Definately contact him and show your support. He will mention his wife's arrest if he wants to talk about it.
I had an incident when my daughter was in her early '20s....made headlines in the paper, on the news....one of those kind of stories they always say....tune in at 5 0'Clock news for more. I went to work and NO ONE mentioned it expect one person. I was so grateful for that one person.
Unless DH was hiding huge chunks of money in a Swiss bank, I am sure I would notice having that much more money around.
I will keep Mark and his wife and family in my thoughts and prayers.
Keep us updated, please.

If he is a close friend call him if not email him...or both he may not be taking calls....you would be amazed at the people in our small town who have done this.....as you said how would the spouse not know....unless they were not spending it? I know all the money we have and if B came home with that amount over a period of time I would sure throw up red flags....and then you have to also go to the other side and say yes he knew and was okay with it...tought situation.....hugs all around..Stacy

Could be online gambling habit. You wouldn't see that money!

There's a limit on what one can spend drinking.

Not on gambling.

I'd contact them - maybe phone, maybe email ... possibly even a visit. Sorry that they're having this trouble, how can you help.

Sometimes in church we hear that, while we dislike/condemn the sin ... we love the sinner. That doesn't stop when one's friend gets into trouble.

I just thought ... when my wife and I parted, and the church where I was chose (within a few days) not to renew their contract (effective a few months later) ... not one person, whether of the congregation or in the area church, came to offer support.

Do they have kids that are young enough to need baby/kidsitting? If she's out of commission for several days, and Dad needs to go to work (plus other stuff) no doubt that would be a godsend. Especially important with folks that the kids know and trust. Are there grandparents available for such potential chores?

Good wishes to Marc and their family in the midst of their trouble.

ole joyful

Your DH definitely needs to contact his friend & offer him support & understanding. As for the wife...just maybe she has never told him and discreetly banked the $$ somewhere out there?? That would explain if he says he was clueless.

Well, as to the 'extra' money? How do you know he didn't know about it? Maybe he was glad things weren't so tight? Or--if it was being done little by little, it could have just slipped by him.

My SIL, in one year (much less time than the incident you're describing, if the statute has already run, I'm guessing) managed to steal a quarter of a million $$$ from her own mother. Her husband, apparently, was clueless. Well, he's one of those 'smart' people who are actually clueless in daily life anyway. On top of that, he's a supreme coward, and very afraid of his wife (aside from her rampant spending, turning their children against him, cheating, and drugging) she's physically abused him in the past--BUT--unbelievably--he's terrified of her leaving him (Heaven only knows why--he'd be much better off without her--even my husband, her brother agrees on that one). BIL didn't WANT to know where the extra money was coming from, is my guess.

When a guy's married to a woman who overspends, I imagine, if she backs off on begging for more and more and more money--because she's found another supply--he's probably a tad bit relieved.

I'd be careful about saying too much to him just yet. For one thing, no matter how kindly you present your words, he's going to be mortified that you know--all he wants right now is for people to leave him alone and act like nothing ever happened. It's also possible, unfortunately that he may be collateral damage--he may, because he benefitted from the money, eventually implicated in this mess. I'm sorry, but that's the way these things can work out. Had our case gone to trial, BIL would probably have lost his job--because the stolen money was going into their JOINT accounts (implicating him) and his high-level, government job requires a very high security clearance.

Look, even if your friend wasn't participating, there are a lot of ins and outs to something like this. I'd take a few days, think things through, see what else you find out--before you jump into saying something that might be the wrong thing. Just make sure you do the right thing here. Probably the best thing is to take your clue from him. If he brings it up--then offer the appropriate words and sympathy. If he doesn't say anything? That may mean he'd like to have a few minutes vacation from all this worry--and that he'd rather you didn't say anything either.

I worked with a man whose son was involved in a multiple murder that made national headlines years ago. The man was off from work for several days. When he came back to work I didn't see him until later in the day because we worked in different departments. When I saw him I told him I was sorry and that as a parent I knew his heart must be breaking. I told him that I would remember his family in my prayers. I didn't know this person very well, but he grabbed me and hugged me so hard and began to cry. He said I was the first person to mention this to him and that everyone else he had come into contact with just nodded at him or said hello. He apologized for the tears, but said he had been on the verge of crying all day and was so relieved that someone finally acknowledged him. Until the day he retired that man always made sure to smile at me and wave at me whenever he saw me.
I say to your dh should call him and tell him he is sorry for what he is going through. If he can't be contacted then e-mail him.

Linda

I would talk to him too, peferably in person but isn't everyone jumping the gun? Is she not innocent until proven guilty? She probably is guilty but it isn't really a fact yet, is it?

The story doesn't say if the husband is involved. He may well be, or may have known she was skimming and chose not to turn her in.
I wouldn't contact him. If he contacts you or DH, and offers any explanation..then you can make your own judgement.

My ex SIL stole $30,000 from the church where she was treasurer. The church wouldn't press charges if she paid the money back. Her mother mortgaged her house to pay it off. I asked my brother what he thought about all the extra money and he said she told him she got a raise--SOME RAISE.!! She also got a credit card in my Mom's name and ruined her credit. Mom didn't know about it until she tried to build a house. Took several months to get it off her credit report. She never pressed charges either. Who knows what that girl is doing now. I personally would wait until he contacted DH and then offer support.

I'd call and let him know that DH is there for him if he needs to talk or help out some how. Isn't that what friends are for? Why is it when the going gets tough people back away?
We have a customer who was in law inforcement that was caught stealing $$ from the evidence locker. There she was on the 6 o'clock news. I felt so bad for her. The next day I called her and left a message telling her that she was in my thoughts and prayers and if she needed to talk just call me. We ran into each other several months later and she told me how much my call meant to her.

I'd call him and even offer your support to his wife if you are close. As some one mentioned, she hasn't actually been proven guilty and even if she is, you may choose to stick by her if she is close and a good person in other aspects of her life. That's what being a real friend is all about.

You don't know all the facts. Plus, if she can take that much money without it being noticed, I would guess she would be able to keep it a secret from her husband too. So, don't jump to the conclusion that he knew.

Either the $$$ is under the mattress or he knew.

If it were one of my friends, I would send an email and let him know "we're here," what can we do to help?

I've often heard it said that you learn who your friends are when adversity strikes. I wouldn't think it was my "job" to figure out what he knew or didn't know. I would assume the best about a friend until I was satisfied there was real evidence he was involved. His wife managed to deceive her employer for quite a while, so she's probably an experienced liar. I can't imagine what he must be feeling, can you? Having your spouse's picture in the paper and on the news for something like that would be so embarrassing for the family. He must be in shock.

Stacie,

You say One of DH's friends that he works with and rides bikes with but you don't say that this couple are your friends. If I assume that they are not in your "social circle" meaning you all don't visit back and forth, party together, that sort of thing, then only the husband must be a friend of your DH.

In that case I think it would be best if your DH went in person to see his friend just to let him know he cares. eMails, and phone calls, have their place but I don't think this is one of them. Person-to-person would be more meaningful.

Sue

I'd call him too. He may be to embarrassed to call you or anyone else. He's probably feeling pretty alone right now.
I just don't think he's in on it, and still be able to bike with DH and act like all is normal.
Leslie

Sue,

Yes this is one of DH's friends I have met and talked with him several times, and his wife is related to me by marriage. Dh is having a tough time with this, trying to decide what to do. I told him to call or email him and just let him know that he is thinking about him and if he needs anything even to talk in the middle of the night just to give him a call. I can't imagine the situation and feel for the family.

Stacie
girlsingardens

There's something else to consider. If something is said, this fellow may feel that your husband is just trying to get some nice, juicy gossip about the situation--many people do in this sort of situation.

Again, I suggest you give this a few days, really think things through, be absolutely certain of what you want to do. But I agree with the posters above who have said, if you do want to say something, it MUST be face to face. No e-mails or phone calls in this situation. Too easy for something innnocent to be misinterpreted that way.

I think sometimes that an e-mail, a card, or a phone message left when you KNOW they're not home is less intrusive and still shows kindness and concern for their situation. Then, if they feel comfortable with you, they can call and acknowledge your gesture, etc. If they don't, that's okay, too - you've expressed how you feel to them and they know that you're concerned for them.

A lady that I once taught with had a son who made the front page of our little local newspaper one day several years ago. He was drunk, loud, disorderly at a local fast food restaurant and the police were called. They quoted all his cussing, ranting and raving at the police right there in the paper. I sent her a handwritten note and told her that I was sorry for all the trouble that her family was having right now. Also told her that with kids you never know WHAT they're gonna pull - that a few times mine had done some things that would warrant an article in the paper, too - they just, luckily, hadn't gotten caught at it! (As I recall, I asked for advice on here, as a matter of fact, and a lot of people felt that I acted appropriately.)

I get the feeling that your heart is in the right place - you'll know the right thing to do, I betcha

I have a co-worker whose wife did this very same thing although I did not work with him at the time of the incident and he is no longer married to this woman, although he said this is not what ended the marriage. In his case, he knew nothing about it and was completely surprised by it all. They were in huge credit card debt because he was not working for one year due to an old injury and rising medical bills. He said that his wife did buy lots of stuff but she made well over $100,000 per year (this was 10 years ago) and so nothing appeared out of the ordinary. During the divorce he found out just how bad things were for her and them. She had managed to take out over 50 credit cards and maxed these out. She put these in his name, her name, her son's name and he did not know a thing. In her case, she was an insurance agent and she would get new clients to sign up for insurance coverage but she never did the paperwork. When people started making claims for their insurance, she tried to cover it with the cash advances from the credit cards. She got caught when she went out on maternity leave. So, I see entirely how a spouse would not know. It does happen all the time.

As for what should you do, I would talk to him and only offer support but don't pass judgment. Just like my co-worker, he could believe that this is all just a mistake and she didn't do it.

On another note, it could be that this is just a mistake and she really didn't do it and is totally innocent. The last thing they need is for their friends to abandon them. JMO.