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The Kitchen Table

We lost my Mom today

Marcia Thornley

13 years ago

My Dear Sweet Mom passed away this morning at 7:30 a.m.

She has suffered with Alzheimers for many years and after a month long fight has finally gone to a better place. I will miss her desperately. It's been a long 5 days here. I think I will sleep for a week.

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Comments (76)

roseluver
13 years ago
Sending prayers for you and your family. Mom's can't be replaced. I know you have been left with a lot of great memories.
Kathsgrdn
13 years ago
I'm so sorry, Mush.
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First of all let me tell you how sorry I am. I know the heartbreak of losing a mom. I suppose we all do, at least those of us who were close to our parents. But please...please...please do not blame yourself. We are humans and of course we would do anything in our power to prevent our most cherished loved ones to pass to the next world. But as humans, and yes even doctors...cannot stop God when HE decides it is time. All you did was stop a lot of suffering before she passed. You did the right thing. When my mom was nearing the end the doctors called me and said she needed a pacemaker. Do we want to do that or should we say she has been through enough. My dad and I both agreed we had gone too far to give up. We said go ahead. When my mom found out she cried that they put a pacemaker in her. She had already flat lined and they brought her back into this world, in pain, blind and suffering. She had briefly seen Heaven and was so upset we brought her back to continue her suffering on earth. So see? We are selfish on this side. It's because we don't want to lose them. But the other side is wonderful, and we will all be together again when God says it is our time. Nobody gets out of this thing alive. It sucks and even after 3 years I break down and ask why? But please don't blame yourself. You are human and don't have the power to choose the right time. Please post more and know there are others of us who have been through the pain and know what you are going through. Duane
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I lost my mother over two years ago to cancer. I found this forum last night, and cried my heart out I think for the first time since she passed. Reading others posts and knowing that there are people out there dealing with the same emotions is comforting. If you can't find a support group or a friend who understands, then please feel free to share it with everyone on this forum. People just don't understand until they are in your shoes, so don't pay any attention to what they say - I truly think they just don't get it. When my Mom was sick, my MIL (to-be) would come over to my house and remark that my house was too messy. Can you believe that? I was appalled that anyone would think that sitting at home cleaning my house was more important than spending time with my sick mother, knowing her days were numbered. I'm still bitter about it, and probably always will be, but honestly, I love my MIL and all I can say is some people just don't get it. I think you and I have bigger hearts than most, and that's the only way I can find logic with such ungodly insensitive behavior. I have cats and dogs, and sometimes, I think animals are better companions at times like this. Whenever I am feeling sad, my animals KNOW it, and they never let me down. I know it may seem difficult to do, but I dug out a lot of old pics of my Mom and seeing her in those "happy" moments makes me feel better. It helps me think about what I had when we were together instead of dwelling on what I've lost. I hope that makes sense. Carry those happy memories in your heart - it's what she would want you to remember, and in that way, she is still there with you every day. My heart goes out to you and I am sorry for your loss. Be well.
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Hi Theresa: Thank you for your kind and comforting words, and thank you for providing such personal information about you and your mother. Whatever you are feeling, it is ok to feel that. The anger at your mother for not telling family members about her illness is understandable. It sounds like she was scared and in denial, and (as you said) did not want to burden others with such news. We all have issues with our parents; I guess it's because it's a dominant-submissive relationship. Even when we become adults, we are still viewed as children by our folks. What has helped me through my grieving process is to view my mother as a person--another human being going through this life process of being and growing--who made some good and bad choices but did her best under the circumstances, raised/treated me the best she could based on her life experience, and loved me through it all. We were gifts to each other because we needed to learn from each other. I remember when I was caring for my mother, I heard her ask her sister (my aunt)the following: "Do you remember Mom ever hugging you?" Here was my mother, in her 70s, asking her sister if she ever got hugs from their mother. My mother went on to say that she could not remember one time that their mother ever hugged her; she sounded so hurt. That's when it hit me that we are all just people trying to do our best based on how we were raised and loved as children. And no matter how old we get, there may be emotional needs not met that will hurt us and perhaps even haunt us for the rest of our lives. I believe my mother is around me quite a bit which is comforting. I realize that although there is no physical connection anymore, there is still a strong emotional one, a psychic connection if you will, and all I have to do to communicate with her now is to think a thought. The fact that you were with your mother, lay with her, and held her until she passed away is a true testament of love. Most people would not be able to bear that emotional pain. Bless you, Theresa! You are a terrific daughter. I shall keep checking this forum. You just keep posting your thoughts and feelings here so we can fully support you. You mentioned faith; I too am a big believer in faith getting me through rough times. The worse things got for me, the stronger my faith become. In addition to losing my mother and husband within a 10-month period, I also lost my therapist and mother-in-law to cancer during the next 14 months. So I lost three relatives and my grief therapist in a two-year period. At one point I felt like "Typhoid Mary." In fact, I refused to make any new friends for awhile thinking they might drop dead or become ill. That time period was hell for me and I too was a mess. You can and will make it through this hellish grieving process, Theresa. Be real, be honest with people about it, communicate with those who can and want to help you. One thing I wanted to ask is how are your children? How are they handling their grief? Have they talked to you about it? Take care, Theresa....you are special, you are loved, you are a valuable child of God. Mary R-K
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susan_on
13 years ago
I'm so sorry for your loss, Mush.
Cherryfizz
13 years ago
Aww Marsha, I am so sad to hear that. Up in Heaven both our Mom's are watching over us now.

Hugs

Anne
bee0hio
13 years ago
My best friend lost her Mom after suffering with Alzheimer's disease. She said in effect she lost her twice. It is such a sad disease.

I am so sorry for your loss Mush.
orie
13 years ago
(((((Mush))))) Soooo sorry for your loss :( It is very hard to lose a mom or dad...
phyllis__mn
13 years ago
Condolances going out to you....losing a parent is hard, and you've gone through it twice now. Peace to you, Mush
Cherryfizz
13 years ago
I always find this poem gives me comfort when I read it. I hope it does the same for you.

--------------------------------------------------

Henry van Dyke: Ã¢ÂÂA Parable of ImmortalityÃ¢ÂÂ:

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength, and I stand and watch until at last she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sun and sky come down to mingle with each other. Then someone at my side says, "There she goes!"

Gone where? Gone from my sight - that is all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and just as able to bear her load of living freight to the places of destination.

Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when someone at my side says, Ã¢ÂÂThere she goes!Ã¢ÂÂ, there are other eyes watching her coming and other voices ready to take up the glad shout, "Here she comes!"
bunnylover21
13 years ago
I am so sorry. Prayers for peace and comfort.
heather_on
13 years ago
Losing a mother is really hard. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
maire_cate
13 years ago
My condolences to you and your family. It's sad when any member of the family passes away but losing a Mother is a special loss. I'll be thinking of you.
coral_ok
13 years ago
I'm so sorry, Mush. My dementia-afflicted mother died seven years ago and I hadn't realized I'd miss her as terribly as I do. With Alzheimer's (as I'm sure you know), you have to lose her twice. What I've found, though, is that her death enabled me to remember her the way she was before that horrible disease possessed her. You will be in my prayers. (((((Mush))))
nanatricia
13 years ago
So very sorry.
alisande
13 years ago
Now she's with you in a way she wasn't able to be before. You've been through a long haul. Take good care. (((Mush)))
mamatoad
13 years ago
I'm so very sorry, Mush! I went through that with my own dear Mom and even tho' we think we have prepared ourselves for the inevitable, it still leaves a big hole in our hearts. I hope you will find comfort in memories of the good times you shared.
Holly_ON
13 years ago
((((Mush & family)))).
lindaohnowga
13 years ago
A blessing for your dear mom, but a loss for you. You have my sincere sympathy.
kacram
13 years ago
((((((Mush))))))
maryanntx
13 years ago
I'm so sorry for your loss. My Mom left us in 1980 and I still miss her.
I hope you are doing okay.
wanda_va
13 years ago
My heart goes out to you. I lost my mother last year, after several years of severe dementia--so I know the pain. May you find comfort in the memories of happier times. Hugs!
lydia1959
13 years ago
(((((Mush))))) So very sorry.
FlamingO in AR
13 years ago
I am so very sorry, Mush. Get some good rest, sweetie. (((((Mush and family)))))
kim_okla
13 years ago
I'm sorry Mush.
Nita__AZ
13 years ago
I am so sorry for the loss of your mother.

((((Mush))))
wildchild
13 years ago
I'm so sorry Mush.
lilliepad
13 years ago
I'm so sorry for your loss.i lost my mome 6 years ago and I still miss her.I know there is peace in knowing they are in a better place.You will be in my prayers.
Lily316
13 years ago
I'm sorry for your loss.
Granlan_TX
13 years ago
My heart goes out to you, dear lady. ;(
terilyn
13 years ago
I'm so sorry, know that many thoughts and prayers are with you.
lynn_d
13 years ago
I'm so sorry Mush.
donna_loomis
13 years ago
Mush, I am so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine the grief you are going through. My hope is that you will the hole she has surely left in your heart with all of the many happy memories you have of your time with her.
jel48
13 years ago
I'm so sorry for your loss. (((Mush))). I lost my mom a few years ago and know how you will miss her.
williamsburgjane
13 years ago
I am so sorry for your loss. Sending warm hugs. Jane
Linda Wayman
13 years ago
My deepest and most sincere condolences to you and your family. I'm so sorry for the heartache you are going thru. May your sweet mother rest in peace.
millburn_nj_po_mom
13 years ago
So sorry for your loss. May she rest in peace.

Sheryl - NJ
donna37
13 years ago
(((Mush and family)))
patti43
13 years ago
I'm so sorry, Mush. I like what beeohio said. It's such a sad, cruel disease.
chisue
13 years ago
Deepest sympathy. The battle is over. Rest now. Sweet memories will eventually replace your fatigue and sorrow.
tami_ohio
13 years ago
Mush, I am sorry for your loss. You and your family have my sympathy, and are in my prayers.

Tami
jackie643
13 years ago
I'm so sorry for your loss,
My sympathy to you and your family.
jaybird
13 years ago
Mush I am sending you lots of hugs and prayers that God will keep you in the palm of His hand.
Blessings,
J
nicole__
13 years ago
((((mush))))

So sorry for your loss....
hgl_gaylemarie
13 years ago
I'm so so sorry for your loss. I lost my Father to that Disease and now my Mom is suffering. It's not easy for us to watch our Loved Ones deteriate.

God Bless You! Your Mom is in a much better place.
donna_oh
13 years ago
(((Mush)))

Donna (^_^)
des_arc_ya_ya
13 years ago
Oh, Mush, I'm so, so sorry. I know you must be exhausted, both physically and mentally. My mom has had three light strokes in the last six weeks and the confusion, esp. at night, has increased a bunch. When she slips up it scares me to death. This morning when I brought her home from the hospital and saw one of her conditions listed as dementia I could have cried.

Get you a bunch of rest and try and comfort yourself with the fact that now she is finally at peace. You haven't lost your mom - you'll carry her with you until the day you die!

((Marsha))
heatherinohio
13 years ago
I am so sorry.

((((Mush))))

Sending special thoughts and prayers for strength and comfort.
justgotabme
13 years ago
Mush, it's always hard to lose a parent. I've lost both of mine. I'm so very sorry for you loss. You and your family are in my prayers.
sjerin
13 years ago
I'm sorry for you, mush. Even though she wasn't all there, it's so hard to let go of your mother on this Earth. I hope you're having long, good sleep and find Peace.
caroline94535
13 years ago
(((((Mush and Family)))))

I am so sorry for your loss. Rest now, and know you're Mom is at peace.
wine50
13 years ago
Mush, I know how you are feeling. I lost my beloved mother six weeks ago. I hope you can soon find peace. I never knew the true meaning of being "heartbroken" until I lost my mother. Surround yourself with loving friends and family. Cry when you feel like it. Don't be in a rush to "get over it".... bless you and your family

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