Sherry, I have always enjoyed your posts even though I don't respond too much anymore. We had two horrid summers in a row, and my only goal has been to keep my roses alive. I am quiet in a way, yet I have no problem teaching in a large high school. I simply need to have a common ground with people. Our rose society meets at 1:00 or 2:00 on a Sunday afternoon. There are so many older people who have trouble driving at night that this is the best time for them. That time slot is when I am deep into gardening. The member in our rose society are very friendly, and interested in anyone who attends, but they do not grow the roses that I love. Their guest speakers are experts in spraying, exhibiting, propogating, etc. A leader in the society knows about old roses, but promotes more modern ones. I am automatically an outcast. I have even suggested that we form an organization within an organization for those who grow older roses, and do not care to spray. The subject meets a friendly nod --- period. I love it here. This forum is so large, but has such a great collection of rose lovers. Even if we have disagreements, we know how to back off, and still remain involved in what is important. I really appreciate your contribution and that of everyone else. I have belonged here for many many years, and just love it. I do hope that this year I will be able to grow roses instead of just saving them. Sammy

Lake Michigan is always cold in the middle, winter or not. Charts show some spots at 38. Too far for me.The record books show 2 people that have swum across it. At least the southern end does get warm. Glacier History: at one time the southern end of Lake Michigan was Milwaukee.

Kath, thanks for bringing us up to date on you and the kids. So Alex is moving out, and Lauren is driving. Where did all that time go? Sorry about the noisy neighbors. Have you had a chance to meet them, maybe take them some cookies, and maybe ask them to lower the noise level? They might surprise you and do just that. I have a new neighbor and she has a cute, tiny dog, who woke me up this morning at 6:30, yapping. Seems like all the tiny dogs just yap, not bark. That is the second time it has done that, but I'm hoping it won't become a habit. I watched the court proceedings this morning about the Aurora massacre. That is going to be a long drawn out case I think. It is hot again today, but suppose to have more showers later. I'm still "down-sizing." Seems like there is no end to it. I have started piling up books, to take to our Valley Mission Thrift shop. It is right beside Kroger so that makes it convenient for me. I get yard-work envy when y'all talk about weeding and hoeing and trimming and hedge clippers etc. I used to do all that. I had the long extension cords and electric clippers, and even had a battery powered chain saw. I loved doing all that. I googled the Jaw Saw and would definitely gotten that if it had been available back then. I like these Good Morning, what are you doing today threads, even though it is afternoon now. I'm not a morning person. ;Sue

Behavior #1 - sits in the living room with headphones on and plays video games for 4 to 14 hours. To me that is normal. Not the 14 hours but certainly the 4 hours or longer. Under the same conditions as your stepson, about to be on duty on a submarine, at his mother's house where he did not grow up, no friends in the area, that is exactly what I would expect my son to do. There are 21 year old men who play video games to unhealthy extremes but a 21 year old in the Navy on leave in my opinion is not in that place. Behavior #2 - I must be missing something here. That doesn't sound like eavesdropping to me. He has his earphones on, he can hear you with the earphones on, he laughs at a joke he overhears. That would not bother me and I wouldn't consider it eavesdropping if my son did that. Scratching his privates, monologues, not making eye contact, not saying goodnight or be right back, BSing, awkwardness petting the dog, chewing with mouth full, not waiting till everyone has their food, leaving a messy room, some young men are like this. I have known some awkward young men who turned out to be perfectly nice when I got to know them better. My son does not do these things but plenty of normal young men do. I realize these things are disconcerting to you. In our family we say goodnight or be right back...except my daughter for some reason didn't do this and I just let that one go, not worth it to me to bring it up. I think you are being unreasonable to expect your 21 year old son to observe and fall into that custom. The BSing will probably take care of itself over time as your son spends more time in the Navy. Other Navy men or women will probably call his hand on that one I would think, and that would be way more effective than anything your wife would say or do. The only thing that would really get to me on that one is the pacing up and down during dinner if that's a frequent occurrence. The note thing when he left sounds reasonable to me, at least at his own mother's house. I would expect my kids to write a nice, appreciative thank you note if they were guests in someone else's home but not at my home. If my son was in the Navy on leave, realized he had some things he needed to do and needed to get back to base quickly I would kick his butt for pausing to wake me up or write a long note. I wouldn't expect my son to wake the family up if he needed to leave unexpectedly. Behavior #3 - Your family is gregarious, he is not, he stifles the vibe at your house. You would be doing your daughter a favor if you teach her not to let those things bother her (and you). She has a lifetime of being around difficult people - college roommates, co-workers, possibly in-laws. It would be better for him if he learned how to join in, but it would be a gift to your daughter if you taught her that she cannot control others but she can control herself. It is also a gift to your daughter to learn to be inclusive and draw out difficult people in a way that is not overbearing. Not only is it the kind and decent way to be but also some people earn more money through their excellent soft skills. Behavior #4 - The person causing this problem with your daughter is your wife. As mentioned above, you, your wife and your daughter need to get family counseling for the 3 of you. He is your daughter's half brother, she shouldn't have to *entertain* him very often. Also, your daughter needs to be communicating these issues with her mother if she isn't already doing that. Your daughter sounds melodramatic to me for the situation you are describing. 16 year old girls (boys too) can be real drama queens, even if they were not that way as kids or young teens. Keep in mind your daughter will feed off your feelings and actions and our kids are very, very, very good at sensing what our feelings are even if we think we have kept them hidden. Families are messy, people are messy. This is a golden opportunity to teach your daughter how to deal lovingly, kindly, compassionately with awkward people while still doing what she needs to do to keep her own life reasonable. It is so much better if she has had experience with this before she goes off to college while you are there to act as a sounding board and sometimes a buffer. Sometimes our kids are in stressful, awkward situations that we want them removed from when really those very situations are going to prepare them for something down the road. What if your daughter has a stepson with Aspberger's one day, or a child with Aspberger's. Or a roommate or coworker. If I were your wife I would not sit down and talk to my son about Aspberger's or even much of this behavior you describe and I would embrace family counseling with you and your daughter. If I were you I would couch this to your wife in terms of going to a counselor to learn how to best help your stepson and also to help your daughter deal with this. For one thing it's true, your wife does need to go in order to learn how to best support your stepson and your/her daughter. I know you said previous visits over the years went fine but now they're not. That could be due to a lot of things. Maybe the visits are longer now, in which case you would see more issues bubbling up no matter how delightful he is. Maybe he is stressed from his college difficulties and now joining the Navy, perhaps doubting his path in life. Perhaps before both he and his brother visited together and he was more comfortable then or perhaps having his brother there masked some of his issues. I think your wife is correct that it is not her place and not yours to talk to him about possible Aspberger's Syndrome at this point in his life. It's not your place or hers to ask him to go get evaluated or tested; the time for that was years ago. It doesn't sound like any of you have a close relationship with him. The thing to do now is to build a good relationship with him. He probably really needs your support right now at this point in his life so this is a golden opportunity to build that solid relationship. Welcome him, love him, respect him as a person and a member of your family. If you do that then later on the time will come when you or your wife can broach some of your concerns. I am not hearing that he says mean things or sexually inappropriate things, not hearing that he steals things or destroys things. Not hearing anything about drugs or alcohol, nothing about him offering your daughter drugs or alcohol. Not hearing about him taking your car and wrecking it or constantly hitting you up for money. This does not sound like an awful situation to me, just a situation that is awkward and uncomfortable. You know, your daughter is going to have awkward and uncomfortable situations with family in her future whether your stepson visits or not. What kind of person do you want her to be? If you want her to believe that family is important even if it's awkward or uncomfortable then model that for her. What if her husband doesn't like you, do you want her to expect that her husband will still be thoughtful and considerate to you? If so, then model that for her with your stepson. Last, if I were you I would go to counseling with your daughter and give her some time to talk to the counselor by herself. Your daughter could be melodramatic because she's feeding off your emotions, because she's just going through a drama queen phase right now, because she's upset about something else in her life and projecting it onto this situation. But there could be things she isn't telling you or your wife that are valid concerns. Whatever you decide, I hope and wish the best for all of you. It's not easy knowing the right thing to do sometimes.