another thing about it. Most likely the other girl won't either. But if she does I would tell her that the card WAS her gift. The gift of your daughter's time, talent and thoughtfulness. If that isn't a gift I don't know what is.

Wow, that is soooo rude. I'd let it go & if she brings it up again, tell her not to hold her breath for her gift. People never cease to amaze me. The older I get the more unbelievable they get.

I'm with Donna, sometimes peoples cojones astound me! Kathy

Just a thought ... was your daughter's birthday earlier in the year, and did this girl give HER a gift? If so, she might have assumed that since she gave a gift, she was owed a gift. I have a daughter like that. She keeps track of EVERYTHING. I've never understood it.

So yes, I have to say it was tacky of her. Your daughter's efforts to make a card especially for this co-worker was already 'above and beyond' in my book.

I sort of understand keeping track of whether you get a gift from someone to whom you gave one.

Because the giving of gifts at birthdays, etc., is one of the ways we gauge how close our friendships are.

(and yes, I know that some folks who keep track are really focused on fairness, etc., and not on "gauging closeness")

And if I always give a gift to someone, but they never reciprocate, then I probably don't have an accurate assumption about our friendship. And I'll stop giving a gift, since we must not be that close.

(other evidence allowed, of course; if they help me paint my living room, and offer to drive me to the airport, that trumps ANY present. and of course sometimes people are just broker than they'd like)

My feelings might be hurt--the way they'd be hurt if you discovered that someone you really liked didn't actually like you that much.

I wouldn't be *mad* particularly, nor would I think worse of them, I'd just realize we weren't close.

(unless there were some *other* evidence that eventually made me believe that person was a "taker," but that would have to be pretty strong)

I would *never* be so crass as to say something--unless, perhaps, I really did want to pursue the idea of our relationship being unbalanced, and find out where I stand. But it wouldn't be, "I expected a gift." It'd be something else)

This girl is rude, no doubt about it.

But I wonder if she is "up to date" on the strength of the friendship, or if she's still operating on the old assumptions?

I had a similar thing happen to me. I became friends with a girl through a group we belonged to. We had similar interests and were both widowed, and we became very close friends. Started exchanging small gifts for birthdays and Christmas.

Over time I realized I was being used, but I won't go into that here. Recently I told her about my "no gifts" rule (I posted about that here a while back.) For her birthday I sent her an online card. Two months later, for my birthday she brought me a book (that I have no interest in). I laid it on the table, said thank you and that was it. I hope she isn't expecting a Christmas gift! :>)

Your DD should not give her a gift now. That would be catering to her rudeness. Time to put it all in the past and leave it there.

Sue

Tacky, rude and confusing. Why did she say, The girl said "Oh you didn't have to do this" and then expect a gift. Weird.
Clare

I would have said got you the same gift you got me and the samething I will be getting you next year.

Rude, just plain rude! vique.

Yep, I would say it's pretty tacky and she is rude! Some people only think about themselves and what they can get.

Pure greed! Are not people taught manners any longer?

I would have immediately said it's more than just a card, it's your PRESENT! Then laughed heartily.

In fairness, we're judging based on 3rd party version of only one side. Offhand I can think of several things this could be:
-A joke that went over like the Hindenburg.
-A test of the relationship to see if there's something there or if the card was an "obligatory" thing or even worse
-Greed/tacky

and that's off the top of my head.

As to whether she should get her something, I'd say no. But I do think she should talk to her and flat out ask. If they were friends, I'd think that would be owed. It could be a misunderstanding. I think I'd want to know for sure. I think she should just approach her in private and ask if the card really insulted her. See what her response is. I think it'd be an injustice to both to just fume over it.

I don't put a lot of credence in second and third hand stories when I hear them from friends. I agree with cynic that it could have been a.) a joke, b.) tacky, or c.) there is something more to the story or relationship. Although it is difficult to think of one's own offspring as anything less than perfect, there is the possibility that the card recipient felt that she was owed something for favors given in the past. Maybe the girl has helped your daughter out in the past with either her time or money and felt that the deeds were unappreciated and was feeling hurt and used? I'm not accusing anyone of anything, as I myself do not know anything about these people or their history together but it is something to consider. Obviously there seems to be a misunderstanding somewhere along the way in their friendship.

Well, this person is obviously beyond any kind of response because she just doesn't get it.

I might have been tempted to say "the gift was the time I took out of my life to make this for you - sorry you didn't appreciate it".

But like I said, people like this are genuinely unable to connect the dots, so any attempt to respond would probably be futile. As someone once said, trying to make sense out of the senseless will drive a sensible person insane.

Let it go and forget her next birthday.

Their friendship has been nill for over a year.

My daughter did give her a gift last year...and on my daughters birthday last year during lunch she(co worker) ran to Walgreens and got a picture fame. But they have not done anything together or called each other as friends for this past year. My daughters birthday is coming up in Oct. I wouldn't be surprised if co-worker buys her a gift to make her feel guilty.

I still think my daughter should just say nothing about it...no sense get into something over it all.

patti

I still think my daughter should just say nothing about it...no sense get into something over it all.

Smart mom!

I think she should give her a gift..

Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior, Freshly Updated.... you can find it online.. sorry.. that's how my sense of humor works... I'd order myself up one and tell her that I was so sorry about forgetting the gift.. and hand her this.. Ok.. I probably wouldn't do that but it was fun thinking about doing that..

"My daughters birthday is coming up in Oct. I wouldn't be surprised if co-worker buys her a gift to make her feel guilty."

I say so be it. If the girl wants to buy your DD something, that's her problem. I still don't think your DD owes her one. Not after their relationship has faded so. I have to say, I'm surprised your DD took the time to make her a card, can't say that I would have been that thoughtful under the circumstances. I really hope your daughter doesn't feel guilty if she is presented with a gift Patti. I don't think she would deserve to at all.

Yeah, it's too hard to overly assume something on this when it's coming in third hand.

I'm betting it was a joke. My brother or best friend and I would totally say something like that to each other. Or even add: "where's the money" when a card is given? Don't others joke with certain friends like that? Of course, there are some I wouldn't feel close enough to joke with like that...

Or, like cynic mentioned, there may be some other reasons for the response. I find there's almost always more to the story especially in these so called 'unbelievable conversations'. I'm thinking your daugther was probably a little worried about not having a physical gift (I'm guessing for the 1st time in years) so she read more into the response or took it more negatively than it was meant. Or, maybe the friend was really hurt that the 'gift exchanging' (and friendship, so to say) had come to an end.

I wouldn't buy the friend anything; then again I wouldn't much worry about the conversation either. It's over, a card was given, the end. Sometimes people say stupid things for bad or good reasons. Let it slide and see what happens on her b-day.

Hey...I know this girl I know her parents...and I can tell you it wasn't a joke...

patti

What would I have said? The first words that came to me, "Well, you are just **** out of luck." And I would smile.