popi...I hope so, but sadly, I do not know them. Even friends who have divorced and remarried, and who are terrific women in their own right (successful, attractive, happy, and genuinely like children) have done the same things I see on the step parent forum. They have gone on to have a new baby in the new marriage, and have each in their own way done their best to push his children out, and formed a new family. They too, do not like his children. I listen to their "side" of things, and I think that we can all build a case against someone who upsets, threatens, or bugs us, and hyper focus on everything they do...all the while ignoring our own faults, or our own children who do the same things or worse. People who I thought (each one of them) that if anyone can pull this off, and do it well, it was these women. And yet, sadly, in each case, the story has turned out the same, as the stories I have read on the step parent forum. I used to think that if you were a terrific human being, and really liked children, and were happy and grounded, that you could eventually pull this off, and become one of the successful step families, where everyone is welcome, and loved, and they are thrilled to see the child on their weekend. Sadly, I do not know if this is realistic, or possible. We like to think that it is, and yes, I am still hopeful that there are people who can pull it off. Perhaps it works if the wife does not have any children of her own, and does her best to help him raise his children. I don't know. But how can we expect it to work, when we take a childs father away, move him into someone elses house, and he is now DAD to someone elses kids, rarely seeing his own child? And MOM has now remarried, (or has a new boyfriend) and lives with him, and perhaps his kids, and is now MOM to someone elses kids? They may now live in different states! Where is home for this child now? With MOM and her new lover? With DAD and his new lover? Where do they belong now? And looking at it from this angle, imagine it through the eyes of a child. Imagine yourself as a child, and "your" dad left your mom and is now living far away, with his new girl friend and "her kids". And mom is dressing and acting different and you barely see her anymore because she is always with her new boyfriend, at his place? See how painful it can get through the eyes of a child? It also seems that in so many situations, the bio-mom is made out to be this horrible woman, by the step mom. The bio moms I know are nice normal women. I wonder why we never hear a new wife talk about what a terrific woman her husbands ex is? why are they all made out to be so awful? Things get very complicated indeed. Sometimes it seems that we trade in one set of problems for another. Perhaps we divorce because of problems in the marriage. We want to believe that we can start over, and we will do it better next time. Instead, we may not have those problems that led to the divorce, but we may have new problems we never dreamed possible in a new marriage with steps.

After 51 years of marriage I’m seriously considering divorcing my husband. Asking myself now why I’ve stayed so long in this marriage is difficult for me to answer. I had a horrendous and very abusive childhood, met my husband at 15, and married at 17. We had our daughter ten years into our marriage. I feel he took up wnere my parents left off. He’s stripped me of all my self-confidence, criticizes me everyday and is incapable of empathy. I had a brief affair when I was 50, and he was, as expected, very upset. He admitted to me that he’d spent our whole married life making me feel like I was worthless and unattractive because he was afraid if I discovered how beautiful I was, I’d leave him and find someone better!! I was stunned! How could he do that to me! I’d been such a good wife. I kept a lovely home and did EVERYTHING. He never lifted a finger to help me, plus I worked full-time outside the home. I literally gave everything of myself. Things changed after my short affair, but not for long. Things soon went back to “normal.” As he’s getting older, he’s getting extremely nasty verbally to me, and I’m reaching breaking point. I no longer want to be treated this way. Now I know my worth. I am NOT stupid, nor am I a plain Jane. Far from it. These past three years I’ve taken a long look at myself and I AM beautiful. Both inside and out. He IS very lucky to have me. It’s such a huge step to take as I approach 69, and scary, too. I guess I’ll have to weigh what’s better for me, taking this abuse for the rest of my life, or bite the bullet and start anew. At at times I wish I could just close my eyes and everything would have been done already. I guess I’m just leery of all the “stuff” that has to happen for me to be free. If I could avoid that in any way, I’d be gone today!!!

I came here to find info and boy oh boy did I! I found that some of the info here is REALLY biased in favor of the new wife. Before I continue, I want you to know that I'm on both sides of the fence. I'm an ex w/child & I'm think'n of marry'n a man with an ex w/child who manipulates & controls as well. So, I can see both sides. To organic_maria; when I read parts of your post, my blood boiled. How do you think that you and your husband can go and take away from another child because you now have one of your own. Ya can't do that! If he could not afford 2 children then he should not have had another baby! But you CAN NOT rob Peter to pay Paul! You can not take from one household to put into yours. I don't care what "SHE" has. That baby is "HIS" responsiblity as well. Unfortunately, you won't get this (foolish lady) until after he breaks his vows & divorces YOU, leaves YOU w/children, remarry's & has children by his new wife & then takes food out of YOUR child's mouth to be able to feed his new family at the command of his NEW WIFE. Therefore, a reduction in CS is not go'n to happen. Allow that man to pay what it is he's supposed to pay for his child. That's the right of the child...to be supported by both parents. You(foolish lady) are ask'n for conflict w/his ex when you do silly things as such. Do NOT help him to runaway from his financial responsibilites in order to make you happy. It's bad enough that the child has lost it's full time father. In these situations, you can't have it all. Don't put him in that position of taking away from one child to give to another. You'll stress out your marriage...even more. Next, the ex probably has a good reason as to why she's so nasty towards him. I'm not say'n that being vendictive is right but maybe he did somethings to hurt her deeply during their marriage; you don't know, you were not there. You just know what he's told you & choose to believe him because you love him and of course he would NEVER lie! And, that may be true, maybe he doesn't lie to you. Maybe he's a "good man" NOW, but what was he like years ago before you met him? What was he like during his first marriage before all of the lessons he's learned at her expense? Again, I'm not say'n that she should be an evil **** but karma is a MF! If ya don't want it to grow, then don't sow the seed. I can't mistreat a dog & not expect to get bitten at some point. I just think that MAYBE....just MAYBE he should go to his ex & try to make things right. I'm not say'n get back together w/her because what's done is done, but if there's still bitterness there then there's some unfinished business. And with many of YOU being WOMEN, I would think that YOU would encourge that! All of these excuses as to why your ex stayed with such a "witch" is nonsense, he stayed because he wanted to stay. He married her because he wanted to marry her...unless she was into some kind of spiritual voo-doo & put a hex on him? There's always 2 sides to a story and all of you are all hyped up on what "he" said. Yeah, he's tell'n you about all of her skeletons but he's not say'n much about his is he? He was an angel! And, I betcha on her side, she's tell'n her new guy about all of his skeletons and how he was so aweful to her w/o tell'n how she pulled a knife on him in his sleep & set the bed on fire! My point here is don't be so dang on biased. I know you're angry...I get that but you don't know her so why are you angry at "HER"? Because she get's a certain % of his income in which she's entitled too? Because "HE", your husband is weak and easily controlled. Because "HE" your husband feels guilt? Hmmmmm, and why is that? Why does he feel guility if he did noth'n wrong? Your husband needs to man up & accept responsiblity for his part in their failed marriage & try to make things right. Again, not say'n allow her to manipulate, but he needs to put all of his cards on the table & apologize for "HIS" part...because dispite what "HE" say's. He had a part! This way maybe some of her bitterness will fade unless she's really just a certified mental case. And, even if she is maybe he can assist w/that. Maybe the both of you can assist with that. Divorce is hard on EVERYBODY. You as a woman should feel some empathy...her marriage failed & him as the father of his child/ren should care just a bit because let's face it. She is the mother of his child/ren & her child/ren LOVES HER & HE loves his children. NOTH'N you do or say will EVER change that. Do something as his current wife to try and encourage peace & get off of your "what about me" soap boxes. In reality, he should have never moved on to a YOU until he was done with HER. And, I mean completely done and I'm not talk'n about a certain time span. You can be divorces from your spouse for 20yrs and still have unfinished business. I came here to try & find some good information and sadly to say, there wasn't much maturity here. Being someone who's been on both sides of the fence, I encourage my guy to do the right things by his children and even his ex. I'm not into sowing seeds of hatred, bitterness and anger. If an "I'm sorry" on his part can help that woman to heal then by all means, apologize & then maybe she can find some happiness and we can go on with our lives!

SAD.........Yes Divorce is sad in most instances, especially after so many years. A divorce is better than living in fear or being abused any longer. SICK.........Nudity isn't necessarily sick. He's an adult. Its his camera his cabin and he hasn't broken any laws by having nude pictures of himself. WEIRD 1......I'm not sure what an attorney would mean by "ammunition for support". A good attorney knows Alimony/ is determined by how much one spouse supported the other during the marriage and if there is a hindrance to the spouse who is seeking support from working and supporting self at the same level of lifestyle. Child support is determined by who has primary custody and how old the children are. Any children over 18 are not eligible unless there is some previous agreement such as continuing education and housing costs for students. Both Alimony and child support amounts are totally up to the judge how much and how it is paid. Trying to use as ammo or blackmail with, deleted pictures???? Sounds like the attorney is not an ethical person. WEIRD 2.........Yeah a little. I'm surprised she asked to borrow his camera. While going though with what appears to be an ugly divorce, then borrow a camera like he is a good friend. Obviously it only takes a few minutes to download pics from a digi cam to a computer so why the immediate need to borrow another camera? Oh well one woman's life up for scrutiny based on a few sentences on the web is better than anything on TV tonight. LIL