common name.. norfolk island pine ... tropical as far as i understand.. but google will help you define that ... or others here ... i don't think 7-8 rates tropical .... i think you can get young ones for about 5 or 10 bucks.... and that is what i would do .. if i wanted one in my house .... been there.. done that.. moved on ... i do NOT think it will rebud.. so if you cut off all the green .. it most likely will die ... you could cut down to the lowest branch .. and then train that branch to an upright ... but IMOpinion ... it will look really ugly for a long time ... i like the idea of donating it ... if you can find somewhere ... otherwise.. all wood makes firewood ... good luck ken

Just about anything that can take the sun will not be setback by shade for a brief period of the year. You can try a palm (not washingtonia robusta, or phoenix canariensis - those are overplanted and they are too large). Maybe a clump of phoenix roebelinii, dypsis decipiens, dypsis decaryi, dypsis lutescens, arhontophoenix cunninghamia, howea forsteriana, chambeyronia macrocarpa or another showy palm. Then you could plant smaller plants underneath around the base. That way, you could get some vertical dimention to your patio instead of just low growing/sprawling plants. Most of these palms should be fairly common at home improvement garden centers. Or you could visit a nursery that specializes in palms.

--"why OP is making a federal case out of unmade beds by young adults or teens is beyond me, and likely beyond her DH."-- I rather wondered that myself on the yardwork bit. If my husband was waiting for son to get up and outside to help, I'd pretty much figure that's their problem (and I am the bio-mom of the last son still in home). My husband is capable of getting Jr up and out when he wants help. I could see myself (which, yeah, has happened) picking up my purse and keys and heading out the door to run errands, have lunch and perhaps check out a few sales. If hubby was still sitting on the porch waiting for Jr to help or having done the work by himself when I got home, I'd pretty much not give a hoot...husband as I stated already is capable of dealing with any disrespect/behavorial issues between father/son all by himself. He doesn't need my 2 cents about it. But again, I think for OP it goes back to expectations. The lax expectaions in her new home are intolerable to her. She's use to children doing things her way and doing them promptly on her command. That worked for her in her old home, raising her own children...but it does not seem to be the way Daddy runs his home, nor appears he desires to (per their latest agrument between Daddy/OP). It rather seems silly and unproductive to me to be all in a fluster over a kid not being 'punished' for doing exactly what Daddy allowed them to do. Unless it personally affects OP what goes on between father/children are IMO between Daddy and 'kids'. If there is overly dramatics in the home perhaps forcing your own expectations and parenting ideas onto someone (husband) who does not desire your assistance in that area could be part of the problem rather than any type of solution. --" The only thing that makes sense to me now is to totally ignore them - have nothing to do with them at all."-- That's pretty much what the attitude should be when it comes to how Daddy finds it acceptable and has less expectations...let their father deal with them, not your 'kid' not your problem. If it does not affect you, why engage in it? But totally ignoring the children while they are in your home as long as they are being polite to you yourself while they try interactng with you will backfire in OP's face. I think deciding to remain but then treating them as the enemy and pretending they are not there because their father and they have different expectations and lifestyles than OP would be a mistake. Either work on a compromising harmony agreement between husband and you in the home together or cut your loses. Nobody is happy in a war zone or having to accept what to them are intolerable situations. I guess it kinda makes me wonderful how all these people got along during the meet and date period (hmmmm, now that KK mentions it, I wonder how long this period was) and why it was carried on into a married joint household if things were so intolerable for the OP from the get-go (these 'kids' did not develop terrible habits ...terrible in her opinion... over night nor did Daddy suddenly become a more tolerating parent with lax rules). If the OP knew there were major issues in expectations and parenting styles that she would not be able to live with but actually thought once she had a ring on her finger she'd change it all to her liking she's rapidly discovered differently. People, lifestyles and expectations don't instantly change just because a couple says 'I do'. If there is any chance (which she has not answered to as of yet) that OP was TOW and/or played any part in a 'nasty' divorce tossed in with the already different expectations of children and lifestyles, I can't imagine how OP thought this joint household was going to be a good idea. I'd think real hard about taking my cats and moving back into my old house (hopefully not sold yet)and considering the counseling idea. As OP states she is an intelligent woman, is not happy in the mess she got herself into.. and really, life is too short to spend it trying to change people and living unhappy...I'd take a step back and rereview what it is I'd gotten myself into and what I'm going to do about it. As it is now, it does not sound as if husband plans on parenting any differently just to suit your preferences (which he appears to not share based on his own statement) nor stepping up his already set expecations of his 'kids'. I wish the OP good luck and do have to suggest that she needs to stand back and look in a mirror to see if perhaps she herself is causing part of the stress and tension occuring in the home. One must realize sometimes that changes have to come from within one's self before one can expect changes in others.

I agree with what Cat said. I've been with my DH for 5.5 years, and we got married this past September. He has a 6 year old son, I have a 6 year old daughter. My DH's ex sounds very similar to your DH's ex. I can tell you it really is an up and down battle, a roller coaster ride, and I think the best you can do is protect yourself emotionally and set clear boundaries. I went through the years where I wasn't "allowed" to go to birthday parties or soccer games or Christmas programs and it was awful. Then DH started standing up for me and insisting that I be present, but BM (bio-mom) would do the same things you are describing. At one YMCA Christmas program when my SS was 3 years old, his mom told me and DH (thank GOD the kids were out of ear shot) that if I so much as LOOKED at her, she was going to "claw my eyes out." I really think she would have. Things have been constantly up and down. She would start being nicer to me and I would think we turned the corner, but then for no apparent reason she would flip out again and the drama would start all over. I finally, finally had to end all communication with her. I sadly have not attended any of SS's soccer games this fall because I refuse to put myself in a situation where I will be verbally abused or berated or insulted. As of right now, we do things with SS when he is with us (karate) and BM doesn't attend---so he hasn't noticed so much that I am "absent" from soccer because BM isn't at karate when he's with us. It is sad that my relationship with him is "limited" due to BM's personality, but--like I said--there are things I just won't tolerate. I can take the nasty looks or silent treatment, but no one will be verbally abusive and rude to me. It sounds like your BF is supportive and that's good. One thing to really be wary of is a man that just wants to "keep the peace." My husband ws like that for a long time (as in allowing BM to forbid me from attending events) and I finally had to say either stick up for US or I'm out... It certainly won't be an easy road, but I think you can do it. In some ways, it helps that the kids are older and more able to see the situation clearly, although I do think they will always "protect" their mom. That's natural. My SS was not even 2 when I started dating his dad, and his mom TRASHED me to him from the get-go. So he and I had a very rough road. It was really sad because you could (and still can) see the guilt/torment on his face, wanting to like/love me, but feeling like he was being disloyal to his mom by doing so. His mom still tells him, to this day, that he doesn't have to listen to me because I'm not his mom, and other such things...SIGH. Luckily, he is very intuitive and has matured a lot over the last few months and is becoming more certain about the fact that he does love me. He recently told his mom (while I was out of town) that he loved me and missed me and didn't care if that made her mad--WOW! She guilitiy reported this to my DH and the counselor. I tihnk the more you can do to not let BM get to you, the better. Some counseling for you and your boyfriend, if he's willing, is not a bad idea....just to figure out how to navigate these waters!