This is a terrible situation to be in. It does sound as if your wife is deeply depressed and breaking down under the strain. Unfortunately, when people are depressed they aren't very rational and it can be extremely challenging to change fixed notions. You are lucky that it appears your in-laws are encouraging your wife to get away for a while. You might have some luck if you remind your wife that her collapse in her parents' home is adding to their pain and burden. Ironically, by pushing herself to the breaking point, she is now making their lives more difficult by adding one more point of concern. This argument might get some traction with her as it's a form of selfishness she might not have sufficiently considered. If you can talk her out of the country, then her time with you is an ideal opportunity to come up with an action plan that's more balanced and manageable before she returns. Your MIL's treatment center should be able to suggest respite resources to assist. It is crucial your wife schedule breaks in her duties. Otherwise she's no good to her parents or to herself. You have my sympathy. It must be incredibly difficult for you to be so far away, unable to offer the support you so badly want to provide.

I'm so sorry about your loss. If you can find a grief counselor, you minister or a friend who can direct you right now I think it may be a good idea...not that I think you are ready to totally deal with your grief, but to help you get some semblence of order into your life. You NEED to get that Social Security started. Don't worry about touching his stuff, that can all wait. I'm sorry about giving the car away, and don't know your family dynamica, but doubt you can get it back. If you have life insurance you can collect on your husband you need to get that going also. Now the next thing I found from watching a friend go through the loss of a child is to remember that everyone grieves in their own way, so don't compare yourself to ANYONE ELSE. Don't hurry this, and don't worry if you are "not grieving correctly' (As you may find people telling you at some time, they are wrong, not you). Right now you need to take one day at a time, and within that one day, you will find that there are times you are taking one minute at a time. People will tell you it will get easier, and it will, the pain lessens. The love you had for your husband doesn't lessen! Don't worry about that. The guilt will lessen and go away (you can What if yourself to a nervous breakdown, but it wasn't your fault you didn't know!!) Come here often, there are so many wonderful people who can help you...Lulie-Wayne is the first one that comes to mind (and I know there are others, I apologize for not naming you as I've seen how special all of you are, I will lose this message if I go back to find other names). They have been where you are and can help in so many ways. Use they're shoulders to cry on, knowlegde they had to gain to help you, and their ears to just listen. Vickey-MN

Among those I've known, it helped some finish their grieving period. take on new perspectives, and get moving again. Really was a useful departure point for them. Sorry to say for a few others it seemed to give them permission to continue wallowing in self-sorrow and a support group to reinforce it. I have no idea if those very different outcomes were caused by the grief counseling or group or if that's just the kind of people they were in the first place. Did notice the ones who moved on got busy.....got involved in various things and became enthusiastic again. The ones who stayed down became uninteresting slugs....sort of a permanent depression kind of thing. They also became tedious and boring to be around. If you've been dealing with this for this long, you might have a session or two and see what you think. Might get a few new ideas that would help out. Just don't make a new home out of it.

My husband Jim and I were married a month away from our 51st anniversary. Happily we renewed our vows on our 50th anniversary. My son and his family came down from Missouri and we got to meet our great grandson.He was a year old and my husband just loved him.Jim was a greeter at Wal-Mart after he retired from the Orange County School board. He was a small engine mechanic.He worked there for 20 years.He became a greeter and everyone loved him.He was very friendly.He was a Clown for Christ with our Church. He was Santa and the Easter Bunny and even the Kool Aid man at WM.Jim was a wonderful man,husband,father and grandfather. He died from Cancer of the Lungs. The last year was very painful and I know that he is free from pain and at peace. I miss him more every day. I just feel blessed for the time I had with him. I want to encourage all of you to quit smoking.Whenever I see someone with a cigarette, I just want to go and tell them Jim's story.