I;m so glad I found this forum today. I lost my beautiful son Brian just over 3 months ago. he died Nov. 22nd 08 it was just after midnight and he was driving his date home when he was hit head on by @#$% showing of his car. Brian was only 18 years old and I am so devastated!!! he had just graduated high school only 5 months earlier. He had everything in the world going for him. His date lindsey is recorvering well, I would say thank god but i no longer believe. my son died saving her life.the police said Brian did everything he could to get off the road without crashing into this huge wooden planter. he could have gone off the road and he might have lived but she surly would have died. the @#$%ing monster still hasn't been arrested and i am so full of rage and sadness. I am married to my high school sweet heart Ricky we have 4 surviving kids Jenny age 26 Rick age 23 Rose age 17 Was 16 when it happened John age 15 was14 when it happened rose and John just had birthdays and all I could think was that one day they will be older than Brian. My husband and I were so heartbroken we couldn't even help plan his funeral. My daughter did everything. and I know she did the best she could but I feel more should have been done. over 600 people came to his wake.It was like a horrible blurry dream. I really can't remember much. It was so over whelming. all these people, alot I didn;t even know all wanted to hug me and express ther condolenses even his kindergarden teacher was there. and I promised Brian I would not embarress him so kept my "game face" on but the whole time I just wanted to scream my head off. Brian was the kind of person who made friends everywhere he went. I'm glad with all my heart he was so loved but I'm still freaked out It was so over whelming. I still can't leave my house. I feel like everyone is staring at me. I know they're not. I never went back to work. It's only been a few months but I feel so bad. I hate laughing i feel so guilty that every time I have a "good day" i just punish myself for the next few days. We buried Brian the day befor thanks giving. His birthday was the day before xmas eve. I wanted him cremated because I can not bear to think of his beautiful face rotting in that box. his father brothers and sisters refused. I have not visited his grave since valentines day and i told my husband i'm never going there again. his grave is covered with dead frozen flowers stuffed animals letters pictures and un opened xmas and birthday presents it looks like a garbage dump. people say the stupidest things like what a nice gadrden he'll have. I can't dig in the soil knowing my little boy is in there. I no longer believe in god My son was such a great kid. he was all boy. If there is a god why my son?!!! why not the @#$% that did this to him. and why isn't he aressted? He had 3 other kids in his car( the @#$%) all including him were in the hospital for weeks one boy(not sure if this is a roumer) is in a wheelchair for life. and all the roumers are so @#$% crazy. I'm sorry this is so long. I have no one to talk to .my so called friends don;t understand. I still can;t talk on the phone. I spend my days all alone crying. I know Brian would not want me to be this way but i just can;t stop. Thanks for listening to a mothers broken heart. Laura i'm sorry if i sound crazy but i am so lost.

I think that things went well. In the beginning, when thanking the people (hardly an empty chair) for coming to share their joys and sorrows regarding their friend, that their home and family and their friends were important to Jean and her husband who died seven years ago, and that I wanted the people to imagine that they were sitting at their friend's kitchen table, or in their living room, or on the back deck, so to feel free to make a comment, ask a question or speak as they felt moved to do. I asked their daughter, who spent time in Hong Kong and Shanghai and has spent several years with an interest in Buddhist concepts, whether she would like to include some Buddhist readings ... and she said not, but that she appreciated the offer. When I asked whether she'd like to speak, as the males did, (equal time) she said that she feared that she'd break down and cry, and even before the gathering, she demurred, but when I offered, during the gathering, she came and spoke of her mother ... and for part of her talk, I stood with my arm around her. One of the boys made a montage of slides of various family members, involved in various activities (a substantial portion of it, eating) and played his trumpet, and another played a piece on the keyboard, along with the speaking. I said that there's been scarcely any civilization where they had no belief in a spiritual power that takes an interest in our world, and that now, with many saying that science has made all of these superstitions unnecessary, so many have placed religion on a back shelf in the closet of the spare bedroom ... but even the modern folks say that they are spiritual (but not religious) - whatever that means. But I felt that we should make it a part of ordinary living - like salt that adds flavour to soup, or leaven which makes bread more tasty and interesting. That when God made the world, s/he took a great risk, in giving us free will, which I deeply appreciate: not wanting to be like an ant, part of a line, following a predetermined path. While God doesn't hit us over the head with a 2 X 4, forcing us to follow, s/he seduces us - tells us that s/he loves us deeply, and wants us to love, in return ... ... and to go out and build a world the way that s/he would like it to be. What a wonderful challenge, privilege and responsibility that God wants us to be involved in - to be co-creators with Him/Her of the beautiful world that it can become, tomorrow. Built on concern for and help to others, understanding, compassion and love. Starting tomorrow, and the day after - but really beginning today: right now. We have a sick old world, and we need to work hard not to build walls, keeping people either in, or out: but separating them, whichever. How much more creative to build bridges of understanding. The daughter said ... that her mom would have been so pleased. ole joyful

I inherited an IRA as well. Upon death it was put in my name w/my ss#.I mean really.... they want taxes from the living. Yes, my SSN is on the account now, but the paperwork that I was filling out for the new brokerage needed the SSN of the person I inherited it from. Apparently there are different rules for these inherited IRAs than other types of accounts. I can't believe how easy it was to find it on the National Archives site. I didn't even need her full date of birth or death to find it.

This post reminds me that if you are searching around for some way to help a grieving person, this is a good thing to do, help them cancel all their subscriptions and catalogs, mailings, etc. for the deceased person. My mom was on a lot of lists and it greatly upset my dad to keep getting mail for her. A friend offered to help me and I managed to get her off of most of the lists. There are still a few lagging that I just haven't followed up on, but I ended most of them with a call, a few with a note, and a few took calls, notes and nasty letters to get stopped. Most places had a system in place for stopping the subscriptions, solicitations, etc. so all it took was one attempt. It's odd to me that the one I can't stop by writing "DECEASED" on the solicitation and putting it in the mail is from a hearing aide center. My mom never even had a hearing aide. The robo political calls are the most horrific, particularly since it is not from her party. Luckily I hang up as soon as the recording starts.