He sounds like a jerk to me. Perhaps none of it happened and it's his way of asserting his manhood. There's no one around to challenge his version. Would if be too awkward to just come out and ask him why he persists in bringing up such a topic especially in front of his daughter (how old is she?) and will he continue to tell the story as your granddaughters grow up and become aware of his 'exploits'?. Have you spoken to the parents of your grandchildren? Sorry, I don't know if it's your son or daughter.

I can imagine how you feel because just hearing it gives me that 'uh oh' feeling.

I would certainly not allow my children or grand children to be alone in his presence.

Radar up too...

His dtr is married to my son & they are the little girls' parents. She is close & has a pretty good relationship with both her parents. He is a doting grandpa, seemingly in all the *good* ways. Hence my question of "is statutory rape likely to evolve?"

As I wrote all this out, it helped me to mull this over and hopefully formulate a response, the next time he brings it up in my presence. Something like....
"You know, that strikes me as quite perverted, to say nothing of illegal. That you seem to brag on this .... I've heard it from you at least 3 times now... makes me concerned for the safety of our granddaughters when they turn 14 or even younger. If you continue to brag on this it raises my radar & my fear."
Now, hopefully that would shut him up, so I don't have to hear it (nor the girls),,,, but....... the downside might be it would "closet" him if the risk IS real? But I feel confident that I won't let an opportunity slip by, if or when he brings it up again.

Regardless of relationship, I would be very careful to not have children around him--that is sitting on lap, hugging too tight, moving hands etc. Yes you might discuss this with the parents--carefully.

Has your son expressed any concern about his father in law's comments?

Even though she was under age I think of it as an affair, maybe he thought he loved her. I don't think of it as statutory if the boy is 16 and the girl is 14 or 15 even though the law does. But I think he is a class A jerk for talking about it. It's something most people would never admit even to his wife.

At this point I think the answer to mcmann's question will determine what the next step should be.

Sue

No, my son has not expressed any concerns.

The children all (also a 5 y.o. son) sit on his lap, hug, kiss, love their grandpa, just as in *any* normal loving relationship. Realistically, there really isn't any way at all that I could alter that. I can't keep them apart based on this one piece of info, that may or may not be paranoia on my part. Irreparable damage could be wrought by either "action" OR "inaction". That is the conundrum! A very delicate situation.

I guess what I am wondering..... Is their any scientific evidence or professional theories/observations of a correlation between these 2 behaviors... the 20 yr old vs the 60 yr old? I wonder who might know & give advice, so that I don't "over react" nor "under react"?

Well, my "doting" grandfather just got sentenced to prison for molesting a little boy in our family, so I wouldn't put anything past anyone. I think if an adult ever liked "little kids" (which in my opinion, a 22 year old shacking up with a 14 year old is liking a little kid), they always will like little kids. As research shows, you can't take away those kinds of feelings, even with serious therapy.

What kind of weirdo would brag about that, especially in front of his wife and other family members? I wouldn't let my kid anywhere near that guy.

I totally agree, Stargazer. I doubt he "loved" her..... lust yes. He was at least 20 so it would be stat rape at least in the USA. And yes he is a class A jerk (in other ways too, IMO-- male chauvinist pig comes to mind), but I wouldn't judge him harshly on this, EXCEPT for the "bragging".

Oh, and my grandma was 14 when her and my grandpa started dating...he was older and in the military. Obviously that could be pure coincidence, but you never know....

I notice the absence of commentary of the girls going "GI buy me drinky???", age notwithstanding. And not knowing more than one sentence of the entire conversation I have no way of knowing what the context was of the conversation so to judge on that is out of line.

I'm not a "professional" in the area so I can't comment in that manner. I can say that a couple of my aunts married under the age of 18. One had kids early on and my uncle was 15-20 years her senior. In the early to mid 1900s, especially in farm country, this was not that unusual. In those days, teenage pregnancy was the way to start the farming family.

What's interesting is even today, there's some higher profile teen pregnancies with possible statutory rape that goes unprosecuted. I'm not sure how one scenario is acceptable while another is not. Surely nobody wants 40 or 50 yo men molesting, raping or otherwise sexually abusing children. But at the same time where do you draw the line between acceptable and unacceptable. Lawmakers chose an age of consent whereby those under can't give consent. So it's up to the adult, and it should be added that this applies not just to men but to women also, to be responsible for their actions. I notice a lot of teachers lately with minor boys but seldom do I see the outrage other than by law enforcement. Is there a difference? That's a topic for discussion but our society has decided that minors essentially can't fall in love and physically act on it legally. Most would hope that lust and love would both wait!

Back to the concerns expressed in this example, I think I'd want to know more as to the bigger picture than a single or even a couple paraphrased comment(s). I would hope the son would know more of the facts. ALl I know is I don't have anywhere near enough facts to express an opinion at this point.

Red flags come to my mind right away. I wouldn't let any of my grandkids close to him, or leave them alone with him. I'd talk to my son about this too.
Leslie

It has never been all that uncommon for 14 year old girls to have much older boyfriends even in the US.

It was only when it came out into the open by way of pregnancy rates, abortion stats and disease rates that everyone started taking note. Until then it was a matter that stayed within the family. Sometimes dealt with a "shotgun" or a nine month visit to a distant relative.

He's telling old war stories and bragging. I would think a pedophile would be far more secretive and be keeping his mouth shut.

I wasn't sexually active (at least not in the sense we're speaking of) at fourteen but come on now. Underage sex was rampant in the sixties. It still is today, just more hidden. There are plenty of sexually active 14 year old girls and their boyfriends are NOT also 14 or in most cases.

I can imagine how you feel because just hearing it gives me a skin crawling feeling, which I get around the child molesters and other such deviates. I worked for some time in Social Services and had to deal with them occasionally. After encounters my skin would crawl until I got home to shower.
As other have suggested I would not allow this man to be alone with a child, but you really have no options as your son and his wife are the parents and make the choices.unless Department of Children and Families steps in to see if there is inappropriate behavior.

Something you can do is making sure your Darling Granddaughter(s) fully understand.......What is appropriate touching and what is not nice touching. Making sure they also understand keeping a secret about touching is wrong too, even if it is by Grandpa or Uncle or the nice neighbor man. Children learning these issues at a very early age (around 4or 5 if not younger) is a key factor in stopping a male family member or close family friend from "TOUCHING" your sweet loved ones in that manner. If your son and daughter in law allow Grandpa to talk about sexual activities/experiences in front of your DGD or even any minor children they have a few issues you need to discuss with them.

I would suggest also if you talk to freaky Grandpa it is more along this line!

"You know, that strikes me as perverted, and illegal. Along with the fact you repeatedly brag about it.... I've heard this story from you at least 3 times now... concerns me. You may want to try some emotional/mental consoling to recognize why you are dwelling on this time in your life and how you can move on from this strange memory and the sordid behavior of telling us over and over about your perversions or fantasies. Further more I would suggest you most definitely refrain from telling our grandchildren these inappropriate stories. Most important to me is the physical, emotional and mental WELL BEING of our granddaughters/children now and always. I will be diligent to that end and if I suspect there is any wrong behavior I will take measures to assure they are safe from every threat.

You may want to remember the era was the Viet Nam (police action)WAR. Many of the young men were in situations of absolute horror in battles and such. There would have been available "women" to help them relieve the stress and tensions of the fear and daily assault of killing and maiming. Some of these women had only the money they made on the streets to feed and support their families. Some of these young women were hoping to be taken care of by a rich American (and we were all RICH by their standards) so they were "much happy" to do whatever was asked of them to stay with a young man. The stories of horror, of the death and mutilation of war is not something those men want to remember or tell so the "sex" story seems to be an alternative because there is no horror and consensual sexual encounters are okay, even with such young girls because she probably was already a street girl when he had her.
The crimes of human frailty are the hardest to understand.
I do not condone what he is doing now but there may be very sound underlying issues bringing about the behavior. That is why you should suggest the therapy.

CT

You should have seen my niece when she was 13 years old, looked 18. If she told some guy she was 19, should he be called a rapist?

My brother was in "Nam". I wrote to a lot of his friends. Just about every soldier in his unit had a "house girl". I'm sure many were underage.

You said "...but my radar is "on" because of this...."

When I have deep feelings like that, I listen to them.

We don't get this old, and survive what we've survived, without developing a good sixth sense.

At the very least, it's barbaric of him to mention these things in mixed company and in front of his wife and daughter. It sounds as though he has no respect of women, any women.

He sounds like a creep to me.

Stargazzer, yes if the parents want to press charges even if she lies about her age and is concensual...he can and sometimes is arrested and charged with rape of a minor or other such things. And depending on how that goes...yes he could be called a rapist..or at the very least listed as a level (whatever) sex offender.

I know an 18 yr old girl that had a "concensual" relationship with a 15 yr old girl. Senior and Freshman in Highschool at the time. The parents of the 15 yr old FLIPPED out and had all kinds of charges brought against the older girl. Even when their daughter admitted the relationship was what she wanted. The older girl did end up with a few charges and was then put on the lower level sex offender list. She lost her sports scholarship too.

Here's what I think.

For now forget about all the legalities, even moralities of older man/younger girl. That has nothing to do with the situation at hand.

1. There should be a "men to men" talk about this. The men being your DH and your DS and Granpa.

2. If Granpa is telling this story in YOUR house, your DH should personally tell him he is not allowed to talk about it there, because of the young children present. You can control what happens in YOUR home.

As for your radar you probably should discuss this with someone outside the family to determine if you have cause for those feelings.

You definitely don't want to create a situation that will turn your DIL (and possibly your DS) away from you and your DH, and losing your grandchildren. It could happen.

Sue

If a red flag goes up. Get away those children away from him as fast as you can!! You never never know who out there can be a pervert. They don't always come with a sign that says I am a pervert but this man almost Does have a sign on his head telling you to get Away! Please it can ruin a young girls life and send her into therapy and depression and blame for the rest of her life. Please it is better to be safe than sorry. Be their advocate. Please....

I'm no expert, but I've taken classes in sex crimes, treatment and recidivism because I'm a criminal defense attorney. Psychologically speaking (and in terms of treatment), there's a big difference between someone who's attracted to pre-pubescent children (ones who don't yet display secondary sex traits like breasts and hips) and someone who's attracted to young (even very young) women. (The latter category includes many, if not most, men. And as others have noted, for the vast majority of history, there would have been nothing remotely eyebrow-raising about a 14-year-old young woman with a 20-year-old young man.)

Personally, I wouldn't worry that he's a pedophile. As other posters have said, what he did wasn't unusual, even for the U.S., even if you personally disapprove. It sounds as though the sex was consensual (though I understand that the girl's age and maybe her social position almost certainly exerted a strong pressure on her). The fact that he's bragging about it is in very poor taste, but, to me, bodes well for it being a "non-deviant" act.

oh my, youre radar is on...id listen to it..maybe its nothing but maybe it is jmho but id be real careful with him around kids. ive been in that situation.

This makes me sad. I remember reading in the 60's and 70's, in Vietnam, our soldiers hooked up with young Vietnamese girls, resulting in many mixed-race babies. The US govt did nothing for them, so they just stayed where they were. My DH was in the Air Force in those days, but he was stationed in England the entire time and he doesn't claim to have impregnated anyone there.

since 'grandpa' was on a "west-pac" tour and probably headed to vietnam waters, it was possible he made a stop in the philippnes, hong kong, japan, or australlia. and yes, you could, for very little money, get just about anything you wanted...and it would have been illegal...but then people, for money, will do aweful things to children.

bragging rights are cheap, but could cost him or you plenty in the distrust of family. i'd sure talk to your ds about your feelings and see what his take is...i'd hate to have you say anything to "grandpa" and have it turn into some family fight where dil would feel the need to defend him and the next thing you know you're not allowed to see the kids. better to lurk and watch...

I grew up in a Navy town. This is not something that happens only in other foreign ports. This is what your dealing with.

On the one hand you have 18 to 20 year old young men who joined the service straight out of high school, never been away from home and while their "on the job time" was closely supervised, their off time was not. Most had very little experience away from their parents.

On the other hand your have 14 to 17 year old girls who are testing the waters so to speak and defying their parents in any way they can. Both of them have hormones raging and they do "what comes naturally." Some girls are very mature at 14, more than you might suspect.

What makes your sons FIL creepy is that he's never outgrown the need to brag about his exploits. Which is poor judgement and immture but doesn't make him a pedophile. Just an immature old man who has never outgrown the need to brag about his "exploits".

You have to decide if you want to cause friction between your son and is in-laws. Personally, if I felt I had to do anything, I would have a short prepared speech ready the next time he tells his story. Something like "You know? You've told us that several times before and it's getting a little old. Frankly your adolescent escapades are boring." And then change the subject. Be prepared to be disliked by the in-laws but you probably don't care anyway at this point.

"Age of consent" is arbitrary and I don't think a lot of people even know the true definition of "statutory rape" . 'Rape' is such an inflammatory word that brings out a knee jerk reaction in people. All statutory rape means is that it breaks a law that is on the books in some states/countries but is legal in others, ie; it goes against a statute. For instance what is legal in Iowa (14) is illegal in North Dakota (18).

As joann23456 pointed out there is a difference between a pedophile, who is one who is attracted to physically sexually immature children, and someone who is attracted to young adults, and that would include just about everybody. What man would not find a 17y/o woman attractive??

Just because a man finds a young woman attractive does not mean is is perverted and will molest or rape or commit incest with his grandchildren. It is a non sequitur.

If you find grandpa's tales and his liberal attitudes, distasteful just tell him. As a previous poster pointed out it just seems boring and immature.

BTW the Age of Consent in the Philippines is 12. The age of consent for a travelling US citizen is 12. The armed forces has different rules, and the Age of Consent where they will prosecute is 16 but of course all homosexuality is illegal in the armed forces and any homosexual contract engaged in by a member in the military can result in a court martial and being sent to prison just as honosexuality can result in prison in some countries as can engaging in ANY premarital sex no matter what the age. It is all arbitrary just like drug and alcohol laws with minimum ages, and laws requiring women to cover their heads in public at a certain age.

http://www.avert.org/age-of-consent.htm

Here is a link that might be useful: Age of Consent by State and Counrty