I have biked in Germany and Denmark where the landscape is covered with rugosas. They are like oleanders on California highway. No care, can withstand cold, pump out beautiful blooms and and huge cherry tomato sized hips. I have seen what I think is Meilland landscape roses in rest stops on California highways that thrive with absolutely no care, pollution and garbage. Roses are tough customers. They have thrived at abandoned homesites and cemetaries for more than a few generations. Carol

--"why OP is making a federal case out of unmade beds by young adults or teens is beyond me, and likely beyond her DH."-- I rather wondered that myself on the yardwork bit. If my husband was waiting for son to get up and outside to help, I'd pretty much figure that's their problem (and I am the bio-mom of the last son still in home). My husband is capable of getting Jr up and out when he wants help. I could see myself (which, yeah, has happened) picking up my purse and keys and heading out the door to run errands, have lunch and perhaps check out a few sales. If hubby was still sitting on the porch waiting for Jr to help or having done the work by himself when I got home, I'd pretty much not give a hoot...husband as I stated already is capable of dealing with any disrespect/behavorial issues between father/son all by himself. He doesn't need my 2 cents about it. But again, I think for OP it goes back to expectations. The lax expectaions in her new home are intolerable to her. She's use to children doing things her way and doing them promptly on her command. That worked for her in her old home, raising her own children...but it does not seem to be the way Daddy runs his home, nor appears he desires to (per their latest agrument between Daddy/OP). It rather seems silly and unproductive to me to be all in a fluster over a kid not being 'punished' for doing exactly what Daddy allowed them to do. Unless it personally affects OP what goes on between father/children are IMO between Daddy and 'kids'. If there is overly dramatics in the home perhaps forcing your own expectations and parenting ideas onto someone (husband) who does not desire your assistance in that area could be part of the problem rather than any type of solution. --" The only thing that makes sense to me now is to totally ignore them - have nothing to do with them at all."-- That's pretty much what the attitude should be when it comes to how Daddy finds it acceptable and has less expectations...let their father deal with them, not your 'kid' not your problem. If it does not affect you, why engage in it? But totally ignoring the children while they are in your home as long as they are being polite to you yourself while they try interactng with you will backfire in OP's face. I think deciding to remain but then treating them as the enemy and pretending they are not there because their father and they have different expectations and lifestyles than OP would be a mistake. Either work on a compromising harmony agreement between husband and you in the home together or cut your loses. Nobody is happy in a war zone or having to accept what to them are intolerable situations. I guess it kinda makes me wonderful how all these people got along during the meet and date period (hmmmm, now that KK mentions it, I wonder how long this period was) and why it was carried on into a married joint household if things were so intolerable for the OP from the get-go (these 'kids' did not develop terrible habits ...terrible in her opinion... over night nor did Daddy suddenly become a more tolerating parent with lax rules). If the OP knew there were major issues in expectations and parenting styles that she would not be able to live with but actually thought once she had a ring on her finger she'd change it all to her liking she's rapidly discovered differently. People, lifestyles and expectations don't instantly change just because a couple says 'I do'. If there is any chance (which she has not answered to as of yet) that OP was TOW and/or played any part in a 'nasty' divorce tossed in with the already different expectations of children and lifestyles, I can't imagine how OP thought this joint household was going to be a good idea. I'd think real hard about taking my cats and moving back into my old house (hopefully not sold yet)and considering the counseling idea. As OP states she is an intelligent woman, is not happy in the mess she got herself into.. and really, life is too short to spend it trying to change people and living unhappy...I'd take a step back and rereview what it is I'd gotten myself into and what I'm going to do about it. As it is now, it does not sound as if husband plans on parenting any differently just to suit your preferences (which he appears to not share based on his own statement) nor stepping up his already set expecations of his 'kids'. I wish the OP good luck and do have to suggest that she needs to stand back and look in a mirror to see if perhaps she herself is causing part of the stress and tension occuring in the home. One must realize sometimes that changes have to come from within one's self before one can expect changes in others.

Thanks for the comments! No deer in the area. Crazy neighbor hopefully is taken care of. I did get the budget for a few Nellie Stevens holly, which I planted on one side of the strip of pine trees, so they should hopefully get enough light. I'm also putting up garden fencing material to keep the kids from playing in there, which is also likely preventing things from growing. Will look into the mentioned plants. Are ferns low light tolerant? We did have very dense vegetation (Still do in unaffected areas), not sure what it is, but it's very dense vine/bush type of plant so nobody can walk through it (Which is good). Even in the Winter when the leaves fall off, it's still pretty dense. Currently, residents are walking their dogs back there so they don't have to pick up after their pets. I'm hoping this will help fertilize whatever starts growing, then I can fence it off completely so the dog activity doesn't disturb the growth. I also heard coffee grounds are good for plants, and was thinking of dumping my old grounds out there. Unfortunately I don't think I'll get the budget for fertilizer, or many more plants. One issue I'm concerned about is watering. They are nowhere near a faucet, and buckets would have to be carried, which isn't practical. I planted the Nellie Stevens with pieces of sponge by the roots in an attempt to store longer whatever water it gets. Not sure it helped. They are still green, which I suppose is a good sign.

Nope, we were in a coastal town and within a 5 minute drive to the beach. Lots of ocean breeze, but still its hot all year round. Yes, Michigan has humidity and heat too, and yes it can be miserable to be in but it’s not in the 90’s or 100’s year round and we do reap benefits from that humidity like lots of rain (as opposed to droughts). Lawns are lush and healthy, plants and trees alike thrive here. It also never gets so hot that you can fry an egg on the hood of your car. Then there are the thunderstorms. When the humidity peaks, they come in for a quick shower to cool things down. Open the windows and that breeze with it’s smell of the rain is heaven. Say what you will Elmer, but as far as I’m concerned there is really no comparison. I’ll take Michigan’s summer of months of humidity along with it’s snow and ice in the winter over that dry relentless heat any day. I don’t miss it at all. LOL Forgot to add, I’m in one of those suburbs too, about 45 miles north of Detroit. When it comes to snow, it’s the perfect spot because we’re too low for the northern squalls and far enough north to miss the Ohio Valley Blizzards. We usually don’t get more than 6 inches at a time during the season. We live on a hill and the AWD on our SUV’s has no problem driving threw it, but the views are beautiful.